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chadpanther · Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 5:15 pm Post subject: I need some advice, my furends.

Seem to be having trouble finding that special girl in my life and I feel like I have hit a wall in searching for someone.

The fandom can be so hard for me to find a woman that is also into furry and actually single and looking. Alot of women I have meet already are like perfect matches for me, but I always find out that they are already mated or married already.

I want to clarify that I am NOT DEPRESSED!! I am just tired of being lonely is all. I know a panther loves to be solitary, but I want to date a girl who is as furry as I am and who has a great personality and is funny and great to chat with.

Another problem I seem to find is I live in Wyoming, the one state where every town is 30-60 miles apart from each other and all the great furends I already have either live on the east or west coast or in cities.

So, yeah...I have no idea where to go from here. Any advice from anyone who actually reads this?

Thanks!

PrincessB · Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2009 5:51 pm Post subject:

First, think of all the things you want in a woman, take that list, throw it away.
One of the biggest reasons why people stay single well into adulthood is they get too strict. I'm not saying there shouldn't be certain things that you would prefer but they should not be requirements. Don't just look for a girl who is a furry, look for a great girl then introduce her to the furry fandom.
If you have certain set requirements for the girl or even for yourself, you'll never find one that is right. If however your only real requirement is something like; she should be one who loves me like I love her, then you will realize there are possibilities where you never thought possible.
Look around for things like meetup.com and (drat can't remember exact name of it) single professionals (or something like that) in your area. Things where people with like interest get together occasionally, attend those gatherings planning to have fun and if there happens to be an interesting girl there, great. If not, well you still got more social interaction and maybe a new friend from there knows someone single and good.
Meetup.com you can even pay the cost and start a furry gathering in your area, look and see if other have been to the site and said they have interest in that, or just an animal lovers group that gets together to help at the shelter.
Love is often waiting where you least expect it.

Hortmage · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:10 am Post subject:

My only advice is to get the heck out of Wyoming and move to civilization! You'll be amazed at how easy it is to find a woman when the population density is higher than 1 person per square mile! Laughing

Sigurd Volsung · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 3:05 am Post subject:

I agree with PrincessB. When I met Patty she was not a furry, I was the one who introduced her to the fandom. I practically dragged her kicking and scream into admitting that she was one of us as well, she wants to go to cons now though she refuses to fursuit unless I can find the exact right suit.

Find a femme who really loves animals or is an RPGer and introduce her slowly to the fandom, and I stress "slowly". Stay away from any furry porn for a long time, best examples of furry artwork to use would be Kevin and Kell http://kevinandkell.com/, Sabrina Online the comic http://www.sabrina-online.com/, and Doc Rat http://www.docrat.com.au/. Patty suggests that you hold Sabrina Online until after Doc Rat and Kevin and Kell because of the whole Zig Zag Studios thing.

You just have to show her that Furs are just normal people with a hobby no stranger than that of people who work renaissance festivals or are involved in any other reenactment group. Dressing up in a fursuit pretending you're a panther is no stranger than dressing up and pretending you're a renaissance royalty. Trust me on this I speak from experience, I've done both.

As far as what Hortmage says I agree, go some where with more ladies to corrupt.

WhiteStorm · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:12 am Post subject:

Follow the sunset or sunrise (pick one) until you reach east or west.

princeben07 · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 3:00 pm Post subject:

First, think of all the things you want in a woman, take that list, throw it away.
One of the biggest reasons why people stay single well into adulthood is they get too strict. I'm not saying there shouldn't be certain things that you would prefer but they should not be requirements. Don't just look for a girl who is a furry, look for a great girl then introduce her to the furry fandom.
If you have certain set requirements for the girl or even for yourself, you'll never find one that is right. If however your only real requirement is something like; she should be one who loves me like I love her, then you will realize there are possibilities where you never thought possible.
Look around for things like meetup.com and (drat can't remember exact name of it) single professionals (or something like that) in your area. Things where people with like interest get together occasionally, attend those gatherings planning to have fun and if there happens to be an interesting girl there, great. If not, well you still got more social interaction and maybe a new friend from there knows someone single and good.
Meetup.com you can even pay the cost and start a furry gathering in your area, look and see if other have been to the site and said they have interest in that, or just an animal lovers group that gets together to help at the shelter.
Love is often waiting where you least expect it.

I would totally agree. The one I'm talking with right now keep scalling me a big-ol puppy, and she isn't into the furry fandom, but if I can let her read my DAICHON notes, perhaps she will have a deeper appreciation.

Anyways, you really have to toss that shit out of the window. Somtimes, you have to let love find YOU, or slam into a tree, just like a DAICHONS does when they run too fast. XD You never know who is there to clean up your wounded head. ^_^

Nicolai Borovskaya · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 6:17 pm Post subject:

Well, I found my lady a few weeks after I looked to the skies, threw my hands up and stated:

"I give UP! I will be single until the end of my days. So be it."

I then started arranging my life on those terms, and promptly had to forget all about it.

My advice is to find social events where you are comfortable, go, and keep an open mind and heart. I met my lady at a large group camp-out. Pure serendipity.

Searching on-line may be productive, but be careful there. There are an enormous number of scammers in those ranks.

My father gave me two pieces of advice.

First, the question is not whether you love her. Do you LIKE her?

Second, is that the face you want to wake up to, every morning, for the rest of your life?

Think about it.

Nicolai

Teric · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 8:00 pm Post subject:

It is unfortunate, but I'm afraid that finding the right girl among the furry fandom may be a pipe dream. I'm not saying that you can't find nice girls among furries, but I will say that most (if not all) of them are already spoken for, and some of the others are a bit scary, depending on what you're looking for in a mate.

I would be inclined to agree with PrincessB to a point. It is very easy to make up a big mental list and subconsciously eliminate girl after girl because they don't meet your criteria.

I would alter PrincessB's advice only slightly--yes, throw out the list, but then look at what your core values are. What do you truly value in life, and what is/are a trait or traits that would be a total deal-breaker if your potential mate didn't have it/them?

In my case, once I realized what the deal-breakers were, the other things on my list were eliminated. Instead of having ten or twenty qualities on my list, there were only two.

My wife of nearly 12 years is not furry. She's not a big gamer. While I think it would be nice if she were, I'm okay with the fact that she's not. She does, on the other hand, hold dear to her heart the same core values that I do, and that is the cement that holds our marriage together.

ScottyDM · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:47 pm Post subject:

Sigurd Volsung · Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 11:31 pm Post subject:

Part of what Scotty says is true other parts not always.

Love can be instantaneous as it was for Patty and myself, or if you believe in reincarnation, it had just always been.

As far as falling for someone who is "damaged goods" mentally scarred, drug addiction, and the like. I had to deal with that and it requires patience and real love to work. With my help Patty beat alcoholism, worked on issues relating to abuse, and is on proper medication for bipolar disorder.

If you are a gamer, and if I remember correctly you are. Hang out at gaming stores I've met women at my local gaming store who looked like models and were reading comic books and flipping through the GURPS books. You never can tell.

As for online, if you meet someone on line be prepared to travel and make sure you are willing to uproot yourself if need be. I know single lady furs that, if wasn't happily married already, I would have been willing to drive out to meet. Online romance works only if you are willing to make some sacrifices.

ScottyDM · Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:54 am Post subject:

Nicolai Borovskaya · Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:08 am Post subject:

Sigurd Volsung · Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 6:15 pm Post subject:

I can't say anything about waiting to find the right person since I was eighteen when I met Patty.

I do have a suggestion; there is here a service called "It's Just Lunch" I know it is only for the Twin Cities but there may be something similar where you live. Basically the idea is that the service matches you up with people with similar interests and you meet the for lunch or coffee. There is less pressure since it 'just lunch' you don't need to do anything fancy just meet them at a restaurant. You wouldn't believe how many people have gotten married because of this service. I know about the success rate because Patty got short listed for a job there.

You also may have an organization called 'Events and Adventures' which specializes in getting single people together to do things that are fun. This is an idea that has worked all over the world for helping people find a mate.

Another good way to meet people is as Scotty says is get involved in things. Adult education classes are, I am told great ways to meet people. Also getting involved in organizations helps a lot. I met Patty because I was involved with the Society for Creative Anachronisms, (a bunch of jackasses if you ask me now. Alone great people in groups arrogant and worthless.) I was hanging out in a friends dorm room when Patty walked in having just gotten off a plane on her way back to school which she was late for the start of. We saw each other and immediately KNEW we were going to get married.

What people are saying is true about looks though, according to one psychology study I remember reading back in Psych 101 a big part of love is based on physical attraction. As everyone has said you have to want to wake up next to the same person day after day. If there is nothing similar otherwise though a relationship is doomed to fail since there will be nothing emotionally or intellectually stimulating in the mix. The best way to tell if you can stand the site of someone you're interested in is sleep together a couple of times. I stress that I am not talking sex. Patty and I slept together for almost two weeks before we first had sex because we were worried that sex might destroy the relationship.

Scotty also said that you should never date anyone you wouldn't consider marrying. There are two things with that you need to look at. First you need at least a couple dates to find out if you would be willing to marry them. Second, sometimes dating should just be for fun, there is nothing wrong about going out with someone for a good time, you never know where it could lead. Patty has dated girls since we got together, there was nothing serious about it since we were already a mated pair, but she prefers women to men, strange I know.

You have to define what you want in a date. I dated girls because it was fun, I knew nothing would come of it but it was fun, of course I was in high school. Even then though I was looking for girls I thought I could make a real relationship of it. An important factor of dating someone you like is trying to know when the relationship is starting to go south with out possibility of improvement. Pull out and stay friends, I've had to do that on several occasions. In one case I think I actually helped my ex by breaking up with her in a nice way.

Another thing you should remember one thing that's very important. FORGET THE DAMN PICK UP LINES!!! Pick up lines from what every female friend of mine have told me are annoying. Go with what ever feels natural for the situation, "Can I buy you a drink?" can be a very bad pick up line at a bar because it may be interpreted as, "I want to get you drunk to lower your inhibitions." My favorite pick up lines of all time was one that a stripper used on Patty, and it was directed at me "Can I take her home for the night?"

[Crash] · Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:31 pm Post subject:

I have two things to add. Number one is a refined version of "you need to stop looking for the girl". It hurts and it may be tough, but after a while you get used to it and the it's all the more rewarding a feeling once you do find her. And remember: you're still very young. Not too cliche the "life starts after 40" advice, but your years are still ahead of you. You may have been brainwashed subconsciously by the prospects of everybody else marrying young but don't let that rush you if it's the case.

Number two is an offshoot of number one: do things with your time and don't stop when you're tired. And I don't mean organize your MP3 library or clean the crib. I don't know what kind of lifestyle you currently have, but go out there start up hobbies you never expect to like. It'll take your mind off being lonely and eventually, you'll want to start doing your hobbies in a group because it saves organizational time and is more motivational. If you can, join a singles club that organizes activities and join it because you want to do things, not to look for someone. There will be people there who have nothing to offer and are using the club as a last resort. But you'll find that some people who have the most to offer often have the most trouble finding someone who can balance them out.

princeben07 · Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 9:11 am Post subject:

Things I do:

RP
Fix computers
Volunteer at Zoo for Wolf Exhibit
Run 3 Community Gardens
Bible Study
Beer
Hip hop discussion (Very DEEP)
DAICHONS Discussion with almost everyone I see!!
Help build Remote Control, gas-powered race cars for the hobbyists. ^_^
Fix MORE computers
Help with homework sometimes.
Discuss HVAC with former students.

You have to have a broad spectrum of things that you do. These type of things can attract the most interesting females, who SEE what you do, even if it took some eyars to approach you.

Keep your options open and you will be fine.

Hell, most will straight-away come forth and might ask you out for coffee or something. n.n

"Know the Bido." ----R-types, Japanese Version, limited. Sony PS1.