Planetfurry BBS

RunningCat · Registered User Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 171

I look forward to reading it and this time I REALLY mean it. I thought I had downloaded the files to read offline but could not find them. This time I know where I put them and will print them out to read.

DragonWolf_keny · Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 12:11 pm Post subject:

Thank you RunningCat, and I look forward to hearing your critique on the story thus far!

Also for those who are sensitive to such topics keep in mind there are sexual themes present. Eventually there will be a slight bout of sexual interaction.

One topic I will have to deal with is, if these "Bio-Forms" were to mate would they produce offspring? they are supposed to be artificially grown from DNA that was produced almost entirely from scratch. (I'll get into that more later) also if they do mate wouldn't that offspring pose a threat to the empire's control over them?

I will also eventually need to address the issue of how they will develop as a culture. They are setting up a world here, and well, I don't imagine the empire will allow them to steal from them forever.

Please guys at any time, you can give me some of your takes on this, I'm looking for any help I can get. Very Happy

I have allot of things set up to happen, but still, there will be a long series of trials for the heroin, she has a massive responsibility to deal with.

RunningCat · Registered User Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 171

Well last night I finished reading the story up to know. I find quit interesting with only a few small critics and those are mostly when you go into detail about such things as the alteration of the armor. You spent a lot of time on this and felt like it slowed the story down a whole lot. I am not sure if this was on purpose or not but it was odd for me.

I did like how you went into the stories complex social system of a bio-form not having rights with the empire.

I know there is a lot more in the story but the one question I have is the crown. Is it a crown like that a queen would wear or perhaps tiara. I was sort of confused by this at the beginning and the fact that it always stayed on her head even as she was escaping is all.

I hope that I was not to critical but I am enjoying reading the story and look forward to the next chapter.

DragonWolf_keny · Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:45 pm Post subject:

RunningCat · Registered User Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 171

Well knowing that it was braided into her hair makes more sense. Also I would say (that is if you do a rewrite) make it more tiara as I found that while trying to spell the word that it is best represented of a queen.

http://www.answers.com/topic/tiara

DragonWolf_keny · Posted: Sun Mar 15, 2009 7:53 pm Post subject:

I wanted her crown to be simple and rather undecorated. If it were a tiara, then it would be as though she were recognized as a queen, remember the emperor didn't like giving it to her. by simply making it a heavy piece of jewelry it also adds some symbolism to it later in the story.

she will eventually be given the distinction of queen when her race develops their culture and declares independence. when that happens she will use the crown as her symbol by having it put on the official flag for her future empire.

but anyways, lets get back to the here and now. for now they have to somehow get off the planet by fixing their ship, then go back and free more slaves. sounds easy right, well that's what has me stuck with writers block right now.

I know what the story needs to do, but I cant just do that. If they just somehow instantly free a small army of slaves and jump right into a revolution, then the story will seem rather cliche.

but if I do things rather slower and drawn out then the story will be bogged down into unnecessary details that wont develop the plot.
I.E. there wont be much a revolution without an army to fight it.

kcmack · Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:01 am Post subject:

Go for a happy medium. In a case like this it usually ends up being a small core of devout followers that are developed. These could also form reoccurring minor characters in their own rights. If they were to say sneak onto a ship to free 100-200 slaves that would then lead them into having their core unit. This unit would be the one that is interacting the most with your main character and helping her along her path. The over all army could be kept more at a arms length with perhaps some of the better of her core followers leading those parts.

DragonWolf_keny · Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 8:16 pm Post subject:

that is my general original plan, but rather than a ship a penal mining colony being the intended start from witch the rebellion steams. the system they ran from in the last chapter had such a colony in it.

I also intend to use much smaller numbers, somewhere in the neighborhood of 30-50 range. that way it doesn't seem like they suddenly acquire a small garrison right off the get go.

It takes time to build a universe, so that is what stays my writings. that, and I'm in culinary school at the moment so my studies take most of my time.

DragonWolf_keny · Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 9:02 pm Post subject:

P.S. chapter 5 has been finished!

DragonWolf_keny · Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 6:34 pm Post subject:

from this point forwards further updates will have to be on my deviant art account till I get it posted on the raccoon bookshelf.

that's right, you heard me it will soon be on the bookshelf for viewing. If all goes well I might even have a website with my works of fiction for sale as well as a cookbook I'm writing. I'm an entrepreneur now. just graduated culinary arts college and now I'm ready for the big world.