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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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 Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:27 am Post subject: |
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Well I finally got at least half of one story done edited. So I decided to divide it into 2 parts. Here is part one. I hope you all enjoy. Please give some feed back as I could really use it.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
OK I will stop begging now and let you read it.
RunningCat |
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Virmir
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Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Posts: 107
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| Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 6:04 pm Post subject: |
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Oops!
Sorry for ignoring your thread for like... five months now. 
| Quote: | | After doing this, going on three years, Dorothy has figured that she has scene a lot. She sees Sara, her best friend, come threw the penthouse apartment door. |
Be careful and make sure you use correct words, especially in the beginning! You want to capture the reader's attention right away, so getting the first few sentences correct is critical.
You want to change "scene" to "seen", "threw" to "through"
Overall, your sentence structure is a little awkward. Try reading your story out loud and see if you can get a friend to listen to you. This will help you catch the phrases that aren't that smooth.
Apart from the technical flow, I thought this was pretty good. The scene with the gun and envelope on the table and the two missing each other as they walked around the house made me laugh. And alligator and rhino secret agents wearing black suits and sunglass-- hilarious.
_________________
- Kendo Virmir
Virmir's Stories
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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Virmir,
THANK YOU FOR ADVICE...
I will make those changes right away.
I have trouble with those two word the worse. well actually words like that. I tried finding some one to listen to it but never seam have enough time. That is why when I edit my stories I spend so much time. I read a sentience three or four times and make changes. I will bet if continue reading my stuff (and I promise their will be more) the structure will be better the more I do and the more advice I get back to reinstate toward my work.
Once again thank you for your advice.
RunningCat |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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OK after Virmir gave me some really good criticism I went back to the story and ReEdited once again with the changes that was suggested. I did not realize how many time I had made such an obvious error but here it is once again but now should be at least some what better. Stay tuned for the second part of this story coming soon and hopefully with less errors  |
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Virmir
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Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Posts: 107
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| Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| RunningCat wrote: | | That is why when I edit my stories I spend so much time. I read a sentience three or four times and make changes. |
Oh yeah, I know exactly how you feel. I just finished a story just under 25K words (my longest yet!) and now I gotta go back and edit it. Gah!
Keep at it though, as you can only improve!
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- Kendo Virmir
Virmir's Stories
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Luther
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Joined: 14 Sep 2006
Posts: 34
Location: Linden, TN
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| Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 12:13 am Post subject: |
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(Looks like im guilty of lurking on you...sorry about that.)
Read the first story several months ago but never got around posting.
Anyway, just read your second story (missing Girlfriend) and thought you improved significantly compared to the first,
seemed a lot smoother in reading this time around and not as near as awkward.
If I could suggest anything to help you I would, but I
was never good at grammer, and spelling isnt to great ether,
Ill let others handle that so I dont make anything worse by accident.
Love the setting, always did like military conspiracies, detective works, and spy related stuff...this is right up my alley.
Not much else to say other then keep going, practice makes perfect.
-L |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Well here it is part two of the Sara and Dorothy Case. Sorry it took so long I hope you will enjoy and see that my writing is getting better. |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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Well I am once again back at the editor as I caught the writing bug once again. With the weather outside being as bad as it is I can enjoy myself as I edit the next case which introduces Sara and Dorothy to one another. It is not a long case but I hope to have posted before the Year Ends. So please watch for it and give me back your input.
RunningCat |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Well I have finished editing another Sara & Dorothy Case. I just need to a couple polishing items to it and I should have it online if not tonight but tomorrow. I hope everyone will read it and tell me what a great writer I am but then make comments like "you got to watch your grammar." Any way stay tuned to a short case story. |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 3:26 am Post subject: |
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| OK here it finally is after I did some last minute cleaning up. Please read and enjoy it is not a long story but I did have fun editing it from the original that I wrote some time ago. |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:02 am Post subject: |
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At long last I FINALLY finished editing the story I have had on my desk for so long. I hope you all will enjoy it and give some feed back.
RunningCat |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:11 am Post subject: |
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| I finished another Sara & Dorothy Case. This one involves a strip club, a stripper, her friend, and a most horrific sight that no one should ever have to see. |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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Well now that got those stories out of the way I am onto the final edit of the last of typed stories. The one that should be coming soon is "Human's Have Fur Too" This one has a lot of dialog in it as I am already a third of the may with editing it. I will say this about Sara and Dorothy they do make a interesting couple. It seams the more I write about them the personalty comes out about them. On particular story I am currently in the first draft of writing is a 3 part story which when done will hopefully make for a good read.
Any way I hope people are enjoying the stories I have written so far. |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Well I have finished editing anouther case. I am quite surprised by how fast this last one came together. I believe this has to do with all the dialoge that is the story. Any way I just have to make some miner twicks and I am hopping to have it posted by later on today. I hope you will enjoy it. |
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RunningCat
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Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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As promised I finished up the little edits I needed to before being able to post it.
When New Furtain is devastated by an explosion that kills many of it's residents Sara find the case to high profile to investigate. However when a couple who have no where else to turn and no one else to trust ask Sara and Dorothy for help.
In this story the idea of who is better and what love stands for comes into question. For is not love eternal and blind to what one might look like? |
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