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Shadows in the Snow. My first story.
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Syrius
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Double Whammy. Double foreshadowing in chapter six corrected, too. If anybody else is reading, let your voice be heard! Ask questions, throw molotov cocktails, spam me with Y*ff offers, do whatever you want, but speak. Razz

Enjoy. Smile

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Shadu
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

it can get frustrating sometimes hu? i know the feeling. i wanted to ask a favor of you along those lines...

im not a profesional writer as i have said in some of the threads. i can't even consider myself a amature. my work is bad and i imagine from the responses i've gotten (none at all) how bad it is. however i sometimes get this urge to just write stuff when i am outstandingly bored. since i'm jobles and at home and been that way for a while the itch is comming back and it seems to be focusing on a story i once posted here and was mostly ignored.

i was again considering posting what i have but i would like to know at least one person would look at it and tell me, not what mistakes i made while writing (i know there are many and there will be time enough for that later) but what they like and dislike of it and what they think i should do to make it something at least one person would be glad to read. so my request is that. would you be willing to be that person Syrius Question of course this goes to anyone elese who sees this post but since there are only two people actively posting and the author well...

also i want to know how lond (word pages) are the chapters you are posting?

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll be glad to return the favor, Shadu.

About the lenght of the pages, I mostly write until inspiration runs out, or it seems proper to close the chapter to avoid dragging it. Though I try to make sure the text exceeds 30 Kb as a minimum. Care to point me a link to a story of yours? I'll try not to be a nazi, nothwitstanding the germanic nature of my fursona. Razz

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

they were posted long ago and have already been deleted i think if not you can scroll down through this main topic and find them. they are the only threads started by me here i think.

i took the liberty of searching around here are the two links. they got some hits but it was not what i was hoping to get in many cases.

http://www.planetfurry.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=6385

i don't really care if you comet on this one cause i know i blotched it up prety good. i have to go back and start over but i can't decide how right now. the other i think its incomplete there cause since i got so few responses i just stopped posting. i'll repost it here for you. its 10 pages long 62k i think. its block text mostly (sory bout that Embarassed ) its just how i write cause taking time to make things nice is not something i think about when i'm in a writing mood.

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Syrius
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 8:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All right, here comes the criticism, brace yourself.

I notice that something you should be a bit more watchful with, is punctuation. There are a couple of commas missing in certain passages. ("I noticed that my clothes were, well, generic." That looks much better, doesn't it?). Imagine that someone is telling that story to you in your head. As we talk, we need to pause in order to draw breath, and empasize some words. Otherwiseallconversationswouldlooklikethisandnoonewouldunderstand whatheheckisgoingon.

"I opened my eyes to find a branch arching above my head. I followed the branch to both its ends to realize it was a branch form the tree slightly to my right. "

Try not to repeat words in sentences that are close to each other. This is what I would have written:

"I opened my eyes to find a branch arching above my head. I followed it to both ends to realize it was a branch from the tree slightly to my right."

This one take it with a bit of salt. Onomatopeias ("SMACK!" "Wham!" "Ka-Pow!") are better suited to comic books. I'm not saying you cannot put them in a furry story, but many people will think of the old Batman series from the sixties. Razz

This may sound cruel, but please don't think I want to flatten your illusions. Supposing that your primary language is Der Spanisch, you'll notice that word-by-word translation is not possible. When your feline character asks the doctor "What's the judgement?", this comes off as related to divine or penal justice. He's probably asking what the diagnosis is. Other stories or some movies can be good to pick up the right words and grammar. (Extra: Avoid "netspeak". DO NOT substitute "You" for "u", and "Are" for "r". You're the creator of your story universe, and words are the bricks that make up that universe. Use high-quality bricks. Smile )

Sorry that my comments sound a bit harsh. It's just a bunch of minor details that need to be corrected, so the "shape" of the sentence looks right to the reader, and that his mind can "drink" what you're trying to say in each. This is something that helped me write Shadows in the Snow, after seeing many half-baked furry stories or others which were obviously written with one hand: Write your story the way you'd like to read it if you were not the writer.

Once again I apologize for the harshness, and hope to see what else you got in store for your character. Take heart, and get to write.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No harm done all where good pointers. in my defence i just have to say its my block writing mechanism. i've tried to remove the chat-typing style i developed fro my icq days but it was still very prominent there. also even if spanish is my main language i have almost the same hold of enlish but again it was influenced badly by icq and what i call desperte mass writing syndrome, that results in u's, r's, bad grammar and many other things. that text is like draft .01 not even a first draft its just a "lets get this out of my head as quickly as possible before i forget something important." thats why its in block and so badly writen.

now on a in depth thing. whats good about it and whats bad about it (storyline in general) and again don't hold any punches. use granade launchers if you have to Very Happy

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

All right. I gave a light read to the vampire/angel/werewolf story. This one feels more solid and better-thought than the previous one, especially at the end. Just separate the dialog between characters so it feels more professional, and check for some grammar.

Also, separate the paragraphs so you feed your readers piece by piece, not a whole chunk all at once. Punctuation in this one is still an issue, but not as big as the other one.

I was thinking about the first story with the felinoid... it kinda feels a little too Dragon Ball-esque for my tastes, with the guy becoming so powerful... but it's probably just me. What's the Modus Operandi of this story? Is it "OMG, I have been turned into a fur, how am I going to deal with it?"? Or a Chosen Warrior type? or something else? Sorry I'm sounding a bit blunt, I'm tired as I type this.

WARNING: This is just my style of writing, so do not take it to the heart: I suggest you use some metaphors when describing people or places, especially those which are really pretty or ugly. Instead of simply saying a demon has red eyes, put a comparison or reference to something that is really red. Example: "The demon opened his eyes, revealing a deep crimson color that luminesced as if flames burned inside him."

Hm... I know you'll hate me, but I noticed that Major Brown on the Kanifeli story switches species from badger to bear and back throughout the story. Careful. Wink

Let us know if you have something else related to your story.

EDIT:
"To say I was devastated was a clear understatement. I really was looking forward to going back to whomever i used to be, but, I now knew I would never relearn who I was or who I used to know. The people who wanted me dead had in essence achieved their objective because there was no way I could return to living whatever life I used to live, at least none that I knew. Not only that but I seemed to be condemned to a lifetime imprisonment simply because there was no way of finding out who I was. In essence I was screwed to the Nth degree. Life however, has a way of helping out when you most need it to and it was a harsh, but preferable choice, that was handed to me."

Now that's very well-written. Good punctuation, rhythm, grammar. Seems that you get in focus as you advance on the story. Compare it to the first paragraphs and you'll notice a world of difference.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2006 12:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cool thnx for actually readingthrogh them a bit. i have to admit when i sarted the werwolf vampire story i had kept myself from writing for a while to see if it would imrpove my story cause i gave myself more time to think out ideas. it seems it kinda worked. i have to go back to it though cause i have to put some things better than they are now, i just don't like how they sound-read. The thing is i don't want to until i have a better idea of who is going to be the bad uy. i know i can come up with one but its hard to top the devil you know Smile


The kanifeli story started like a DBZ i've been turned into a furry thing but i tried to turn that around to i was a furry all along but something bad happened. though i duno i really like how i did many of the things but i know i damaged the plot and i just don't know how to fix it. i will probably have to start it over because i was not really looking for a DBZ kinda thing just an action maybe romace thing but it did not feel right after a while and i just stopped.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just wanted to post and say thank you for this wonderful story, Syrius. Took about 45 minutes to read what you have so far and stayed entertained and interested the whole way through. I noticed it has been a month since your last update, so I hope you plan to continue as I'm looking forward to reading more! Thanks!
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:40 am    Post subject: Shadows In the Snow. Chapter Nine. Reply with quote

Just because Virmir asked, heh heh. (I also needed to polish this chapter a little, and I'm happy with what it looks like now.)


Chapter Nine.

I was lying down on my bed, after coming home from the Exhibit. The events of the day were still fresh in my memory. -That was incredible... - I thought in a loud voice. -She looked so happy... - I sat on the bed and hugged my legs, smiling, and shook my head still not believing it. Everything had become so nice all of a sudden: Our digging site. The saturation level of the mineral. The Union fighting for our claims. Elly... I sighed with satisfaction. Then heard the call alert and approached the receiver to answer.

>Incoming call from: Greco Vitaliz.

-Accept.- (Accept, damn it. Ha.)

-Hello. How did everything go?-

-Wow,- He looked surprised, -what happened to you? Now you greet me with a smile and say hello? Are you okay, son?-

-Ha, ha. I'm just fine, Greco. I'm dying to know what the guys upstairs said. Do we get it our way or not?-

He smiled too. -Well, I wanted to invite you to have dinner with Sophie and me so I could tell you in person, but as usual, you'll just say no. So I won't even try.-

Dinner with Greco and his daughter would be perfect to finish the day, so I agreed:

-What if I say "yes" for a change?-

-Then I'll think that some bug stung you yesterday at the Exhibit, and that you're having a high fever, because you're not the Malcolm I used to know.-

-I'm perfectly fine, believe me. Besides, it's been a long time since I last saw or talked with Sophie. We all have been very busy lately.-

-All right. We'll be waiting for you. Don't be late.-

-I'm already on my way.-

>End of conference.


The sound of my steps accompanied me on the way to Greco's home, getting mixed with the noise of the street: people going home and saying good bye to their co-workers, vendors closing their stands or counting the credits they managed to acquire that day, and the vehicles passing in both ways. In a manner of speaking, this had been a much needed holiday for me. And the Company had even paid me for it. I stopped in one of the stands and thought of bringing something with me for after the dinner.


-All right,- I said to myself when knocked on the door and waited, -I'm here at last. It has been a long time. It seems like yesterday when we were still playing at the... -

-Malcolm!-

-Hello, Sophie.-

-You're here! I thought Dad was only playing a joke on me.- She then hugged me, -I have missed you so much.- After taking a good look at me, she added: -So, how is everything going, Mr. Field Specialist? Look at you: Nicely dressed and elegant. I'm sure the ladies must fall for you everywhere you go.-

(I have missed you too, little sister.)

-Well, I wasn't going to come here wearing just any clothes or my work uniform. But unfortunately, I don't have as much luck with the ladies as I wish I had.- We both chuckled. -Hey, whatever's cooking sure smells delicious. I brought something sweet for later.-

-You shouldn't have bothered. But come on in. We have so many things to talk about.-

The house looked almost the same, very few things had been moved from their places. Following Sophie to the living room, many almost-forgotten scents greeted me, bringing back pleasant memories. Greco was waiting for us seated at the table, holding his old pipe in his left hand.

-Dad! What are you doing? I thought you had quit.-

-Don't worry, sweetie. I'm not going to light it.- He then turned to me. -Hey, Partner. Thanks for coming.- He didn't say it, but his expression denoted he was very happy to have us all together at least for that time. And if we had gotten the Company to certify our claim, we sure had a reason to celebrate. -All right, let's start. I must tell you Sophie offered to make a special dinner tonight when I told her I wanted to invite you. So you better like it and say something nice about her cooking.- He laughed and placed the pipe in his mouth.

-I know you both will like it.- Sophie said.- It's one of mom's best recipes and I followed it carefully.-

Indeed, Sophie's cooking was just great. She received many compliments during that night, while we engaged in an interesting chat. Greco finally decided to tell us about the outcome of the Union's meeting:

-There's good news and bad news; and more good news. We got the Company to resume operations at most of the sites as of tomorrow; the bad news is that they will not pay for keeping us safe. But, the other good news is we found someone who will lend their security services for a reasonable fee. So in the end, we got it our way.-

-All right. It's hard to believe we almost allowed a single individual stop all of our work. Who knows how long this would have lasted.- I said.

-The problem started when everybody got scared. I don't blame them; the way the victims were slain sure chills anyone's spine.- Greco shook his head slowly.

-You know,- Sophie said, -maybe it's the work of several persons instead of just one, even though that would make the lack of evidence more confusing. But I'm sure there has to be a reason after all.-

-How about those protesters?- Greco asked, -They see us as thieves and destroyers of nature. And they have damaged Company equipment before.-

-I don't think so. All of those groups have denied any connection to the murders, and said they reject the actions of whoever is doing it, because it goes against their ideology.- I paused for a moment. -At least that's what the news say.-

-Malcolm, Dad... I want to ask you to be careful while you're out there. The Driller Killer could have gotten to you anytime during the past days. Even with that other company watching you, I still feel you're at risk. And I don't want anything to happen to you.-

We all remained silent a few seconds before Greco and I answered:

-We'll be safe, Sophie. I promise you I will always come back home from work. I don't have the intention of missing both your wedding and Malcolm's. No, sir.- He smiled, reaffirming his words.

I chuckled at Greco's comment and added, -That's right. We will always be here for you. I admit we were fortunate of never having that demented butcher near us, but now there's nothing to fear from him.-

-Good. Thank you.- She then served each a piece of the dessert I had brought. -Because I want you two to be present in my graduation. I am not studying that hard just for the fun of it.-

-Oh yes. I had forgotten.- Greco said with pride, -My little girl is getting a scholarship at the Academy, and I'm sure she'll choose a great career.-

-Congratulations, Sophie. I also have to thank you for letting me use that extra pass you got for the Exhibit.- I hoped not bringing Sophie's mom decease to memory. -All of it is just amazing.-

-You liked it?-

-Of course I liked it. You two should go as well. You don't want to miss it.-

-We'll go there the day after tomorrow, when the certification is finished.- Greco answered. -What do you recommend we see?-

-Start with mineralogy. There are many things we could find useful for our work. Then you may want to see either the big circular habitat or the animals. The predators' area doesn't attract many visitors, but with some luck, you may see the big cats or wolves when they are awake.-

-You saw them?- Sophie exclaimed, -When I went there with my class the area was closed for maintenance. Please tell me what it's like. Could you get close?-

-They just transferred a couple of wolves with four pups to the habitat. And all the pack makes a lot of noise when they play. For security reasons, they have a barrier between the people and the fence, but you can see everything from there.- I didn't want to talk about my encounter with Elly; at least not for the moment. -There's also a black wolf. Make sure you take a good look at her. The staff says she is special.-

-Special? Sounds like they treat them as important people.-

-Dad, is not like animals are dumb.-

- I know. I guess I'll just have to see by myself.-

-She is a unique specimen. That's why they say that.-

-They're remarkable.- Sophie said, -Wolves usually take one mate for life, while people sometimes cheat on their spouses. That doesn't make us look very rational, does it?-

Greco chuckled. -One mate for life, huh? I understand: nobody would be able to take the place of your mother, ever.-

-Don't say that, please. You will never be alone. You have us.-

-She's right, boss.- I added, -We need to stick together if we want to have our own business.-

-I was getting a bit nostalgic, that's all. Heh. Speaking of that, what do you think about setting up a mining machinery repair and parts shop? Sounds profitable to me.-

-Not a bad idea. But I have read in the news many technologies which don't depend on CIV may be available soon. What will we do then?-

-We'll just switch to repairing and selling parts for that technology. I don't think the change will happen overnight. It's just a matter of retraining or hiring new technicians. We'll have the money for that.-

-We might even have to go to training ourselves too.- I said. -I don't want to be sitting behind a counter all day long.-

Sophie intervened, -That reminds me, one of the most interesting designs they presented at the Academy utilizes both CIV and hydrogen cells to power machinery. It's efficiency is relatively high, and almost everything can be adapted to use it. And you can be sure there will be demand for people who knows how to work with those things and fix them.-

-If they can get everybody to use it, that is.-

-They expect to have it ready within the next two cycles.- She answered.

-That sounds interesting.- Greco commented, -Working on both CIV and that hybrid technology could be good for us. I still need to consult an expert regarding our business, but one thing is sure: We won't work for anybody else again.-

-Say, it's getting late already.- I saw the clock and felt it was time to leave, and wanted to thank Greco and Sophie for the invitation. -I should go home so we can meet with the Company officer to certify the claim tomorrow. Dinner was great, Sophie. Thanks. I had a great time.-

-Oh boy. Just as the talk was getting interesting. But what you have to do tomorrow is very important.- She said. -Well, then please be careful on your way home. And thanks for coming. It was nice seeing you again-

-You can be sure I'll be coming to have dinner more often. The Company doesn't own us anymore.- I picked up my jacket and started to put it on when some loud mechanical noises coming from the street got our attention.

-My goodness... now what?-

-Don't open the door, Sophie.- Greco warned. -I'll take a look.-

He walked to the window and pulled the curtains a little, studying the street for a while. He then turned to me.

-Well, see for yourself.-

Some juveniles who appeared to be drunk were riding on speed cycles, yelling and bragging about their machines. The sound from their engines was infernal. One of them asked something and the others answered with a resounding yes and laughter. The group then headed down the street, and the noise ceased.

-I've seen those guys before.- He explained. -They like to cause trouble. I don't think you should go out walking down the street if they are around. Why don't you spend the night here? If you want to go to your place tomorrow, we'll just get up a little earlier.-

-I wouldn't want to bother you.-

-Don't worry about that. This is your home too.-

-Thanks.-

I took my jacket off as we all walked back into the dining room. Since I didn't have to go back to my apartment, we could stay up late that night and continue our chat there. A few minutes later the conversation drifted to how things had changed for the better after the years.

-You know,- Greco opened a cabinet and took three small glasses and a bottle of sweet liquor. -I'd like to make a toast. Starting tomorrow, our back-busting days are over.-

-Hope it's not too strong for me.- Sophie said when her father filled her glass.

-It will be allright. This is barely a sip.-

-So, what do we drink to?- I asked.

-To the good times.- Greco replied.

-To the good times.- Sophie repeated, smiling.

-To the good times. Cheers.-

That night got full with laughter, good memories, and good wishes for the future. It was a perfect night to finish a great day. In the company of my friends, it was a night I would never forget.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 1:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay! Glad to see another installment. Didn't have any trouble getting right back into the story. Thanks for sharing!
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 9:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

(Sorry been lurking on you for a while, will try to comment regularly on the new chapters.)

Just got some time to read the newer chapters and get caught up, intrested in what will be happin next.

-L
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 9:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have stopped reading this story here on the forum, but I look forward to its completion so that I may read it in its entirety.
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 2:41 am    Post subject: Chapter Ten. Reply with quote

Chapter Ten.

-Malcolm... -

-Uh?-

-Malcolm, wake up. It's morning already.-

-Ahh... not now, please.-

-Remember you and Dad have to go certify the site's claim. Come on, get up. You have been waiting a long time for this to happen. And breakfast is ready. You don't want to let it get cold, do you?-

Sophie finally succeeded in waking me up. I didn't get as much rest as I wanted, but there would be no heavy labor that day. Only going through some long (and boring) bureaucratic processes and then we'd terminate our obligations with our employer. Forever.

-Today we finally say goodbye to the Company, but I don't feel like going again to the cold out there.- I said before yawning, trying with difficulty to wake up completely. I sat down at the table and began to eat. -Good morning, boss. What's that?-

-If you disliked them for sending us to work like that, now you'll hate them even more: They just sent us a new type of thermal suit. -Greco then took the package and read some of the text: -Micron Air Pocket Technology... highest rate of insulation available. Looks more like clothes for exercising during the warm season to me. And it sure is thin. Another of their marketing deals.- He tossed it aside with indifference and continued with his meal.

-Great. Why not send it next cycle, when we won't need it?-

-It's not good being so pessimistic, Malcolm. Hope everything works out all right today. I'll see you later. My friends are here.- Sophie then took her backpack and headed for the door. -Bye guys.-

-Bye, sweetie.-

-Take care, Sophie.-

-We better get going too.-

-I'm almost done, chief.-

We listened to the news as we got ready for going to the Company's offices, and again, something related to the Driller Killer was the subject of the day. A strange event had occurred:

> ...we have now with us one of the hospital guards who made the discovery early this morning. Sir, in your words could you please tell us what happened?

> Well, you see... after finishing the third check of the night, my partner and I went to the break room to get something for breakfast. It was around 5:45. We walked down the aisle that connects the areas in that floor, and then we saw the door to the morgue was open. I am positive the door had been closed when I passed over there only ten minutes before. We looked everywhere with our weapons ready, but we couldn't find any signs of somebody breaking into the building.

>And later, it was found that one of the bodies was missing from the morgue. The only possible explanation for this could be that one of the hospital employees is playing a very bad joke on the staff. It's worth mentioning this corpse was that of a victim of the Driller Killer. The police are questioning all of the employees as of now, and requested to whoever is in possession of this person's remains to return them. They are an important part of a murder investigation, and must be sent to the victim's family in order to prepare a proper funeral. We'll have more information on this as...

-I'll be damned.- Greco said and shook his head. -Corpses don't get up and walk on their own. Who would want to take a dead body and drag it out of the morgue? That's sick.-

-And for what? I don't think the Nature protesters took it to use it in a meeting against the utility companies.-

-Let's go. I have a feeling the suits will want to stop operations again. We have to finish this business today.-


We spent the next two and a half hours filling and signing tons of documents, talking to bored (and boring) employees sitting behind desks covered with endless piles of papers, and trying to set an appointment with one of the company's officers. I couldn't believe how hard it was. Without the Union, we all would be at the mercy of these bureaucrats. Finally we met with the claims officer, a small individual who appeared to be sick of the routine.

-Good morning. Morgan Trell, at your service.-

-Greco Vitaliz. Pleased to meet you. This is my associate Malcolm.-

-Good morning, Mr. Trell.-

-Do you have all of your documents ready? I wouldn't like to come back just because you forgot to get a signature. It has happened many times before, and you don't know how bothersome it is.-

Either he thought his time was the most important thing in all of Eurys, or hated to be confined to his office for a long time. I didn't like his attitude.

-I've checked everything twice.- Greco responded quickly. -I don't have the intention of going through that maze full of idiots one more time.- He made sure his words denoted the despise he felt for the Company's way of doing things.

Mr. Trell chuckled, -Yeah, sometimes I wonder why I allowed them to transfer me here. I liked being an extraction supervisor. Guess the bosses thought my old way of working wasn't good enough for their new technology. All right. I've ranted enough. The security personnel you hired will be waiting for us at exit 6.-

-Let's go, then.- I said with a smile. I was happy to finally get away from the Company.

The trip to field 47-C seemed to take longer than usual that day. Our "bodyguards" drove their vehicle behind ours, keeping their eyes open for any signal of danger from the moment we left the city. There was no snow falling.

Upon arriving, the armed guards took their positions with their weapons ready to be fired. One at our left and the other to our right. They'd shoot at anything we'd perceive as a threat in order to protect our lives. With that kind of protection, it would be impossible for the Driller Killer (whoever that lunatic was) to approach without being seen. Taking on three workers inside a tunnel was one thing; but five men ready to give him a "nice" welcome would prove to be different.

Mr. Trell and Greco compared the results shown by our instruments and the others the Company used to verify the levels of the mineral. When the blue screens' readings matched, both men looked satisfied and proceeded to sign the counterfeit-proof documents. Thirty per cent of the net profits generated by the site's exploitation would belong to my mentor; twenty per cent was for me and the Company would keep the remaining part. The officer then relayed an encrypted message with his own transceiver to the central database. That was to avoid any possibility of fraud.

We began to place the markers to identify the site as part of Quantica and Company. Then one of the guards called us, signaling to the distance:

-Hey, look over there.-

-Wolves. Only two.- Greco said.

-Yeah, I don't think we should worry about them. Maybe if it was a whole pack getting close, but these are too far away.- I said, and noticed snow was starting to fall and the cold getting stronger. -Let's get done with this.-

-Damn... Feels like we aren't wearing any thermal protection at all. The sooner we finish here, the better.- Greco rubbed his hands together to warm them, and put his gloves on. -Malcolm, it looks like the weather is not bothering you at all. Don't tell me you don't feel the cold.-

-Actually, I don't.- I pulled the collar of my uniform to show them. -I'm wearing the new suit they sent. It really works.-

-Heh, with that and one of the black uniforms, you'd be able to survive even after falling in chilly water, boy.- He coughed softly. -Everything's set now. Please sign here, and keep these certificates; you may want to make some security copies. Congratulations, gentlemen.-


We barely talked while we drove back to the city; that day had marked the end of an age in our lives. We weren't ready for the sudden change our site brought. After hearing only the noise of our vehicle for a while, Greco broke the silence:

-Sophie and me will go visit my wife. Will you be doing something today?-

-Not sure. I guess I'll go for a walk and buy some new clothes. It feels strange coming home so early.-

-You're right. But let's think of these days as the vacations we needed to take for so long. Now that there's time for it, I'll go tomorrow with my daughter to the Dome Exhibit.-

I thought of Elly. I had forgotten about her with all the paperwork we had to prepare for the Company's approval of the site. I had time to visit the Exhibit again.

(Yeah, why not?)

-What, Malcolm?-

-Huh?-

-You're smiling all of a sudden. What are you up to?-

-Nothing. I just thought of visiting someone too. That's it.- By then, the deck was lowering us to the garage.

-Okay. I won't even ask.-

-Don't worry about anything. I'll see you tomorrow morning to discuss about the repair shop.-

-Good. Malcolm?-

-Yes?- I turned to him after getting off the vehicle.

-Give me five, son. We did it.-

With a smile, I nodded and shook his hand firmly.

-Yes, boss. We did it.-

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Syrius
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 2:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry for the long delay. Unemployment and other things can seriously drag you down, but I give you another chapter of this story. Things will pick up even more soon. Enjoy and tell me what you think: Without motivation, there's no point in going on!
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