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A series of fantasy short stories.
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DragonWolf_keny
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Joined: 25 Jul 2005
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Location: Dallas texas

PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:38 pm    Post subject: A series of fantasy short stories. Reply with quote

It's not really furry but, I thought it might catch some interests here. If anyone thinks it needs any extra editing as I think it does, please give me some feedback so I can edit it acordingly.


Destiny or Desire
by Kenneth Jenkins

“Destiny or desire? Destiny is the path we are walked upon, desire is the path we walk upon. Which one is the true path? Which one do we tread?”

This tale takes its roots ounce upon a time, far from Pinneb. It begins in a simple human town. Here a scrawny but brave boy lived. He has dark blue eyes, and reddish wiry hair tied to a braid that hung slightly to the right of his ear. He wore typical simple clothes. They were worn simple white robes. The undershirt was sleeveless accompanied by simple plain grey pants tied up in a sash.

He often pretended to be a great hero. You see, He was the son of a great hero. He was a hero of great fame if not fortune. This boy was considered everything but average. However, fate would teach him that it is no bad thing to want a simple life.

Our story really begins on a plain day where it was lived in peace and quiet. He was returning home after such a long day of schooling. He was anxious to get home and finish his chores, because today he was going to be a part of the dragon ceremony.

He was one of the special lucky children chosen to be accepted to the dragon mage academy. However, that does not mean he had no obstacles.

He labored hard until he had finished his chores.

“Kiran, Kiran come boy!” his mother wailed.

He ran quickly to answer, “I’m coming mom!” he yelled as he ran to her.

Excitedly he skipped carelessly until, stopped short of his homes front door, tripping on a loose stone placed neatly in his lawn to create a stone path from the road towards town.

His mother trying to seem sympathetic said, “Are you ok?”… She added as she helped the boy to his feet, “You shouldn’t get so excited, you forget to watch your step.”

Then she commanded him, “well, its getting close to time for the ceremony. You better go get your bath and get ready!”

The boy skipped off with excitement to get ready for his big night. All the while, he prepared, he was unaware of the true events placed before him.

You see, Dragon Sages were not as popular sorts to be associated with heroes. Oh, I do apologize; I am getting ahead of myself again, that has yet to come into our story. Sorry, I do tend to ramble.

Anyways, Dragon Sages are sorcerers that channel their spells though their miniature dragon companions. They are also said, to be the least talented magic users in all the realms. A rather more unfair observation, as the dragons are a talent to handle unto themselves. Nonetheless, our story involves some of these miniature dragons.

Already preparing for the ceremony at the mage academy in the town near the boys home, I was finishing the last stitch in the last gantlet. That night, I had to make four pairs. However, that was not all I had to do, I still needed to make sure the stone of choosing was ready.

The gauntlets were the instruments in which the sage channeled his magic through their dragon binding it to them, and them to it, but You see, it is not that the sage that chooses the dragon; rather more, it is the dragon which chooses the sage.

This is done through the ceremony, one at a time a dragon is let loose and allowed it to pick it’s chosen. Then the magic stone in the middle of the room would glow the corresponding elements color.

This magic not only bound the gauntlet of the appropriate sage to it, but it would only do so if the dragon truly wished to join with it. the orb that had been sewn onto the palm, would then change to the elemental color associated with that dragon.

I was still preparing the last orb that bound the dragons to the gloves. Just after I laid the last stitch, I put it on the table, turned around, and walked right into a magic water bubble, popping it and completely soaking me and my robes.

I knew exactly what had caused the bubble in the first place, The water was dragon up to his usual frolics of mischief again.

I screamed in anger, “By Fyurin! I swear I’m going to skin that dragon before the ceremony!”

My assistant, having heard the noise came in snatching him up before he ran out the door. She then walked over and said, “You know he would never make a good scarf so just forget about it, besides after tonight he will be some young new sage’s problem.”

Of course I just scoffed. “Well! Put him back in the nursery with the others, while I go change robes” which I left to do mumbling, “these were my good ones too!”

After I had changed robes and made final prep for the ceremony. The children participating this time around were arriving, the boy among them.

The academy was not too far from his home in the countryside. Therefore, his excitement was in little restraint, and he had used none of his energy, wildly playing with one of the other chosen named, Jehreck.

His neighbor, Jehreck was young, headstrong, and rather ambitious, and He often gets Kiran into mischief. He has brown eyes and dark brown hair. He is also little taller and a year older than Kiran.

The two have an almost brother like relationship, and seemingly an inseparable pair. I had often seen him normally wearing similar robes to Kiran’s but colored in brown instead, usually worn with a green emerald encrusted belt.

Tonight however, they were both wearing the robes of an apprentice sage, which were blue long sleeved cloaks with white under robes. It was a particularly cold night, so the warmth they provided was more than welcome.

It was almost time, the ceremony was about begin, so I had all four of the chosen new sages gather around the stone of choosing, along with a few attending townsfolk guests, which had come to see the lads become sages.

I began the ceremony by handing the boys a gauntlet each. Then, I began chanting the magic spell that would make the rock work its magic upon the dragons.

And thus it began; the first dragon was let loose.

The wind dragon was the first to choose. This one chose the chubbiest and youngest of the sages of the four sages, crawling strait to him as if it had made its mind before being released. A fitting choice as it was full of more hot air than this new sage’s stomach. The stone then glowed, with a white light to denote the dragon was of the air element.

Well now, I was glad to see the next one gone forever of course. It was that troublesome water dragon, which came out with a splash to say the least.

He entered flying, flapping his wings and sending a conjured wave of water in my direction. Luckily, I was able to get out of the way this time. He landed perching himself on the stone itself examining the sages as if considering its choice.

I caught one of the sages named Draceco, trying to bribe him with a treat; to make it chose him. I thought to myself, how foolish he was, as it would not have worked.

I supposed He would have become a rival with our supposed hero one day, as they didn’t get along well. He came from a rich family, that had gotten its fortune from a spice and steel trade. He is as arrogant as he is foolish

I disciplined him by prodding him with my staff and telling him quietly, “put it away or be expelled from the ceremony.” he begrudgingly did as told.

Then the dragon chose to my surprise, the very boy this story is about, by leaping onto his head and howling with excitement. The laughter from the crowd of course, only increased his excitement. The stone then glowed with blue light the same, as it had for the last dragon.

The ceremony continued much the same as it always had. The fire dragon came into the room also flying, as he breathed fire at the ceiling lighting the overhead chandelier as he entered, and landed next to the boy’s rival. The stone glowed again, but this time it was red.

The last one, the earth dragon chose the last sage, which was Jehreck, The boy’s neighbor. Again the stone glowed but with a green light.

I wasn’t expecting all the dragons to choose a sage the first time around. It wasn’t uncommon for the dragon to choose none of the sages present and go back to the nursery. If this is the case another is let loose in turn till all of them were chosen.

And so I thought, it was now over and now we had four young new apprentices. I carried on without any worries until, one last surprising turn of events. Just as I raised my hand about to give the incantation to end the ceremony there suddenly was a stir of excitement from the crown. bursts of a Childs laughter rang out from the back of the room.

The crowd grew restless with whispers as I walked back where the laughing was coming from. To my complete amazement, there was a young girl laughing, as a black ether dragon, was licking her about the face. I had hidden the beast away for the next ceremony. Then I quickly turned toward the stone, and it was glowing brighter than I had ever seen it glow. It almost lit the whole room, as if it were burning within a black flame.


So, tell me what you think.

big Edit: Ill make a big post about my reason for changing the subject of this thread in depth at the end of it. Its only the first of sveral big changes.


Last edited by DragonWolf_keny on Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:35 pm; edited 24 times in total
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DragonWolf_keny
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Location: Dallas texas

PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 12:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I dont think my editor did a good job really, I found several errors he and I both missed, so I would appreciate any further correction checks you may provide.

In an attempt to give a point to this thread . I’ll start to analyze my own work. I think I started things off well. The ending leaves me to believe that the readers will assume that the story is more about the world around the main character rather than himself. (which was my intension) however I’m not sure I managed to express that all to well. I think that may have confused my editor because of that.

So what do you guys think?


Last edited by DragonWolf_keny on Tue Sep 19, 2006 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is anybody even on these boards any more?
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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 11:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just wanted to know if anybody was reading this. Nobody has commented or critiqued on it. Don’t worry about my personal feelings about your opinions if your worried about trying not to hurt them. I have received more than enough rejection letters from professional editors, with much worse to get touchy about that.
just don’t say "it's Crap!", and not tell me why. you can say it, just tell me why.
(even the professionals don’t without explaining why they think it.)


P.S. I updated it and cleared out a few errors so read through it thoroughly.


Last edited by DragonWolf_keny on Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:22 pm; edited 3 times in total
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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 11:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

take your time on commenting. I just usually "assume" when I hear nothing its a bad thing. when Japanese compliment a movie they do so with silence.

While your at it though, Ill give you a little homework. based on what has happened so far, try to guess what will happen next.


Last edited by DragonWolf_keny on Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:20 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Asalis
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn your impatient bro. I thought it was good when you showed it to me though. Though much like me you still have a ways to go. still it's rather inventive. and one other thing, You play Dungons & Dragons way too much. Razz
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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No! http://gprime.net/video.php/2vandfriends this is playing too much D&D.
You know I love D&D! but not that much.____________________________
(important part)

Oh, and yes mike I use ms work suit 9, which includes ms word, excel, PowerPoint, and Encarta encyclopedia for research and necessary stuff.

but as a side point FYI it was turned down by dragon because there were a huge volume of stories and mine was good but not as amazing as someone else's. yet!
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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 2:39 am    Post subject: Big Edit Reply with quote

As I said in my latest edit ill explain the reason for the change in the thread title.
to put it simply:
I’m making several big changes to the story. For starters, it’s the last and only chapter. Well sort of, in a way its also the first of many. I know I probably don’t make any sense but I will when I explain. This story is only one story in a setting I plan to right several stories about. It is only a part of a huge story told by the characters that live in it.

Some will probably begin to hate my style of righting. Its hard to predict how I will end a story some would argue I’m predictable but I say that you never can tell how I will end it. That’s probably because I never do end it.


I like to call it journal perspective righting style. Basically its like righting a book that changes point of view to a different character each chapter. It’s very hard to pull off and defiantly takes a lot of planning but that’s what I’m trying to do here. I hope I’m able to spark a few interests and some day publicly publish some of it but till its finished this one will be a cliffhanger.

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Last edited by DragonWolf_keny on Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Superlagg
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 3:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

At a short glance, I could predict some reading troubleties. Namely, the blocks of text. I dont know if this was forced to have in here by an outside force, but it makes reading a bit difficult. Use paragraphs whenever it seems right, such as reading optomization. People have put very interesting articles and masterpieces (well, not masterpieces) of stories in this form, only to have everyone be completely unwilling to ford through a block of text.

In short, space things out, use paragraphs, unless you cant.

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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I apologise for that it didnt translate from microsoft publisher very well. I did fix it though. It definately will go through a serious rewright im changing alot of things. Its far from finished. but anyways, I made it a bit easier on the eyes.
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Superlagg
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 1:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

DragonWolf_keny wrote:
i apologise for that it didnt translate from microsoft publisher very well.


Hmm, still a little format-buggered.

Remember, it is one entity speaking per paragraph, optionally including a short action as or just after they speak. Any post-speach action that isnt leading up to or stemming directly off of the speach deserves its own paragraph. Any new subject deserves its own paragraph, just as long as it is a short enough paragraph that I can read it.

Read how my story is layed out, as that is, as far as I know, the correct way to write a thing like that.

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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for that advice Ill have to really fix it. Im really new at this so i probably shoulden't be trying something so difficult, but hey its better to try and fail than to have never tried at all.
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Superlagg
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 3:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

DragonWolf_keny wrote:
Thanks for that advice Ill have to really fix it. Im really new at this so i probably shoulden't be trying something so difficult, but hey its better to try and fail than to have never tried at all.


Hell, shoulda seen my first works!

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DragonWolf_keny
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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 10:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do apologise for that paragraph problem. I hate how the forums dont count the first space, but I do try to split it up as best I can. Its hard to see the breaks, when the boards dont show indents when I post it here.

you should check out some of my other works.

I just posted a scifi story here on these boards.
check it out here, my Sci-Fi story

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PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 6:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i think it looks good. it can probably get better and i'm sure you'll eventually improve it as you get better. heck i'm on the same boat, im still working on it, slowly, but working.
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