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Freya Registered User
Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 486 Location: The back end of Nowhere
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:53 am Post subject: Missing Her - by Freya |
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Er, hi.
I'm a relative newbie, at least to this part of the sight. Been mustering up the courage to post here. This was a poem partly inspired by a play I saw last night (RENT) & partly inspire by my recent (incredibly messy) breakup. Please tell me what you think. Thanks, F
Missing Her
It really is
rather funny, in
a pathetic way.
I seeheartaste something
that reminds me of
her and I am brought back
to before.
Before she lied, before
she stabbed me in
the back.
The taste of mints,
a song, or even
just a short girl with
curly hair
and I remember her
and am filled with a
longing for before.
If I see someone who
looks remotely like her,
my heart starts to beat.
But is it from fear or
love?
I do not know.
***
Please tell me what you think....
It was a bit last minute, but it was boiling in my brain all night. You can be as blunt as you want.
Thank you!!` _________________ All hail the queen of weeee!
Weeeeee! |
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Shadu Registered User
Joined: 21 May 2003 Posts: 336 Location: Barranquilla
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 1:43 pm Post subject: |
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not much into poetry but i like it. i dunno the best word i think for it is, 'nice' b'cause its got like a nice-ness to it i guess, i don't really know how else to say it. _________________ __________________
New Dog In Town! |
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Freya Registered User
Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 486 Location: The back end of Nowhere
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 2:21 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you very much for the review. _________________ All hail the queen of weeee!
Weeeeee! |
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Asalis Registered User
Joined: 08 Oct 2004 Posts: 2020 Location: Fort Worth, Tx
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2005 2:39 pm Post subject: |
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It portrays the eomtions well. you did well. I'm not mutch on poems either though. Still you did pretty good. Wish I could elaborate better but discriptive words don't come as easily to me. Because of this it takes me a long while to write a story. Still your poem is very good Freya. _________________ Asalis: (uh*sah*lis)
We, dig, giant robots!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7PjQnw_E0U
I hate the DMV
Last edited by Asalis on Sat Feb 05, 2005 4:21 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Freya Registered User
Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 486 Location: The back end of Nowhere
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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2005 11:07 am Post subject: |
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::blushes::
Thank you.
I, er, have other ones as well, if you would like to seem them. _________________ All hail the queen of weeee!
Weeeeee! |
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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Excellent, though I have told you that before, it is now that I am able to post it here... _________________ SHARKS In The Gene Pool South of Kosovo!
*CHOMP!* |
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