Planetfurry BBS

[Oji]

i re-wrote a part of this story i'm working on.. its my first real attempt at a first person perspective... and i'm sure it sucks... but what the hell.. i'll just post it up for fun.. hope you like it
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THE CLOUDS RAIN BLOOD
Ch.1
LOST

My life, would anyone care about my life if i wrote it down and published it, i doubt it. My life, the life of Oji Kitsune, the unknown prince of foxes. is this a name i deserve? if i were to die right now, would anyone care, my experiences are far and few between but i could give my story, maybe i could catch someones interest.

my name is Oji Kitsune, the unknown prince of foxes, i don't know where i was born, when i was born, who my mother or father were. do i have any brothers, do i have any sisters, did i grow up with any friends, i don't remember. darkness, that is what i remember, darkness and fear. Running, i was running through a forest, branches from the trees were scratching at my face, my ees were burning with tears and all i could remember was fear.
was that why i was running? what was i affraid of?
i could feel the tears running down my face, my legs were crying out in pain. how long had i been running? it seemed like forever. my face was burning, i felt this warmth running down my face, down my muzzle, the forest went red and then dark, very dark. i wasn't scared anymore, in fact i was happy, there was no pain, there was no fear, it was just cold and dark. but it was nice compared to the fear.

the darkness seemed to last for an eternity, my mind was gone, i had no memories and i didn't mind, it was nice to be lost in this darkness. but the darkness wasn't to last, it began getting warmer it started at the tip of my tail and the bottom of my feet. the warmth gradually worked its way up my body, it felt good at first but then my body began to burn, my body screamed in pain and then, the worst of all, the darkness started to disappear, a light, a small pinpoint of light which seemed to be miles away. i couldn't help but stand and stare at that light, this horrible light, the cause of this unbearable heat, i would have been happy to die right then. the light grew and grew till it surrounded me and i realized i could see, not clearly but i could see.
There, above my body was a light, a lamp of some kinda, i could feel a cold metal table beneathe me, i was laying on some kind of table, the cold from the table wasn't any relief to my agonizing pain, my body was still on fire, to the point i couldn't bare it, again i just wish i could die.
"what is happening?" is all i could think.

There was a sudden flare of pain on my chest, it felt like my chest was slowly being peeled open, was i dying? i could of only hoped for my own death, but no, my chest suddenly became cold and the pain slowly subsided and i could see a dark figure standing in the way of the horrid light, a shadow without a voice. my body convulsed from a sudden shock of pain and sat up, the pain grew in my chest again and i gasped taking in a deep breathe of air, i could smell what seemed like cleaning fluids in the air, i exhaled and took another deep breath, the pain in my chest left with each breath. i could hear the beeping of machines around me. i realized i could move, i lifted up my right paw and moved it up to my cheek and down my muzzle, i could feel what felt like gauze all around my face and head. i tried to pull some of the gauze off but i didn't have the strength, so i attempted to move my other paw up but it surged with pain, i couldn't move it at all, i took another deep breath then exhaled in a sigh, where was i? how did i get there? i moved my head to the side and saw the dark figure from before, i couldn't make out anything about it, it did have giant ears that popped out of the top of its head, i wanted to ask, "who are you?" but when i tried to speak all i could do was exhale in a raspy wheeze

I fell backwards onto the cold table again and everything went dark, where was i? what happened to me? who was the figure before me? am i dead? these were the questions that flew through my mind as everything began to go dark again, no more pain, i felt at rest, in a world i know nothing about, i felt at rest, even when i didn't know anything about myself, i could be a begger, a thief, a murder, a butcher, i could be a man of the cloth or prehaps a grave digger. who and what i am is all a mystery to me, as is my future, i will have to live in order to remember all these things my mind has lost.
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only got like... 5 chapters written up.. but i want to work on the others a bit more before i put them up.. hope you enjoyed my story

[em-see]

great work - it's really expressive. I look forward to reading more

[RefaelBA]

Hmmm. *Thumbs up* very good