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tijn Registered User
Joined: 27 Apr 2010 Posts: 273 Location: San Diego, CA
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 8:31 am Post subject: |
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Nope, I'm not reading this.
I'm still enjoying 'Transitions I' (the 'I' seems to apply even if it isn't in the title). Based on that I don't see why I would deny myself the pleasure of this story (in due time). |
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bastion Registered User
Joined: 14 Jun 2007 Posts: 169 Location: Aalborg, Denmark
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:47 pm Post subject: |
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@tijn: You should, though. It's getting better and better
Anywho, chapter 6 is up _________________ The grass is always greener on the other side. Once you get there, you realize the grass is kind of a bitch too.
My groovy death metal band, Prevail |
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The BioCobra Registered User
Joined: 11 Aug 2010 Posts: 138 Location: Weymouth, England
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:34 am Post subject: |
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Oh, so they're THAT kind of zombie (and to hell with what Time says about them: they're zombies, deal with it). So they're more like Return of the Living Dead zombies? They have the ability to legitimately communicate. Just not the brain craving, obviously.
Also, between everyone here, I would probably take Aslaug's stance on how to deal with rich, affluent merchants of ANY time-frame. Ever. EVAH!
This is most certainly a more thoughtful piece of writing, and not quite in the sense of your care of writing it (which is still exquisite). You're establishing Aslaug as being a lot more thoughtful, reminiscent, and complex than I think at any point in previous stories of hers. It is the ideal direction to develop any character. The more... real a character is, the more that someone can fully relate to or bond with a character and/or its circumstances, then you know you've made the right choice. I know that you know that very well, and in my opinion you are a sparkling enough writer to make that right choice more often than not.
But if not, then hey! That's what proof-readers are for... _________________ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of [fur]kind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." — Dave Barry |
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Frazikar Registered User
Joined: 25 Jan 2008 Posts: 1181 Location: North Coast, USA
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 9:20 am Post subject: |
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This flashback is being brought to you by the Circus, where all your elephants are allowed to roam...
Yes sir, the filly is reveiwing her particular herd of elephants in a straight and forthright manner...
Still, time marches on (plotingly?) as old friends continue their moves... |
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Aslaug Site Owner
Joined: 04 Jan 2005 Posts: 1861 Location: Slagelse, Denmark
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I'm trying. She started out being fairly two dimensional, but I think we saw in the "coach Larsen" incarnation, that she can be more than simply an axe-wielding looney. I am trying to work from that and make her a complete character. |
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Kellan Meig'h Administrator
Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 2045 Location: Just East of Indianapolis, Indiana
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:10 am Post subject: o_O |
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I wonder . . . What's This?
Bastion being sneaky?
Kel _________________ "Старый боевой конь, Кeллан" |
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Frazikar Registered User
Joined: 25 Jan 2008 Posts: 1181 Location: North Coast, USA
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:57 am Post subject: |
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Quote: | Bastion being sneaky? |
Or tryin to make up for lost ground?
So, the filly has seen (part of) the path not taken but then now has John Henry (maybe)... |
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The BioCobra Registered User
Joined: 11 Aug 2010 Posts: 138 Location: Weymouth, England
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 1:28 pm Post subject: |
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And thus we enter Act II...
Angry Aslaug is angry.
Dead Harald is dead.
Reunited friends are reunited.
Temporarily happy John Henry is temporarily happy.
The Hover Cat is hovering.
...
I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER!!!
*ahem* sorry. Had another funny turn there.
I wasn't expecting the assassination of Harald to come so soon in the story. But then, it's your writing, and it all fits into the grand scheme of things. So that's why, to me, it's part of the climax for what I think of as Act I. I honestly can't help but shiver with anticipation at each posting and each mini-review.
On another note, at least I now know for certain that ALL Norse immortals require Idunn's apples. I wasn't certain before.
Be forewarned, character interaction speculation ahead in 3... 2... 1...
ACTION!
"If Constantine were ever to meet this particular deity/entity, as we did vaguely discuss such a thing at one point, not only would Constantine, as I envisage him, show an significant degree more decorum and sociability to her, but also have to apologize for feeling a bit cheap: He is eternally young and handsome (yes, handsome for a bloody avian...) by default, and so would feel a bit of a violation in the presence of one who has to perform such a vital function for the gods of a whole religion."
End speculation. (Wasn't that a surprise, boys and girls...)
Anyway, I also noticed one or two little mistakes in the chapter. The Proof-Reading Eye grows stronger. First, your Norse writing on page 3 is not italicized, but then that lack may have been intentional. Also, Page 4, 3rd paragraph has a sentence which reads: "It had happened while he overseas." You can see it's missing a 'was'. Forgive me for nitpicking, but then I need to nitpick if I'm going to proof-read for you, which of course I am now.
Though I imagine, now that it's been posted, you can't really do much about it. Oh well, my pomp and noise may have been for nothing, in which case I will have to be even more apologetic.
And so, I retire into dormancy again, and await the call of the Axe Shed... _________________ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of [fur]kind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." — Dave Barry |
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Kellan Meig'h Administrator
Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 2045 Location: Just East of Indianapolis, Indiana
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 11:58 pm Post subject: Admitting error |
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Okay, I claim partial responsibility for the missing 'was' in that one sentence. I usually catch those types of typo errors.
_________________ "Старый боевой конь, Кeллан" |
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The BioCobra Registered User
Joined: 11 Aug 2010 Posts: 138 Location: Weymouth, England
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Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 1:22 am Post subject: Re: Admitting error |
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Kellan Meig'h wrote: | Okay, I claim partial responsibility for the missing 'was' in that one sentence. I usually catch those types of typo errors.
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Well, like I said, I'm just getting in some practice for myself regarding proof-reading, and now that it's up, it's up for good. So no point me or you worrying about it now. Besides, these things happen, after all. _________________ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of [fur]kind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." — Dave Barry |
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bastion Registered User
Joined: 14 Jun 2007 Posts: 169 Location: Aalborg, Denmark
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Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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The BioCobra wrote: | Though I imagine, now that it's been posted, you can't really do much about it. |
Pffffff, watch me as I weave my magic fingers about and spew forth the changes. It has been done! _________________ The grass is always greener on the other side. Once you get there, you realize the grass is kind of a bitch too.
My groovy death metal band, Prevail |
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Aslaug Site Owner
Joined: 04 Jan 2005 Posts: 1861 Location: Slagelse, Denmark
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Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 2:14 pm Post subject: |
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*giggles like a schoolgirl*
Bastion has magic fingers *pffffrrrnfrrrnghhhnnnn* *runs away and hides* |
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The BioCobra Registered User
Joined: 11 Aug 2010 Posts: 138 Location: Weymouth, England
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 12:44 am Post subject: |
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"Oh, ho, ho, it's MAGIC! You knooow. Never believe it's not sooo."
_________________ "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of [fur]kind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." — Dave Barry |
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bastion Registered User
Joined: 14 Jun 2007 Posts: 169 Location: Aalborg, Denmark
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 1:35 pm Post subject: |
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Aslaug wrote: | Bastion has magic fingers *pffffrrrnfrrrnghhhnnnn* *runs away and hides* |
Damn straight. That girl at the wedding I attended last night, thought so too this morning #informationoverload #notthebride _________________ The grass is always greener on the other side. Once you get there, you realize the grass is kind of a bitch too.
My groovy death metal band, Prevail |
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Aslaug Site Owner
Joined: 04 Jan 2005 Posts: 1861 Location: Slagelse, Denmark
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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Well, depending on whether you stuck to using your fingers, she might end up being a bride sooner rather than later, ne? |
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