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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2003 1:57 pm Post subject: SHout Out! (Do Dandilions Roar?) |
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If you read it- let me know what you think here...
Easier for me to have it on a separate topic than to let it float around on a thread. Say what you want, and yes- we all know that ZZ-Productions is not in Springfeild!
Like it, hate it, worship it, do as you like with it; just let me know!
I dont expect everyday praise and a living sacrifice- thats for those poor pacific islanders I got fooled.... OPPS- did that slip?
_________________ SHARKS In The Gene Pool South of Kosovo!
*CHOMP!* |
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2003 1:01 am Post subject: |
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I hope I did not mess them up on the corrections, but my stomache tells me otherwise.
Chapters 7a and 7b redone, corrected, and reposted at the fernandogutierrez.net site. Majority of the errors were spelling, but there were some other strange puncuation problems that did not traslate from MS Word to HTML properly, and a few Wrong Person Placements that were fixed. The storyline, plots and events themselves unchanged.
Anyone care to comment? _________________ SHARKS In The Gene Pool South of Kosovo!
*CHOMP!* |
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2003 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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I have to laugh at myself for this one: Chapter 7c only(!!!) had 10 mistakes in it, which were dealt with today. Mostly Grammatical ones.
But I'm sure I royally botched up Migeal's name, which I'm going to look into and fix in the future... for now it stays.
If more are found- let me know...
(I dont expect Mike to update the Racoon's Library on every correction, until at least the next chapter's update.) _________________ SHARKS In The Gene Pool South of Kosovo!
*CHOMP!* |
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Sat Feb 15, 2003 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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Mike Regan wrote: | Chapter 7d is now posted on both Bookshelf sites.
I will also try to have the corrected 7c in the book soon. |
You found mistakes in 7c? Sheesh- I went through it with a fine tooth comb.... ok- so a few teeth were missing, but it should have caught everything!
Many thanks.
I did not go through 7d as extensively since it was short, but I know mistakes will be there, even though I found several and corrected them.
BTW- what you found? _________________ SHARKS In The Gene Pool South of Kosovo!
*CHOMP!* |
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2003 12:25 am Post subject: Death is knocking on the door... who will answer? |
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RAW Story leak from Chapter 9.
"She makes it past the floors of the short building and onto the roof, where she continues to go across to the other side and down to where the scent is strongest: Sabrina’s bedroom. The window is a jar a tiny bit, to let air cirulate; with a bug screen covering area of the entire frame. With little effort she undoes the screen and quietly puts it on the bedroom floor before entering it herself.
She stands in the middle of the room, taking on an eyeful of all there is within. The bed, the closet with her clothes, the shelves with personal items on them, the Amiga system, the dresser where more personal items are stored and the Transformers that seems to fill every empty space. Her ears takes in the noises from the rest of the apartment: Amy putting little Timothy to sleep, and closer by- Tabitha watching Sesame Street on TV in the living room. No one else seems to be in there with them, and she smiles thinking how easy this will be. For now, she thinks of the next set of steps to continue on with her job."
(I need to stir things up, this forum's getting too quiet, boring and loney!) |
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Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2003 10:16 am Post subject: Early mistakes |
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Howdy, just started reading Dandelion and saw a rather large error, having I94 near the Queen city... I mean, I94 is round Chitown (starts near there) and the Queen City (Cincy) has I75 and I71 (besides the beltway, which I think is I275). Ahhhh, I74 starts there, that's it a small numbering problem...hopefully the rest of the story makes up for the geographic error... |
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2003 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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Many thanx for the input
This story was started the summer before 9/11; and the laptop it was on lost at the WTC. How I got it back- its a long story.
It was started with a friend, and some 14-odd chapters completed before the lost. Now I'm recovering those chapters, with a few fix-ups here and there.
Yes- we sorta knew about the mistakes in geography, our fault for not chasing detailed maps of the area at the time (like I have now). But since its not completed, I leave the story raw until I complete it, and then fix up the mistakes afterwards.
I expect it to be about 30 - 50 chapters in writing when completed, so I figure another year or less in writing this thing and then the subsequent fixing afterwards.
Hope you like it though, and many thanx for the input. |
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2003 10:18 pm Post subject: |
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Mike Regan wrote: | Well now that I have had time to read it I can comment.
When I read the postst here I at first thought the cub killed was Tabitha. Then I saw she had been kidnapped. When I saw it was a wolf cub I was even more upset. I knew of only one wolf cub in Sabrina.
At least I can take comfort after reading that it was not little Timothy. |
Just to ease your mind, Mike, the wolf cub was a little gang member who was out to cause trouble with his pack. Why else would he be carrying a baseball bat in the middle of the night? So he was dealt with "accordingly." |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2003 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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To be honest, as far as I can tell, most of the characters are behaving completely irrationally.
Ok, the evil prince wants the throne, fine. But does he think that he is invulnerable, that he can behave any way he likes, that he can just hurt anyone for fun without even considering that he might have to pay for it. And then he and his sister run away, ... and then walz into the embassy and don't even consider the fact that the furs there might not just do as they command?
About Reptal shooting at Jameeka and David:
At whom did she shoot. I thought she was aiming at her, but the way the scene plays, she must have targeted David (and only him). _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Styx Site Owner
Joined: 25 Dec 2002 Posts: 3176 Location: West Covina, California
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2003 3:56 pm Post subject: |
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Nameless wrote: | To be honest, as far as I can tell, most of the characters are behaving completely irrationally.
Ok, the evil prince wants the throne, fine. But does he think that he is invulnerable, that he can behave any way he likes, that he can just hurt anyone for fun without even considering that he might have to pay for it. And then he and his sister run away, ... and then walz into the embassy and don't even consider the fact that the furs there might not just do as they command?
About Reptal shooting at Jameeka and David:
At whom did she shoot. I thought she was aiming at her, but the way the scene plays, she must have targeted David (and only him). |
Not quite, Repteal was aiming for Jameeka and Dave saw this from another tree and swooped down from a higher position from Repteal and into the line of fire while he snatched Jameeka out of the way. As for the Prince yes he does consider himself untouchable since he is not just evil but mental as well, what gets me though is how his sister was able to just sneak into his room where they were keeping him then sneak him out surely they had to have the room under video surveillance. _________________ "Political Correctness is tyranny with manners." Charlton Heston
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2003 4:06 pm Post subject: |
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Styx wrote: | Not quite, Repteal was aiming for Jameeka and Dave saw this from another tree and swooped down from a higher position from Repteal and into the line of fire while he snatched Jameeka out of the way. |
Well, read the scene carefully. Assuming Reptal aims at Jameeka and that she is a reasonably good shot, there is just no way any of the bullets hit could hit him until the very last moment before he collides with her.
Is she is a reasonably good shot, then she was either aiming to miss Jameeka or she changed her aim to hit David. _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Styx Site Owner
Joined: 25 Dec 2002 Posts: 3176 Location: West Covina, California
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2003 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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Well I think that David had spotted Repteal pulling out her guns and started for Jameeka even before Repteal had started fireing, I will reread it as you suggest but that's how I remember it from the first time.
edit: he also would have flown in a way as to keep himself between Rateal and Jameeka the whole time. _________________ "Political Correctness is tyranny with manners." Charlton Heston
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2003 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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Styx wrote: | edit: he also would have flown in a way as to keep himself between Rateal and Jameeka the whole time. |
Think about it, they are both on the ground, he is in a tree. And he is a flying squirrel, not a bird. Given the time constraints, given that if he wants speed he can only get it from gravity, and unless he started on a tree more or less right between Reptal and Jameeka, there is no way he can fly in a path that keeps his body between them for more than a moment. _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Styx Site Owner
Joined: 25 Dec 2002 Posts: 3176 Location: West Covina, California
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Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2003 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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Nameless wrote: | Styx wrote: | edit: he also would have flown in a way as to keep himself between Rateal and Jameeka the whole time. |
Think about it, they are both on the ground, he is in a tree. And he is a flying squirrel, not a bird. Given the time constraints, given that if he wants speed he can only get it from gravity, and unless he started on a tree more or less right between Reptal and Jameeka, there is no way he can fly in a path that keeps his body between them for more than a moment. |
No no, Sabrina was on the ground until Repteal reached down with her tail and pulled her up into the tree that was by the bench. _________________ "Political Correctness is tyranny with manners." Charlton Heston
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Elfen_Furry Moderator
Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2003 10:36 pm Post subject: |
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Please Continue on...
First, I have to re-read my own work to see where is went wrong
But from Ground level, mind you- turn on the imagination here, the path to the blue bench under the tree, follows the curve the pond it is behind off... In order: pond, path, bench, tree.
Jameeka was within site of the bench, but her position was on the inside part of the curve, next to a tree. In order: Pond, tree, Jameeka/path.
Our friend David, was in another tree. Actually, trees, for he was flying or jumping about from tree to tree. Remember the eyes that were watching Sabrina, as she walked into the park? It was not Repteal's. It was David making his rounds, making sure that everyone was safe.
The distractor, Jameeka, once Sabrina sat down and David took his attention off her, took David's attention away from Sabrina and onto a former girl friend of his...
Once she stopped to catch her breath, he looks around, finding Sabrina gone, but finding her with Repteal up in the tree, Repteal with guns being pulled out and aiming towards Jameeka.
Seeing an old friend in danger, he jumps into action from his perch, trying to stay between them both, hoping that Repteal would not shoot or shoot and miss since he got in the way.
But Repteal keeps her promise true, but between speed and distances running with time, David makes it in between the two and becomes a test dummy and target for heavy mass particle acceration device...
And in something that only lasted anywhere between 15 seconds and 1 minute, a lot can happen.
Thus concludes Chapter 14... _________________ SHARKS In The Gene Pool South of Kosovo!
*CHOMP!* |
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