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Shadu

I rewrote most of an old story i had started cause i took it to a dead end. i kinda have the gist of whre i want to go wih it now but i'd like to see what you guys think. i just want to know if its a story you'd continue reading or if it is missing something to mak it more appealing. just read as much as you can (hopefuly all) and tell me what you think. any advice on what to do bettr is very apreciated though don't bother with grammar and stuff like tha i know i have many mistakes but right no im just putting ideas to words later i'll wory on beautifing the words.

Shadu · Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:12 am Post subject:

if there is any problem with the file let me know and i'll try to post it as another document format.

Asalis · Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 12:09 pm Post subject:

YOu need Open Office which is a free download in order to open that file mike. As for the story thats one heck of a long prologue. Wish I had that much of a creative insentive it write chapters that long. oh well I guess 7 of 8 pages per chapter is good enough. I'll read it when I have the time.

http://www.openoffice.org/index.html

Shadu · Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 2:30 pm Post subject:

sorry bout the leangth i've been writing it for a while but i lost my internet when i intended to post it and i've been adding to it slowly while i waited for a way to post it. as for the format i'll see what i can do to convert it to a doc file its just that i decided to try out the Ubuntu linux system and i've been working on my story from there, the problem was, i never saw the change of format cause i was in a hurry to close up the first time i saved and just pressed ok to evrething. Somewhere around there i changed it to swx.

Shadu · Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 11:12 am Post subject:

ok i am again sorry for the first file lunder here i post again now in universal(i guess) doc format.

Chris Regan · Last edited by Chris Regan on Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:59 am; edited 2 times in total

Chris Regan · Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 11:31 pm Post subject:

Shadu

Shadu · Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 11:04 am Post subject:

so i finally fixed everything now im just waitng for any comments. i guess i'll just keep waitg since i know its a very big chapter. not yet finished but i don't think its missing more than a few pages.

Chris Regan · Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:50 am Post subject:

Hi Shadu,

I'm sorry to take so long to get back to you.

I have gone though some of your story it wouldn’t be bad as a first draft but as a final draft it needs a lot of work, for the most part you do okay at setting up your scenes.

When you are writing you should be seeing the story in your mind, I think of it like short videos in my mind some times it takes many tries to get it down on paper or computer. My view on a story is a good story give food for thought a great story pulls you in as if you are a fly on the wall watching everything unfolds.

What I see wrong with your story is grammar & spelling errors, some areas that could be fleshed out more, places were you have two characters speak on the same line, extra words that could be removed for a clearer sentience in places.

If you want help let me know and we can go though the story.