Planetfurry BBS

[Megan]

I've been working on my writing a bit so, here's a text a bit more appropriate for this purpose.
I hope to paint three beautiful pictures...

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1st...

...The sun was weakened and red, yet it's rays still ran through the clouds, stabbing them and creating a maze of light. A interesting playground for the flayers. Spherical and elliptically formed clouds, colored reddish-orange circled around the sun, leaving an impression of a tunnel leading to the sun. It's rippled reflection in the calm seas following it's reversed path. Dragons and griffons alike would chase each other through this labyrinth of light walls.

Lizard sighed, sitting on the heightened plateau of still motionless figures trapped in dramatic positions. Some like chubby rabbits, round and smooth made this sitting stone which Gabby was sitting on. It ached his behind but... the view was worth it. These round ones would be surrounded or broke apart by the spiky and sharp formations of rock. Sharp forms, like a wolf's long fur in the morning. It was like they watched him motionless, their grotesque forms amplified by their fear with their own shadows, giving an impression of slow movement or creeping close to lizard. Moving away, yet closing.

Like a proud and instinct race turned to trees, tall and twisted beyond comprehension, they stood still, only their branches gently waved in the weak wind, that whistled through the branches making a rather soothing yet creepy melody which would make you fall asleep but, keep you awake with it's dreaded easily twisted tone.

Red glittery waves, colored by the sun's rippled reflection gently licked the shore rocks smoothing the sharp ones, deforming the smooth ones to impossible shapes suggesting they would be a statue of the inhabitants. The sharp ones, like stone dragons, decorated with sharp talons sitting on the smooth rocks, cooling their legs in the water. The shallows would chant and whisper to the lizard. It would seem as if the shapes around him teased him with strange thoughts.

Few stone otters stood from the water. Some laying, some chest high or standing on a spiky dragons head half submerged in water. As the sun touched it's reflection, slowly nullifying it as it sank, the shadows rose around the lizard.

The lizard paid no attention to their whispers and chants, nor was he scared by the shadows. The tunnel to the sun, now a crimson-orange beach with multiple levels that stretched to beyond, slowly melting away didn't amuse him. His thoughts and mind was bent on only one thing. His dragon.

Stars, one by one, appeared drawing their most beloved heroes on the night canvas. Ra'sha, the great dragoness, the mother of the dragon species would tease her griffon companions in the endless game of tag. Ji'rha and his dolphins, the red foxes and the shifty otters. They were all there, becoming brighter and sharper as the sky darkened.

Waves strengthened, slowly raising slowly raising with the tide(?) pulled by the lunatic who soullessly laughed at the lizard, hiding his darker spots behind the clouds lighting them up with his glow.

Lizard stood, glanced at the sea one last time as it regained it's blue, yet in more darker shades, as if it was ashamed to show it's bottom.

He turned around and walked away into the forest among the twisted shapes of olives. Their sent surrounded him and hid him in their shadow...
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2nd...

...Jakob (Gabby's dragon) stood in a small treeless space in the forest surrounded by those almighty green giants. The light of that laughing lunatic was gone, hidden by the thick and dark clouds. Wind stroke the tall tree branches rocking them, producing that gentle noise of leaves. So calming. Green grass made a fine carpet for the dragon's feet.

Rain came. The roars of dragons echoed through the sky. They loved the rain and the storms. They adored flying in it, to chase in it, competing with sky's loud rumbles, as they would evade with ease the slow thunders. With each thunder you could only see the quick dark outline of dragons gliding through the clouds. Drop fell on his ear. Another on his tail. And another. It's hum became louder as the rain slowly increased in strength. But it was soft and gentle. It's touch not irritating in any way. Jakob ,with closed eyes, raised his head to the sky.

And the music began. Gentle drops dripping on the tree leaves multiplied by thousand, trees that gently screech under the influence of the rain and the wind. Dragon echoes stretched through the sky, like some opera. The leaves and the noise that rain made? A melody played by Nature herself. The Gentle Mother. Dragon opened his eyes, encircled by the leaves and thick brown tree trunks, and beyond laid the darkness from where it rained. Gentle, slow and calm...

"Beautiful, isn't it..."

Dragon lowered his view to find the lizard standing in front of him with a sad look. He would be decorated by glittering lines on his soft skin, showing the curvy outlines of his anatomy, of his elegant body. They were like his outlines, as if he was drawn.

Dragon neared him.

"Lovely weather!"

"Yea..." lizard replied ,"it's a shame you can't join them." Glancing at the sky.

"One day!" one day, to himself.

As if they first met, they stared at the grass in silence, each picking words for something to say...
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3rd...

...It was always his fascination, these strange trees. Olives. Not as a plant or a tree. It's their forms. Their shapes.

Old and scaly bark clothed their grotesque, dramatic forms as if they were a frozen drama play. A dance of beautiful and twisted forms. A comedy? Or a horror at the peak of revealing victory or dreaded fall, their form, their branches would twist around each other creating snarling demons, perhaps an instinct civilization or just something else. Others would bind their heads or feel suggesting various sexual acts. Few would, with separate small doorways, which almost looked real with the twilight sun sneaking it's rays between their twisted and bend trunks.

When he would look through those doorways, he would behold the vision of small orange pieces of land floating around the red sun, with red burning grass, maybe a small tree which would melt away or stretch on beyond. A few large ones that would bind, created a vision of entire realm with everlasting melting walls of colossal red stone, some small in between. Buildings... Giant motionless monsters grouped together, thin abstract beaches of beyond. All that in red-orange shades, slowly fading away with the sun...

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Suggestions?
Thoughts?
Critics?

[Midi]

Holy crumbs, you got quite a bit here! I like it so far, you're really good.

[Virmir]

Interesting writing style. You say you wanted to paint pictures, and I think you did a good job of it. I didn't have any trouble at all visualizing these scenes.

You use a lot of fragments, particularly in the first one. Fragments are okay to use depending on what you're trying to do, but you might not want to use too many, as they can be a little awkward.

Also! Be very careful:

"it's" = "it is"
"its" is the possessive

[Megan]

Um...yea.I have to work on grammer and the mistakes.I like this style very much and hope to develope it further.

Thanx for the compliments.It means a lot.