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The Tremendous Trio: Trial by Fire

 
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No_Idea_What_I'm_Doing
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:44 am    Post subject: The Tremendous Trio: Trial by Fire Reply with quote

Hey everyone! I've been on a little writing hiatus for the last while, but I intend to come back in full strength. I have been in the concept phase for a new sci-fi lately, and I'd like to know what you all think. The following is a rough outline of the plot.

This story is set in the future. It is nothing too futuristic, just about ten years at most. With resources quickly being depleted, (references will be made to this fact during the story, however it will not be a main point of interest) men have begun repidly researching new energy techniques, and, as an offshoot, men are applying the new techniques to several new transportation methods. One branch of so-called "radical" scientists have proposed that men could be changed into animals to provide faster transportation. The government, however, is thoroughly against the proposition, saying that this course of action was completely wrong, and that no experiments were to be conducted in that area. Some scientists, however, disregard the government and continue experimenting into their ideas. They are soon found out, however, and are ended quickly. Unknown to the government, however, the supporters of the movement formed an underground society, where they continue their radical tests.

Here's where our heroes come in. 20 year-old Michael Adric Stone, a computer whiz with a photographic memory, is a lonely guy. He has no friends, and spends most of his time at the computer. He is a weakling, weighing in at just over 100 pounds, and doesn't even try to exercise. Working for an advanced computer lab, he is to be found almost nowhere but his house and work. Rumor has it that he actually has a computer lab of his own in his basement. Our other heroes are much different. Sarah Rose Carson is 21 years of age, and has a black belt in four martial arts. She spends almost all of her time in training, and seems to always have her fighting side near the surface. She is more active on town than Michael, but her activities are almost always alone, even though dozens of guys have tried to ask her on a date. The only times she is with someone is when her brother comes with her. Richard Peter Carson is 23 years old, and loves guns and all that has to do with them. He seems to hunt every animal that is legal, and proudly displays his trophies on his living room wall. He is usually found in shooting ranges, and spends a good amount of time with his sister. He is strong and very able at hand-to-hand.


One day, while biking on a forest trail, Sarah and Richard find Michael walking along the path They approach him and inquire as to his business. Suddenly, they all black out, and the next thing anyone knows is that they are locked in some sort of metallic chamber, which Michael quickly identifies as a storage room. They soon discover that they are to serve as human lab rats for an experiment by the radical scientists. The scientists, selling their merchandise on the black market, have managed to hire a small army of mercenaries. Using a combination of their skills, Sarah and Richard engineer an escape, while Michael does his best to stay out of the crossfire and tag along. What follows is a hair-raising run through several strange labs, each complete with their own unholy experiment, until the three finally find their way to the front of the facility. They are ambushed, however, by the mercenaries, and are forced into a janitor's closet where they try to hold their own using guns taken off of other mercenaries.

Richard, ever the aggressive fighter is hit by one of the mercenaries, and is forced to fall back while Michael tries to take his place as a gunner. Suddenly, Michael and Sarah are both startled by a cry from Richard. Turning back while Sarah holds off the enemies, Michael is horrified to find a horribly-disfigured Richard behind him. It quickly becomes clear that Richard had been hit by a dart, not a bullet, and that it had been made to cause a well-planned transformation into a wolf. As his body is reformed, it becomes clear that Richard's mind is going as well. When the transformation had been almost completed, the guards finally approached and took the three captive again. Richard, or the wolf that had been Richard, was taken in a separate direction from the others, and Sarah was taken away when they reached their holding cell again.

Michael, now understanding that it's up to him, uses Richard's lock blade, which the guards had neglected to take and which Michael had taken when it was clear that Richard could not use it, to hot wire the door from the inside. Somehow managing to stay out of sight, Michael is able to infiltrate a small computer lab that is out of use at the time. Searching through the files on one of the computers, Michael finds references to a strange substance that was supposed to change people into wolves, horses, and foxes, respectively. Quickly memorizing the composition of each, (using the aforementioned photographic memory) he searches the computer once again. He now finds files telling about the antidotes for the three, which he also memorizes. Finding a chemical synthesizer in one corner of the room, Michael prepares three doses of each antidote, which he puts in a bag he finds in the room. He memorizes the facility blueprints, modified by the scientists to denote the present use of the former storage rooms, and shutting down the system, turns to leave. As he is about to leave, however, he is discovered by a duo of guards, who attempt to take him. Michael manages to outwit and defeat them, though, and he is soon off through the hallways again.

The encounter gave him new courage, and after outwitting a few more guards, he makes it to the primary lab. As he suspected, the scientists here are conducting a wide array of tests on a wolf, who Michael knows to be Richard. Unexpected, however, is that the scientists are also running test on a horse, a rather tedious task, considering the creature's size. Realizing that the horse is probably Sarah, Michael quickly devises a plan to free them. As the guards turn a corner while taking the animals to their new holding cells, Michael ambushes them. After dispatching of the two guards, and, to his relief, finding that they were carrying the two's clothes with them, Michael changes the two back into humans.

After their brief time as animals, the people now realize that they have to shut down this operation, not just escape. Making their way back to the main lab, the three prepare to launch their plan and blow the place. With Sarah and Richard distracting the guards attention, Michael runs and sets up a chain reaction on the computers. As he does, one guard notices him and shoots him with a dart. Michael finishes his work, but finds that he had broken the bottles of antidote in his run to the computers. He is soon changed into a fox, and wanders in fright through the lab while his friends try to fight off their enemies. As the mercenaries run for cover from the overloading computer consoles, Sarah and Richard run for the exit. Finding and picking up Michael along the way, they make it at the exit just as a group of mercenaries do. This time, however, there is no fight, as the mercenaries also flee the facility. Our heroes soon find out why, as the leader of the strange organization had activated the makeshift self-destruct sequence to insure that the three never told anyone of what had occurred. Somehow, though, the three make it out of the explosion with only minor injuries.

The two human members of the group suddenly realize that they understand and respect their companion, but, as they search for civilization, they despair of his ever being human again. Finally finding a highway, they find that they are only a few miles from home. The decide to walk rather than attempt to explain why they wanted to bring a fox with them, so they set off, following the highway until they reach their hometown. Suddenly, the fox that had been Michael got very excited and charged at full tilt towards his house. He climbed in through an open window, his two exhausted followers trying to keep up. They found him in the basement, which more closely resembled the deck of the Enterprise, and found the fox yipping at them from beside a large white machine. The fox, incredibly excited proceeds to attempt to drag Richard over to the machine. Realizing that the fox was trying to tell him something, Richard looked at the machine. It was a chemical synthesizer. Somehow understanding what the fox was getting at, Richard did his best to try to understand the fox. After a while of trial and error, Richard inexplicably hits a breakthrough and manages to understand what his furry companion was telling him, (more sensible details included in the story) and is able the synthesize a dose of the antidote.

It isn't long before Michael is human again. He explains that, somehow, though instincts and canine habits were the most apparent part of his behavior, he was somehow still half-conscious in the fox's body. He attributes this fact to his powerful and well-trained mind, and says that he probably wouldn't be human now if he wasn't a 'silicon head' (the nickname that Sarah and Richard use referring to him earlier in the story).

A few weeks later, after taking turns getting to know each other more, the three agree that it was rather immature to fight as they had before. Michael, still very much proud of their now nationally-acclaimed achievement, proposed that they form a team. They agree, and name it The Tremendous Trio (the lines where they choose it go through quite a few strange names, finally culminating in the choice of The Tremendous Trio because, quote, "...we can't seem to come up with a better one.")

In the last section of the book, it will show the three back together again with Michael promising that he has a surprise. He announces that he has managed to find a way to counter the antidote, and gives each of his friends a vial of the transforming agent and the antidote, informing them that he had removed the mind changing properties from the formula. The story ends with Richard saying, "I think I'll take a few days of vacation in the woods," implying that he intends to use his friend's gift. If all goes as planned, this will be the first of many stories featuring The Tremendous Trio.

So, whadya think?

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Last edited by No_Idea_What_I'm_Doing on Tue Nov 21, 2006 2:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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Syrius
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 2:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Please don't think I'm a jerk, but you could separate that huge paragraph in several smaller ones. Makes it more digestible. Razz
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No_Idea_What_I'm_Doing
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You ain't a jerk. I should've done that anyway.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All right, a bit of criticism. Brace yourself.

I suggest the guy doesn't transform into a wolf, but another canine. I might sound hypocritical myself having wolves in my story, but the "OMG! I've been transformed suddenly into a wolf!" bit has been overdone to hell and back.

The "they manage to escape the explosion virtually unscathed" has been done to hell and back too. Injure them more somewhat, but let them coalesce enough to full health.

If there's a computer in the lab where Mike is checking the antidotes, there could be a printer too. Works better than the "photographic memory" bit. Wink Besides, if Mike manages to bring it with him when they escape, it will make the synthesis of the antidote more credible, though Mike would still need to guide them.

Instead of facing and outwitting two guards after that, I'd like to see him sneak by. Remember the first time you played Metal Gear Solid and the adrenaline rush when you managed to stay hidden from a guard.

Computers don't blow up when they overload. They melt. Richard using an explosive agent, or even gasoline found in the base sounds more credible.

The main lab is unguarded? What are they mercenaries doing? Drinking coffee in the lounge?

Why would a guard shoot Mike with a dart and let him go, just like that? Won't the mercenaries of an evil underground corporation be a little more heartless?

I know now I'm sounding like a jerk, but if you can eliminate any holes, or give more solidity to your story, it will be even more enjoyable. Don't think I'm trying to deflate your story, on the contrary. I'm pointing to what, as a reader, I perceive to be weak points so you can fix them and the story stands on its own.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Syrius wrote:
All right, a bit of criticism. Brace yourself.

I suggest the guy doesn't transform into a wolf, but another canine. I might sound hypocritical myself having wolves in my story, but the "OMG! I've been transformed suddenly into a wolf!" bit has been overdone to hell and back.

The "they manage to escape the explosion virtually unscathed" has been done to hell and back too. Injure them more somewhat, but let them coalesce enough to full health.

If there's a computer in the lab where Mike is checking the antidotes, there could be a printer too. Works better than the "photographic memory" bit. Wink Besides, if Mike manages to bring it with him when they escape, it will make the synthesis of the antidote more credible, though Mike would still need to guide them.

Instead of facing and outwitting two guards after that, I'd like to see him sneak by. Remember the first time you played Metal Gear Solid and the adrenaline rush when you managed to stay hidden from a guard.

Computers don't blow up when they overload. They melt. Richard using an explosive agent, or even gasoline found in the base sounds more credible.

The main lab is unguarded? What are they mercenaries doing? Drinking coffee in the lounge?

Why would a guard shoot Mike with a dart and let him go, just like that? Won't the mercenaries of an evil underground corporation be a little more heartless?

I know now I'm sounding like a jerk, but if you can eliminate any holes, or give more solidity to your story, it will be even more enjoyable. Don't think I'm trying to deflate your story, on the contrary. I'm pointing to what, as a reader, I perceive to be weak points so you can fix them and the story stands on its own.


Actually, you will find that I am quite receptive to criticism. I believe that other people can see my faults better than I can, so I do my best to listen to public opinion.

First issue-Wolf transformation: I am currently looking for another animal for this part, as I have seen that wolves are rather common TFs, but the wolf, being my favorite animal, (I have been debating on whether to change my member name to Sepukku Wolf) seems to have taken the place for the time being. It may chnage during writing, but not right now.

Second issue-Explosion: Virtually is quite a multi-purpose word. I'm thinking minor to medium burns, scorched fur/hair, being thrown a few feet by the blast, resulting in scratches and scars, and various other injuries.

Third issue-Photographic memory: Actually, this is one debatable issue that I'm not changing. In my planned series during the next few stories (Planned: Adrenaline Rush, System Malfunction) I plan for his memory to play quite a few important parts. There are people with photographic memories, (my brother, to name one) and Mike is one of them. He might jot it down in later versions, but his memory will be important.

Fourth issue-Michael and the guards: Well, I've never played the game you mentioned, but I've played other FPS games, and sneaking is definitely fun. However, Michael will have been sneaking around through the facility for a while anyway, and I want him to get a confidence boost somewhere. This may or amy not be changed.

Fifth issue-The computers: Yeah, well, I haven't had the experience of seeing a computer overload, so I wouldn't know. This will probably change.

Sixth issue-The main lab's guards: The first time, when Michael comes alone to rescue his friends, Michael will either find a room to hide in, or watch the lab through the security cameras (luckily for him, these are only posted on labs). On the second one, I have yet to come up with the plan that the heroes come up with to draw the guards away. Smile

Last issue-One shot and out?: The important part is that Mike is hit. Details for this will be added later.

If you think of anything else, let me know. I appreciate your thoughts on the story.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've finished the storyline skeleton and will begin writing as soon as life permits. I have to give kudos to my sister for helping me with this. This actually started as sort of a campfire story that we collaborated on. I took the idea and decided to go the extra mile.

Oh, yeah, side note: Richard gets turned into a jaguar. No criticism required, ty.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 11:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woot. I would have preferred a cougar, but a jaguar is cool too, you know, being able to draw a gazelle up a tree... or is that the leopard?
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 2:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just and update, I'm done with the first three chapters and am about halfway through the fourth. Currently over 20 pages long, and about 8,000 words. WOOT!
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