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PrincessB
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Joined: 06 Jan 2005
Posts: 3070
Location: south of Nashville, Tn

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:08 am    Post subject: Rants, Questions and Advice Reply with quote

Thread has been revamped, read ahead to Sept. 20, 2008 post.


We'll see if there is much interest in this and if we can get this going.
Here the idea, it's like dear Abby but instead its Dear Princess.
Those who have questions about something (a problem their having or something) they can send me a pm to PrincessB and ask your question, I will then answer it here, that way you can remain annonymouse but still get an outside oppinion.
I know that there is a potential for furs asking silly questions simply cuz they are bored and thats fine. The serious questions or problems will take first priority, the silly questions (why is the sky blue) might be done but if so it will be after the serious letters. Now any that are just being mean (why is so-and-so so rude, etc) will be seen as an inapropriate attack on that furson and will not be posted or answered (a better way would be to say, why are some fursons often rude, that is not an attack on an idividual).

Also I don't claim to know everything. Everything I suggest to do in your situation is only a suggestion, everything should be weighed and checked to make sure it is appropriate for their situation. Also I invite others to share their oppinions on the problem/question also. So I will post the letter (minus names in case they wish to be annonymouse) and my oppinion of what to do and as others read it if they also have another idea of what to do they are welcome to send me a pm with their idea and Iwill compile and post them, that way the person can have multiple ideas to work off of.

So folks, you have a question/ problem send me a pm and will see about getting this started!

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Last edited by PrincessB on Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PrincessB
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Location: south of Nashville, Tn

PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 11:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First up:

Letter:
"I do not need to remain hidden, they may know it is I asking.

We are about to be homeless again, we've been living with friends since I don't know when, but now we are out of friends and can only hope Jesus will listen to our prayers as far as a house goes.
I am eighteen and should be getting my life started, but, I don't even have my GED yet!
here is the problem, keeping in mind that he isn't a drunk, druggy or physically abusive man, my father has always been bad with money but is a control freak and will not give the budget to mom. He is OBSSESSED with cars and seems to care more about them than he does us, he constantly spends all of our money on cars and car related things, meaning we make enough money for a good home but he spends it before we have it. Like a child. Plus he always values a big garage over a nice livable house, we've lived in the worlds biggest pieces of $h!t trailers and distressed properties because they had a big garage. For example, the last place we rented was a single wide trailer, it had busted windows and the carpet was soaked and stained with human and animal bowel movements from the people whom were there before us, the wiring was bad and the living room wall wasn't even connected to the trailer! We were there because dad had hopes to get a morton building from the landlord. (Morton buildings are like little warehouses) This all brings me to my next point, he also won't lift a finger around the house! our homes would be nicer if he'd just put a little work into them (BTW, he gets all of this from my grandfather, whom treated HIM like $h!t) mom is always depressed and (obviously) kind of nuts because of it all.
there is so much, and he is so stubborn.
Now back to the central issue, I can't get a drivers liscence because he won't ever drive me to the nearest DMV, or, pay the fees.
I can't get my GED because niether of my parents have time to help me study(I'm homeschooled) and I don't live near any resources.
And I can't get a job because
A: I wouldn't be able to get to it.
B: They wouldn't hire me because we have to move so much, and I have NO nice clothing to impress the boss, I don't think he'd hire someone who came in with athletic pants and an old gray T-shirt.

SO, My question is,
How can I start my life out of this mess?
And is there a way to change my dad?

Sorry if it was to much PrincessB.

thanks for the ear.
mog"



Response:
First off a person can only be changed if they are willing to be changed. So in the case of can your father be changed, it can only be done if he recognizes that he has a problem and wishes to fix it. Such an obsession with a certain object can be signs of 1) an addictive personality, 2) a large amount of stress in his life that he is trying to escape (though it will often only bring more stress) or 3) It could be problems that he had in his past (which sounds very likely because you mentioned the bad treatment his father gave him) that caused him to believe that an object would be the only thing that would never hurt him/leave him and was a safe retreat in bad times.
Unfortunately, there is likely not much you can do for your parents other than if you feel safe enough suggest to them to seek individual and couples therapy. Both of your parents have things they need to work through separately and together and the best way to do so is via help from an outside source. If you feel safe enough in doing so you could suggest to your father to compromise; spend x amount of money a month on him but thatís it. But there is no grantee he will do that just because you suggested it. Your parentsí problems are theirs to work out and no matter how much you feel like you should help or you want to help there is not much you can do other than encourage and support them in any attempt they make to better their lives.

In the case of getting your life started, you are 18 and therefore no longer have to be with your parents. The best way to start your life is to create your own life. Look in your area for a church you enjoy, of whatever religion you want that seems open and friendly. (You may have to visit a few before you find a good one) A friendly church family can provide you with the support that you will need in taking a big step out on your own. Look in your area for consignment shops, sometimes for just a dollar or two you can find an okay looking outfit good enough for interviews. Also check the local papers for free GED classes to asses if there is any extra work you need to do in any areas (Make use of the internet also, look online for jobs in your area and free GED classes in your area. Iím not certain where you live so I canít look up anything for you.). Depending on where you live you can possibly find these things in walking or bike riding distance. If not look for friends in the area and ride with them when they are headed to town. Also see if there are any friends that are just friends of yours who might let you stay with them for a while till you can get a job and start paying rent or move to your own place. Look at the local fast food joins, especially within walking/biking distance, some will (if they have an opening) hire you even if you are just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and as long as you live close enough to still make the drive to work they wonít care where you move to or how often.. Once you have in income you can pay for bus rides or taxis to work till you can get a friend (possibly a friend from the new job) to drive you to get your license.
Right now the biggest thing is to get away from your parents, as long as you are with them they control what you do and they have shown that you cannot get ahead with them, and rely on good friends to get you through the rough spots that are to come.

It is hard to start your life new, and you very possibly will need the help of friends (even if nothing else for the emotional support) but YOU have to take control of your life and take the steps yourself. Just donít give up, keep trying and donít let it all stress you out too much.

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Cookie
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 12:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thankyou much Princess! Sorry about the language...

I'll take your advice as good as I can, if worse comes to worse, I might be able to live with my brother for a while!

As for friends to talk to, that's why I love it here!

Thankyou so much, your friend-
mog

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PrincessB
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Location: south of Nashville, Tn

PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 10:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope you can get out and start your life soon, and yes this place there is always someone here willing to support our furry family! Smile ((huggs))
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 3:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've noticed that nobody else has posted here.
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Rabbit
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 1:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

May I offer some advice as well?

Anyone with access to the Internet can learn enough to get a GED. You write well, Mog, and your grammar is good. (I've met many HS grads who don't do as well.) Therefore, the only difficulty should be math. The last I heard, basic math and English are all you really need for a GED, though I admit I haven't looked in a while. And even if not, again the rest is easily available online.

So...

Why not take the test _right now, today_ with every expectation of failing? After all, failure costs nothing except the price of the test, and may be the best way to find out what you lack. It's cheap, and once you've taken it you'll know what you got right and wrong, and therefore what to study on-line. Then you can try again and again until you get it right.

Besides... I bet you pass!

At eighteen this is very hard to understand, but your future really _is_ in your own hands and no one else's. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is stopping you or holding you back, even though it seems otherwise. There's nothing you need to know that you can't find a way to learn, and nowhere you need to go that you can't get, if you work hard enough at it, by walking or riding a bike without depending on anyone else. (Daniel Boone once walked from Missouri to Montana and back at age 80+, living off the land all the way.) The hard part is coming to understand how powerful you are and all the things you _can_ do, instead of listening to all the voices around you that are screaming that you _can't_. (Often, these voices come from those you love most.) You _must_ ignore these people; they're people who've given up and want you to give up, too, so that you won't make them look bad by achieving what what they have failed to achieve.

I challenge you to ask yourself what is _really_ required for you to go take and pass your GED test, and reply here with a list of the things that you think are stopping you. If there is a single truly insurmountable roadblock, I'll be amazed.

On the job front...

EVERYONE has to start at the bottom. If your clothing is neat and clean, you have no criminal record, your face is smiling, and your attitude good, a fast-food place or other minimum-wage outfit (like, say, a lawn-mowing service) _will_ hire you. It won't be easy, but then it wasn't for anyone else who came before you, either. If you're good at what you do, you'll be promoted; there's never enough competent help to go around. If not, in a year or two you'll have the on-the-job experience to get something better. That's just how things work.

Or, depending on where you are, there may be ways to get into college...

Whereas, of course, if you choose to do _nothing_ (because it's all _so_ hard and _everyone's_ telling you that you can't possibly get ahead), you'll still be living at home wondering about the future at nineteen, twenty, twenty-three, thirty-two, forty-seven... Until one day you realize that you're old, that life has passed you by, and that you never left the starting gate and no longer _have_ a future. And that's the saddest thing that can ever happen to a person. You only get this _one_ chance to do things right. There's no re-do's.

So...

The time is _now_! _Today_, not tomorrow! It won't be any easier then-- harder, in fact. Pull yourself away from the monitor, and find out where and when GED tests are available locally. Do it _now_; there isn't _anything_ more important. Schedule yourself, and figure out how you're going to get there. If anything stands in your way, post here or even PM me and we'll work it out.

When you're done, put on your best clothing, and go out and proudly look for a job, with your head held high. They'll hire you in many cases _without_ the GED, if they know you're actively and sincerely trying to get one.

I've met you, Mog. You _can_ get ahead. You just have to realize that it's _your_ job to make things happen, not anyone else's. That's where most people make their mistake. Which is too bad, really, because it's the deadliest, most fatal error of them all.
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PrincessB
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey if I can pass it with good scores, and I was extreamly keel over sick the day I took the GED then you certainly can pass it! LOL
And I have GED books on math and essay writing that you can borrow as you pass few in a couple weeks, Mog. (Math is one of my lower subjects and essays is IT's lowest so we have books on those)

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 3:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rabbit wrote:

I've met you, Mog. You _can_ get ahead. You just have to realize that it's _your_ job to make things happen, not anyone else's. That's where most people make their mistake. Which is too bad, really, because it's the deadliest, most fatal error of them all.


BOY HOWDY! I thank you dearly for the advice. But it's actually been a few years since that post.

I worked a lot of it out quite smoothly. I'm now on a path down some sort of artistic career. I have an education in the works. And I'm 21 so I can legally drink now! Razz

Also, I moved out of my folks' place back in '06. Life has been pretty kind to me since, other than the break ins, but that's just Baton Rouge.

When I said that I had noticed nobody else had posted here, I meant nobody had asked Ambi for any advice since me. Sad really, she's quite thoughtful.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't notice the date, just wanted to help. I'm glad things are better for you, and hope they get better still. And...

Yes, the Princess _does_ give good advice. =:)
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 2:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rabbit wrote:
I didn't notice the date, just wanted to help. I'm glad things are better for you, and hope they get better still. And...

Yes, the Princess _does_ give good advice. =Smile


You'll be happy to know however, that your advice still holds some water. It's just applied to different things now.

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PostPosted: Thu May 01, 2008 12:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If there's anything I can do, or if you seek more advice, let me know. I'll help you any way I can.
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PrincessB
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I've been thinking lately (akk!!) and everyone feels a desire to rant once in a while, everyone needs to get something off their chest sometimes, everyone occasionally needs to hear that someone else deals with the same problems they are and maybe a bit of advice from those that have been there.
Of course while all are welcome to blow off steam, you are NOT welcome to attack another fur directly, no mention of names or anything that makes it clear you are talking about a certain fur.
So, your neighbors dog keeping you up all night barking? Since you aren't sleeping anyway come tell us about it and see if anyone else has delt with the same problem and how they fixed it (if they did).
Get cut off in traffic again and wanted to yell at the driver about how bad they are on the road, come share with the class.
I chose to revamp this thread instead of starting something new 1) because I don't like clutter and a dozen useless threads bothers me 2) not much was going on here anyway and this thread was currently on the same line so we just tweaked the line a bit.

So... spill!

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright, want a rant? here goes nothing. In the course of my many job hunts I've kept coming across one thing as of late. These days it seems to also have caught on to the many popular fast food chains like Mc Donnalds and Burger King. I go in to apply for a job and I get, "Sorry but you need to go to <Website address of choice here> to apply for a job." Is this what the world has come to? They cant just simply take 5 to 10 seconds to hand me a little sheet of paper or two and just send me on my way? Has it come so far only to be so impersonal? What gives?
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PrincessB
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like that some post online but yes they should have paper applications also, not everyone has the internet. Why do you think I'm looking for a job, stupid, I have no money for internet! Smile
People have gotten so easy to anger that it causes jobs to be terrified of dealing with a person. If they do deal with them then they act like all is wonderful so that they don't provoke you, including lying to you "yeah, application looks great, I think you would be great here, we'll definatly give you a call." even though they don't need/want you they just don't want to have the balls to tell you the truth.

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malus lupus
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Out of the last 5 job applications that I have filled out, I have never gotten any kind of response from the employers, I know that they are Not obligated to call me but I just feel that it would be nice. I went to each place with all the information I could possible need organized and ready and took the time to grab the form, run to my car, fill it out and return it within 3 minutes of arriving there. The least I ask is that they tell me if I got the job. Just a message on the answering machine would be nice, even if it was to say that I didn't get the job. I know that they don't have to but it just gets quite annoying sometimes.
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