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Elfen_Furry · Moderator Joined: 18 Jun 2002 Posts: 2601 Location: NYC NY

Three cheers for you Mike (& Crystal too). Such wisdom is not gained from reading a book but from experience and observation of others.

Posts like this makes me think about "What if..." my significant other was not killed 6 months after the wedding; would we be together today- some 22 years later. I have to say yes; Yes on the basis that our marriage was the continuation of a long 5 year relationship and a 1 and 1/2 year separation before, and yet, I tried my damnest to put her as my first priority, as she did with me.

My enagement to her when we reconnected, some would call premature, but for me the time could not be better: only a short 15 days. And I was stupid to tell her the following, "...I cant promise you that everything would be alright, or that we would have our own place, we might have to live in a cave in Central Park, but for you, I promise that I would keep you happy no matter how bad things might get... only if you would become my wife... [name withhelded], would you marry me?"

We had problems that we worked out. We thank our friends who helped out for being there for us. But we had each other and that was important. Our time together was rough, but if we survived that much, we would have survived anything, as long as we worked together to dealing with problems, even when such problems were within us.

Guys, you have to remember this- dont ever force anything in a relationship. No means no, even when it is something minor like going to a baseball/football game with pals. If something is bothering her, find out what it is and deal with it. The worse hing that you can do is to try to let things slide into the next day and end up going to bed with somebody angry and/or upset with you.

Girls- Pope Paul said it best in the 70's... "The worst (sin) a woman can do is not to be there for her huband when he wants her, except to be there when he doesn't..."

Many has taken it as a sexual content, but in truth, its more and definately beyond "sex". The second part- 'To be there when he doesn't...' applies to nagging. No man like to be nagged, as I'm sure neither does any woman. Once a man is defeated- leave it be. Nobody likes a sore loser, but sore winners are worst. if the guy did something wrong, then he did wrong... we're human, and as dumb as it sounds, we do make mistakes. We lose money, time, power, battles, jobs. We might be slobs. We could have problems that we dont want others to know (even to our own wife). But a simple, "honey, we need to talk..." goes a lot longer than days of "YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK!.... And By The Way, Real Men Dont... Yak Yak Yak!!!"

The first part, "The worst (sin) a woman can do is not to be there for her huband when he wants her..." is also not in the sexual content... as many would take it. Just as much as women complain about how unaffectionate we men can be, you ladies can be just as uncaring as you make us put to be. A simple thanks or I Love You, an unexpectant hug during the day, its those tiny things that makes us men feel better about our selves, and when we feel better about ourselves, we return it in full.

Marriage is not ownership of one another. I've heard many times a spouse yell at another "you're mine....!!!", only to see that relationship sink faster than the Titanic hitting the iceberg or the Britantica getting the 2 german torpedoes in WW1. Marriage is a sharing of life and everything involved with that life of two people.

And in life, Bad things happen, but so does many Good things. In sharing the good with the bad, can be no greater reward, especially when it is with somebody who would share those times with you.