Planetfurry BBS

[Aslaug]

That's right fellers...I'm a very well spoken two year old.

Or rather, I will be very soon. The sixteenth of June is what I consider my "second birthday". It's a little odd to think about. But I believe that, despite the fact I have an exam the very next day, I will spend that day writing a very specific chapter of Transitions.

Some memories die very hard. Some aren't meant to die. Some are painful...but make you smile anyway.

What I experienced on the sixteenth of June two years ago was...the single greatest series of events I will ever experience. Nothing will ever be able to top it. Ever...since I can't have children. That would've probably topped it, though.

Recently, I sat at a party, a perfectly ordinary saturday evening. A housewarming party. I didn't really want to be there, mostly because the majority of the people who would be there are people I no longer feel any real spiritual kinship with or friendship towards, but I went...for the sake of just a few people, and to "show the colours" so to speak.

The reason was that the local roleplaying club had finally gotten their own rooms after several years of searching. So of course...having been one of those people who originally started it, years ago...I went.

As I sat there, I realized that no, I did in fact have almost nothing in common with most of the others there. There is no snide intent in saying this. None at all.

Life is like that.

A series of transitions. You meet people, you get to know people, you grow apart from people.

That's just how it is. Their lives have gone in one direction, mine in another.

But I did talk to a few people there. Some were concerned that they practically never saw me before. Some wondered why. I told them why.

I told them -exactly- why.

I didn't hide a single unpleasant fact. I didn't hold back. I didn't try to make it look better. I told them precisely why I didn't hang out with them anymore.

As one of them put it...after swallowing rather heavily. "Damned, Joan...you grew -hard- over the last six months."

I guess I did.

You know why, people? Because of you. Because of all of you. Tigermark says he considered it his duty to try to make me come to Planetfurry.com and for a long time, I fought it, tooth and nail. I worried about even VISITTING this place. I hung out at the ZZtS-forum and I figured coming here was a risk.

I didn't like risks. I didn't like meeting new people in large amounts at once. One or two at a time, that would be fine. I could control the situation.

But finally, they made me try. And I have learned a lesson that I was well on my way to learning anyway. A lesson that was hammered in with nine inch nails after coming here.

I have value.

I have -worth-.

Not in what other people think of me. The opinions of other people are, deep down, not important. What truly matters is if I can respect -myself-. If I can face myself in the mirror and smile. If I can see worth and value in me...without measuring myself against others, or against the opinions of others.

So yes. I've grown hard. Hard in the sense that I no longer crumble when people say something bad about me or to me. Or even something I PERCEIVE as bad. Hard as in me standing up for myself and for my rights as a human being.

Hard in the sense that I have become a whole person, depending on herself for support and strength.

Not som codependent, neurotic little twerp who desperately chases after people, hoping for the crumbs from their table as reward. Someone so desperate for the acceptance of others that she forgot herself in the process.

I've learned much.

Writing this story has been Catharsis Superior for me.

Thank you all for giving me this chance to grow. To become...a whole person.

Thank you for your kindness, your criticism, your patience and your encouragement.

Thank you for making me believe that even my deepest, most intimate and secret dreams can come true.

I turn two years old, the sixteenth. I think I've come a very long way in that time.

[The Silver Coyote]

Happy birthday, Filly.

It has been a privelage to accompany you on your trip thus far. As you grow, so do we all. Thank you for the education, for the enlightenment, but most of all for your friendship.

May you enjoy many more birthdays!

SC

[Tigermark]

What the coyote said. Happy Birthday, indeed, dear filly. May our paths continue together for a long time on.


Tigermark

[shadowjaguar]

LAte happy birthday from me dear Filly. *chuckles* If I was near you, i'd send one of my good cakes that I make. Its handy being a trained chef at times, makes birthdays easy.

[Rodent42]

A very late Happy Birthday
I am poking my head out for the moment, but it is time to hide again!

Jacobus

[D.F. Thompson]

Sorry I'm really late but was in Louisville at the time with no putter. But enuff of the excuses

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ms La.

And may ya haf many more ta come. Removes Hard hat and bows low.

Just like the rest of my friends here I think of ya when I'm away.