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Not furry but...

 
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What do you think?
Very good, I want more
100%
 100%  [ 2 ]
Its okay, needs some work
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Not at all to my liking
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 2

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PrincessB
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Joined: 06 Jan 2005
Posts: 3070
Location: south of Nashville, Tn

PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 4:27 am    Post subject: Not furry but... Reply with quote

Started writing a new story recently, and I thought I might share it thus far and see what peeps think. The idea is for it to end up being a murder mystery. I have no name for it yet, (names are the hardest for me to come up with) and this is all that I've got so far it just wont leave me alone and let me ignore it so I have to write it down just want to know if others find it interesting.
Of course the normal this story is copywrite to me, characters, ideas its all mine! Smile Copywrite to Amber Barnes (AKA Amber Krueger or PrincessB) 2005 to current.




Andrea came to and groggily looked around the room. She could immediately tell she was sitting in the corner of the bedroom she shared with her husband of five years. She could also tell it was night time by the fact that the room was very dark, and she could tell that someone, she assumed her husband, was asleep and snoring in the bed a few feet away. What didn’t immediately come was why she was in the corner. Andrea stood up and looked down at herself and realized she was wearing a red nighty, but the nighty was ripped and torn. As she slipped the nighty off her shoulders she was shocked to see that there was a lot of blood dried on her chest. Andrea slowly slipped off the nighty and stood naked in front of the bedroom mirror, only then did she realize that her hair was also matted with blood. Upon further inspection she found a large gash on the left side of her head. As she tenderly touched her scalp the nights events came flooding back and she suddenly remembered what had happened to lead her to this moment.
She had been in a good mood that day and was eagerly waiting for her husband, David, to come home from work. She had sent the kids to bed early and made a romantic dinner just for her husband and herself. But the night had worn on with no sign of David. Finally just before midnight David had come home, obviously drunk. When she had asked him why he was so late, he had snapped at her, yelling that it was none of her business. Andrea had tried to tell him she had made a special dinner for them, but he had interrupted her, telling her to back off and had back handed her. David kept hitting Andrea, throwing her against furniture and walls, breaking things all through the house. Andrea had finally run to the bedroom for sanctuary but David had followed and picked up the brass bookend off the dresser and thrown it at Andrea. That was when she had collapsed in the corner and everything went black.
David had hit Andrea a few times before but it was always only a backhanded slap or a single punch and he always apologized shortly after. Unfortunately things had seemed to get progressively worse. Where he had once only slapped her maybe once a month, it had gone to being once a week then to a punch in the jaw occasionally and so on till now.
Andrea stumbled to the master bathroom and quietly eased the door shut behind her before flipping the light switch to the on position. She then bent over the tub and turned the hot water on full blast. While she waited for the water to warm she stepped in front of the bathroom mirror to better inspect her injuries. Along with the gash on her head there was also a visible hand shaped bruise on her upper left arm where David had grabbed her and thrown her against the wall. There was also a thin cut across her right cheek where David had backhanded her and the very ring they had used to pledge their love with had cut her cheek upon impact. Her eyes teared up at the irony of the scratch on her cheek, and she closed her eyes trying to forget how awful her reflection looked. Before long her skin began to tingle and she realized the bathroom had grown warmer. She opened her eyes and turned towards the bathtub to see steam rising from the tap, alerting her to the fact that the water was now at full heat and ready for her shower.
After her shower she carefully toweled dry, being mindful of her various cuts and bruises. She then quietly tiptoed over to her closet and got dressed in dark blue jeans and a plain black silk blouse. She then reached into the back of the closet and pulled out a large suitcase and the hand gun her husband kept hidden in the closet in case of an emergency. She quietly opened the suitcase and began pulling clothing from the hangers in her closet, not bothering to take the time to fold anything. Once the suitcase was full she set it on the floor in the back of the closet, then picked up the handgun, a .357 Magnum, and tucked it into her purse on the dresser in the bedroom. Andrea then proceeded out of the bedroom and into the hallway to find all the pictures had been swept off the walls and smashed during their fight. She didn’t remember touching them herself but she knew David was capable of anything. She gingerly tiptoed down the hallway trying not to step on any glass. When she reached the end of the hallway she found the tall, round table, which had always set at the entrance of the hallway, had been knocked over. She looked around and found the vase of flowers had shattered and the flowers, lacking water, had already begun to wilt. As she gingerly plucked the largest pieces of the glass vase from the carpet she noticed, under one large piece of glass, the broken jewel box dancer. David had given Andrea the jewelry box on their first date. The box was made of a dark wood and when it was opened there was a young woman dressed in a long flowing blue dress who slowly turned while “Beautiful Dreamer” played via an internal mechanism. Now that dancer was lying broken on the floor in a puddle of water from the vase. She looked to Andrea as though the dancer had seen the symbolism of the box being broken and had cried out all that water on her own. As Andrea picked up the broken glass and furniture she knew that she had to leave, she couldn’t bear the thought of David ever raising his hand to their two kids Kayla and Jason.
Finally Andrea finished picking up the worst of the mess that had been made, she glanced at her watch and saw it was 2 AM. She knew she needed to move quickly because David often woke up around 5 AM and she wanted to be long gone by then. Andrea quietly tiptoed into her daughter’s bedroom. Kayla was only four years old but was very good at keeping her toys picked up, for that Andrea was very greatful because it ment she was unlikely to trip over any toys and potentially wake anyone up. After checking in on Kayla in her bed, Andrea quietly opened Kayla’s closet and pulled out her “My Little Pony” suitcase and packed it full of Kayla’s clothing. Andrea then went down across the hall and did the same with Jason’s clothes, only in Jason’s case because he was only 18 months old, his things were packed into his suitcase with “Sesame Street” characters on it. After both of the kids suitcases were packed Andrea set them in the hallway and returned to the master bedroom and retrieved her suitcase and her purse with the gun still in it. At the door of the master bedroom Andrea stopped and slipped her hand into her purse and felt the cold, hard handle of the gun. Silently she pulled the gun from her purse, placed the suitcase and purse on the floor and walked to the bedside, gun in hand, and stood next to David where he lie sleeping. Andrea slowly raised the gun and pointed it at David’s heart. She wanted to shoot him in the very place he had so often caused her such pain. Suddenly David stirred and rolled over on his side putting his back to Andrea who had now lost her courage she had built up in the moment. Andrea slowly lowered the gun back down to her side and turned and walked out of the bedroom that she swore she would never again share with the man lying in the bed. “The bed is no longer ‘Ours’”, Andrea thought to herself, “and one of us will be dead before I ever consider sharing it with him again.” With that thought still echoing in her mind Andrea put all three suitcases in her dark green Buick, carried the two kids out to the car and securely strapped them in place and drove away from the house she once called home.

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PrincessB
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Joined: 06 Jan 2005
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Location: south of Nashville, Tn

PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow pretty much no interest huh?...
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Nadan
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Joined: 04 Jul 2003
Posts: 163
Location: Southern California, USA

PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Actualy, Amber, I put it on my 'to be read' list Razz Sorry - I'm just so busy this week. I'm watching this thread though. I'll try to read it! really!
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Nadan
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Rava Purr-Fox
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Joined: 26 Jun 2004
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Location: With Josh Fox

PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very well written. The actions and flow were very smooth.

When you post stories in the forum honey it helps if there is space between the paragraths. It's hard to read in the form it is. Took me three tries. I finally exported it to WOrd and respaced it to read honey. Smile

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PrincessB
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Location: south of Nashville, Tn

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well actually as has been said elsewhere how you type it in is not how it shows up after u hit submit. The thing that annoys me is it gets rid of my indentations. Dont know why but not indentating something drives me insane! Smile
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Nadan
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright. I've finally read the story. Yes, I would very much like to read more of it. I took the liberty of showing it to a co-worker, since it was right here on the computer screen. He read it and was kind of upset when I told him that was all for now. He's hopeing to read more as well.
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Nadan
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"Cats are mysterious beings... symbols of evil, gods of the Pharoahs. You never know if they love you or if they condescend to occupy your house. This mystery is what makes them the most attractive beast." - Paul Moore, 1978
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PrincessB
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 3:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you, to both your co-worker and you. Smile
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Asalis
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Joined: 08 Oct 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 4:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just read the story and All I can say is that its simply amazing. You're a brilliant writer PrincessB. I most certainly couldn't stop reading it and have the urge to read it yet again.
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PrincessB
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Embarassed Thank you Smile
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