View previous topic :: View next topic |
1-best to 10-bad |
1 |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
2 |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
3 |
|
33% |
[ 1 ] |
4 |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
5 |
|
33% |
[ 1 ] |
6 |
|
33% |
[ 1 ] |
7 |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
8 |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
9 |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
10 |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
|
Total Votes : 3 |
|
Author |
Message |
aurentuluva Registered User
Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 169 Location: Bremerton, WA
|
Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 8:15 pm Post subject: A beginning of a new story... |
|
|
Here is a story I've written, non edited - non reviewed, that may be confusing if read normally and may cause internal combustion from the logical and illogical thinkers out there...(It's also in human but later will become furry once edited)
Many years ago lived an ancient prophecy of a greater power than that of the Prince. It is told, to have been locked in a chest, blessed by the elders of the Six Corners of the land. Placed within the catacombs of the cursed families of the Order. For many years bandits and thieves sought its power yet none of them were seen since the Prince took his place in Throne. Upon the outskirts of the central complex of Silver Metropolis a thirty-four year old janitor struggles to feed his daughter. Working under a long hardship, cleaning the office of Silver’s most valuable branch of security H-Drives. He steps home in mild despair of losing everything he worked for, day by day barely holding his dignity and hope. It was an unusual day that day, the clouds were rolling in though it never rained. People would roll up the top of the roof of their cars, and close the windowpanes of the ceilings of their homes. Kids who are young take notice to this but take no action to question as to why. By law if a child questions a use or method, they are to fight against the dogs. These were ferocious beasts, twice the size of any normal man. It has long sharp claws and teeth almost resembling a cats, the jaws capable of breaking a log in half. Many citizens around the Ten Cities believe these beasts, Krags they call them, were genetically enhanced through biotech research. The Games, an enhanced form of combat involves the Krags and a child whom was scheduled that day. Special line of the equipment to choose from, is donated by the H-Drives, so the child could withstand a chance and choose his or her fate. But it was this day of days not far from the upcoming of fall that a child had survived the Games. His name unknown for he never speaks it nor change the expression of sorrow and hatred to his community. Two weeks later Prince Aja received a deafening letter informing him of his death. In response he increased security of Throne, the original and utmost righteous land in al the great Cities that exist. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Tygon Site Owner
Joined: 03 Apr 2001 Posts: 2497 Location: Isernhagen, Lowersaxony, Germany
|
Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 8:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hmmm... difficult to judge... it sounds like a mic if sci-fi and fantasy and has an epic flair about it... interesting enough to make me want to read the story. However, that is pretty much all I can say right now. _________________ Tygon Panthera - name and species
www.planetfurry.com/~tygon/ |
|
Back to top |
|
|
francesis Registered User
Joined: 25 Sep 2004 Posts: 552 Location: no where near home
|
Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 10:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
wow that's pretty good except...
...
..
.
I must find nearest asylum _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
Asalis Registered User
Joined: 08 Oct 2004 Posts: 2020 Location: Fort Worth, Tx
|
Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 11:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Intresting beggining. though theres not realy enough for me to judge acuratly. It sounds like a good premis though. _________________ Asalis: (uh*sah*lis)
We, dig, giant robots!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7PjQnw_E0U
I hate the DMV |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Cateagle Site Owner
Joined: 20 Nov 2000 Posts: 1004 Location: Ft. Worth, TX
|
Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2005 12:35 am Post subject: |
|
|
Some interesting and intriguing aspects, but it badly needs a good editor.
Definitely shows promise, though. _________________ "But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cateagle. He walked by himself and all places were alike to him."
-- With apologies to Rudyard Kipling |
|
Back to top |
|
|
|