Planetfurry BBS

[Journye]

Soft dawn sunlight filters through the deep green leaves of the tress surrounding a small village. Small wisps of smoke gently whirl their way up from a few chimneys from the small homes that make up the village. A soft breeze makes the smoke dance slightly, swirling upwards that much faster. Songbirds soon begin to sing as they too wake from their slumber, calling greeting to the morning light. The calls of the birds soon wake those within the wooden homes below, their stirrings can be slightly heard from within as the fires are stirred back to full life so that a meal can be made before the men went about their daily chores.

But one would be surprised to see that these were not human folk within these homes, but rather furres, foxes to be exact. Soon the clearing that houses this village is bustling with the inhabitants going here and there, the adults chatting while children run and play, laughing gaily as they dodge in and out of streams of sunlight that filter down from between the leaves. The adults and the children look up and all goes silent as a lone figure approaches, then all avert their gazes. The people of this village were mostly alike in coloration, the red of their fur ranging from deep fiery red to a dull grayish red, but this one figure was strikingly different for her fur was pure, pristine white over almost all of her shapely form. Except for the areas of midnight black fur on her paw like hands as well as the fur on the tip of her very bushy tail, and the tip of her left ear. The black fur on her paw like hands comes up to her wrists only, making it look as if she were wearing black leather gloves. She also sports an odd shaped patch of midnight black fur under her right eye. Taking the form of a thin jagged line that is like the shape of a lightning streak, it even forks, one fork ending at the corner of her muzzled mouth, the other ending just above her jaw line. Her eyes are a soft ice blue with a ring of dark green around the outer edge of the iris and flecks of green and amber scattered about the blue of her irises.

She was well aware of everyone avoiding looking at her so she hurried on her way to a small wooden cabin set well apart from all the others. She steps inside and looks about at the sparse furnishings, a few plump pillows on the floor near the fireplace, one wooden rocking chair, a small chest for holding clothes, and a small mattress set on the floor with a richly colored blanket folded neatly upon it. She sighs and shakes her head as she glances over her shoulder once toward the now firmly closed door, her ears twitching slightly as she listens to hustle and bustle resuming outside. She makes her way over to the chest and opens it carefully, the brass hinges creaking their compliant at being moved. She lightly brushes her paws against the aged wood of the box, smiling faintly before she looks inside at what few clothes she owns. She carefully takes out a faded light green shirt and slips over her head. The people of this village normally went without much clothing in the warm months, sometimes simply loin clothes for both men and women and the children usually ran around with nothing on, their fur amply covered what needed covering.

She absently smoothes the few wrinkles from the shirt that falls to rest just at mid thigh on her, dusting some fuzz off of it as well. She gives a slight twitch of her tail as she sits on one of the pillows, getting it out of the way so she doesn’t sit on it. She was used to being an outcast, after all she had been since she was born, what with having white fur and all. There was another in the village that had fur that wasn’t the usual tone of color, but she wasn’t such an outcast and the people of the village more readily accepted her, well she was the one who knew all the herbs so one would guess she would have to be accepted. The white furred fox shook her head, sighing lightly again. She was twenty years of age this spring and she wanted to leave this place, which didn’t want her, but she couldn’t even though her family had left her here many years ago. The elder thought there was something special about her, but what no one knew, not even her self.

Her ears flick toward the door as she hears a faint knock, just barely loud enough for her to hear. She stands and makes her way to the door; opening it just enough to peek out, blinking in surprise when she sees Journye, the other oddly colored for of the village. She opens the door all the way to allow Journye to enter. Journye smiles and holds out a covered bowl “Here you go Wynter, I thought you might be hungry since I didn’t see any smoke coming from your chimney” the foxling said, her fur is a dark midnight black. From the under side of her muzzle, down her neck and disappearing under her robin egg blue tunic to travel down to her stomach. The tip of her bushy tail is white as is the fur on her paw like hands, making it appear as if she is wearing gloves. The white fur on her right paw ends just above her wrist, where as the white fur on her left paw ends just below the elbow. She is like the opposite of Wynter with her fur coloring.

Wynter simply looks at her for a long moment before holding her paws out to take the cloth covered bowl “Thank you” she says softly, her voice holding an odd trill to it. Even though the two were speaking someone outside of the village wouldn’t be able to understand their words, it was a language only the village used it was the only language Wynter knew and she was envious of Journye because she knew many and she was allowed to travel on top of that. Wynter was very jealous of Journye though she would never admit it to anyone.

Journye smiles and nods, settling down on of the pillows without an invitation to do so, “So are you still planning on running away?” she asks softly, amusement coloring her voice “Because if you are I can get you a cloak long enough to hide you, your not that tall anyway” she says with a soft chuckle. This was true Wynter only stood about 5ft 3in tall. Wynter blinks and looks at Journye, her tail slightly tucked between her legs. She stands this way for a moment then finally moves forward to sit beside Journye, swishing her long tail out of the way. She nods as she uncovers the bowl, smiling as she smells the oatmeal seasoned with cinnamon. “Yes I’m still planning on it. Can you really blame me Journye? I’m hated here.” She says, her tone sorrowful and low. Journye shakes her head, no she didn’t truly blame Wynter, but she also didn’t understand why she felt as she did. True the white foxling was shunned, but she didn’t have to work like the rest of the village, most of her needs were looked after, she had a roof over her head, and she didn’t have to share the one roomed home with anyone.

Wynter sets the bowl down and gets back up, walking over to the cabinet hanging on the wall near the door. She opens it and takes out two small bowls and a spoon then walks back over to the pillows. She hands one of the bowls and the spoon to Journye before sitting back down once more. Journye serves some of the oatmeal to Wynter then to herself since she hasn’t eaten either. “So when do you plan on doing this?” she asks as she blows air across the top of her bowl oatmeal. Wynter pauses in lapping up the cereal and looks toward Journye slowly, offering a slight shrug “I’m not sure yet,” she answers after a long moment, returning her attention to lapping up the oatmeal hungrily. Journye just shakes her head and chuckles “What a plan,” she says in a teasing voice, chuckling all the more at the look Wynter gives her. Journye looks down at her own bowl of oatmeal, a thoughtful expression on her muzzle “I wish you wouldn’t go.” She says after a long moment.

Wynter shrugs and sets her half empty bowl aside “You know my feelings Journye and it’s a bit late to try and talk me out of it, My mind is made up, I have to get out of this place where I’m not really wanted. I mean I was an outcast before, but now that the harvest was bad last year and the winter was too mild for anyone’s liking and its all my fault because I’m supposed to be some kind of good luck charm because of my fur, but at the same time I’m looked upon with hatred and outright fear. How am I supposed to be able to continue living here with all that Journye? Haven’t I suffered long enough?” She pauses a moment, looking at her friend “I envy you Journye, you’re not feared, your not hated, why you’re the tribe’s herb mistress that’s a huge honor especially for one who has fur that’s the wrong color.” Wynter shakes her head and looks away, her ears drooped so far that they rest against the top of her head.

Journye frowns and starts to reach over to place a paw gently on Wynter’s arm, but stops herself. She sighs and shakes her head “You’re right I can’t talk you out of it, so I guess all I can say is be careful out there, humans are not always friendly toward our kind” she says softly as she stands, quietly slipping out the door. Wynter doesn’t even look up as the door shuts softly. She sighs lightly to herself and stands, gathering the bowls to put with the other few dishes that need to be washed. She turns slowly to look about her small home, smiling faintly to herself even as tears dampen the fur on her cheeks. “Our own kind isn’t even friendly toward us Journye” she says in a soft whisper to herself, shaking her head slowly.

[anthony]

A very good beginning.

It's a bit unusual in that you(just as me) write in present tense, though.

You have a couple of goofs where you slip in a past tense word:

[Vee Are Are Schee]

Niftahness. I love the "...humans aren't always friendly to our kind"/"our kind isn't even friendly to us" bit.

Of the few things I think need correcting were the multiple uses of "paw like hands;" it's superfluous when the shape was already established before.

One other thing, if you don't mind me blabbing on like a self-important git, a few sentences that the characters say could be broken into more sentences to keep the speach more natural and flowing. i.e.: "You know my feelings Journye, and it’s a bit late to try and talk me out of it. My mind is made up; I have to get out of this place. I’m not really wanted."

And I have to say one more thing, because my Creative Writing classes have forced me to at gunpoint; you might want to break up the paragraphs a bit, leaving dialouge on its own, seperate from the paragraph. I don't know if it's just me, but that makes something much easier to read.

But, yeah, cool story. Ima wanting to see where this one is headed. Since these forums don't have a "thumbs up" emoticon, I'll have to make due with this :new-bday: one.

[Journye]

Thank you both for the comments and I do now see my mistakes, thank you for pointing them out =^.^= I am still working a bit on the story, hope to have that posted soon, and I'll be sure to look for any similar errors in it.