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Tiffany
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Nameless
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 1:15 pm    Post subject: Tiffany Reply with quote

Apparently some posts got lost in the crash...

Anyway, I posted the first chapter of this new story right before PF crashed, so I'll have to repeat the post. Also, I have not been able to log into my FTP account, so currently my site on PF is not up to date, only the mirror site on bearion.com.

A new story (as if I did not work on enough of them...) called "Tiffany". The first chapter "Day 1" has been posted.
I'm trying something new, let's call it "2nd person perspective". Does it work? Or is this a stupid idea?

This story was inspired by "Kennel Companion" by vladspellbinder. He only wrote one chapter (until now, at least).

It's a bit adulty, but in a "From the Depths" kind of way. There won't be explicit scenes but more than a few hints.

Have fun.


Update:
Whip fixed the password for my FTP account and my main site has now been updated as well.

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anthony
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 5:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting beginning.

The change of perspective is a nice change, too.

I once had an idea of a similar story, but never did anything about it.
(Just as well, as it wouldn't have been as good as this first chapter...)

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vladspellbinder
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Umm a very nice story. The POV is something I have thought about using myself more than once but could never get it to work out right, I'm still trying though. ^_^

I can see the semblance between my story and your own, same yet two distinctly different things.

I fell good that my story sparked this idea for you, yet I fell bad at the same time because you have so many story to work on already (such as The Visitors ::hint hint::). Yet I know the felling very well. I'm always getting new story ideas that butt in on my other story ideas and I have to sort them out and pin one down to work on it for a few days.

I just love the little 'speech' Judge Scallion says, mind if I tweak it some and use it in my own story at some point?

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Last edited by vladspellbinder on Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:53 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Nameless
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 09, 2004 12:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

vladspellbinder wrote:
I just love the little ‘speech’ Judge Scallion says, mind if I tweak it some and use it in my own story at some point?

'Course not!
That is, I wouldn't mind.

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Nosnibor
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2004 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A nice start to a (probably) nice story. It's a shame that a certain deliberate typo won't be appropriate (changing the T into a Y). Mr. Green

That "2nd person perspective" thing produces a feeling of foreboding, even without the first paragraph. Nobody alive would listen to such a long monologue without saying anything. Smile
Also, it singles out the two main characters, marks them as special.There's the narrator ("I") and there's Tiffany ("You"). All other characters are just third persons, moved to the background by the very grammar. Not a stupid idea at all.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 12:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nosnibor wrote:
It's a shame that a certain deliberate typo won't be appropriate (changing the T into a Y). Mr. Green

Well, I have been thinking about doing an adult version of it. Rolling Eyes I probably won't, but... Wink

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Shadu
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i like it. it looks very promessing and i hope to see a new chapter soon.
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 2:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just read it, very nice story Nameless, I look forwar too the next chapter...
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Nameless
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 6:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 2 has been posted.
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vladspellbinder
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very nice chapterIn fact its what I needed to get over my Writers Pyramid (I dont have blocks thank you very much) on KCground rules, my char needs to establish ground rulesI knew I was missing something in my idea, thanks Namelesshopefully Ill be able to make some time to work on it soonlast week of the semester so Ill be pressed for time

Very nice but it does have a few problems I set aside while reading



Near the start after the second white line break spacethingy
"Yes..." You did the point, gave me a tight smile and got up to refill the cup.
Maybe you meant You got the point ?

Three Paragraphs under that one in
I will probably respect your whish and
wish, one too many hs

At the mall with Dee
"You paw, please." Tiffany held out her paw
your, left our the r

Shortly after that you remention that Dee is into the equal rights movement, which you stated when they first meet her. Your mixing your time frames
I soon found out that she was the owner of the shop and that 4 of the anthros working there also belonged to her. And that she was an avid supporter of the equal rights movement
We chatted for a while, she gave me several useful tips on how to treat you, brought up some interesting points about the laws governing anthros. I also found out that she was active in the equal rights movement.

One once again a little while after that
You don't know how happy I am that I got to smell it only so rarely after the first few days, both because I didn't like it at all and because it meant that you weren't afraid any more
You switching from the now to the past, of is it the past to that now?
Is Martin remembering all this happening or is it from his perception as it happens?
Uhh, from latter parts its like hes reflecting back on what happenedI still think it would be better to have it as it happens not him remembering it happenunless you have something planed for that angle of approach

Writers help writers by pointing out thingsI know I have been helped when people do this so I do it as well. Criticism is a good thing when done right. A good Chapter can be made great though it. But if used wrong a good story can be killed
Keep up the very good work ^_^

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Don't mind the horns, they are only there to hold up the halo
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P: retteb elttil a emit ruoy dneps
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vladspellbinder
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know if this works out right we could be the driving forces behind each storyYour Chapter Two gave me the push needed for mine and maybe my Chapter Two will give you the push for your Chapter Three like my Chapter One gave you a push for your Chapter One and so onnever know, could be interesting if that happenedanother idea might be a cross over at some point

But I believe the Anthros in your world where being made while the ones in mine where being born in the wildmaybe the made Anthros where finally perfected by a born one?just an idea I just had after hitting submit on my last post

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Crazy Black Panther, obscur and strange as always

Don't mind the horns, they are only there to hold up the halo
Fiendly bloodsucker signing off for now 0>:)

P: retteb elttil a emit ruoy dneps
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Nameless
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 3:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for catching the mistakes. I did notice that the thing about Dee and the equal rights movement was there twice, but I left it on purpose.
From the very first paragraph it should be clear that Martin is remembering this (or telling it to someone or something). There will be the occasional jump in time frames or a change to a different stream of thought.

The furs in my story were created. Given the current rate of research, I think we'll be able to do this in a decade or two (If research in this direction is not forbidden.)

Smile BTW... Your last post was the post from hell, that is post number 666 in my forum. Twisted Evil Wink

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ohh goody!
I always like being 666 on something...but did you know that the number might not be 666? The number mentioned on thoses scrolls might be 626 insted.
Both numbers are the 'names' of two people that where around at the time that where threating the Christains and all that...And the characters for "6" and "2" look alot alike...

History chanle has some good thigns on it every so often...

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Crazy Black Panther, obscur and strange as always

Don't mind the horns, they are only there to hold up the halo
Fiendly bloodsucker signing off for now 0>:)

P: retteb elttil a emit ruoy dneps
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Furry_wolf2001b
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 11:32 pm    Post subject: YAY! Reply with quote

Good chapter. Very Happy

Murr she sounds so cudlsome...
(or its just the mood i am in right now.. ) Wink

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I noticed that this is not a purely 2nd person narrative, I'd call it a combination of 1st and 2nd. Why? He's part of the story.

Or am I wrong about this?

Eagerly waiting to see more of this story.
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