Planetfurry BBS

Kayngi · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 10:56 pm Post subject: Kay writes poetry, what?

Yep, it's very very rare that I get a poetic urge. But got a cadence so I must write it down. I hope you all understand what's going on. No titles, just wrote it down.

Long day.
Slow day.
Quiet night.
On call.
Gone home.
Relax.
Tired.
Ready for bed.

Beep beep beep.
No.
Beep beep beep.
Can't be.
Beep beep beep.
Call in.
Emergency.
Come in.
Hang up.

Anger.
Why now?
Why me?
Get dressed.
Head out.

Drive.
Anger.
Rage.
Why me?
Always me.
Always late.
Every time.
Not fair.
Why me?
No sleep.
Why me?
Why now?
Why every time?
Why me?
Why me?

Arrival.
Trailer comes.
Patient emerge.
Looks bad.
Sweat.
Pant.
IV in place.
Listen to chest.
Fast heart.
High, high rate.
Very bad.

Take to room.
Examine.
Shocky.
Bolus fluids.
Ultrasound.
Free fluid.
Lots of fluid.
Belly tap.
Gut fluid.

Rupture.

Colon burst.

Bad.
Bad.
Worst.
Nothing can do.

Long walk.
In stall.
Blue juice.
Sleep juice.
Death juice.
Inject.
Gone.

Owner holds.
Takes braid.
Cries.
Loyal friend.
Best horse.
Walks away.

Free to go.
Home.
Shame.
Guilt.
Remorse.
Duty.
Shame.

The Gryphon · Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:30 am Post subject:

interesting poem, kay.

the simplicity kinda gives an idea of how busy you probably are in school. no thinking just doing. i feel that way at times too.

(sorry for the random LATE reply i'm trying to branch out here, never been in this area before Wink

)

Vee Are Are Schee · Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 2:01 am Post subject:

Woo, freaking awesome! I love how the lines don't go on for very long... combined with the spacing between the lines, it has a really nice pacing to it which communicates both the thoughts of the narrator as the events occur and uh... something. I guess the speed of the things or something.

I also like the repition of things like "Bad/Bad", which works really well becuase the pacing of it means you can't just skip over it in your mind or something, and when used non-consecutively it reinforces the feeling the word is meant to convey to the reader... or something.

Excuse the something's; it's really late and I should be sleeping instead of reading and posting, or something.

Stormwalker · Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 9:05 am Post subject:

I like it, Kay. Very expressive. It just conveys exactly what you're thinking, and how hard it must be for all involved... (Not sure how I missed this when you posted it... *shrug* Glad I saw it now, though).

Keep it up *grin*

Lindsay

Typhun · Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:20 pm Post subject:

i LIKE it.

Do more, and ill thank you latter Razz

Lurch · Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2004 7:06 pm Post subject:

Kay, I like the step by step design, it helps you follow it like a story each step of your thought is there. Neat. Sad, but neat.