Planetfurry BBS

[Oji]

i'm currently working on a new story. something i haven't tried yet and have been wanting to for a while.
a swords and magic type fantasy fur story. it basically starts off with a dark knight, a murdering monster of a fur, who stumbles upon a young fox kit (OJI KITSUNE, complete with two tails and all) in a field, the childs wrapped in fine cloth and has some blood stained on his fur, the knight doesn't have a real reason for not killing the child right then and there, but he takes him and raises him, keeping the child as a servant more of less... but teaches him how to use a giant sword known as (haven't thought that far ahead...). the child grows to a teenager and the knight tells the fox about how he found him in a field and such... but the child isn't effected by this much, the training he went through taught hi emotions are useless on the battlefield, anger and hate are all you need. later that night someone kills the dark knight and steals the (enter swords name here) oji stumbles upon the body and is driven mad by the sight of his master and sorta father figure slain, in this he actually skins the master and takes the skull, cleaning it out and strapping it to his shoulder so that his master could be present when he slays the beast who killed his master. he searches around his masters home and finds a smaller suit of armor his master was going to give him, puts it on and sets out for revenge.
later in the story his master, whose name is faust (a large and rather scary wolf in life, just a skull on a foxes shoulder in death) begins speaking to oji, like the spirit is still in the skull and is comunicateing through that means.... i haven't thought out anymore up to that point....

i just wanted to see what furs think...

[elMaxx]

Reminds me of Samurai X, Berserker and a bit of Saber Marionette J (the name Faust to be exact)

Sounds interesting, hope to see what you come up with.

[Oji]

.. i've only seen berserker, and even then only a few episodes...

but, i've begane writing the first chapter, kinda gave it a title... tails of malice... seeing as the swords called Malice and the main character has two tails.... hmm? i dunno.. never been much for titles... but i have only got a small portion of chapter one done.. i hope to be able to post the first chapter before next week...

[Oji]

BAH, stupid double post...

[Oji]

"Bah, that town had nothing for me," said the rather large and ominous figure, clad in black armor and carrying a mighty swords in his large paw, "i've little use for these wretched peasents." he turned and points the tip of his sword towards a small village down below the hill he was walking up. "They had better have better payment next time, or i cannot be blamed for the actions of Malice." the dark blade seemed to rind as the name was called and the knight begand to laugh and continue walking away. when he was a good distance away he began to here the cries of a child, this sound rang through his heavey black helm so he quickly removed it revealing the face of a wolf, a large scar ran down his right eye, causing obvious blindness to the eye. "Wheres this wretched sound coming from?" he searched around till he found a small bundle wrapped in finely spun silk, quivering in the cold wet grass, "hmm, prehaps someone left me a fine meal for spareing that town," the wolf said as he dig the large sword, Malice into the ground besides him, he bent over and brushed the clother away from the top of the bundle and there lay a small fox kit, with big blue eyes and clean white fur, "hmm... someone dumped you in the middle of these grasses? hmm...?" the childs had reached up a paw and grabbed onto the knights finger, gurgleing in baby talk. The knight just looked down at the child and sighed under his breathe, "hmm... maybe, i won't eat you." the dark knight reached down and picked up the child and held him close, keeping him wrapped in the silk, he stood up and grabbed ahold of malice, lifting the giant blade up with one arm and slinging it over his shoulder. The blade knight begand walking, and as he walked he talked to the little bundle he held, "Hmm, for something so little, your sure brave to not scared of me. whats your name little one." the fox kit just gurgled back to the old wolf, and he laughed loudly, " well, prehaps you don't have a name yet... but my names Faust the Dark. and my sword, its called malice." The sword rang as its name was said, and the wolf chuckled to himself, "malice says hi." the young child made little baby noises that sounded like a high pitch laugh.


Just before night fell the two arrived to a rather large and quiet castle, standing before a set of large wooden doors, faust let out a very loud howl. then suddenly the doors drew open to reveal a cold undecorated stone hall. Faust took a few steps forward and could hear the loud steps on the stone floor, out of the darkness of the hall appeared a small creature wearing a black cape and brown leather chest protector, faust took a stance and held the fox kit under his arm and points his sword at the creature, " who is there?!" faust called out. A small high pitches voice answered back, "it is I my lord." the figure finally stepped with in view, a she wolf, wearing the leather armor and a black cape. she also help a sword at her side, but nothing near the size of the blade faust carried. "Mara? why are you running?" faust said putting his sword back over his shoulder. Mara got to faust and collapsed panting, "My.. my lord..theres a beast... in the courtyard." she stood up slowly, her head lowered and still gasping for air. Faust had a very serious expression on his face and dug the blade of malice into the stone floor, "Mara, hold on to this for me." he handed the child to her and took up his sword and slowly walked down the passage way, mara held the bundle, very surprised at what she saw with in, but followed Faust, making sure to keep quiet a distance between herself and him.

At the end of the long hallway there was a small courtyard with a few trees and a long stone walkway running right through it, and there on the middle of the walkway stood a huge red beast, with giant bat like wings and sharp claws, "what matter of depraved monster are you?" said faust walking towards the monsterous beast. the creature just sniffed at the air before turning to Faust, its eyes were the color of fire with large spiral horns coming from its head, "You, are Faust?" the monster snarled and took a step towards the dark knight. Faust just stoof there holding his giant sword over his shoulder, "That i am beast, i demand you leave my home immediately." The beast stood tall and towered over Faust and pointed a long claw at the armor clad wolf, "You will not tell me what to do wolf, I am a gre..." before the beast could get out another word faust swung his and sliced off the beasts right arm, the creature fell back, grasping at the wound and snarled at Faust, "YOU! how dare you! I SHALL KILL YOU!." the beast charged at Faust, its large claws on its remaining hand thrust straight at Faust, the dark knight just held up his sword and brought it down, in a single montion that was far quicker than the beast, "You will do nothing, but die!" said Faust as the beast halted before his blade, and fell in half.
Faust had slain the beast with little more than a thought, he turned to mara who was standing in the doorway to the courtyard holding the crying infant in her arms, Faust put malice into the ground and walked towards her, "how did the monster get in here?"

[Chris Regan]

Oji your story has potenial if you want help with Grammar and typo I sure Mike or I could help you just write to us at The Raccoon's Bookshelf here at Planet furry.

Bright Blessing and Keep Writing

Chris

[Typhun]

nice....

[racky raccoon]

so meny words (each one somtimes better than the last), i think it could be good (its good at the moment i can tell you)!!!!!

[Oji]

wow.. i should've really checked out the comments in here.. well.. i haven't writien much.. two paragraphs i think since i posted that. i think i may have an updated version in my da somewhere.. links in my livejournal... :/ feel free to read anything else i may have wrote...