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Adventure Kay and the Claw of Karnak
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Mapper
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 1:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy heheh this is going to be one heck of an event when all elements come to a single point. Very Happy excellent cirrel.
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Dragon-Kitsune
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 6:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent work indeed Cirrel! Very Happy
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Tigermark
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

EEooorrrroooowwwwwooooeeerooorr!

Eh, I think Dr. Hawk-ing said he hasn't had this much fun since he met the daleks., LOL

Either that or he said my chair is on fire.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 12:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*taps Tigermark on shoulder* I thought he said "He hadn't had the runs since he ate the salads." Wink Good thing we got ya to come with us.
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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm, I thought he said where was his appearance in the last couple of installments...
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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 12:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

--------------------------------

29. The Schmooze Brothers or "Let's Do It!"


"I don't know how long Cirrel and Mike can hold off those lawyers," puffed Kay as they came to the top of a long flight of stairs. "This place is way too dead! We need something as a diversion!"

"There's supposed to be a big party tonight," suggested Socco. "Maybe we can get the locals riled up enough to keep the club staff busy."

"Good idea. Where is it?"

Socco pointed the Mummy of Karnak's finger. "Toward the center of the pyramid - somewhere past the Witchin' Kitchen and the Ghoul Pool in the Halls of Balls."

"No doubt right next to the Pads for Nads," quipped Cateagle.

"Nope. Those are by the Digs for Pigs across from Dead Bloke's Smokes & Pokes."

"Smokes & Pokes?"

"Tobacco shop and Brothel."

"Enough with the Tourist Info, Socco!" yelled Kay. "Let's get moving!"

---------------------------

The Badger Brigade was almost at its destination when Dr. Hawk-ing's combat chair suddenly ground to a halt.

"Ooouuurreeoeoossrruueee!"

"What he say?"

"Either 'A fork's in my ass!' or 'I forgot to put in gas!'"

Paul Rear-vere bounced back to the stricken chair.

Bosses office past this stair.
What's the prob with weird bird's chair?
Can't he move? We're almost there!
Ahh! No fuel to burn!
BRRAAAAP!!!

That's no good. He cannot go.
Gonna miss the whole darn show!
Well, that's tough. We gotta blow.
Wolves our main concern.
BRRAAAAP!!!

Mapper caught the little gas bag before looking to Dr. Hawk-ing. "Your chair's fuel cells can be modified to use methane instead of hydrogen, right?"

"Ooooeeaaaassseeeiii!"

Tigermark smiled. "That was either 'Top-quark's mass is nine.' or 'This twerp's ass is mine!'"

Mapper turned to Radar and Tigermark. "Help the good Doctor rig his new 'Powered by Pootin' Paul' combat chair will you? Rejoin us when you can."

"Will do, sir," said Radar.

Mapper and the others went on ahead and squeezed into Jacob Marley's Office. The skate had his face plastered to a cell phone.

"I don't care if your Testimonycules are flapping in the breeze now! I hired you to do a job! Just stitch up your britches and find 'em! That Boot is one of our top money makers!" The skate tossed the cell phone in a drawer and scowled at the Badgers.

"If you aren't the REAL live body security group we hired six weeks ago I don't wanna talk to you. I got enough problems with those fakes who stole the Mummy of Karnak!"

Mapper did some quick thinking and came to the conclusion the fakes being referred to included Dr. Kayngi. "Yes, were the new security furs. Do you want us to apprehend the intruders?"

"Yes! They're somewhere on the main level near the Halls of Balls." He tossed a floor plan at Mapper. "Get 'em and make sure the Mummy is intact - especially its Boot! Now git!"

Mapper saluted. "Will do."

When they moved outside, Dr. Hawk-ing was back in action - with the floating, gas-ball, Paul, tethered to his flag antenna, like some kit's balloon.

"oooerrerraaassiiooaaa"

"What he say?"

"It was either 'My jock imploded!' or 'I'm Locked and Loaded!'"

"Are the new special weapons in working order?" snapped Mapper, looking to the others.

A dozen nozzles clicked. "Ready!"

"Alright," growled Mapper. "Let's get 'er done."

----------------------------------------------

"They've all gone inside, sir," reported the wolf at attention.

"Have they now?" muttered Kolonel Crazed Wolf. "Then we must too. Darke Wolfe? You and the elite team follow me. Rats? STAY HERE UNLESS I CALL! And knock off the subdivision construction, already! Before you know it, we'll have rat-infested urban blight right here in the middle of this pristine sh*thole!"

They moved out and, avoiding the Badgers at the entrance tunnel by having their hole mole dig a bypass tunnel, they entered the Pyramid of Club Dead.

----------------------------------------------------

Mike looked at Cirrel dubiously. "Are you sure you want to use that stuff? It's powerful enough to melt the treads off a Bradley M1 tank!"

Cirrel peered down the corridor they had escaped through after the Lawyers had finally figured out the ruse. The sound of snapping legal briefcases was getting closer. He fingered the vial in his paw. "Kay gave me this to use as a last resort, and now it's either this or them."

Mike took what could very well be his last breath of fresh air. "Okay. They may be the scum of the earth, but they can't have ever experienced anything like this."

Cirrel took careful aim and fired the small vial at the oncoming courtroom carnivores. It smashed on the floor in front of them and a greenish cloud spewed forth.

What happened next was almost indescribable. Mouths screamed, fur melted, bodies warped, and when the cloud cleared all that remained was a cowering, grotesque mob of...

"Humans?" Mike grimaced. "Oh man, that stuff is just downright evil!"

"And effective too," laughed Cirrel. "They'll be too embarrassed to go anywhere till it wears off, but we only had the one vial of SkunkFox Spray, and we can't be sure we got them all. Come on! Let's move!"

-----------------------------------------------

Socco pointed. "Ball room should be just ahead. It abuts the entertainer's ready room. They need to be at hand. Sounds like nothing's afoot, though. We'll need to shake a leg."

"You like using body language, don't you," mused Kay.

Socco grinned and wiggled his desiccated ass. "Since I don't usually have a body, body talk is a rare treat. Let's check what acts are on tap for this evening's entertainment. Sounds like this crowd needs some serious reviving."

They walked into the entertainment coordinators office where a patched up corpse looked up at Kay and Socco. "Ahh! A ventriloquism act! We need SOMEthing to motivate this crowd. Nothing's worked so far. Can you do anything special like drink a glass of water while your mummy dummy here talks?"

"No," drawled Socco, "but I can drink a quart of 'Old Gut Wrench' while she talks!"

"Not likely, Socco," admonished Kay. "The embalming oils that saturated you are flammable enough as it is. Add booze and you'll self-immolate from the inside out."

"Jeez, talk about heartburn," replied Socco. He turned to Ivunna. "By the way Miss Misperception, I may have a few buttons missing on my remote control, but I ain't no dummy!"

"Sorry. I just assumed you were a dummy. Mummies usually aren't part of the animated Dead. So what are you here for?"

"We're dancers!" said Socco, motioning to an incredulous Kay to follow his lead. "What these rotten couch potatoes need is an example! Get someone out on the floor who's having a good time and the rest will follow!"

"Well I'm willing to try anything. Have a seat in the ready room and you can go out when the next dance set starts."

They walked into the ready room and immediately saw a very nervous looking mouse.

"How's the show going," asked Kay.

"Bad!" cried the mouse "Worse than bad! They got Pat Rabbitson out there now doing a revival, but he's bombing big-time, and soon he'll want me to come out and sing! What's the point! I knew this was a bad idea after Elvis bombed."

"Elvis?" Kay's eyes widened. "The Elvis? He's here? Where?"

She looked around, but the only thing she saw was a rather bulky figure hunched over in a chair.

"Is that him?"

Cheese Louise nodded.

But this wasn't the Elvis Kay had heard about. This one was chewing mournfully on a pair of yellow under shorts.

"Why are you here!" she cried, after the shock of the revelation wore off. "This place is for dead furs! Are you... dead?"

Elvis looked up. "No, Ah ain't. But Ah'm gettin old," he mumbled through a bit of half-chewed banana-flavored waistband. "Mah fans could see it, an' ah couldn't bear turnin' into an old fossil in front of 'em, so ah came here. Ah thought I'd always look bettern these dead furs, but it don matter. Ah'm a has-been, anyway. The King is troooly dead."

"Nonsense!" cried Kay. "All you need is a change of pace! A change of repertoire! Take a newer song and crank it up with the old Elvis style! You've done it before. Do it again!"

Socco whispered something in the singer's ear and after a moment, the famous Elvis grin returned. "Ah lahk it! Les do it!"


When they hit the stage, Elvis grabbed the mike and did a trademark hip flip that sent Pat Rabbitson crashing through the rear wall. Then he turned to the audience.

"Pardonin' the good revrend, but ah think its tahm ta do sumthin' ah haven't done in a whahl! But firs, ah got sumthin' ta say. Ah been tol' you lumps don know how ta party! Ah'm tol thet all you ever done is wrap moldy bodies in smelly bandages making moldy mummies that're even deader 'n you are! Well, a'd lahk to introduce ya to sumthin' thet maht just change yo mind 'bout partyin'. Les hear it for the mummy o' Karnak!"

Socco slid onto the stage, his brilliant blue boot of Karnak flashing and the crowd actually gasped. "I'm over a thousand years old," yelled Socco. "And if I can party, YOU can!"

Socco spun on the Boot of Karnak to face the entertainers.

"We may be dead, but they say the Heart of Rock and Roll is still beating." He pointed The Claw of Karnak. "Hit it boys!"

Hit it they did, and then some! It was 'Elvis does the News!' Socco grabbed Kay and spun her out onto the dance floor. "Come on! Let's show these dead-heads how it's done!"

And with the Stooge Monkeys ripping into it, they did!

New York, New York is everything they say,
And no place that I'd rather be!
Where else can you do a half a million things,
All at a quarter to three?
When they play that music -
Ooh, that modern music -
They like it with a lot of style,
But it's still that same old back beat rhythm -
That really, really drives 'em wild!
They say the heart of rock and roll is still beating,
And from what I've seen I believe 'em!
Now the old boy may be barely breathing,
But the heart of rock and roll -
The heart of rock and roll is still beat-ing!


"Socco!" yelled Kay, laughing. "How are you doing that? You got moves now no live fur could ever have!"

Socco was moving everything and juggling his eyeballs to boot! "Not sure!" He kicked out with the Boot of Karnak which was flashing even more than ever. "This bod just makes me wanna move!"

And now the audience was moving too - onto the dance floor.

"Come on, everybody!" yelled Maxx who had joined them. "Let's Shake dem bones! OOOOhhhhh Yeeaaaaaah!!!"

In no time, the place was packed with footloose embalmers losing feet right and left. Bodies and body parts careened across the dance floor, but no one cared. Loose a part? Grab the next one flying by, jam it on, and get it on! This was the way to party!

The place was perfect pandemonium.


Looks like we got the diversion we wanted, thought Cateagle watching the mayhem from the sidelines. He was motioning to Kay to try to get her attention, but it looked like she was having too much fun. If they didn't take advantage the moment...

Just then Cirrel and Mike ran up.

"We got most of the Lawyers I think," puffed Cirrel, "but the rest of the staff is up in arms... and legs, and what ever body parts they could grab to beat you with. We gotta move now!"

But it looked like it was already too late. On the other side of the hall, the irate Club Dead staffers burst onto the dance floor.

"KAY!" screamed Cirrel. When she turned to him he pointed to the intruders and then to a point over his head. "BALCONEY MOVES! NOW!" Then he dashed to the stairs leading up to the balcony followed by Mike and Cateagle.

Instantly, Kay went into action. Turning, she dashed to the side of the hall, jumped to a tall corpse's shoulders, pushed off, and leapt up, grabbing the balcony balustrade. She flipped over the top, loosed her whip and snagged a chandelier.

"Cue the Pirates of the Caribbean!" she shouted. "MAXX! MUFF DIVE MANEUVER! GRAB SOCCO!"

With a mighty leap, Kay jumped from the balcony and swung toward them. Maxx jumped up on Socco from behind and wrapped his legs around Socco's waist.

"What the..." cried Socco.

"We're going for a ride!" yelled Maxx opening his arms. "Be ready to grab when she hits!"

The only thing Socco saw was Kays' wide-spread legs coming on fast When she hit legs and arms grabbed what they could, and all three sailed up and over the heads of the angry corpses. They all landed in a heap on the opposite balcony.

Kay was up first, and she disengaged her whip before rubbing her groin.

"You all right?" yelled Maxx, getting up.

"I'm fine!" answered Kay, grinning. "But you'll have to admit, no MALE could ever pull off that stunt!"

"Next time," said Socco stumbling up and grinning like an idiot, "could you do that without your clothes on?"

"In your dreams, Socco," Kay grinned back.

Just then they were joined by the others.

"Where to now?" said Cateagle.

A muffled crash came from below and Kay saw a mass of Badgers hit the dance floor. "Mapper to the rescue! I think we'll just watch for a bit! Maybe Mapper has some new dance moves!"

Indeed he did. From dozens of nozzles, Shot-crete - spray-able cement - spewed forth and corpses that were hit froze under the hardening glop.

"If ya can't kill 'em, cement them to the floor! I like it!" cried Maxx.

"They're good!" commented Kay. "Notice how they're only targeting the hostiles and leaving the party animal alone?"

"But some are getting through," said Cirrel. "We better move."

"NOT so fast, I think," growled a cold voice from the shadows farther down the balcony.

The unmistakable click of many automatic weapons loading could be heard and Kolonel Crazed Wolf walked into the light an Uzi on one paw, and a half munched waffle in the other. "Doctor Kayngi, you have something I want, I believe."

Kay growled. "This party was going great till you crashed it!"

"Well, I'll be leaving soon... after I get what I came for. Ahhh! And what have we here? Something else to catch the eye."

A burst of fire from his Uzi neatly severed Socco's leg that wore the shining blue Boot of Karnak. Socco almost fell over before Cirrel caught him, but now the Kolonel was pointing his weapon at Cirrel. "Kay, would you kindly toss that most lovely artifact over here before I get the urge to inspect your professor's footwear as well? I've been looking for something like this."

Kay kicked it over. "Here!" she growled. "Just leave Cirrel out of this!"

"I'll leave when I'm quite ready," chuckled Kolonel Crazed Wolf.

Beware the Boot of Karnak!

Kay held her breath as the Kolonel shook the remains of the mummy's foot out of the boot.

"Yes. This looks more like what I had in mind!"

The Kolonel lowered the Boot and raised his foot. Kay felt the sweat start to trickle through her back fur. What would happen?

Slowly the Kolonel put a toe in the boot.

Nothing.

He slid his foot down.

Still nothing.

His whole foot slid in.

Still nothing!

He set the boot down and put his weight on it and suddenly a surprised expression flashed across his face.

Kay couldn't stand it any longer. "What! What is it!" she yelled.

"Feels like a rock," mumbled the Kolonel, who took off the Boot, dumped out a vagrant toe bone, and put it back on. "This is great! Fits like a glove. I wonder where the other one is?"

"Why not look behind you, Kolonel," purred Kay, in a suddenly seductive voice.

The Kolonel held up his waffle. "So, sorry. Won't work this time. I stuffed myself before I came."

"Oh, I still think you ought to look behind you."

A tiny whirring could be heard from that direction and the Kolonel turned on his heel - only to laugh. "A single white tiger and a Hawk in a wheelchair?" He turned back to Kay. "Really, I could blow them away in a heartbeat."

"OOuuuummmiiieeerrrraaaayyyuuummm!"

The Kolonel turned back and eyed the white tiger. "What did he say?"

The tiger merely smiled. "I think it was something along the lines of 'Make my millennium, wolf-boy.'"

An instant later the air was full of scads of colored string and in moments, the wolves were buried under a mound of the sticky, brightly colored stuff.

"What the...?" said Mike, but Kay was laughing uproariously.

"Silly-String Attack," she managed to choke out. "I love it!"

The tiger and the wheelchaired hawk whizzed around the writhing mass and came up to them.

"Tigermark's Toltemec Temple Taxi service - at your service!" said the white tiger, motioning to a red wagon being pulled by Dr. Hawking's chair. "We better move. That silly string stuff melts away in about five minutes."

"One minute," Kay rushed over to the writhing pile but couldn't see the Boot of Karnak. "I don't like leaving the Boot with that Bozo, but it looks like there's no way to get it."

"I think we got more temple harlots headed our way, too!" said Maxx pointing to where dozens of bodies were coming at them. "We gotta get outta here! Now!"

They all hopped in Dr Hawking's little red wagon and a dark visor flipped down over the Hawk's eyes.

"Snooper scope and trap detector. Useful gadget." commented Tigermark at Maxx's puzzled expression. "He's got a ton of toys."

In a moment they were off for the entrance and, true to form, Dr. Hawking avoided all the traps. The two Badgers at the entrance waved them through and then took up positions outside.

"Word from below is that you'll have company soon. Not much we can do about the dead guys, and with so many, the live ones will be hard to spot."

Kay nodded. "Our best bet is to head for the plane. Dr. Hawk-ing, what's our status?"

"OOOoooeoeooeggrgrgreosseeeeommmeeooo!"

"What he say, Tigermark?"

"He said 'I got a butt full of gas, 2000 bad guys are chasing us, we got 2 diet cokes, half a pack of smokes, it's dark, and I'm wearing sunglasses.'"

Everyone looked at each other. "Let's rock!"

-----------------------------------------


Cirrel

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 1:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! Oh I'm loving the stunts pulled off in this tale! Brilliant!! Nice one Cirrel!
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 1:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes Lets Rock. Very Happy This has been great fun Cirrel.
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Scifer
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*The crowd goes wild*

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Heheh! Beautiful!

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 9:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeeee Haaaa! Elvis does HL&N! I Love it!

Lets Rock&Roll, crew!!!!


Tigermark

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

------------------------------

30. Let's go Maul something!


Dr. Hawk-ing pealed out in a cloud of dust with Paul Rear-vere's hosed heine flying behind. In a flash, a hoard of corpses, wolves and lawyers exploded from the Pyramid.

"How we gonna find the plane!" yelled Kay.

"How we gonna simply get through the forest!" shouted Tigermark.

"How we gonna evade the bad guys?" cried Maxx.

"How am I gonna dance without a foot!" whined Socco.

But, suddenly, the Jungle opened onto…

"A STRIP MALL!?"

"Where the heck did THIS come from?" added Kay.

Rat shoppers flew everywhere as the Hawk's chair careened through a Wallaby Mart parking lot, past the Two-Ton Comen's Cow Pie Café, and into a plumbing store. Paul Rear-vere took one look at the plumbing and went wild.

Holy drain clog! What a scene!
This place is a Poot Butt's dream!
So much crap-stuff I could scream!
This place is a gas!
BRRRAAAAAP!!!

"Hey! Gas traps are on sale!" yelled Maxx as they whizzed by. "I could use one of those in my bungalow!"

"Paul Rear-vere could use one in his 'bungalow', right about now, too!" coughed Tigermark.

"No comparison shopping now, boys!" hollered Kay as they veered left to avoid a giant Blue-Bol lavatory lozenge display. However, they couldn't miss the toilet paper. With a crash, rolls went flying, and Mr. Whipple had to take a header into the sh*tter. Deprived of their favorite pastime, angry Charmin glommers tossed inferior brands and Cow Pies at the Hawk Mobile.

"Mall Security to Pork-butt's Plumbing Palace" rumbled the intercom. "Cow Pie Conflict in progress."

"Great. Now we got Mall Security on our tails!" shouted Cateagle.

"Let's blow this poopstand!" yelled Kay.

They plunged through the plunger section and out onto the concourse.

"Bad guys to the right of us, coppers to the left! Stuck in the middle again!"

A quick left and they knocked over the Radio Shack along with its Outhouse. Another left and they plowed into a Fleet-Farm store. After mulching the manure section they tangled with the farm implements.

Maxx: "I wanna brand new Combine Harvester!"
Clerk: "Pay to get the Key!"
Maxx: "Why can't I pay you something later on?"
Clerk: "Tryin' to swindle me?!"

The clerk threw duck feed. They ducked.

The clerk threw rabbit feed. They jumped.

The clerk threw high-fiber feed. They ran.

Then the Hawk Mobile ran for the door.

They careened out into the street and Cateagle pointed. "Bad guys at three o'clock!"

"Film at 11!" shouted Socco.

"No jokes!" shouted Kay.

"What joke?" cried Socco.

The Hawk Mobile spun through the oil film leaking from an Exxon gas station and knocked over a dumpster, ejecting 100 vagrant rats, 2 Enron executives, and a Raccoon from Ohio.

"That way!" shouted Maxx, suddenly pointing.

Without a second thought, the Hawk turned the Hawk Mobile and they bounced into Roxy's Foxy Femme Wear.

"What did we come here for?!" yelled Kay.

Maxx just grinned as they shot through a load of lingerie on a BIG rack and back out onto the street.

"That was quick!" yelled Mike.

"More like a quickie," shot back Kay, pulling a rumpled Teddy off Maxx's muzzle and tossing the complaining bear into the bushes.

"Watch the doors!" cried Cirrel.

Before they could stop, they were through and inside the Maya Mall Professional Building. Signs on doors flashed by.

"Dr. I. M. Innuendo, Proctologist - 'Always happy to give a second opinion.'"

"Drs. G.O. Nads & Vivian Agra, Urologists - 'We take the 'Wreck' out of Erections.'"

"Dr. Rotflmao, Psychologist - 'Laughter is the best medicine - because it's the only medicine you can afford now!'"

"Larry, the Cable Guy - 'Git 'er dun.'"

They zipped back out to the street only to find...

"Bad guys diving worse cars!"

"That tears it! They raided the used car lot!"

Bodies in Yugos and corpses in Cavaliers were lined up alongside dead-necks in Dakotas and wolves in rusty HumVees.

"oooOOoooerrrssseoouuuu!"

"What he say?"

"Either 'My sh*t smells like beer' or 'It's time for second gear!'"

"Do it!"

"I know what to do!" cried Socco." Head for the Golden Arches!"

"We've no time for slow fast food!"

"Do it!" cried the sock.

They zoomed up to the order menu.

"Gimme a zillion cheese-boogers, and hold your pickle!" Socco turned to Dr. Hawking. "Floor it!"

"ooroeeeeoohhuuussaooee?"

"What he ask?"

"Either 'Can I punt your duff?' or 'Don't you want your stuff?'"

"No! It’s a delaying action! If any of those yahoos chasing us want to place an order, they'll be waiting till there tires fall off!"

"Fine, but we can't wait for the rest of them who aren’t hungry," yelled Tigermark. "Here they come!"

"Head for the interchange!" cried Cateagle.

In a flash, they were tearing around and around the cloverleaf followed by dozens of cars in various states of smoking disrepair.

"ooorroeessshhheeeeegggrraaa!"

"What he say?"

"Either 'The rolling mage grows no hair!' or 'This interchange goes nowhere!'"

"'Sure it does!" Socco pointed to a billboard next to a subdivision that read "If you lived here, you'd be home by now."

"We're looking for my plane! Not a split-level ranch with double baths and a six digit mortgage. Can anyone see the plane?"

"De Plane, Boss! De Plane!" yelled Socco.

"Where?"

"That's just it! I don't see De Plane!" He pointed to the river.

They gawped. The Stinkhole River was now lined with posh, riverside Condos, sporting docks, yachts, and ReMax Real Estate signs.

"Where'd they take my Kitsune?" hollered Kay.

"To the airport, maybe?" said Socco. He was pointing to a big, blue 'Airport' sign, but instead of an arrow pointing the way, there was a sign under it that said "Sorry. You can't get there from here. Go someplace else!"

"Maybe we can we steal a yacht from the condos?"

"And go where?" shouted Maxx. "A mile down river it plunges over Fishbait Falls. And believe me, that's what you'll turn into if you plunge over it!"

"This stinks!" cried Kay. "What can we do?"

"OooOooseeesshhhuuuaauagggsseeoo."

"What he say?"

"Either 'We're serving fried lava lamp.' or 'We haven't tried one off ramp.'"

"Which one?"

Tigermark swallowed and pointed. The cracked and peeling sign with the vulture sitting on it caused everyone to shiver.

It was the dreaded Slaussen Cutoff.

OOOoooooooo.......?

"Hey wait a minute!" cried Kay. "Does anyone here have a Slaussen to cut off?"

"Nope." "Don't look at me." "I'm fresh out." "I think I left mine in my other pants." "OOoorreooo." "BRRAAAAPPP!!!!" "Excuse me. What the heck IS a Slaussen, anyway?"

"Dr. Hawk-ing? Go for it!" said Kayngi, pointing.

Electric motors revved, trans-alloy gears meshed, and plasmacore wheel treads dug in.

"Atomic batteries to power! Turbines to speed! Everyone got their seat belt on?"

Socco held up an arm. "Excuse me. What the heck is......"

The Hawk Mobile tore down the ramp like a bat out of the Bat Cave.

".......aaaaAAHHH SSSSEEEEEEEEAT BELT?????.............."

The Hawk Mobile turned and rocketed west even as the Mummy of Karnack sailed east - right into the Slaussen sign.

With a sickening crunch the mummy gave up the ghost and broke into several pieces.

"SOCCO!" screamed Kay. "Turn around! We lost the sock!"

Pulling a 'Yuey' and spitting enough gravel to fill a cement truck, the Hawk Mobile managed to change direction and head back to the scene of the parting of ways. When they got there, a mob of rats covered the scene. They took off toward the Pyramid just as the Hawk Mobile skidded to a stop.

Kay jumped out. "Socco! Where are you?"

"I'm here," said a weak voice, "and there... there... there, and over there, too! And don't make with the 'spreading myself too thin' wisecrack." The sock stumbled out of a heap of broken bandages.

"Crap! Just when this body was getting broken in, I go and break it. Wonder if insurance covers this?"

But Kay wasn't listening. She was rummaging madly through the wreckage. Suddenly she stood up and shook a fist at the retreating rats.

"Dammit! They've got the arm of Karnak and the Claw!"

---------------------------------

Cirrel

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Mapper
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 9:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh the puns the puns. Very Happy film at 11. great work cirrel.
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

excellent. Very Happy Looks like AK is a great success in bringing out alot of the members in contributions.
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay! LOL! I'm happy to see everyone getting into this thing! What have we created...

Well, LOOK AT CIRREL'S CREATION AND TREMBLE! LOL!! Brilliant!

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Tigermark
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 8:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Thanks Mike," the tiger said weakly as he wiped his eyes and tried to get the cramps out of his sides from laughing so hard. He was disheveiled, and bits of lint clung to his fur where he'd been ROFLing.

Karnak's gone to pieces, Socco is disembodied cotton, the rats have the claw, Dr. Hawking is in second gear, Maxx is still playing with his Teddy, Kay is ready to whip some rat-butt, AND we've got Mall Security after us! I hope that boot kicks Kolonel CW's booty! When and Where will this madcap existence end? And what about the sequel?

To quote my favorite Sword Sister, Wheeeeeeee!

Tigermark (*Huge, Shiny white fanged Grin*)

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