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Adventure Kay and the Claw of Karnak
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Kayngi
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Joined: 27 Oct 2003
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Location: Midwest, USA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 12:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! Just another gal? What you talkin about? I'm Adventure Kay! I'm the Sword Sister of Dark Justice! I'm Cap'n Kay! I'm the Den Mother of PlanetFurry! Andyou thought I was just another gal???

Loved it Cirrel! Keep it up! I want to see how this ends!

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elMaxx
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Joined: 01 Dec 2000
Posts: 1127
Location: Land of Mud

PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ummm... you forgot dead sexey too Wink


.... uh oh...


*is whacked with a bat by ravenous panda gal*

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Jbird
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ignore him, Kay. I'll show you why there's a "raven" in "ravenous". Wink
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elMaxx
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

there is half a raven in venom... Smile
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Jbird
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 2:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nevermore, Maxx. Nevermore.
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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 3:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL

Silly males!

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Cirrel
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Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Posts: 265
Location: 400 miles north of everywhere

PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

<Looks at the story he's writing>
Yep.
We're silly, alright.


Cirrel

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Scifer
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Joined: 01 Mar 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love a gal with an adventurous heart. In fact, it's inspired me to write the latest chapter to my story. Which is still festering in the Feedback board if anybody cares! Crying or Very sad

I shall post 'Scifer's story' a bit later when it's finished

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Cirrel
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Location: 400 miles north of everywhere

PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scifer wrote:
I love a gal with an adventurous heart. In fact, it's inspired me to write the latest chapter to my story. Which is still festering in the Feedback board if anybody cares! Crying or Very sad

I shall post 'Scifer's story' a bit later when it's finished


Heheh. Sounds like someone is suffering from 'Lack of Feedback Blues'. Take heart O fellow writer - that's the way it is with everyone! That doesn't make it any less of a pain in the ass, but your problem is not unique. The only suggestion I can give is find one other furson who's willing to give the TIME neccessary for a good review. It takes nearly as much time to write a good feedback review as it does to write the story in the first place. That's a lot of time and effort, but if you can find someone who's willing - it's a goldmine.

Now the other kind of feedback is the 'Quick Impression' variety, like "Boy I think that's great!" This kind of feedback is good for stroking the ego, but does little to improve your writing skill since it offerer no advice on how to make them like it even better. It's still nice to get though, because it means someone is at least reading it.

Just keep writing. It'll get better. Take some satisfaction from the fact that anything you write now is prolly light years ahead of what you could do when you were 5 years old. And if you keep at it, you'll look back at this stuff five years from now and wonder how anyone could call it good.

That's called progress.

Cirrel

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Fluffybun
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Joined: 02 Sep 2003
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Location: Living in peace at Jin's Dojo

PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Scifer wrote:
I love a gal with an adventurous heart. In fact, it's inspired me to write the latest chapter to my story. Which is still festering in the Feedback board if anybody cares! Crying or Very sad

I shall post 'Scifer's story' a bit later when it's finished


Tell you what, Scifer, I'll give your story an in-depth reading and I'll point out what are, IMHO, the strength and weaknesses of your work/style. Just don't expect me to go easy on you. I'll be as ruthless to you as I am to myself.

Signed,

JVK

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Scifer
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol. sounds good guys. I look forward to your torturous reviews. Wink
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elMaxx
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Location: Land of Mud

PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 1:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fluffy's really good on doing that.

Now i just need to put on paper what he told me and i'm done Very Happy

thanks again man.

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Fluffybun
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*bows* No problem, Maxx.

We're all striving to improve ourselves, and for that, the (sometimes ruthless) input of friends (I hope I can be counted as one) or even a complete stranger is needed.

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Cirrel
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Joined: 29 Mar 2003
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Location: 400 miles north of everywhere

PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak.

--------------------------

28. Brief Interlude.

Figures moved stealthily through the darkening jungle. The cover of the coming night would only aid in their cause... with a few notable exceptions.

"RRRrrrooooooweeeeaaaaAAHHHOOOOOooooowww!!! RATS! My toe! Why am I cursed with having to have my hideourt in this uncivilized JUNGLE! These roots are killing me!"

In an instant, thousands of rats in dozers had flattened half the forest, built a strip mall, a used car lot, and a highway interchange.

"KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY! Stupid rats!" The Kolonel gingerly put weight back on the injured toe.

"Sorry about dropping the table on your other toe Kolonel," said Darke Wolf. "Now if you'd only take my suggestion about wearing some boots..."

"Like I already told you, Dark Wolf," growled the Kolonel. "They haven't made a boot yet that's good enough for me! Boots are the best part of the uniform and I'm gonna be a world conqueror soon! Any boots I wear gotta be the best of the best!"

"Suit yourself, Kolonel."

"Damn right, I will."

The Kolonel's toe hit another hidden root, and a set of McDonald's arches shot into the night sky.



"Sounds like some fur in agony out there. I can smell the fast food from here." commented one of the badgers patrolling the perimeter of the Pyramid. "You think the hostiles are torturing some poor soul?"

"I don't see how they can. Mapper says every one he's encountered so far from here is dead already. It's not like you can hurt them."

"I dunno. You could tie them in front of a TV and force them to watch Barney reruns."

"That's cruel," the second badger said, then shivered. "Dr. Kay sure gets into some strange situations."

"Yep. Never dull with her. Bad guys on the outside, dead guys on the in. Caught in the middle again."

Mapper walked up to them. "Still no word from Dr. Kayngi who I assume is inside the pyramid somewhere. According to Radar, we are indeed surrounded by a large number of hostiles. Our present perimeter may not be defensible."

Just then a putrid ball of flesh rolled up to them and ripped a big one before starting to yammer.


Something evil this way comes!
With these forces, we ain't chums!
Gonna kick us dead guys bumms!
Where we find relief?
BRRAAAP!!!

How will you guys deal with this?
What will happen if you miss?
In my pants I'll probly piss.
Makes for soggy briefs.
BRRAAAP!!!

You should talk to Marley, man!
He can't stop em? No one can!
He's the fish-head with the Plan!
Go and see our Boss!
BRRAAAP!!!

He's got lawyers up the ass!
Legal weapons stored en masse!
Mow 'em down like so much grass!
Bad butts, he can floss!
BRRAAAP!!!

Follow me! I know this mound!
Sniff my way through like a hound!
For the Main Man's digs we're bound!
Many traps we'll pass.
BRRAAAP!!!

Must be careful to stay clear.
Past those traps my nose will steer.
Or my name's not Paul Rear-vere!
Come on! Move your ass!
BRRAAAP!!!

As the smelly, little ball moved toward the pyramid entrance, Mapper assigned two badgers to entrance defense and summoned the rest to follow him.

"Looks like we're going in, boys."



"What'll we do?" asked Mike, puffing as they all ran down the corridor. "We can't keep ahead of them forever!"

Cirrel looked behind him. The lawyers were indeed gaining. "Lawyers are bottom feeders to be sure, but they're usually well-paid bottom feeders. Who here at Club Dead would have them on their retainer? Which conniving individual at a fancy joint like this would need lawyers?"

"A certain fish-head we know?" puffed Mike.

"I think so, and that gives me an idea." Cirrel whispered it to Mike, then he looked around and spied Cateagle.

"Cateagle! You have you Leatherman Tool kit on you?"

"Never leave the haunted castle without it." he yelled back. "Why?"

Cirrel run up to him and explained his idea. Cateagle smiled, nodded, and handed over a certain tool.

"Thanks! Mike and I will see if we can buy you some time! Don't wait for us."

As Cirrel and Mike dropped back, Cirrel reversed his suit coat and put in on backwards. A quick scoop off the floor gave him a pawful of whitish dust which he dumped over his head. "How do I look?"

"You da Judge, man." replied Mike.

"And you're my trusty sidekick, da Bailiff."

They stopped and stood side by side, blocking the corridor just as the mob of ravening lawyer rushed up.

"All rise for the Very Honorable Judge Sludge!" yelled Mike.

The lawyers promptly piled into each other and collapsed to the floor.

"You call that bit of lousy coordination RISING!?" yelled Mike. "No wonder the head corporate honcho, Jacob Marley, wanted us to check you out! He says you yahoos need to have your briefs filed properly before you do anything else!" He nodded to Cirrel.

"By the authority vested in me..." Cirrel pulled out a long, pointy, and very rough metal file. "Drop your drawers and show me your Haines!"

The lawyers blanched.

"No Appeal." he added and slapped the file in his paw.

"Just peal."

------------------------------


Cirrel

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! My word, I certainly do get into special situations... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Doctor Kayngi
Cap'n Kayngi
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Den Mother of PF

I got ART
http://kayngi.deviantart.com/
http://kayngi.sheezyart.com
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