Planetfurry BBS

[Tigermark]

hahaha! great stuff, Cirrel !BRRRAAPPP!

Dang! How'd he get in here?


On a more serious note, I'd like to say thank you Cirrel. I'll e-mail you as to why.

Tigermark

[CrayzedWolf]

Hahaha Finally Read these stories. Great Stuff Cirrel. And Of course if anyone else is making a fan fic you can use my character. *drinks some poot beer and smiles at TM* PFFFFFFT *watches TM fall to the floor as he walks away whistling*

[Cirrel]

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

-----------------------

25. "Mind if I Butt in?"

You gonna use the Badger Signal, Doctor Kay?" asked Maxx. "That thing's loud enough to raise the dead, and I don't think any of 'em here left a wakeup call."

"It would also alert anyone out there that the Badger Brigade was on its way," added Cateagle, looking toward the jungle.

"They do make a grand entrance whichever way you call them," commented Kay, punching the code into her Palm Pilot. "Not as great as Chickens in Choppers, but stylish, none the less." She turned to Maxx. "Speaking of flashy entrances, Maxx, have you been practicing what I suggested? If you're good enough, they might just decide to make you into an action figure."

Maxx grinned and twirled his Schlock 9mm. "Yep. I been practicing. Let's go check out the pyramid, and on the way, I can show you some of my new moves! Watch this!" Maxx flipped his Schlock behind his back, bounced it off his tail, and caught it in his holster - where it promptly went off. The ricocheting bullet punched a neat hole right through Socco.

"Gaaah! Darn it! Ya got me, ya mangy vamint!" yelled Socco, teetering dramatically before falling off Kay's shoulder. The sock jerked spasmodically on the ground and then started to gasp. "I'm dyin'! Dyin', I tell ya! It's gettin' hard to see! Everything's gettin' dark, Maw! Maw? Can you hear me, Maw? Tell Lassie it wasn't her fault! She did the best she could to make an emergency phone outta earwax and leftover coleslaw, but it was too late! She's a good doggie Maw. Don't sell her to the orphanage! Maw? Hello? Maw! Can you hear me? You're breaking up, Maw! Pull yourself back together!"

"Get up, Socco," smirked Kay.

"Hey! Have some respect for the dead!" croaked the sock. "I'm a Holy Sock now. Can't you see my halo?"

"You can't kill a sock, Socco, but I think I'll put another hole in you just for over-acting."

"Over-acting! I'll have you know I've done Shakespeare!" replied Socco, hopping to Kay's shoulder again and bending over her chest. "See? I'm the King of Leer."

"Knock it off Socco, or I may be forced to use the 'Clothes Dryer' on you!"

Socco gasped and nearly fell off Kay's shoulder again. "No! Anything but The Dryer! You have no idea what a Dryer can do to a sock! There a Sock Portal in there! One that leads to a place of burning torment - of everlasting agony! Of Demons and evil spirits! It leads to... to...."

"To what! The Kingdom of the Damned?"

"Worse," whispered Socco. "The Kingdom of the Darned!"

Kay raised her eyes heavenward before pointing to the pyramid. "Just lead on, McDufus."

----------------------------------

Cirrel and Mike were led into a sumptuous office - sumptuous, anyway, for something decorated in Early American Mold. A plump, fishy figure draped in chains was hunched over an enormous desk. Looking closer, Cirrel noticed now that the skate was really only a fish head with the two pectoral fins attached. The back end was completely gone. The placard on the desk read 'Jacob Marley - Cheap Skate'. Cirrel cleared his throat and the skate looked up.

"Who're you?" he grumbled.

"We were thinking about putting something in your vault for safekeeping, but we want to check out the facilities first," answered Cirrel.

"Yeah. Right." The skate looked the two of them up and down before motioning them to sit. Then he went back to his ledgers.

"Uh. You are the manager, aren't you?" asked Cirrel when the fish looked like he was going to ignore them forever. The skate sighed heavily and set down his quill.

"Look. I'm a very busy roly-poly fish head. As it is, I'm going to be very late for my cappuccino date with an oriental female at the local Italian restaurant. We were going to take in a movie. Because of my status, I get in free. I've already missed my dancing and drum lessons, and our staff baseball league hasn't seen me in weeks.

"I see you're not wearing a sweater, either," commented Mike.

"No time for a fitting," griped the fish head, his chains clunking. "Woulda had some help here if Ebenezer hadn't wussed out after meeting those meddling Yule spooks. Still, I'm doing a hell of a lot better job of managing this place than Karnak ever did."

"Karnak used to manage this place before you?" asked Mike.

"Mis-manage, is more like it," grumbled the skate. "He couldn't come up with a new idea if it hit him in the head - so I did. A couple of good whaps to the noggin with my No. 8 tie-down chain, and this place was mine. First thing I did was put Stew tubs in the Diet Club wing."

"Stew tubs?"

"Hot tubs to you live bodies. The dead have this tendency to get a bit mushy in them, so I run the drains right to the kitchens. Add a few spuds, some Lipton Onion Soup Mix, and Presto! Soup's on! Saves a bundle on groceries."

"But what about the patrons who get fricasseed!"

"Eh? They don't mind. The Diet Club is for those who wanna slim down anyway. They come in as smelly corpses and leave as fashionably anorexic skeletons. Can't beat that now can you? So, wadda you two live bodies really here for? Gonna try for the Boot of Karnak in the vault? Everyone does."

At that moment Kay, Maxx, and Cateagle burst into the room, weapons draw and ready for action.

"ALRIGHT! EVERYONE FREEZE!"

No one moved. Then Maxx's tail twitched. "How was that," he asked, looking at Kay and waving his Schlock around. "Pretty nifty, huh?"

"You need to narrow your stance," commented Cateagle. "Otherwise you might bang your Schlock on your Schlong."

"Oh, don't be so hard on him," mused Kay, straightening up and holstering her weapon. "He did a lot better this time than at the entrance At least he didn't shoot anyone's nose off out of hand."

Maxx grinned. "Hah! So you like it! Eeeehaaa! I'll be famous! Hasbro Adventure Kay Action Figures here I come!"

"Doctor Kayngi! So nice to see you," interrupted Cirrel. "You'll pardon Mike and me if we don't whip out our Schlocks in return greeting."

"Professor!" cried Kay suddenly noticing them. "What are you doing here?"

"Combination vacation and field study - courtesy Kolonel Crazed Wolf."

"He fur-napped you! Why that conniving canid!" yelled Kay. "When I get my paws on him..."

"... he'll love every minute of it." finished Cateagle. "Remember, this is the Kolonel we're talking about here."

"True," nodded Kay. "So I'll knock him out before I beat him up."

"I take it you three are here to try for the Boot of Karnak as well?" piped up Marley, a greedy grin on his fishy snout.

"Actually, we're here for..." started Kay, but Cirrel cut her off.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, they are." Cirrel motioned to Kay to follow his lead.

"Yep. We're here for the booty ...errr.. boots, that is," agreed Kay.

"Let's see..." Marley made a great show of shuffling papers, making notations, and pecking away at an old-style adding machine. Eventually, the machine spit out a ragged piece of paper. He handed it to Cirrel. "This is your admission fee. Please pay at the door. It allows each of you one attempt to remove the Boot of Karnak. Do not make more than one attempt, and refrain from stealing any other junk in the vaults, otherwise our vault guardian, the Great and Powerful Wizard of Shnoz, will turn you into a hermit crab."

The fish head eyed them all. "For some of you, that might be an improvement." He then pressed a shiny black button on his desk, and an ominous black door behind him swung open to reveal a dark, mildewed passage lit by torches. A foul stench billowed forth, making the occupants of the office cough, and evil sounding blorps and gurgles could be heard. The fish head rose, moaned, rattled his chains, and glided toward the forbidding entrance.

"We gotta go in there?" asked Maxx, his eyes watering from the fumes.

The fish head turned back to them. "Only if you gotta take a dump. This is the bathroom. The entrance to the vault is through a magic portal on the Xerox machine. Just park your bare butt on it and hit 'copy'."

They all turned to Kay and grinned.

"Ladies first."

-----------------------------

Cirrel

[Aramis Dagaz]

Yay! More wacky hijinks with Adventure Kay and Crew!

Great fun as always, Cirrel! Though I'll probably never look at potato and onion soup in the same way ever again. Especially if there's "meat" added.

[Mapper]

cool more reading when i get home, thanks cirrel

[Kayngi]

*Falls over laughing* Ladies First!! LOLOLOL!!!! Brilliant Cirrel! I wondered where you got off to.

[Dragon-Kitsune]

*grin* That was great Cirrel, can't wait to see more. And that's gotta be the most unique "magic portal" I have seen.

[CrayzedWolf]

Hmm Socco is my kinda guy *Covers up* Dun hit me kay!! XD Nice stuff Cirrel

[Cirrel]

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

-----------------------------------

26. What's My Line?

Dr. Kayngi, whip in paw, watched as the last of her 'boys' vanished from the top of the Xerox machine in a puff of smoke that smelled of mimeograph fluid.

"Ladies first, my @ss!" she grumbled.

"And a nice @ss it is!" came a voice from behind her.

She whirled around to see a grinning Jacob Marley drifting back from the bathroom.

"Look, Mr. Roly-Poly fish-head," she growled. "If you don't want to be floating around in tonight's soup, I suggest you turn your smelly carcass around and park it back in the sh*tter, pronto!"

She cracked her whip, and Marley vanished with a clinking of chains.

Kay dropped her drawers and parked her butt. The Xerox machine let a 'Woot!', a toner cartridge shot across the floor, and Kay popped through the portal. She landed with a thump on hard stone.

"Damn! And I thought I disliked office equipment before!" she griped, getting up and rubbing her offended posterior before hiking up her trousers.

She was looking around for the others when an ominous rumble sounded from behind her. She whipped around and saw a humongous, round boulder rolling down a ramp toward her.

"Oh, now that's original!" she cursed as she jumped off the ramp and took off running. She heard the boulder crash into the huge stone slab at the end of the ramp, and chunks of the ceiling fell around her. She got outside the area of falling debris and turned around. To her surprise, a huge, antlered apparition appeared, picked up the boulder, and proceeded to toss it down a long, dark passage. A muffled crash sounded from the far end.

"What the...?"

She nearly jumped out of her fur when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Quickly, she turned around to see a strikingly wholesome-looking deer corpse with a dazzling white smile.

"Hello. I'm Alex TreeBuck, the host down here in the Vaults. Are you here for 'Bowling for Big Bucks', 'In Dire Jeopardy', or the 'You Bet Your Boots of Karnak' show?"

"Uh... the 'You Bet Your Boots' show... I think," answered Kay. "This isn't anything like 'Let's Make a Deal', is it?"

The buck corpse looked offended and waved a hoof around. "Does this place look like Monty's Hall to you?"

"Uh... no," answered Kay, looking around and half expecting some putrefied pooch named Bob Barker to pop out of the stonework asking if the Price of admission was Right.

"Well, the 'Bet Your Boots' show is right down this booby-trapped corridor," pointed out Alex. "Then across the narrow, treacherous rope bridge over the boiling lava, past the Village of Lawyers next to the underground Sea of Subpoenas, and into the second cave studio on the right. Have fun, and good luck!"

Kay successfully got past the usual poisoned darts, collapsing floors, and spinning blade traps of the corridor and finally caught up with the others by the Village of Lawyers. She eyed the situation. This settlement was going to be a bit tougher to negotiate.

"What is it with Karnak and these game shows, anyway?" yelled Kay to Cirrel as she punched her way through a group of habeas corpuses.

"I doubt Karnak has anything to do with this," returned Cirrel, knocking out a lawyer with a swift out-of-order motion to the head. "I'm thinking this is all Marley's doing."

"That fish certainly has his fingers into a lot of pies," shouted Mike, choking another lawyer with a gag-order.

"Fish Fingers. Good name for him," added Maxx, grinning and giving a third lawyer's court-briefs a wedgie.

"Come on! Let's get outta here before we get selected for jury duty, or worse," yelled Socco.

They all took off in a hail of delaying motions and closing arguments. They barely made it to the 'You Bet Your Boots' studio, only to find it filled to capacity, and the host, Wink Pine-Martindale, already tormenting some contestants.

"How are we gonna get rid of him and this audience? We can't swipe anything with this many bodies watching," said Cateagle.

Kay nodded. "I've got an idea, follow me!" They all ran out in front of the crowd and Kay pointed to the door. "Hey! Isn't that Regis Philbunny out there?"

"Who wants to be a Millionaire!" shouted everyone, and they cleared the studio in two seconds flat only to be mobbed and carried off to court by the frustrated lawyers. Kay had to grab Maxx before he took off, too.

"Not so fast, my covetous kitty. Our work here has just begun."

They all turned around to face the studio dais. There, on a golden bier sat an ornate sarcophagus. The top was removed and a blue glow issued from inside at one end.

It was the sarcophagus of Karnak.

"Well," breathed Kay a little nervously. "This is what we came for, so we might as well get to it."

"Wait," cautioned Cirrel. "Let's see if we can decipher the writing on the sarcophagus first. Powerful artifacts usually have powerful protections."

For nearly an hour after that, Cirrel, Kayngi, and Mike poured over the markings and runes on the sarcophagus while Cateagle stood guard at the door, and Maxx and Socco played a rousing game of Pull-My-Finger Off with a few of the other inanimate mummies lying around the studio.

"Well? What have we got?" Kay finally asked.

"It's still unclear," mused Cirrel, "But most of this hints at something disastrous happening if the Claw of Karnak is removed from Karnak's mummy."

"But we can't leave it here for the Kolonel to find," said Mike. "These runes also say that whoever possesses the Claw will truly be invincible in every sense of the word!"

"But if that's so, why is Karnak a smelly old mummy now?" asked Kay.

"The runes say 'invincible', not 'immortal'," Mike replied. "Like a wise fur once said, 'When ya gotta go, ya gotta go'."

Kay snorted. "If that's true, then why have we got a Club Dead? The bodies here are certainly still hanging around."

Mike shrugged. "Maybe they're waiting for the next boat ride across the river Styx. With the world population growing the way it is, if Death hasn't upgraded his dinghy to about the size of the Titanic, there's going to be a bit of a wait."

"So what are we going to do about Karnak, the Mumnificent here?" asked Cirrel. All three scholars became thoughtful. What could they do?

"Hey, Maxx! No fair!" yelled Socco. "You pulled off the last mummy's finger! It's my turn!"

"Is not! Rules say if the mummy farts when you pull its finger you lose a turn! The last mummy you pulled on damn near exploded! That means I get two turns!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"BOYS!" yelled Kay, looking up at them sharply. "Will you put a SOCK in it? We're trying to think...." Her voice trailed off, and she looked at the others.

"THAT'S IT!" she yelled. "That's what we can do with the Claw of Karnak!" She turned to Maxx and Socco.

"Oh, Socco?" Kay sing-songed. "Will you come over here for a minute?"

------------------------------------

"And I say this idea STINKS! Talk about halitosis!"

The words were coming from Karnak's mummified mouth, but the voice was all Socco.

"It's the only way we can get the Claw of Karnak outta here," said Kay, stuffing a corner of Socco back into the mummy's mouth. "We can't remove the Claw from Karnak's mummy, but we can remove Karnak's mummy from this temple, Claw, Boot, and all! And quit your griping. Karnak doesn't smell half as bad as you let on. They must have sanitized him for the Bet your Boots show."

"He still stinks, I say."

"How does that look," asked Cirrel, stepping back. To disguise Karnak's mummy, he'd found and wrapped the mummy in a natty looking tapestry of Pharaoh Two-Ton Comen, the Egyptian ruler who had popularized fatted calf pasteries called Cow Pies.

"Not too bad," commented Maxx. "The Toga Look is a bit dated as fashions go, but it covers up the Boot and we can still haul him around by the arms." He turned to Cirrel. "Are you sure we can make Karnak look like a live dead-guy instead of a dead dead-guy?"

Kay grabbed the back of the mummy's head and turned it toward Maxx.

"You dare doubt my abilities, mortal?" said the mummy in Socco's voice.

"Eep!" Maxx jumped back a step. "That's just too weird."

"But it works," said Kay. She pushed the mummy's head forward again. "Too bad you can't just possess Karnak's mummy, Socco. That would be so much easier."

"I'm into inanimate objects, boss, not formerly animated ones. Them's the rules."

"I know," answered Kay. "You just try to follow my lead and stay in character until we get outta here."

"No problemo, boss," quipped the sock. "By the way, the view from here is even better than from your shoulder."

One of Karnak's eyes fell out and dropped down Kay's cleavage.

"And it's getting better all the time!"

----------------------------------------

Cirrel

[Tigermark]

Oh, Gosh! I can't breathe, Cirrel. I'm laughing too hard! Excellent. Have you been snowbound all winter, coming up with this stuff? Kay, you certainly travel in interesting company. Socco, you're a lecherous old soul. Keep it up!


Tigermark

[Dragon-Kitsune]

Sides... hurt..... must... breathe....

[Cirrel]

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

------------------------------

27. Let's all get together some time!


"Oh yeah! I got my eye on you, pretty lady!" quipped Socco.

Kay fished Karnak's eyeball from her cleavage and stuffed it back into the mummy's socket. "Watch it there, Mister!"

"Hey! That's exactly what I was doing!"

Kayngi gave the mummy's head a smack. "Enough of that! We gotta get you and this walking ad for Band-Aids outta here."

Suddenly the Karnak's head started revolving madly on its neck.

"Whoa! Looks like some of Karnak's neural pathways still work!" cried Socco. The mummy's paw flew up and smacked the spinning head, which stopped with a jolt sending dust and bits of bandage flying everywhere.

"Did you just do that, Socco?" asked Kay, startled.

"Yeah!" replied the sock. "Karnak's spinal cord is exposed in the back of the mouth here and if I press on it just so..." Karnak's finger flew up and lodged in its left eye socket.

"...you can poke your own eye out. That's certainly a useful skill," drawled Kay.

"I was trying to pick my nose!" replied Socco. "Hey, I was close! These aren't the best controls back here. It's not like I got a PlayStation joystick or anything."

"Do you think you might be able to get enough control over the mummy to operate it independently? That would certainly be easier than us hauling him around by his @ss."

"Dunno. Why don't we give walking a try?" replied the sock.

Maxx and Kay stood Karnak's mummy up on it feet. "Ready?"

"Nope. But that never stopped me before," said Socco. "Let 'er rip!"

Max and Kay let go and stepped back. That the mummy didn't fall over right a way looked promising.

"Okay. One foot in front of the other," said Socco. Slowly, the left foot slid forward... and kept sliding. "Uh oh! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!" yelled Socco. Arms flailing slowly, the mummy's leg slid forward until, with a plop, it did the splits.

"Oooo. I'm glad this body's dead," mumbled the sock. "Otherwise, this would really hurt."

"Up you go, Socco," said Kay hauling the mummy back to its feet. "Mikhail Bear-yshnikov you ain't, but it's probably the first time Karnak's been up and about in a couple centuries. Keep practicing."

After a few more tries, Socco could walk jerkily and with arms held forward for balance.

"Ya know, Socco, you walk exactly like the mummies did from those bad 'B' movies of the 50s."

"Of course! It's called the Imhotep Two-Step. All the mummies are doing it." Socco struck a Travolta pose, knocked over a light stand, and nearly keeled over.

"Whoa there, hot-stuff," admonished Kay. "Don't fall down and knock yer block off. That'll give 'Break-dancing' a whole new meaning."

"Don't worry, boss," laughed Socco. He tried a hip wiggle and almost succeeded. "I can only get better."

"Well, if we want to keep body and soul together - or in Socco's case, body and footware together - we better get moving," said Cateagle. "No telling when those parasitic lawyers will be back looking for new clients to suck dry."

They made it all the way back to the 'Bowling for Big Bucks' bowling alley before they ran into real trouble. Off to one side in a large vaulted hall sat the 'Exit' sign, but when they moved toward it, a screeching and groaning alarm went off, and from a dais in the center of the hall there sprouted a giant, flaming (and rather big-snouted) apparition.

"WHO SEEKS TO PASS THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF SCHNOZ WITH THAT WHICH DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM?"

"Uh oh. It looks pissed," whispered Maxx.

"YOU BET, I'M PISSED, SHORT STUFF! HERE I AM - BRAIN THE SIZE OF A PLANET - AND WHAT AM I DOING? PLAYING HALL MONITOR FOR SOME DEAD FISH GUY! YOU CALL THAT FULFILLING? BECAUSE I DON'T!"

"Where have I heard that line before?" said Kayngi.

"NEVER MIND THAT! PREPARE TO BE TURNED INTO SHELL-LESS CRUSTACEANS THAT TASTE GREAT WHEN BAKED AT 350 DEGREES FOR 30 MINUTES AND ARE THEN SERVED WITH A LOVELY RED SEAFOOD SAUCE ON LITTLE PLATES... WITH CUTE LITTLE FORKS... AND DOILIES. MUSTN'T FORGET THE DOILIES. YOU KNOW, THE NICE LITTLE FRILLY ONES."

"Great. We're about to be fricasseed by the Betty Crocker-spaniel from Hell."

"OH! AND JUST IGNORE THOSE STUPID LITTLE THINGS RUNNING THE CONTROL BOOTH OVER THERE!"

"Ooookaaayyy," mumbled Kayngi. She dashed to a small alcove off to one side of the chamber, whipped aside the curtain, grabbed the Cowardly Lion, Tin Man, and Scarecrow and duct-taped them to the ceiling. Then she pressed the fat, red button that said 'Do Not Press' and the fiery apparition disappeared in a flashback to the '40s.

"We should be fine now," said Kayngi.

"I don't think so," mumbled Cirrel, looking back to the Big Bucks bowling alley. From the far end a low rumbling could be heard along with faint cries of "I'll see you in court for this!"

"I think it's safe to say that there is only one thing left to say," said Mike. "RUN FOR IT!"

------------------------------------------

The Dead-Beats dragged their sorry, rotten-fruit splattered butts back into the off-stage ready room.

"Man, that's a pretty dead crowd out there tonight," mumbled Moldy.

"What do you mean 'pretty dead'?" squeaked Cheese Louise. "They're all the way dead!"

"No, I meant dead as in dead-dead! It's gotta be a tough crowd when the only thing you hear after a number is the sound of maggots chewing."

Cheese Louise looked pleadingly towards the others.

"Don worrah yor pretty lil head, there ma'am," drawled Elvis. "Ah'm on afta thuh break, an if 'Heartbreak Hotel' can't warm 'em up, Ah'll eat mah shorts." He snapped the waistband of his oversized briefs. "Banana flavored. Mah favorite. Jest in case."

Pigeon Toad shook his head. "Looks like this is going to be one tough gig. Damn! If this craziness keeps up, even the National Enquirer won't believe us! How are we gonna make any money off this deal if that happens?"

Pat Rabbitson struck a haughty pose. "Ah knew it! Ah knew it! You is playin' with the sin o' averice, Mr. Toad! We shoulda been tryin' ta save these pore lost souls instead o' tryin' to make money offa them!"

"Hey, Mr. My-Poop-Don't-Stink," yelled Moldy. "We aren't lost souls! We're just on hold!"

"And bein' on hold ain't Hell?" replied the rabbit.

Disgusting Lump looked blearily at Moldy. "He's got something there."

"That's just what's left of his Whopper."

"Oh."

Moldy turned back to the reverend. "Be it hell or not, it doesn't matter. Like I told ya, we're beyond saving!"

"NoOOOOoo one is beyond savin'!" cried Pat Rabbitson in his best evangelical voice.

Moldy whipped out his wallet and fished out a large, ornate piece of parchment. "I am. See? Our destination is already stamped on the ticket. 'Admit One to Hell'."

Pat Rabbitson looked at the ticket header. "The River Styx Ferry and Charter Fishing Boat Service?! Ya gotta be kiddin'!"

"Nope," answered Moldy. "When it finally comes our turn to board, I'm gonna catch me a mess of fish on the way over. Barbeques and fish fries are big in Hell, but ya gotta bring your own. Heaven already has two fish that can feed a zillion furs."

"Well, Ah'm gonna do somethin' about this." Pat Rabbitson reached into his pocket, pulled out a pen, crossed out 'Hell' on the ticket, and wrote in 'Heaven'. Then he held up the pen. "Lahk Ah said, no one is beyond savin'. One flic o' mah Bic an' you're headed for the promised land!"

Moldy looked to Gassy and Smelly. "Hey! Can he do that? I thought there was a commandment that said 'Thou shalt not use crappy, cheap pens to cross out official stuff on really important documents and then write in a bunch of other stuff that's really a lie because it wasn't there in the first place.'"

"There was," answered Smelly. "It was on the Third Tablet - the Fine Print Tablet - the one Moses dropped on the way down from the mountain because it weighed a ton."

"What does thet mean?" asked Pat Rabbitson, looking nervous. "Am Ah in trouble now?"

"I dunno," said Smelly, grinning evilly. "You'll have to talk to one of our lawyers."

"Yep," croaked Toad, leaning toward the reverend. "You're in trouble."

But Pat Rabbitson wasn't listening. He was already praying.

What he needed now was a real merkle.

-------------------------------------------

Mapper hit the ground next to the pyramid first (as usual) and ditched the paraglider. As the rest of his regulars hit dirt, he barked out deployment orders and quickly turned to watch the newly modified insertion capsule homing in on their position. It popped its shell, and the cargo pod shot out, then deployed its chutes. On target, it set down in the clearing whose perimeter was now guarded by heavily armed and armored Badgers. The cargo pod hatch popped and out whizzed Dr. Hawking in a newly modified combat chair followed by a white Tiger in combat fatigues.

"So how'd it go, Doctor?" asked Mapper when they reached him.

"eeooryoeeffessoooeeeooo!"

Mapper turned to the white tiger and they shook paws. "I still don't see how you can understand him so well, Tigermark, but glad you could get a substitute for your air show appearance. It's good to have you with us as interpreter. So, what did the good Doctor say?"

"It was either 'Damn! My hide's in the crapper!' or 'Damn fine ride, Mister Mapper!'" Tigermark grinned. "With practice, it's gotten a little easier to understand him. Glad to be of service. That new cargo capsule of yours will be a big asset to you guys if you ever need to bring in heavy armament. Speaking of which, what's our situation?"

"Radar's doing a quick electronic/IR sweep of the area," reported Mapper. "Doctor Kayngi's satellite message mentioned the possibility of large numbers of hostiles."

Just then, they heard a badger yell 'Halt!'

Everyone turned to see a black-cowled figure moving toward them from the entrance of the pyramid.

"Welcome to Club Dead. I am...."

Massive fire blew his head off.

"... not getting paid enough for this crap!" finished the flying head. "That's it! I quit! Let someone else deal with the clueless newbies!" The head landed with a thump, rolled back to the entrance, and disappeared.

Mapper and the others stared after it.

"Looks like we got a situation here."

----------------------------------------

"What'll we do about this situation?" asked Dark Wolf.

Kolonel Crazed Wolf looked at the message and cursed. "The Badger Brigade? Rats! I need this like I need a hole in the head!"

"Hokay, boss!"

Several hundred rounds ricocheted around the chamber before the Kolonel finally shouted "BELAY THAT LAST ORDER!"

"Is it safe?" asked Darke Wolf from under a table. "You really gotta do something about their unwavering obedience."

The Kolonel emerged from behind a bullet-riddled filing cabinet, muttering. "Stupid rats." He sat back down at the table and Dark wolf took the chair opposite him. The Kolonel looked at the note one more time before he tossed it aside and tried to scratch the itch under the steel protector covering his injured right toe. "Well, there's nothing else to do. We gotta head over and lead an attack. I can't risk them making it out of there with the Claw of Karnak! Let's move!"

Darke Wolf shot to his feet. "All hail the wolf revolution!"

The blood curdling howl that followed could only mean that Darke Wolf had knocked the table over...

...onto the Kolonel's other toe.

----------------------------------------


Cirrel

[Tigermark]

Badgers and Tigers and Hawks, Oh my! Wolfies and Elvis and Socco, oh my! Kayngi and Karnak and Maxx, OH MY! Great to see everyone coming together. Sounds like a large amount of mayhem should be erupting soon. Can't wait!


Tigermark (Glad to be back in the mix, C.)

[Mapper]

LOL Oh boy the Chaos that cometh. Excellent Cirrel.

[Scifer]

Lol! Dude, this stuff is excellent! And I've only just started reading it! Kayngi, there was me thinking you were just another gal ... I swallow my words and poke myself repeatedly in the eye at my own stupidity!

Keep it up, I look forward to reading more.

*sigh* I want to be in the badger brigade.

- Sci