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Adventure Kay and the Claw of Karnak
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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

YO! Maxx! Here's a 30 minute version of you! Very Happy

Cirrel

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 1:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

IT'S A MERKLE!

Have you seen your Elvis today?

Cirrel

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dude, friggin awesome! Thankee!!
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay Cirrel, just how sleep deprived are you? ROFL! It's great! I think we're running an "it's a Merkle" sale at Kentiger for daytrips to the Adventure Kay Amusement Park of the Mind! Keep up the great story!

The artwork is awesome, too! As Kay would say:

WEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Tigermark

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 9:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

-----------------------------------

21. If ya can't beat 'em...

Kay, Cateagle, and Maxx all had their large caliber problem-solvers in the paws and pointed right at the advancing apparition.

"Don't come any closer!" shouted Maxx. "Or we'll venerate ya!"

"Ventilate," corrected Kay.

"Whatever!"

The menacing figure continued to advance, so all three furs cut loose with a hail of withering fire - except nothing withered. The black cowled figure merely slowed and finally stopped in front of them.

"I am the Welcoming Corpse. I see you have weapons. Are you the new security hires? We've been expecting you for weeks."

"The what?" asked Maxx.

"The new security hires. You are alive, so I assumed you were them. We need to hire the living for security purposes because they interact better with the other live souls who wish to prowl and poke around our property. You have no idea the hassle - not to mention the lost revenue - we have to endure when live furs come onto the property."

"No," answered Kay slowly. "Were not the new security hires."

"Ah, well. I had hoped..." The corpse shook its head before continuing. "If you aren't security, then are you by chance with the Pigeon Toad Party?"

"No. I'm an Independent voter," said Kay, irritated now, "but sometimes I vote Nail Fungus Party. Is that close enough?"

"Sorry, ma'am," croaked the corpse, "but as I told Mr. Toad, all living souls who are visiting 'Club Dead' for legitimate purposes must be accompanied by a real live dead creature."

"Where's Maynard when you need him?" muttered Kay turning to look back at the jungle. Then an idea made her smile. When they'd landed on the Stinkhole River, she'd made the mistake of slipping on the pontoon and dousing her foot in the retched smelling water. She'd kept the soaked sock because she was traveling light, and it was the only pair she had. Quickly, she pulled the smelly sock from her pack and slipped it over her paw. Resting the sock in the crook of her other arm, she turned back around to face the welcoming corpse.

"Hey you! Dead guy! Down here!"

The corpse looked at the sock puppet.

"Ummm. Yes?"

"Smell me!"

"What?"

"Gimme a whiff, Mr. Gruesome. Tell me if you've ever smelled anything as rotten as me!"

Reluctantly, the corpse bent down and Kay heard a ragged sniff. "Eeewww."

"Thought so. Socco's the name, and I'm as dead as they get. These furs are with me."

"Well... I suppose you're alright then," mumbled the corpse, "but can you pay?"

The sock turned around by itself and looked back at a startled Kay.

"Don't look at me. I'm just a foul-mouthed sock!"

"Ummm...," Kay was thinking fast and pulling her paw out of what now seemed to be a possessed sock. "All we've got is American Expresso."

"Never leave the haunted castle without it," said the sock, which had now hopped to Kay's shoulder.

The corpse shook its head. "That won't do. I'm afraid I'll have to..."

"I have an idea," said Cateagle, eyeing the possessed sock. "Yes. Uh. We work for Mr. Socco here. He has much the same problem as you, what with torch bearing peasants wanting to burn down the castle and all. We're Mr. Socco's personal bodyguard, but with the leisurely schedule he's set for himself here we'll have plenty of free time. He might let you hire us on as temporaries."

"Oh, would you?" asked the corpse, turning to the sock. "That would please the management no end."

The sock looked around. "Why not? It'll give this lot something to do while I check out the babes at the formaldehyde pool."

"Excellent!" cried the corpse. "I'll show you to your quarters. Follow me."

As the three of them followed the now skipping corpse, Kay turned to the sock on her shoulder.

"So who are you?"

"I'm Socco! You should know. You named me!"

"Okay. Bad question. I meant to ask 'What are you'."

"I guess you could call me a poltergeist - though not nearly as bad as the reputation you live ones give us. Thing is, whenever you give a name to an inanimate object around here, it opens a door for one of us to get in. It's a lot better for us to have a physical form. Beats the hell out of just floating around in the ether - although the last time I got into an object wasn't a great experience."

"What were you then?"

"Um. Let's just say my name was Jocko and leave it at that."

------------------------------------------

"I can't believe it was that easy." said Mike, brushing a vine from his muzzle as he and Cirrel walked through the jungle.

"You forget," answered Professor Cirrel. "Dr. Kayngi escaped from the Kolonel's hideout herself once. She told me all about it."

"Yep. It pays to do your homework. Speaking of which, you think the Claw of Karnak is at Chit-in-yer-Britches, eh?"

"That's my best guess, and whatever happens, it mustn't fall into the paws of the Kolonel - or the paw, I should say."

Just then, the jungle opened up and the two older furs found themselves standing before a great mound.

"What now? I only pilfered enough food for a few days," said Mike.

But even as he spoke, a black figure emerged from a dark hole in the side of the mound.

"Looks like this place isn't deserted. We've been noticed," murmured Cirrel, tensing.

"Greetings and well....." The figure seemed to slump. "Oh. Looks like we've got a couple more live ones." The corpse crossed its scabby arms with a sigh and launched into the rules of Club Dead in a bored voice. When it had finished, Cirrel and Mike looked to one another.

"So we need a certifiable dead fur to accompany us?" asked Cirrel.

The Raccoon held up a finger and smiled. Then got the wallet from his back pocket and began to look through it. "I got this from my wife as sort of a joke," he whispered to Cirrel, "but I think it'll work." He pulled out a folded piece of heavy paper and unfolded it. "Ahh. Here it is. I think you'll find this in order." He handed it to the corpse who looked at it for a moment.

"But this is a Birth certificate!" croaked the corpse.

"Yeah. But look what it says at the bottom."

"EXPIRED!?"

"Yep. So, I must be dead now, right?"

"Um. I guess so," mumbled the corpse, shaking its head. "Well, I suppose I should say 'Welcome to Club Dead' then. However, I must know how you are planning to pay. We take expired credit cards, currency killed by runaway inflation, or any other dead medium of exchange - the more worthless the better."

"I'm fresh out of trash," said Cirrel, looking concerned again. "Do you have anything, Mike?"

"I don't think... hold on a moment!" Mike rummaged around in the large thigh pockets on his trousers. "Got these from an unfortunate friend, and I've been using these as scratch paper ever since. Almost forgot I had them." He pulled out a small stack of paper.. "Will these do?"

"What are they?"

"Enron stock certificates."

"Ahhhh! Right this way, sir!"

Bowing low, the corpse gestured the two into Club Dead.

----------------------------------------------

"So, did you plant the locator on the professor, Darke Wolf?"

"I did, CW."

"And?"

"As I suspected, they headed straight for Chit-in-yer-Britches."

"Have our forces been positioned around the ruins?"

"They have."

"So.... Now we simply wait for them to do our work for us."

The darker of the two wolves shot to his feet. "All Hail the WOLF REVOLUTION!"

The howl that followed was blood curdling.

It seems Darke Wolf had knocked over his chair onto the Kolonel's toe.

Again.

---------------------------------------------

Cirrel

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

----------------------------------

22. Boot to the Dead

"Security for Club Dead? This is too weird."

Maxx looked around. Their accommodations in the security barracks were spacious enough, but there were no toilet facilities. Apparently the dead never needed to take a dump. "Well, there's always the jungle when nature calls." He shook his head and continued to reload the empty clips from his Schlock nine millimeter. Suddenly he stopped, a cartridge halfway to the clip. "Why am I even bothering with this? Might as well be throwing insults at 'em for all the good shooting does."

"Too bad you haven't got a good old fashioned .45 auto," commented Cateagle. "I could loan you some of my special loads." The Maine Coon held up a cartridge.

"Special Loads?" asked Maxx. "Not sure if I want to know, but what's special about 'em?"

"Bullet is a combo-construct." Cateagle tossed one to Maxx. "It has a .17 caliber iron core for those supernaturals allergic to iron, a standard lead body for normies, and a silver jacket for those were-types who have an aversion to silver. Doesn't take care of all the problem critters, but it helps."

"You've done this before, haven't you," said Maxx.

Cateagle nodded. "Comes with being the good Doctor's pilot. She has this tendency to meet up with all sorts of unsavories."

"Keep your sidearm on you, anyway, Maxx," said Kay. "The Dead might not be the only unsavories haunting this place."

"So you're saying I'm an unsavory character, is that it?"

Kay looked up. There, sitting directly above her on a roof support beam, was her poltergeist inhabited sock, Socco. She frowned. "I thought you were checking out the babes at the pool."

"Already did. Talk about a lost cause. The Dead look bad enough in shrouds. Picture one in a thong."

"Eeewww!" Maxx grimaced. "Have some respect for the living. We got stomachs that actually work, ya know."

"Anyway," said the sock looking down. "I like the view better from here."

Kay quickly buttoned up her shirt. "Keep your non-existant eyes to yourself, Socco. I don't mind guys ogling me, but smelly footwear is something else."

The sock dropped to the bed next to Kay. "Hey, I took a dip in the formaldehyde pool. I'm as sanitized as they come now. No dirty mind here."

"I'll just bet," mumbled Kay. She slapped her ammo clip home and re-holstered her .44 auto-mag.

"That's some heavy hardware you got," commented the sock. "Since I helped immensely in keeping you from getting booted off the property, care to let me in on why you're really here? Whatever it is, it's not playing guard for these walking bloat-fly factories."

Kay eyed Socco, wondering how much she could tell the thing. Being a resident spook, the poltergeist might have some valuable information on where to look for the Claw of Karnak. "Alright. We're here looking for artifacts. I'm an archeologist."

"What? You're a bone-picker!" cried Socco. "I seen a few of those in the past, and they were old, fat guys with pith helmets and knobby knees!" Socco looked Kay up and down. "You got knobs, but they sure ain't your knees!"

"Watch it there, Buster. Just 'cause you're my sock doesn't mean you can start playing 'footsie' with me."

"Well, excuse me, Doctor. I was merely commenting that your considerable costal convexities are classier than the pitiful patellar protuberances of the previously mentioned professors."

"What's he yammering about?" asked Maxx.

"Knockers are better than knees," answer Kay. She looked back at the sock. "I'll take that as a compliment instead of a come on, but enough about me. How long have you been floating around these digs? Are there any artifacts worth finding?"

"Oh, we have giant stone heads, crystal skulls, golden armor, jewel encrusted sacrificial daggers - you know - the usual crap. What were you looking for?"

"We're looking for something with a sordid past and an uncertain future," whispered Kay, ominously. "We're looking...."

"Yeah? Yeah?"

"We're looking for..."

"What? Come on, what!" The sock was leaning forward.

"We're looking for the..."

"Aww. Spit it out already!" The sock was bouncing up and down.

"We're looking for the.... Claw of Karnak! "

The sock stopped dead.

"Well?" asked Kay.

"I..."

"Yeah? Yeah?"

"I think..."

"What? Come on, what!" Kay leaned forward.

"I think that's...."

"Aww. Spit it out already!" Kay was almost bouncing up and down.

"I think that's.... really dumb. What you want that piece of junk for?"

Kay stopped dead. Then she smirked. "Okay. Enough overacting from both of us. Just tell me why you think it's junk."

"For one thing it's ugly. Dull gray. No jewels. No rings. No sparklies. Nothin'! And it's attached to about the most revolting corpse I've ever seen! All shriveled and mouldy. And smell? The Stinkhole River is the breath of heaven compared to that pile of mummified elephant dung. About the only thing on it that's interesting is its boot."

"Its boot? There's only one?"

"Yep. Furs have tried to take it off the corpse in the past, but no one's succeeded. I can see why they'd try, too. It's the most stunning cerulean blue I've ever seen. Has a sheen that just won't quit. And the glowing buckle will knock yer eyes out - providing you got eyes to knock out in the first place. In my case, it would just knock me off of me."

"Knock you off of you?"

"I'm a sock. Remember?"

"Right," Kay smirked. Then she cocked her head. "I wonder if the boot I have is the other one."

"Oooo. You got a boot too? I was a boot once and it was great! Got to kick butt from here to next Sunday! Lemme see it. Huh? Pleeeease? Besides, I'm a sock, and socks and boots go together!"

Rather than suffer through the whole line-by-line overacting bit again, Kay pulled the boot from her pack and dumped it on the bed.

"Eeeww. That's a boot? Now this is the sort of foul footwear that would look at home on that corpse."

"Maybe that's where it belongs," thought Kay. But then another thought crossed her mind.

Beware the Boot of Karnak.

Perhaps the Dragon hadn't misread the warning after all.

-------------------------------------------------


Cirrel - short and sweet today

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Knockers are better than knees!! *falls over laughing*
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Aramis Dagaz
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 3:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And the plot continues on, despite the heavy bombardment of wordplay...

Though Cirrel was always one to stick to his puns! Razz

<dashes out of range of rotten tomatoes, laughing all the way Laughing >

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 12:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

----------------------------------

23. That's Entertainment????

"I need to fill you live bodies in on a few things concerning tonight's entertainment," said the entertainment coordinator - a particularly tattered looking road-kill deer named Abby.

Her right arm fell off with a clunk.

Pat Rabbitson groaned in horror, Pigeon Toad nodded, Elvis winked at Cheese Louise, Cheese melted, and the Stooge Monkeys grabbed their Nachos. Deer Abby picked up her arm and smacked them with it. "Take my advice! None of that in public!"

Her left arm fell off.

Pat Rabbitson groaned again.

"Anyway," continued the disarming doe, "When choosing your numbers remember that the standard contract requires that at least 25 percent of all songs by live vocalists be done with our house band."

"House band? Anyone I know?" asked Toad.

"Maybe you knew them once. They're deceased now." She pointed to a group that had just stumbled in. "May I introduce the Dead Beats - Moldy, Gassy, Smelly, and Disgusting Lump."

"They certainly are," said a green Toad.

Pat Rabbitson held his nose and groaned once more.

Abby pulled out a performance program with her teeth. "We have a bunch of dead Egyptian embalmers here for a convention this week so we're calling this evening's dance the Tannis Ball. Here's the schedule. The first half will feature our regular house entertainers. Boo's on first, Rot's on second, and I've No Nose's on third."

Pat Rabbitson beat his head on the desk.

"Where are we!" chorused the Stooge Monkeys, now standing on their heads.

"Out in left field."

The doe tuned back to the others. "You perform next. Our act announcer, Ivunna Score, usually falls apart by this time and needs to be stitched back together. So, in the second half, Score's tied, and you have the Ball."

The doe's head fell off.

Pat Rabbitson heaved a sigh of relief.

"Thank Gawd, fer small Merkles!"

----------------------------------


Cirrel - running for cover.

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Tigermark
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 6:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cirrel, you are having too much fun wiht the wordplay. great seque. (What's a segue? It's either a two wheeled people mover, or about two pounds, take your pick!) LOL.

Tigermark (ROFL!! Tannis Ball!)

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Falls over* Oh my word...FAR too much fun with words! And that classic baseball gag!
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow Cirrel ya been quite busy these past Nine days ive been gone. Excellent art!! and now I have a ton of reading to catch up on. Very Happy
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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

---------------------------

24. Rolling Right Along.

Maxx holstered his Schlock and stood up. "Socco knows where it is, so let's get the Claw and blow this bone-yard."

"I just hope it's that easy," Commented Cateagle as he sheathed his Bowie knife. "Where is the Claw kept anyway, Socco?"

"They keep the really valuable stuff in a room behind the Manager's Office." The sock jumped to Kay's shoulder. "How you going to get in, Captain?"

"We'll figure that out when we get there. I've gotten into all sorts of places designed to keep me out. Let's move."

Halfway to the pyramid, a short red, white, and blue hooded ball-like figure bounced up to them, stopped, and ripped off a resounding fart.

BRRAAAPP!!

Then it started to yammer.

"I'm the one who does the lookout!
See them come, no matter which route!
Den I scampers 'round and farts out!
Warning you to run!"
BRRAAAPP!!

"Foxes come with mean ol' Mausers!
Clips of ammo in their trousers!
Up 'n' down they hop like Schnauzers!
They don' look like fun!"
BRRAAAPP!!

"Wolves around this place are hidin'.
Quiet like, their time they're bidin'.
But they'll soon be toward us ridin'.
When they do, we're done!"
BRRAAAPP!!

"Don' know what you'll do wif dem here.
But for me I'm gonna get clear.
Then I'll drink a bunch more Poot Beer.
Fire in my Bumm!"
BRRAAAPP!!

The little ball of gassy flesh bounced off toward the pyramid while Kay and her crew coughed and tried to wave away the stench.

"What was that!"

"That was Paul Rear-vere," said Socco. "He's our look-out butt. The warning signal is, one fart if by land, two if by sea."

"So what do FIVE farts mean?" coughed Maxx.

"Means he's been into the Poot Beer, again."

"But *cough* has he really seen something?" said Cateagle.

"No doubt," replied Socco. "He's lazy. It usually takes something legitimate to get him up off himself."

"Up off himself?"

"He's a Butt. Remember?"

"Time to call in reinforcements, again, I think," said Kay, whipping out her Sat-linked Palm Pilot. "I wonder if Badger has something up his well-armored sleeve for this smelly situation."

-------------------------------------------------

"I wonder where we should start looking for the Claw of Karnak," said Cirrel, closing their Club Dead guest room door behind them.

"Manager's Office," replied Mike.

Cirrel looked at the raccoon with surprise. "Something you found in your research?"

"Nope." The raccoon held up a Club Dead Guest Guide. "Says here 'Valuables, like the Claw of Karnak, can be safely stored in the cavernous vaults behind the manager's office. Please inquire at the customer services desk.'"

"Seems almost too easy," mumbled Cirrel.

"We haven't gotten past the Customer Services Desk, yet," replied Mike.

After much searching, they finally found the Customer Service Desk in the third sub-basement behind the Palmetto tree next to the Shroud-o-Mat. The harried customer service avian in tattered feathers seemed very busy.

"Hello, will you hold?... Hello, will you hold?... Hello, will you hold?.... Hello, will you hold?... Hello...."

"Ummm...ma'am?" mumbled Mike.

The bird grabbed Mike and plastered him to her head. "Hello, will you hold?"

"Hello, WILL YOU LET GO?" yelled the raccoon. "We want to see the manager!"

"Here," squawked the flustered avian, tossing them a yellowed photograph before answering more phones. "Hello? Will you..."

"Well, you did say you wanted to see him," commented Cirrel "There he is." The two looked at the picture. It was of an old sting-ray like fish in 18th century garb hunched over a huge ledger. He was covered in rusty chains and padlocks, and there was calculating look in his beady black eyes.

"Who is it? Anything on the back?" asked Cirrel?

Mike turned it over. "Yep. Should have known."

There, printed in old script, were the words 'Manager - Top-O-The-Heap suite, Club Dead'. Underneath was written. 'We will sell no wine before I've jacked the prices!"

It was signed 'Jacob 'Cheap-Skate' Marley'.

---------------------------------------------------------

Ivunna Score, the act announcer, was taking last minute notes before the evening's performance.

"All you do is sing?" she asked Cheese Louise. "No exploding body parts or alien creatures slithering out your nose?"

"Uhh, I hope not."

"Oh well. Maybe you can do a Janna Jackson and pop a few of the audience's eyes out."

Ivunna moved to the rabbit.

"You name?" she asked, pencil poised over her pad.

"Ahm the Raht Reverund Pat Rabbitson!"

"And what do you do?"

"Ahm a TV evangelist!"

"Right. 'Stand-up comic'. Got it." She turned to the others. "Alright! When I call you, be ready to go out there and knock 'em alive!"

A be-sequined Elvis lurched to his feet. "Ah'm. gonna go grab me sum Buffala Wings whal we wait. Anahbody else wunt somethin'?"

"We want Gummi-Bears!" piped up the Stooge Monkeys.

"No yah don't, boys. Trust me on that."

"A Bloody Mary?" squeaked Cheese Louise.

Elvis shook his head.

"Let's make it real simple, then" said Pigeon Toad. "How 'bout a lump of sugar?"

"Fahn," drawled Elvis. "But only if Sugah don' mind. How 'bout you Reverund?"

"You got a Whopper with Cheese on it?" asked the rabbit.

Elvis looked down at his pants.

"I kin always hope."

----------------------------------


Cirrel

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL!! Cirrel! What you been eating? I think your brain's fermented! LOLOL!!!! *Falls over* TOo much Poot Beer!
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Aramis Dagaz
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 11:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Sheesh, Cirrel! You've got waaaay too much free time to be writing that kind of poetry! *laughs again* Keep up the good work!
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