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Adventure Kay and the Claw of Karnak
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Cirrel
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Joined: 29 Mar 2003
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Location: 400 miles north of everywhere

PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2004 6:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kayngi wrote:
And of course, the Official Fan Club site (another shameless plug, hey, i'm an admin there lol) http://pub101.ezboard.com/bthebrotherhoodofvartra


I guess I qualify as Sholan as well, as that was my first furry persona. (I'm an admin over there too) We are mostly feline in naturte. Here's a little pic of my RPG self and the second one is of Kayngi and me. The critters on our shoulders are called Jeggets. These are our pets, but generally they're considered by Sholans to be pests - like telepathic ferrets on crack - if you can imagine that. Mine is named Kylee and she has a taste for crayons - which makes for a very colorful litterbox.

Cirrel

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

-----------------------------

18. The Best Laid Travel Plans....


It was pitch black in the place where the two Furnet University staff members woke up.

"Professor Cirrrel?"

"Right here, Mike."

"So where is here?"

"From the smell, I'd say we were in a Compost Recycling and Anal Product (Post-Excretory) Retrieval facility."

"You mean we're in the C.R.A.P.P.E.R."

"You got it. And it seems somebody desperately wants information from us."

"How do you figure?"

"What else have we to offer? By the way, do you need help undoing your paw cuffs?"

"Nope. I take it your already out of yours. Where did you pick up that trick?"

"The ancients liked to lock things up, so we archeologists need to know how to unlock things. Where did you learn?"

"I read a lot. So, what do we do now?"

"I want to find out who's involved in this and what they want."

"Hmm. Not go to the police? You sound a lot like Doctor Kayngi."

"Do you want to go to the police?"

"Not really. Being a bookish type, I'm naturally curious."

"And we can't let Dr. Kay have all the fun, eh?"

"True. Whup! Sounds like our hosts are coming. Better snap the paw-cuffs back on. Wouldn't want them to think we were starting to enjoy ourselves here."

The door burst open, flooding the room with light, and the prisoners were hauled to their feet.

"We're going for a ride," snarled a wolf in a grey uniform.

Cirrel suppressed the urge to ask if the wolf liked doing that with his head out the window.

------------------------------


"I told you this place was a dump," said Maxx, poking his head into a ransacked sarcophagus. "Being this close to the city, it's been picked over pretty good."

"By amateurs, it seems." replied Kay. She was running her paw over the unadorned carvings on the back wall of the mound's burial chamber. Everything else in the chamber was a shambles as Maxx had indicated, but these carvings were still intact - probably because they were so plain. There was nothing here to interest the average grave robber.

"Aha! Here it is!"

Dr. Kayngi quickly took the old boot from her pack and pressed the pattern on the heel into some almost invisible depressions on the stone wall. From somewhere to their left, a grating sound was heard and a section of wall swung out.

"Wow!" yelled Maxx. "I always love it when you do that! I wonder what we'll find?"

He was about to dash into the dark passageway when Kay held him back. She had just noticed newly revealed carvings on the lintel of the secret door. They looked fresher than the others. Slowly she ran her paws over them growing more and more agitated as she did so. Finally she smacked the stone door.

"Damn!"

"What? What is it?" asked Maxx. "Some sort of trap? What do the carvings say?"

Kay growled. "It roughly translates: 'Pardon our dust. During renovation, the Boottadaheadouch Temple Group, Inc. has temporarily moved its supernatural object inventory to its new, posh 'Chit-in-yer-Britches' location on the fashionable Yucky-Tan peninsula. Have a nice day.'"

The last carving was unmistakably a Mayan Smiley Face.

"Have a nice day?" growled Maxx. "That's not what I'm having!"

"Maynard!" yelled Kayngi to the air around her. "If I find out this little stunt is your fault, you're gonna be one dead dead-guy!"

------------------------------------

"Ah knew ah nevah shoulda come to this den of unrighteousness!" moaned Pat Rabbitson. "Canned-Coon is evil, and the Lord has forsooken me!"

"Calm down PR," croaked Pigeon Toad. "I'm sorry your Gowanan Goose-Me Gospel Group accidentally got sent to Hack-yer-Snak, N.J., but screw-ups in the tickets happen alla time."

"I tell ya, Toad," wailed the rabbit. "Ah'm gettin' way to old fer these on-the-road problems. Booze is evverawhar. It's enough ta drahv a fur ta drink! Thank the Lord, ah'm way past the age whar wimmen affect me. Ain't had thet urge in years 'n' years."

Pat Rabbitson looked wistfully down at his pants. "But we shor did have some good times, didn' we," he whispered. He quickly shook his head. "Sorry Lord, ah apologize. Shouldn't a thunk thet." He glared at Toad. "So whater we gonna do fer music fer the show? Can't have a foot-stompin', paw-clappin' revival type show without music!"

"No problemo, PR. I booked us a local group."

"So, whodja get?"

"You'll love 'em, PR," said Toad. "May I introduce our background band for this week's production of 'Exorcism of the Week', Cheese Louise and the Stooge-Monkeys of Swing!"

Three pinstriped primates slid in on their knees in three part harmony.

.....Helloooooooooo.........!"
..........Helloooooooooo.........!"
...............Helloooooooooo......... nyuk, nyuk!"

The rabbit was about to protest when a zaftig mouse in a low cut dress slit from heel to hip pushed through the monkeys.

"Hi there, reverend," she cooed.

She winked.

Pat Rabbitson stared.

He looked down at the growing tent in his pants.

"IT'S A MERKLE!"

--------------------------------


Cirrel

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 1:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! Why Cirrel...that was almost naughty! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm liking what you're doing with your char and Mike. LOL!
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Tigermark
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 7:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, Thanks Kayngi and Maxx. I was wondering what species to use in describing Kay in her first meeting of Tigermark, an Idea I'm working up.

Cirrel, great televangelist impression. And I second Kayngi, great stuff with your characters.

Oh, while I'm here, is it alright with everyone if I use your characters in the afore mentioned Adventure Kay fan fic?

Tigermark

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elMaxx
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 10:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cirrel: dude, that was FUNNY Very Happy excellent work as always.

TM: Fine by me dude Smile go fur it.

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 1:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Permission granted with pleasure. Very Happy

Cirrel

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! I relinquished Adventure Kay to everyone. Write away! Can't wait to see what you do with it!
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Cateagle
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 3:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Permission granted, Tigermark. Go ahead and use my pilot character.
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Hurtful_Wolf
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Awesome stuff Cirrel! Really funny!

TigerMark: I am one of the few members of the WR. So if you wanna throw me in there it's fine by me Very Happy

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2004 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

---------------------------------

19. Seriously Silly

"I trust you and your colleague had a pleasant journey, Professor," said the shadowed high atop the throne.

"Other than the saliva smearing my window and the noise of wolf lips flapping in the slipstream, it was pleasant enough, but you haven't brought us here to critique your private air service, have you Kolonel?"

"No. I haven't."

When the wolf didn't explain further, Cirrel could see that he was drawing this out for his amusement. It was time to dampen the fun, so he brought his paws out from behind him where they' been cuffed. The paw-cuffs dangled open off one finger.

"Only dogs like to be on leashes. I prefer freedom."

Cirrel let the cuffs slip off his finger and clatter to the floor.

"Now, why are we here?"

A low growl came from the thrown. "Do not tempt fate, Professor. You are here at my bidding, and only with my permission will you be allowed to leave!"

Mike's cuffs joined Cirrel's on the floor.

"Affable fellow, isn't he," said Mike in a low voice. "Staff meetings here must be just about as fun than a barrel of dead monkeys."

"If I read you correctly, professor," growled the wolf, "You already know why you're here - at least in part."

Cirrel nodded. "The Claw of Karnak."

"Exactly! I wish to know what you know of the artifact. My sources tell me that you knew Dr. Kayngi was looking for it, and such an artifact would naturally stimulate your own curiosity as well. Mr. Regan, your colleague, has also helped the good Doctor in the past, and knows best what resources hold relevant knowledge."

"And if we choose not to cooperate?"

"That would be most unfortunate. Darke Wolf?"

A huge wolf shot from the shadows and grabbed Professor Cirrel by the neck, almost lifting him off his feet.

"Life can be made most unpleasant, for you, feline. With one squeeze, I could crush the life from you."

Mike tapped the snarling wolf's arm. "Um. Mr. Darke Wolf, sir? It's true that if you squeezed now, the Professor would die, but if you do that, you will wish you had died, too." The raccoon pointed down.

There, wrapped around the wolf's groin, were inch long claws sprung from the professor's paw.

"It's funny how much damage 'death throes' can do."

Darke Wolf slowly released his grip, and Cirrel's claws retracted.

"You've been a fighter in the past, haven't you," commented the wolf.

Cirrel nodded. "You don't mind that I would put up a fight, if I were attacked, do you?"

The wolf shook his head. "The meek are no challenge. However, the Kolonel's treat remains. Co-operate or die."

Cirrel looked at Mike. "Are you in the mood for dying today?"

Mike shook his head. "Not really. I was thinking along the lines of some recreational research." He looked up at the wolf on the throne. "Does this dump access data via computers? Or by some chance, do you actually have a real Library here?"

They were quickly show to a room banked with data access terminals, and under the watchful eyes of four rat guards Cirrel used several terminals to access web sites featuring simple Java applet games. One by one, the rat guards dropped behind to play, and soon, none were watching the two 'detainees'.

"Not the brightest crayons in the box, are they?" commented Mike.

"Any dumber, and I'd be tempted to stick 'em in potting soil," replied Cirrel. "However, I wouldn't underestimate the Kolonel or Darke Wolf." He pointed to the screen. "The Kolonel was smart enough to know I wouldn't simply be sitting on my paws while Kay was out gallivanting around the globe. Swiping me gives him access to my discoveries and withholds it from Kay... or so he thinks. We'll see if we can access Kay later. Right now, I want to show you what I have. I put together this file on the Claw of Karnak - references, maps, rumors, anything I could find. I have a list of books you might want to access for further information." Cirrel printed out a list for the raccoon.

"So, are we really going to give any of this information to the Kolonel?"

"We may have no choice," said Cirrel in a tense voice. "Look at this. It's something I discovered about the Claw last night."

Mike read the screen for a while, then whistled. "Not good."

"Yeah," agreed Professor Cirrel. "And you want to know what the scary part is? I doubt the Kolonel has any real idea what he's dealing with here."

--------------------------------------


'The things ah have ta deal with', thought the rabbit.

"Woo...wooo...woooOO!"

A stooge-monkey flew by on a vine.

"Hey MOE! Howda ya drive this thing!"

A resounding crash shook the jungle around Pat Rabbitson, Pigeon Toad, Cheese Louise, and the two bats who were the recording engineers for this trip. Pat Rabbitson gave his agent a dirty look, but it softened when Cheese Louise sidled up to him.

"Don't worry 'bout them, Rev. Honey. My boys may be a few peas short of a casserole when it comes to everything else, but they sure play good music!"

The rabbit patter her paw. "Ah'll have ta trust ya on thet one, child."

Another crash shook their eye-teeth.

"Hey Moe! Hey Larry! I think I'm STUCK!"

"Why you lame-brain!"

The sound of saws and hammers.

"OwOwOwOwOwOwOw!"

"Look what ya did to my hammer! Come on, spread out!"

A rattling jackhammer.

"OhOhOhOhOhOhOh my head!"

"Hey, Moe! Try this!"

"Good idea, porcupine!"

An explosion shot tree trunks and stooge-monkeys everywhere.

"At this rate, we ain't nevva gonna get to Chit-in-yer-Britches," moaned Pat Rabbitson, coughing.

When the smoke cleared, a blackened Curley Cue wobbled up to the other travelers, eyes closed, paws groping.

"Moe! Larry! I'm blind! I can't see!"

Pat Rabbitson raised his paws heavenward just as Moe walked up with big log stuck in his eye.

"Pipe down, chowder-head! I'll get to the speck in your eye in a minute!" He yanked the log out of his own eye and proceeded to bust it over Curley's noggin.

"OhOhOh..Oh... Oh! Hey! I can see again!"

Pat Rabbitson lowered his paws and stared.

"That's a MERKLE???"

------------------------------------------

Cirrel

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2004 1:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! Lotsa murkles!
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2004 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Too much fun!
I'd better start writing...

Tigermark

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Cirrel
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2004 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

--------------------------------

20. Club Dead, or "Where to go when a Body is somebody!"


Maxx spit the bugs out of his teeth and shut the hatch.

"You know, if you'd asked," said Dr. Kayngi, "I might have let you smoke that stinkweed log in the plane."

"Mighta been easier to keep it lit too, but the view from the pontoon was great. When flying, there's something magical about the wind in your fur."

"And bugs up your nose. Hold still." Kay reached over and pulled a rather colorful winged crawly out of Maxx's left nostril. "Hmm. Don't recognize this species. Maybe it's new."

"We could name it Maxximus Snoticus," suggested Cateagle. "The dreaded Booger Bug."

Maxx grinned as a beetle flew out of his ear. "I always wanted a pest named after me."

Kay pointed to a bright glint in the distance. "Is that the river?"

"Yep. That's our landing spot. The Stinkhole River." Maxx reached into his pack and put something on his snout.

"What are those," asked Cateagle.

"Doze blugs for da Stighoe Ribber."

"Pardon?"

Maxx removed the plugs. "Nose plugs. Believe me, you'll want them. The Stinkhole is the only known habitat of a rare and particularly bad-tempered fish called the anal striped snail-farter."

Kay opened her mouth, but closed it again. "I'm not going to ask. Just pass the plugs."

Maxx looked disappointed.

------------------------------------------------


"EEeeEEeeyyyyyaahhhhh!!! Don't sneak up on me like that when I'm working!"

Kolonel Crazed Wolf felt his hackles, and most of the rest of his fur, stand on end.

"But you're so cute when you're scared," laughed Darke Wolf. "All nice and fluffy - just like a plushie toy."

The Kolonel growled and snapped his metal claw. "Does this look like it came out of a freakin' Happy Meal box!?"

"My, my, but we're touchy today," continued Darke Wolf. "You still don't actually believe that 'Ghost of Kayngi' message was real, do you Kolonel?"

"NO!" Kolonel Crazed shouted, his eyes darting around, before returning to the other wolf. "That's not important, anyway. Have our two bookworms found out anything about the Claw?"

"Why yes," replied Darke Wolf. "I took the liberty of tapping their communications. It seems Professor Cirrel has acuminated quite a bit on the Claw of Karnak. I haven't had time to go over all of it, but there are three consistent references to where the Claw might be found. One is the temple in Bang-La-Desh, another site is in Got-Amala, which Cirrel thinks is unlikely, and then there is the third one."

"Which is...?" growled the Kolonel.

Darke Wolf pointed out the arched stone window of their fake temple headquarters. "Right next door. Chit-in-yer-Briches."

The Kolonel looked out the window and suppressed a shiver. He'd never liked that place. Strange lights had been seen there at night, and even during the daytime, the forest choked mounds and pyramids looked forbidding. The locals never went near the place. They said those who did either never came back or were found later wandering around the jungle, totally mad. They said some dark evil lived there - some ominous....

"BOO!"

"EEeeEEeeyyyyyaahhhhh!!! Damn you! DARKE WOLF!!"

But Darke Wolfe was gone. Only his laughter could be heard receding down the corridor.

Which was fine, because a very puffy Kolonel needed some privacy now.

He had to change his britches.

----------------------------------------


Cheese Louise stared up at the rotting and vine covered facade of the enormous pyramid mound. A chipped stone sign dangling over the dark entrance read "CLUB DEAD".

"Is this place a dump or what!?" She rounded on Pigeon Toad. "You actually booked us into this shit-hole? I thought you said we were going to someplace posh called "Chit-in-yer-Britches'!"

"According to the map, this IS Chit-in-yer-Britches."

Suddenly an ominous figure in a hooded black cowl glided out of the pyramid entrance.

"Hearse parking is too the left," it croaked. "Pine box storage to the right."

"A SPOOK!" cried Part Rabbitson. "Roll the tape boys! It's time ta be EXERCISIN!"

"Gym facilities are fourth sub-basement, second dungeon to the left," croaked the cowled figure. "Fresh manacles are rented at the dungeon master's office."

"No. No! NO!" yelled the rabbit, undoing his tie and loosening his collar. "Ah be girdin my loins ta do mah exercisin' on YOU!"

The hooded figure shook his head.

"Exercising on me? I'm sorry sir. For that sort of exercising, you want the 'Dying for a Piece' brothel - second level, third door."

Pat Rabbitson was hopping mad now. "Ah'll be a doin' no such a thin'! Ah'll have you know, ah'm the right reverent Pat Rabbitson! Ah'm a soldier o' the Almighty!"

"A soldier? Oh. You're not a guest then." The corpse pointed a desiccated paw to the right. "Hired security goes to the service barracks behind the formaldehyde pool. Report to the Sergeant without Arms." The black figure turned away toward the dark maw of the pyramid.

Pat Rabbitson gawped. "Come back here, ya dog-gnawed bone bag! Ah ain't no hired help!"

But just then Pigeon Toad kicked the reverend in the shin - hard. "Shut up, ya Bible-thumpin' bonehead!" he hissed. "We got the opportunity of a lifetime here! I thought this joint was haunted, but not like THIS! We can get enough material from here to keep the tabloids salivating for years! Think of the royalties! Just keep quiet, smile, and don't blow it!"

Pigeon Toad turned to the corpse.

"Ahem, I think there's been some mistake. We weren't hired as security. We were hired as the entertainment! I'd like to introduce our singer, Miss Cheese Louise."

The mouse still looked peeved, but put on a pleasant face and stuck out her chest.

The corpse's eyes popped out - literally.

"Uh. Sorry, bout that ma'am," it croaked, groping the ground. "Here they are." The corpse popped the eyes back into its hood.

"Well, this is a different story," it said. "However, I will need to see your papers."

"Our Musician Guild cards?" asked Toad.

"No. Your death certificates."

Toad swallowed and held up his webbed hands. "Sorry. Must have left them in our other burial shrouds."

The corpse shook its head. "I'm sorry, but unless accompanied by a certifiable dead guy, no one, especially live bodies, are allowed in."

"Does 'brain-dead' count? What about them?" Toad pointed to the Stooge monkeys. Moe and Larry were engaged in a heated game or paper-rock-scissors using real rocks and Curley was picking his nose with a live porcupine.

"They'll do. Welcome to 'Club Dead'."

"I thought this place was called Chit-in-yer-Britches," said Toad, pointing to his map.

"The new name is part of our new image. You'll not find a finer den of dust and decay anywhere in the world. As entertainers, the expense of your lodging is covered. However, other amenities like toothbrushes or embalming fluid will have to be purchased. We take expired American Depressed, Master of Darkness, or Diner's Blood cards. Please follow me. You will be sharing the 'King' suite with another entertainer."

After many confusing twists and turns, the corpse finally unlocked a formidable, iron-bound, wood door and waved them in.

"Sumptuous, don't you think?" croaked the corpse.

The group stared.

Candy wrappers, peanut butter jars, and moldy Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets littered the room. A big lump under the sheets of a large king-sized bed snored away.

"This place stinks!" cried Cheese Louise.

"Why, thank you," croaked the corpse. "We do like to keep the entertainment happy."

"Cool it!" hissed Toad to the mouse. He turned to the corpse. "This will do fine! Well get back to you about our performance schedule and requirements."

He shooed the corpse out and shut the door.

Everybody started yelling and complaining at once.

"CALM DOWN!" yelled Toad. "We're here to make a show, and it's only for a week! But like I said, this one show will be good enough to keep us rolling in cash for years! A posh vacation spot for the deceased. Ha! Who'd have thunk it!"

"Okay," groused Cheese Louise, "I'll put up with this crap for a week, but I'm not sleeping in the same bed with that snoring lump, whatever it is."

"Fahn bah me, ma'am," came a distinct voice from the bed-lump. It snorted and rolled over. "Do whut ya lahk, but whutevva ya do, don yew deah step on mah blue suede bunnah slippahs!"

Toad smiled. "So that's why they call this the 'King' suite."

Pat Rabbitson stared.

"IT'S A MERKLE!"

------------------------------

Cirrel

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Kayngi
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2004 10:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! Uh huh...all hail the King!!
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Aramis Dagaz
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2004 11:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So that's where he's been hiding all this time! Another great mystery solved by Prof. Cirrel!
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