Planetfurry BBS Forum Index Planetfurry BBS
Forums for Planetfurry Site Members and more
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   DonateDonate   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Drawing with the graphics pad
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... , 9, 10, 11  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Planetfurry BBS Forum Index -> Adventure Kay
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Kayngi
Administrator


Joined: 27 Oct 2003
Posts: 1798
Location: Midwest, USA

PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 3:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL!!! I'm always a good sport! I'm just glad everyone's having such a blast with all this!! *Takes the chocolates from Fluffy and devours them* Chooooooocolaaaaaaaate...
_________________
Doctor Kayngi
Cap'n Kayngi
Sword Sister of Dark Justice
Den Mother of PF

I got ART
http://kayngi.deviantart.com/
http://kayngi.sheezyart.com
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Luxo
Registered User


Joined: 19 Oct 2003
Posts: 216

PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow! Cool! Awesome! Totally unexpected!

I love your writings, Cirrel. When I grow up I wanna be like you! ^^
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Cirrel
Registered User


Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Posts: 265
Location: 400 miles north of everywhere

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 12:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

Installment 13: The Barx Brothers

--------------------------------

"Oooo. I think I ate too much."

Kayngi sat up and looked around. She was sitting on a huge mound of Plain M&Ms. Strewn around her was what was left of the Guardians, broken into myriad pieces. She could see now that they had resembled giant, plain M&Ms, and if the letter 'M' on their front side hadn't been so smeared, she would have recognized that fact sooner. The fact that the Guardians looked like M&Ms at all told her something else.

"This ruin is not deserted. Someone is here. M&Ms haven't been around all that long."

"I was wondering about that," said Tigermark's voice behind her.

Kayngi felt strong paws begin to knead the tenseness out of her neck.

"Aaaaah. That feels better. How long have I been out?"

"All night," replied Tigermark, continuing his massage. "How are you feeling? Whatever happened to you last night sure got to you. It looked like the mother of all PMS attacks."

Kayngi nodded. "How did you know?"

"I'm married, remember? I see it occasionally. Think we can go on today, or will you need some more time?"

Kayngi shook her head. "Since this 'condition' was Maynard's doing, I hoped the effect would only last for what was left of the day. Also, it's not my time of month. What I'm feeling mostly now is cramps from sleeping on lumpy candy."

"And eating too many of them," added Tigermark.

"Yeah."

Kayngi shifted position to relieve the pressure on her backside coming from of a particularly lumpy lump of Guardian - and felt the whole M&M pile move slightly. From somewhere below them a creaking sound could be heard. Suddenly there was a bang and the whole pile dropped about six inches.

"Don't move!" hissed Kayngi. "Something's opened up beneath us!"

Apparently the opening was small enough to allow the compressed candy to bridge over it, but any movement could dislodge the whole pile down the hole.

"Let me see if I can reach my whip," Kayngi whispered and slowly moved her paw to her hip.

Snap!

They both looked up at the sound to see a very messy looking squirrel standing off to one side with a satisfied smirk on its little muzzle. It was tossing and catching a single M&M.

The pile inched down again.

"Aw hell. I ain't giving that rodent the satisfaction."

With that, Kay thumped the pile and with a mighty clatter, the whole thing caved in.

"S**T.... It's a CHUTE!" yelled Tigermark.

It was true. They were shooting down a giant chute. (Why do ya think they call 'em 'chutes' anyway?) M&Ms clattered all around them as they twisted and turned until, after what seemed an eternity, they shot out into a vast, dingy hall. The two slid through rattling and rolling M&Ms until they finally fetched up against a wall.

"EEEEEEEeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaaa!!!!!" yelled Tigermark. "Let's do it again! That was Grrrrrrreat!"

"Not unless you can afford it, Tony Tiger," Kayngi muttered, shaking M&Ms out of her hair and pointing. Above them on a damp, mold covered wall was a large, peeling sign.

'Barx Bros. "S**t! It's a Chute!" Ride. Admission: Five zillion drachmas.'

Suddenly, from the other end of the dark hall came the sounds of slipping, sliding, and cursing... with an accent.

"I tol' ee, we shoulda used Dragoons 'r Trolls fer Gate Guardians! But ye had a sweet tooth. Of alla stoopid… AAArrrrgh! How we suppoosta walk throo these 'ere candy coated ball-bearings?!"

"I dinna hear ye complainin' when we checked 'em out at Uzbeck's Used Uglies! 'Nice meanies 'n' candy to boot' ye said."

Out of the dark came three slipping and sliding Scottish Terriers - kilts, caps, cardigans, and all. One even had a set of bagpipes.

"Hullo there," called one, waving to Kay and Tigermark. "'Ere' for the amusements, or to plunder 'n' pillage?"

"Um... which answer gets me in the least trouble," said Kay, eyeing the 'S**t, it's a Chute!' ride.

"Both be aboot ta same," said the Scottie. "Pillage will cost ye. We don' give nuthin' away fer free. Ta rides ain't cheap niether. Either way, we gitcher gold cos ye gotta do one or t'other, or pay an 'exit fee' ta get out. Canna let you get away 'Scott' free, now can we?" The Scotties all guffawed at the old joke. "No hard feelin's, ah hoope," the Scottie continued. "This be just ta way of ta business. We're relly quite personable, an I'm sur ye'd like us if'n it was a sociable-like meetin'. By the by, we're ta Barx Brothers. I'm Yippo, this 'ere's Yeppo, n' theht there's Yuppo. Yuppo cannna yap, but he nods a fair bit an' plays ta pipes. Give us toot thar, Yuppo."

Yuppo filled his lungs and blew. An ear-piercing combination of screech and groan filled the hall, echoing down the corridors, shattering a vase along one wall, and sending a cloud of bats racing around the rafters.

"Egads! Stop already," yelled Tigermark, clamping paws to ears. "I think that racket just erased some of my stripes!"

"Hey! This inno catterwhahlin' 'ere!" cried Yippo over the din. "This 'ere be the pipes, an' he be playin' our song! Ha' sum respect fer an ol' and grrrrand tradition! Our Scottish Order goes back to afore ta last millennium!"

The Scottie stuck a pose, which looked goofy, but Kay wasn't about to laugh - yet.

"A thousand years agoo, our order was formed by a princely poltroon ta guard this 'ere dump from anna 'n' all whoo might be a-lookin' to plunder it. Paid in gold, 'e did. 'Nuff ta buy ta order's service fer hoonerts a years."

"How many hundreds?" asked Tigermark.

"Nah sure boot that, now. All we knows is ta gold ran out, so ta keep us a yappin' - 'cept fer Yuppo, o' course - we ha' ta find different means o' restitution. So we advertise in alla archeological perrrriodicals and such. You got some lost whoo-ha to find? Whal, we got it right 'ere! Then, when them robbers or noodle-head perfessors show up, they gotta pay to get back out!"

"What!" yelled Kay. "This place is a fraud?"

"Hey!" growled the Scottie. "This be a legit business 'ere, lassie! We got the usual hi-quality replicas. Make great converrrrsation pieces. That, an' we got a few pieces o' junk lyin' around what's been 'ere forever, don't we, boys?"

Yeppo nodded and Yuppo blew another blast on his bag that shattered a skylight, and rained glass on everyone.

"Ennaway," Yippo continued, brushing shards from his kilt, "in keepin wi' ta purpose o' our business, its official title is ta Pure 'n' Ultra-Secret Society o' Yappers Who Help Isolate Pilferers 'n' Professors from Excess Dough."

Kay blinked. "In other words, you're P.U.S.S.Y.W.H.I.P.P.E.D.?"

All the Scottie's eyes bugged out, and Yippo's nose turned red. "Thet's nae troo! A bald-faced lie! Tae it back, I tell ye!" The two Scotties that could, were yapping hysterically, and all of them started doing back flips in paroxysms of rage - except Yuppo, who got tangled up in his pipes.

"Alright, boys! Knock it off! I take it back!" yelled Kay.

"I take it they don't go for acronyms." Tigermark added in a mutter as the Scotties calmed down.

Kay shook her head and turned back to the Scotties. "So, if this is someplace you boys want raiders and professors to find, what's with the candy-coated uglies at the gate?"

"They filter out the poor run-o-the-mill grave-robbin' riff-raff," chuckled Yippo, rubbing his paws together. "Takes a bit o' real financial backin' to get past those."

'Or PMS', thought Kay.

She put on a pleasant face. "Well, boys, I suppose me and my partner ought to get about the business of looking around. If I'm gonna get fleeced, at least it should be pretty fleece."

Yippo held up a paw. "Before ye do anythin, lassie, I need ta see yer gold."

"Somehow, I don't think these guys take American Expresso," whispered Tigermark.

Kay merely smiled and pulled a bottle from her pack. At the sight of it, she saw the Scottie's eyes glaze over.

"Ooooo, lassie. Migh' tha be a bottle o' single-malt scotch whuskey I see?"

It was only a brown bottle of filtered water with a fancy label, but Kay knew a weakness when she saw one. She waved it seductively at the Scotties.

"You got it! "GlenSpewedit" Aged 20 years if it's a day, BUT... first we look around."

The Scotties bowed as one. "Look to yer 'earts content, lassie. Yer liquid 'appiness is as good as gold."

Kay and Tigermark slipped and slid past the bowing Scotties and made their way to the first corridor at which point Tigermark turned to Kay. "Why are we bothering to look around this dump, if it's a hoax?"

Kay cocked her head. "Figure it out, TM. Yippo said there's some old junk here that's been lying around forever. Now, if you wanted to hide a valuable object from poor grave robbers and rich, snooty professor types, where would be an ideal place?"

Tigermark smiled. "Somewhere no self respecting tomb-raider or professor would stay in once they found out it was a fraud."

Kay nodded. "An Underground Ripoff Antique Shop and Amuzment Park."

Tigermark grinned. "Or to put it succinctly: U-R-A-SAP."

Kay nodded and they were off to look for the Claw of Karnak.

------------------------------------

Cirrel - 12,000 words and counting.

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Tigermark
Site Owner
Site Owner


Joined: 18 Apr 2003
Posts: 788
Location: Hopkinsville, KY

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 4:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hah! I Love Roller-Coasters! Let's do it again! C'mon, Kayngi! Maybe it'll get you to barf up all that candy before it goes places it shouldn't. Which it hasn't, by the way.

Tigermark (You just knew a jet pilot would love that ride, didn't you C? LOL Love the acronym work, btw)

_________________
Tiger, tiger, burning bright...
http://www.planetfurry.com/~tigermark
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Kayngi
Administrator


Joined: 27 Oct 2003
Posts: 1798
Location: Midwest, USA

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! Hey, I'm a Coaster Chick...coasters don't phase me at all! Bring it on, I say! Keep up the great work Cirrel!
_________________
Doctor Kayngi
Cap'n Kayngi
Sword Sister of Dark Justice
Den Mother of PF

I got ART
http://kayngi.deviantart.com/
http://kayngi.sheezyart.com
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Aramis Dagaz
Registered User


Joined: 02 Dec 2003
Posts: 174
Location: the City of Roses

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tigermark wrote:
Hah! I Love Roller-Coasters! Let's do it again! C'mon, Kayngi! Maybe it'll get you to barf up all that candy before it goes places it shouldn't. Which it hasn't, by the way.

Tigermark (You just knew a jet pilot would love that ride, didn't you C? LOL Love the acronym work, btw)

Hehe, can you imagine a squdron of fighter pilots getting on one of these rides: http://66.96.167.151/graphics/rcoast1.jpg? They'd be trying to simulate dogfights by breaking every single rule in the park!

_________________
Companions the creator seeks, not corpses, not herds and believers. Fellow creators the creator seeks--those who write new values on new tablets.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
Enter the City of Roses...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Cirrel
Registered User


Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Posts: 265
Location: 400 miles north of everywhere

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

Installment 14: Let's make a Deal

------------------------------

They'd already negotiated the 'Merry-Go-Round till ya Puke' ride, the 'Bumper Mine-Cars in the Tunnel of Doom' maze, the 'We Shoot Back!' target arcade, and the 'Death by Cholesterol' corn-dog stand.

Now this.

"So how, under the suns, are we supposed to get over that?" asked Tigermark.

A massive cavern dominated by a lake of bubbling lava stretched before them. A sign on the shore said "Hot-Tub Hysterics - This is an Orange Ticket Ride" A flimsy dingy was pulled up next to the sign.

"I don't suppose you have an Orange Ticket on you," commented Dr. Kayngi.

"Nope. But even if I did..." Tigermark prodded the dingy with his boot, and the boards crumbled. "Whoops. Oh well. Looks like we gotta backtrack."

Kay was looking at her map and thinking hard. "Not yet. I think the Claw is somewhere on the other side of the lake, and something about this place is familiar."

For a time, all that could be heard was the gentle bloop-bloop-bloop of the lava, then...

"BRRAAAAAAP!"

A giant fountain of gas and flame shot to the ceiling, and a horrendous stench filled the cavern.

"Holy Gas-Bag," coughed Tigermark. "Who cut the Camembert?"

"That's it!" shouted Kayngi, seemingly oblivious to the smell. "I know what this place is now!"

"What is it, then," asked Tigermark, covering his nose, "besides smelly enough to gag a maggot?"

"This whole place is an exact replica of a certain Video Game level! I used to play it as a kitten!"

"What sort of game would kill your player using stink bombs?" asked Tigermark, looking slightly sick now.

"Commander Cool-Beans versus the Ass-Hats of Armageddon!"

Kay whipped out her Palm Pilot. "I played it all the time. It was a blast!"

"I can imagine."

Kayngi quickly accessed the game function and did a search. "Aha. I knew it!" She put the Palm Pilot away and stepped to the edge of the lava lake. "Do exactly what I do. This is important." She spun around counter-clockwise three times, lifted her right leg, did a deep knee bend, and followed it all with a back flip. Reluctantly, Tigermark did the same. Then he saw Kayngi do something that made his heart do a back flip, too.

She stepped out onto the surface of the lava lake.

"What the...!"

"Come on. It's perfectly safe," beckoned Kayngi. "In the game, you could access hidden power functions by having your character go through a certain sequence of actions. We're protected now."

Tigermark gingerly stepped out onto the lake and found that it felt cool and solid. "Aha! So, what we did just now put us into 'God' mode or something?"

"Nah. The lava is just to fool you. It's fake. What you had to watch out for in the game were the fart geysers. Your scent set them off."

"So what power mode did we just activate?"

Kayngi flipped her nose in the air and looked haughty. "Why, the 'My-s**t-don't-stink' mode, of course!"

The two crossed the fake lava lake quickly and scrambled up onto the farther shore.

"And what have we here?"

On a wall in front of them were five doors labeled 'One', 'Two', 'Three', 'Elevator', and 'You Don't Wanna Know'.

As they stood there, the elevator door whooshed open and out stepped...

"Kolonel Crazed Wolf!" yelled Kayngi. "How did you get in here?"

The Kolonel looked over his shoulder and then back at Kay.

"I took the elevator! What's it look like?"

"That, an 'e paid admission, too!" said Yippo, stepping out from behind the Kolonel. "That gets ye special prrrrivaliges." The Scottie was immediately followed by Yeppo, Yuppo, a hawk in a wheelchair, and a hoard of the Kolonel's rat lackeys.

"Uh Oh. I have a bad feeling about this," whispered Tigermark.

Instantly, audience bleachers rose from the ground, along with three contestant lecterns and an announcer's stand.

"Tae yer places furs!" yapped Yippo. "Ta verra exciting game show 'Let's Do A Deal' is about to begin! Kolonel? You ha' place noomer one. Dr. Kayngi? Kinely tae place noomer two. An in place noomer three, we have out Celebrity Guest Contestant. C'mon adience! Gi'ye a big hand to Doctor Steven Hawk-ing! Worl' renoowned theoretical Physicist!"

The rats in the bleachers applauded wildly.

"Yo! Tiger-boy," called Yippo. "You ca' play translator fer the good Physicist. Ah nae could get the hang o' listenin' to tha' artificial voice o' his."

"Tiger-boy?" groused Tigermark, but Kay kicked him in the shin.

"Let's play this out," whispered Kay. "I have the feeling the Claw is behind one of those doors."

"Ookay, then," continued Yippo. "Afore we start, Yuppo! Theme music!"

Groans from the rat audience and Yuppo's pipes blended together in an almost unbearable cacophony before Yippo cut it off with a wave of his paw.

"Now, afore we git ta the main event, a few side deals, eh?" Yippo pulled out a sack of what sounded like gold coins.

"I be a willin' ta pay one gold piece fer anyone who has Amelia Erhart's flight goggles from 'er last flight in their pocket. Anyone?"

"errreeeooooomrrreereeoo"

"Thank 'e Doctor Hawk-ing! Er. Wha 'e say thar, tiger-boy?"

"I think he either said "No, I've haven't got it.' or 'Eat my shorts, ya kilt-wearing wiener-dog.'"

Applause.

"Er... yes. Ookay. Next! I be a willin' ta pay two gold pieces to anyone who has a Purina Dog Chow Flambé casserole in their pocket."

"ooorrreerrraaoooreeeooo"

"Errr. Wha ta hawk say?"

"He said 'I musta left mine cooking on the stove cuz I can smell the stench from here."

Applause.

"Ummm. Yes. Ookay. Last offer. I be a willin' ta pay three gold pieces to anyone who has the ONE RING OF POWER in their pocket."

"Don't look at me. I haven't got it," said a disembodied voice next to the underground lake.

Applause.

"Alrrrright, then. I guess it's on ta the main ta-do," said Yippo. "We'll start wi'' the Kolonel. Pick a door!"

"I'll take door number three!" said the Kolonel.

"Awwwww," chorused the rat audience.

"I'm so sorra, thar Kolonel," said Yippo. "Noothing be thar, but please accept our consolation prize of a genuine, claw file and nail clipper made in Tie-Juan - you know, the country who's first ruler was..."

"I don't wanna know!" yelled the Kolonel.

Kay could see the smirk on the Kolonel's muzzle. No matter which door held the prize, he was going to go for it. Kay wished she and Tigermark hadn't had to use up all their ammo in the 'We Shoot Back' arcade. Things were going to get nasty.

"Dr. Kayngi," said Yippo, "please be so kind as ta pick a door."

"I'll take Door Number One!"

"Awwwww," piped up the rat audience.

"Tha' be a shame, lassie. Noothin' behind door Noomer One but an old boot."

An old boot?

Beware the Boot of Karnak! Was this what the dragon's warning was about?

She had no time to think, because the Kolonel had turned to his rats. "It's behind Door Number Two! Get it!"

But the rats didn't move, it seemed they were too mesmerized by the game.

"Kinely sit doon, Kolonel," admonished Yippo. "We ha' one moor contestant. Dr. Hawk-ing. Which door will you pick?"

"This is a no-brainer," mumbled Tigermark.

Apparently, Dr. Hawk-ing agreed and thought it an insult to his intelligence because his artificial voice was squawking a blue streak.

"Errr. Wha ta hawk say?" asked Yippo.

Tigermark shook his head. "You don't wanna know."

Dead silence.

Tigermark looked up to see that the Scotties had all turned an uncomfortable shade of green.

Then he remembered.

The fourth door!

"Uh-oh."

----------------------

Cirrel

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
CrayzedWolf
Registered User


Joined: 19 Apr 2003
Posts: 759
Location: San Jose, California

PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL this is trippin me out....AK is goin places Very Happy
_________________

My Live Journal
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Mapper
Registered User


Joined: 21 Jun 2003
Posts: 893
Location: East coast somewhere

PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 1:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

much aggree'd Very Happy
_________________

Av by GreyCat
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Kayngi
Administrator


Joined: 27 Oct 2003
Posts: 1798
Location: Midwest, USA

PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Boot to da head! LOL!
_________________
Doctor Kayngi
Cap'n Kayngi
Sword Sister of Dark Justice
Den Mother of PF

I got ART
http://kayngi.deviantart.com/
http://kayngi.sheezyart.com
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Cirrel
Registered User


Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Posts: 265
Location: 400 miles north of everywhere

PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 7:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

Instalment 15: "Will that order be 'To Go'?"

-------------------------------

A thunderous boom filled the underground cavern and the 'You Don't Wanna Know' sign on the fourth door clattered to the floor. Underneath was another sign.

"Karnak's Harem - Keep Out! This means YOU!"

"Whal furs," said Yippo in a small, shaking voice. "Ah thin' that wrrraps up anoother excitin' game o' 'Let's Do A Deal'. An' now, a few words frum our sponsors.... RUN FOR IT!"

The Scotties disappeared into the elevator in a flash of tartan and squealing bagpipes, and were gone.

Another resounding boom shook the chamber and the fourth door exploded outward, showering everyone with bits of wood and rock.

"COME ON GIRLS! IT'S TIME TO SHAKE OUR BOOTY!"

Kay thought the voice that issued from the gaping hole in the wall sounded amazingly like Richard Simmons.

"RATS! GET THE CLAW!" roared Kolonel Crazed Wolf.

A totally chaotic scene ensued. Doors, rats, bleachers, and consolation prizes flew everywhere. The old boot hit Kay in the head and she grabbed it cursing. She was about to toss it at a rat when an inscription on the heel caught her eye.

"So THAT'S what the warning really meant!" She needed to get to the Claw of Karnak more than ever now to confirm her suspicions, so she stuffed the boot in her pack and dodged Dr. Hawk-ing as he whizzed by.

But Kolonel Crazed Wolf had already reached Door Number Two, and he yanked it open. There, on a pedestal sat a gleaming, golden claw. Before Kay could stop him, the Kolonel lunged forward and grabbed the artifact.

"It's MINE! Mwahahahah!"

"But for how long!" cried Kay, pointing behind her.

"It's MINE for as long... as...... I....... want?"

The Kolonel blanched and his voice trailed off as he looked to where Kay was pointing. There, filling the space between them and the lava lake, stood the terrifying occupants of the fourth door.

Dr. Hawk-ing zipped up to them.

"ooororeenmmaaeroowweeooo!"

"What he say?"

"It was either 'Gimme a Big Mac , to go', or 'Holy shit! It's the BUTT MONKEYS OF DOOM!'"

"Damn!" said the Kolonel. "Talk about 'Super-sizing' your order!"

There, before them stood the biggest monkeys any of them had ever seen... at least their butts were.

"If this is his harem, it looks like Karnak was a 'tush' man," whispered Tigermark.

All the Butt Monkeys had grins on their faces and a hungry gleam in their eyes. "Hello there boys," cooed the biggest one. "We haven't had a male in EVER so long."

"Eep!" croaked the Kolonel. They all made a mad dash for the elevator and banged on the call button. A little sign lit up.

"Dammit all! It says 'Do Not Use Elevator in Case of Fire or Butt Monkeys!" He pounded the elevator door in frustration. "RATS! All we need now is for the lava lake to explode!"

"Joo got it, boss!" squealed the rats.

"NO! I didn't mean...!"

But it was too late. The rats had dashed to the edge of the lake, dropped their drawers, and cut the cheese. The lake immediately erupted in fountains of fire, knocking everyone off their feet. Kay was the first to scramble up.

"Now's our chance! While the Butt Monkeys are down!"

Rats, adventurers, crazed dictators, and wheelchair-bound theoretical physicists alike took off across the seething lake. Dashing through the entrance on the other side, the Kolonel yelled "Now all we have to do is find a way out of here!"

"ooenureaaeeoowwoaeeu!"

"What he say?"

"It was either 'Pass me the potato salad.' or 'Use the Claw of Karnak to defeat the Butt Monkeys, you idiot!'"

"Oh! Good idea! Hold this for me while I take mine off, will you?"

The Kolonel gave the Claw of Karnak to Kay who immediately looked at the bottom of the artifact. The inscription there made her smile.

"Aw man! I left my screwdriver in my other uniform!"

"Why don't you use your nail file consolation prize?" suggested Kay.

"Good idea!" The Kolonel used the nail file to pop off his own claw. Then he grabbed the Claw of Karnak and jammed it on his stump. A rectangular arrangement of thousands of tiny jewels on the back of the Claw lit up, and a pixilated message scrolled across it.

"What the hell? It says 'Replace BATTERIES'?!"

Kay laughed. "I think we've been had, Kolonel! What you got stuck on your stump there is a REPLICA! It's just a fancy combo can-opener and AM/FM radio!"

"So where's the real one!" cursed the Kolonel. "If I know you, you've already figured it out!"

But there was no time for an answer. The sound of squeals and thundering cellulite echoed from the lava lake chamber. "Ready or not, boys, here we come!"

"Let's MOVE!" yelled Tigermark. And they did.

With the Butt Monkeys on their tails all the way, they finally made it to the M&M chamber.

"Oh great," said the Kolonel. "All we have here is a slippery chute and a busted skylight! Where do we go now?"

"Patience Kolonel," said Kay, fixing a device to the end of her .44 auto mag. "Grapple launcher," she said when Tigermark gave her a quizzical look. She looked at the Kolonel. "Repeat after me. 'RATS! I need rope!"

"RATS! I need rope?"

"Joo got it, boss!" At lightning speed, the rats doffed their duds, unraveled the cloth, and rewove it into a rope.

"Useful little buggers when you know how to use 'em," commented Kay. She attached the rope to the grapple, took aim, and fired it through the skylight. The grapple slipped a bit, and then held.

"Our stairway to heaven, Up you go!"

Up went the rats, followed by Tigermark, who helped them haul up Dr. Hawking. Finally the rope came back down to Kay and the Kolonel. He grabbed the rope and held it away from Kay. The sound of squeals and collapsing walls was getting closer.

"How did you know the Claw was a fake?" he growled.

"I read the label on the bottom. "Made in Tie-Juan" is not a normal inscription for an ancient artifact."

"So where is the real one! You're not getting out till I find out!"

Kay looked over her shoulder toward the approaching sounds of destruction, then back at the Kolonel. "Umm. Unless our zeppelin-sized friends are ACDC, I don't think I'm the one who needs to escape quickly."

"Curse you Adventure Kay!" yelled Kolonel Crazed Wolf. Then he smiled. "I always wanted to say that." Then he handed Kayngi the rope. "Ladies first?"

"You're too kind," demurred Kayngi.

She scrambled up the rope followed by the Kolonel just as the Butt Monkeys of Doom crashed into the chamber.

"CHOCOLATE!" was the roar that came from below.

Kay pulled the rope up quickly. "Maybe the candy will keep them occupied for a while."

Noises that sounded like giant vacuum cleaners drifted up from the chamber.

"Then again, maybe not." She looked around. They were outside on the side of the massive pyramid-shaped mound. "We're totally out of fire power and I don't think we'll get far by the time those Honeys from Hell break out. This stinks."

"Well, Doctor Kayngi," said the Kolonel. "This is where I must leave you. It's too bad you won't tell me where the real Claw of Karnak is hidden. I might take you with me."

"Would you believe it if I told you I don't know where it is?"

The Kolonel's smirk answered that question. "I will continue to look for it, but I'm afraid you may not get the chance." The pyramid rumbled as he turned to his rats. "Rats! Back to headquarters!"

"Joo got it, boss!" The rats disappeared into the jungle in a cloud of dust.

The Kolonel stared and Kay laughed. "They were supposed to take you with them, weren't they?"

The Kolonel growled. "Stupid rats! No matter!" He yanked off the fake Claw of Karnak, tossed it aside, and replaced it with his own. "I have other means of transportation." He pressed a stud on is claw. "Go, go, gadget helicopter!"

The Kolonel's claw transformed into helicopter blades and started whirling. Then he was off in a hail of maniacal laughter.

"Well. So much for sticking around for the fun," Kay grumbled. She wondered if turning on her 'charm' to keep him around would have helped. Probably not. With him gone it was one less thing to worry about.

Tigermark tapped her on the shoulder. "Looks like it's down to us and the Hawk." He was holding the fake Claw. "Do you know where the real Claw is?"

Kay pulled out the old boot and showed him the inscription on the heel.

"On temporary loan from the Temple of Bootodaheadouch in Got-Amala."

"Looks like even the ancients had artifact exchange programs," said Kay. "I'm betting that's where it is."

She stuffed the boot back in her pack. It might come in handy if she could figure out what it was for. When she'd first seen it, she'd thought it was the boot the Dragon's warning was about, but no. The Dragon had misread the warning. It wasn't 'Beware the Boot of Karnak'. It should have read 'Beware the Booty of Karnak'.

"Hell hath no fury like a big-bottomed female scorned - or at least one denied 'tail' for a thousand years," she muttered. Kay could almost sympathize if it wasn't for the fact that the Butt Monkeys would shortly pound them all into paste. It was time to call in the cavalry. She pulled out her Palm Pilot and activated the sat-link.

"Cateagle, this is Kay. Where are you?"

"Nice to hear your voice again, Doctor. I'm about 30 minutes from the Bang-La-Desh airport. I take it you need rescuing?"

"Can't fool you, can I. Yes, I need your assistance, but I'm not sure even you could land on a pyramid, and it's the only clear space for miles around. What I need is air support and a supply drop. We're out of ammo and things may heat up here in a bit. You have my location on your GPS?"

"Got it. I'm on my way."

Kay thought a bit, then punched in another code and sent it off. She was glad she didn't have to resort to the normal Badger Signal this time. The noise of the signal was handy when one wanted to drive off hoards of normal attackers, but it would probably just make the Butt Monkeys irritable. And now that the Badger Brigade had ballistic sub-orbital insertion capability, they could arrive anywhere on the planet in less than an hour. As the pyramid continued to rumble beneath them, Kay only hoped they had an hour left.

Suddenly, Dr. Hawk-ing whizzed up to them.

"ooeeerrmmsssaooeruuaammoo!"

"What he say?" asked Kay.

"It was either 'I have a Buick up my nose', or 'They've broken out!'"

Kay knew she had no choice but to try on the boot, now. "Time to kick some way-overblown ass."

"oooreaaammoosseeoooaaayy!"

"What he say?"

"It was either 'I gotta pee.' or 'Calculations show kicking Butt Monkeys ass only bounces you into next Tuesday.'" Tigermark cocked his head. "Hey, he's the expert on time and space. I'd listen."

"Alright then, we'll just have to evade them until the troops arrive." They both climbed onto the wheelchair. "Dr. Hawk-ing? Kick this thing into overdrive!"

"eeeeeehhhhaaawwwww!"

After a few moments, Kay had to admit the physicist had one hot set of wheels. Then it was a fast-play game of cat and mouse with the wheelchair crowd playing the rodents. Butt Monkeys chased them, collided with each other with near cataclysmic results, and generally made like Keystone cops on crack.

Finally, Kay saw several contrails in the western sky. It looked like they were heading this way. "Come on, Mapper!"

The tips of the contrails burst, shining objects flew out, and sped toward the ground. It looked like they were about to crash when they too, burst open, each disgorging a heavily suited figure under a para-glider.

Then out of the north came a familiar drone.

"Cateagle!"

In precision formation, the Badger brigade hit the ground next to the beleaguered trio, and opened fire. Immediately, the Butt Monkeys closed ranks and turned their best face forward - their butts. The fire seemed to just bounce off, but at least they weren't advancing.

"Nice to see you again, Doctor," roared Mapper over the din. "Looks like you got a situation here. Hello Dr. Hawk-ing. Thanks! The ballistic insertion pods worked great -just like you said they would!" Mapper clipped an energy rifle into a special socket on the Hawk's wheelchair and the physicist joined the fray.

"I'm not sure conventional fire will stop these things," yelled Kay.

"Looks like you may be right!" answered mapper. "Is that your plane we saw coming from the north?"

"Yes, but there's no way he can land here!"

"Gunner!" yelled Mapper to another badger, "Fly-by Acquisition Kit. On the Double!"

The biggest badger stopped firing long enough to pull a box from his carry unit and toss it to Mapper, who popped it open. "Put these on!" he yelled, tossing body harnesses to Kay and Tigermark. He then pulled out a grapple hook launcher tied to a long rope ending in a shock absorbing lanyard and what looked like a portable auto-winch.

"Tell your pilot to do a single low-level low-speed flyby and be prepared for a big jerk to the right."

Kay relayed the information as Mapper attached the winch and shock absorbing lanyards to Kay and Tigermark's body harnesses.

"Your going for a ride," he said.

Kay nodded and turned to Tigermark. "You think the Chute ride was fun. Wait till you see this!"

"Better hurry," said Tank, one of the other badgers. "The Butts are advancing!"

Kay grabbed Mapper's arm. "You gonna be okay?"

"No problem. We gotta plan!"

The drone of 'Miss Piggy' was getting louder and Mapper steadied the launcher. Suddenly, the 'Miss Piggy' burst out above the trees to their right and Mapper fired. Perfectly aimed, the grapple sped toward a rendezvous with its target and wrapped itself around the plane's right pontoon support. The rope snapped taught, and instantly Kay and Tigermark were nearly jerked out of their fur as they shot into the air behind the Kitsune.

"EEEEEEEEEEEeeeehhhaaaaa!!!!!"

Kay felt the auto-winch activate and pull them toward the climbing plane.

"WAS THAT GREAT OR WHAT!?!" yelled the white tiger.

They were soon winched up to the plane, and careful not to slip, they both climbed in.


Satisfied that the two were safe, Mapper turned back to the battle.

"Can't hold them back much longer sir!" yelled Radar.

"Yeah," said Mapper. "Enough farting around. I think it's time to do some... ART!"

He turned to his troops and held up a clenched paw.

"Troopers! By the colors! Red on right to Blue on left! PAINTBALLS!"

As one, the company switched ammo-packs.

"Big 'W" attack! On my mark!"

Mapper turned to the rear ends of the advancing Butt Monkeys.

"It's Showtime!"


"That was close! Too close by half!" grumbled Cateagle as he leveled out the 'Miss Piggy'.

But Kay wasn't listening. She had her eyes glued to a set of binoculars. She let out a whoop. "Tigermark! Grab the other set of binoculars. You gotta see what's going on!"

The white tiger put another set of binoculars to his eyes. "What am I looking for?"

"The Butt Monkeys! Look at their butts!"

"Do I have too?"

Kay turned and punched his shoulder. "Do it! Look what the badgers painted on their butts! Talk about precision paintball!"

Tigermark did as he was told. "Hey! Is that what I think it is?" He started laughing. "Oh, man! Someone's going to really be pissed."

"They already are," said Kay. "Look over there."

Tigermark lowered the binoculars and looked to where Kayngi was pointing. He could see an enormous dust cloud spanning the western horizon. It looked like it was being kicked up by a vast army.

Kay was laughing so hard she almost couldn't talk. "I don't think... we have to worry... about Mapper and his boys."

"Yep," agreed Tigermark, chuckling. "Well, since we're no longer needed here, I think it's time I got back to the New Dehli Airshow! This adventure stuff is fun, but give me open sky any day!"

As the 'Miss Piggy' turned northwest, Tigermark pointed his binoculars one more time at the scene below and focused on one particularly large butt. As with all the others, it now sported a large logo with a sign underneath.

The Logo? The Windows XP Flying Window.

The sign pointing to the butt crack? "Hey Bill! Where do you want to go today?"

The approaching army? Public relations executives and copyright lawyers from Redmond.

The Butt-Monkeys of Doom didn't stand a chance.

--------------------------------

END - Section One of Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak
Que intermission music.

Cirrel

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Aramis Dagaz
Registered User


Joined: 02 Dec 2003
Posts: 174
Location: the City of Roses

PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 11:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing That was hysterical, Cirrel. Great work!
_________________
Companions the creator seeks, not corpses, not herds and believers. Fellow creators the creator seeks--those who write new values on new tablets.
--Friedrich Nietzsche
Enter the City of Roses...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Tigermark
Site Owner
Site Owner


Joined: 18 Apr 2003
Posts: 788
Location: Hopkinsville, KY

PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 12:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love it! We get to do a airborne grapple extraction, and see MS come to battle. I think I could used to hanging around with Dr. Kay, Cateagle, Mapper, Maxx, and company, long as I get some periodic R&R with TL back home. Great story, Cirrel. Looking forward to part 2!

Tigermark (EEEEEeeeeeaaaaHaaaawwwww!)

_________________
Tiger, tiger, burning bright...
http://www.planetfurry.com/~tigermark
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
RefaelBA
Registered User


Joined: 24 Oct 2003
Posts: 95
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2004 5:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*watches first page*
*hits REPLY*

Man, that is some awesome work... That makes me frightened of what you can draw on paper. Shocked Confused

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
RefaelBA
Registered User


Joined: 24 Oct 2003
Posts: 95
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2004 5:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*watches 9 other pages*
*hits REPLY*

Those were the 10 greatest pages that have ever been in PF. Except the quotes thread, perhaps, but that wasn't really anything furry.
Man, Kay you just started some revolution! Cirrel, WTF! I wish I could write as much and as fast as you do Very Happy and Maxx... Man... You all... *cries* *hugs*

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Planetfurry BBS Forum Index -> Adventure Kay All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... , 9, 10, 11  Next
Page 10 of 11

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group