Planetfurry BBS

[Cirrel]

Installment seven of Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

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A gleaming metal fist came down on the computer keyboard with a horrendous crash, scattering plastic keys and flex wire everywhere.

"RATS!" screamed an enraged voice.

Suddenly, thousands of small bodies filled the room.

"Joo call us, boss?"

Kolonel CrazedWolf whirled around in his chair.

"NO! I'm just mad as hell! Now, GET LOST!"

"Joo got it, boss!"

The rodents quickly disappeared in a cloud of outdated maps, error-riddled driving instructions, and rat pellets.

The angry wolf glared. "Dumb @ss lackeys! They take me so literally. I REALLY need to find myself a different expletive! Or better lackeys!"

Still angry, he walked to a cabinet in his office and pulled out another keyboard from the dwindling stack that was there. "Gonna have to order another two-dozen of these." He plugged in the new keyboard and looked back at the screen at what had angered him so. He'd just read the header of Red Tail's misguided message to his RPG group. One of the names there had been like a slap in the muzzle.

'Sword Sister of Dark Justice'

"From goforthegold.fnu.edu no less," he grumbled. "It MUST be her! And knowing the good Doctor, she'll try to get to the Claw of Karnak FIRST!"

His metal fist punched a ragged hole through the LCD monitor, sending sparks flying everywhere.

"RATS! Try to screw me, will you?"

The room was suddenly filled with thousands of small bodies again.

And a large tube of K-Y jelly.

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Dr Kayngi had arrived at the airport in good time and was now approaching the special hanger set aside for private aircraft. She'd called her pilot friend earlier and he would be arriving soon, if he wasn't already here giving his 'baby' a thorough going over. She half expected that to be the case when she walked through the door, but what she saw made her stop dead in her tracks. Next to her own twin engine Kitsune sat a white and black striped civilian T-38.

''When did he get into town ?' she thought.

It couldn't have been long ago because she could still feel the heat radiating from the engines. Kay starred for only a moment longer before putting on her 'don't mess with me' expression and heading straight for the flight plan office.

"Alright, mister! You owe me!" she snarled as she burst through the doors. "A stick of jerky does NOT qualify as a steak dinner!"

The absolutely stunned look of the white tiger sitting at the desk was so funny Kay couldn't keep a straight face and burst out laughing. Still laughing, she pulled him out of his chair and gave him a rib-crunching hug.

"Hello there, Tigermark! Good to see you again!"

"Still the ebullient personality, eh?" answered the white tiger as they broke their embrace. "I see the university hasn't turned you into a book-worming sour-puss, yet."

Kay punched him in his shoulder. "And they never will. So, what are you doing here?"

"I'm on my way to the New Delhi Airshow," said Tigermark. "It's a rather new show. They haven't had that many in that part of the world, but New Delhi is in the second largest country in the world, population-wise, and they're becoming more affluent. It seems the organizers of the show think my dilapidated old bird is something of an eye-catcher and will help draw crowds. Paid my way and everything."

"Too bad it's a single-seater," commented Kay, peering at the striped aircraft through the office's hanger window, "otherwise I'd try to bum a ride off you. I'm headed for Bang-La-Desh, myself."

"But, Kay, the T-38 IS a two-seater," said Tigermark. "It was a military trainer. You probably thought it was a single-seater because I have an instrument training hood blocking the rear seat windows. You should know my ride by now. You've used me often enough in the past as a fast courier."

"True," replied Kay, "but all those times were - how should I say it - rather rushed?"

Tigermark was nodding and eyeing her. "Yes they were. You know, Dr. Kayngi, you sure operate at a hectic pace. I always thought archeologists were slow moving creatures with thick glasses and dusty hats that smelled of ruins, but that's not you by a long shot. With you it's always rush, rush, rush. In fact, that's how I came to owe you a steak dinner, as I recall. Seems I was 5 minutes late to a rendezvous and you demanded the dinner as punitive payment."

"And like I said, mister." Kay faked a growl around her smile. "Tossing me a stick of jerky at our last rendezvous doesn't count as a steak dinner, so you still owe me. But..." Kay folded her arms and tried to look stern. "I'll forgive the debt if you give me a ride to New Delhi in your 'dilapidated old bird'. It's only a hop, skip, and a jump to Bang-La-Desh from there."

"It'll take an extra half-day to redo the paperwork for a passenger," commented Tigermark in a droll voice. "A passenger cuts my range and refueling stops have to be re-calculated."

"No problem," answered Kay, flashing her American Expresso card. "I can pay for the extra fuel, and your flying scrap-heap will still get me there faster than my excuse for a plane. In addition, the extra day will give me time to do a few things here that I'd have had to do long distance over the phone."

"Plus," added the white tiger, "it will keep me grounded here long enough to finally buy you a real steak dinner, right?"

"You got it, mister," Kay replied, licking her chops.

"Um, Doctor, I really need to tell you something before we have dinner together."

The white tiger seemed nervous now. Something Kay had never seen in him before. What kind of problem could there be just going out for a steak dinner. Could it be...?

"Tigermark, you're not..." Kay started, but the white tiger was now pointing to a gold band on his paw, and she let out a breath of relief. Then she smiled. "You're married. I think that's great! I can truthfully say I'm not spouse hunting this year, so you have nothing to fear from me. I thought for a second you might say you'd turned 'Vegetarian' on me, or something."

Tigermark grinned, showing all of his very white teeth.

"Do these look like they were designed for a salad-bar?"

At that moment, a medium sized Main Coon in a leather flight jacket strode into the office. His hard blue eyes behind steel rimmed spectacles swept the room before coming to rest on Tigermark.

"Alright. Whose fancy, striped junk pile is blocking my plane?"

The Maine Coon's voice was low, but its tone could have rivaled any drill sergeant's on the first day of boot camp. Tigermark wasn't smiling now.

"Um, it's mine... Sir."

The Maine Coon looked the white tiger up and down and Kay could see Tigermark trying to stand a little straighter. Kay suppressed an urge to smile and looked dour, instead.

"You complete your post-flight check?" The Main Coon's tone implied serious doubt.

"Completed and logged," Tigermark answered.

Kay saw Tigermark visibly struggle not to add the 'Sir' to the end. Then she saw him grin ever so slightly.

"So, your's is the Kitsune?" Tigermark said quickly, letting his grin grow into an appreciative smile. "Excellent plane. Reliable Pratt & Whitney engines, tough airframe, easy to maintain in the field, and I see it has the STOL modifications added as well as the floats. I take it you have to use lot of unimproved airstrips as well as water? That takes some skill as well as a good aircraft. You probably have an interesting story or two to tell."

Kayngi couldn't help smiling now. Tigermark had taken the exact right approach, so she stepped forward to make introductions.

"Tigermark? Meet my pilot and good, if somewhat crusty, friend Cateagle. Cateagle? This is Tigermark. I've used him occasionally when speed was essential. You'll have to admit that his plane is a bit faster than ours."

The edges of Cateagle's muzzle were struggling to rise in a smile. They almost made it when he finally spoke. "I'll give him that." He held out a paw. "And for a jet-jockey, you do know your aircraft." They shook paws.

Then Kay turned to Cateagle, a little nervous about what she had to say now. "Cateagle, I know we were going to take this trip together, but I need to get on this thing as fast as I can, and Tigermark has offered to give me a ride. Do you mind flying over to Bang-La-Desh by yourself?"

Cateagle's expression had gone hard again, but he didn't make the fuss Kay had expected.

"I'll still need you over there to do the really important stuff," she added.

Cateagle nodded slowly. "I gotta go then. I'll need time to prep her if I want to make it to St. Johns at a reasonable hour." With that, the Maine Coon walked out of the office.

Kay sighed. "I hated to do that to him. We're sort of a team - at least when I need to get out of a scrape fast."

Tigermark turned to the water cooler and poured himself a cup before turning back to Kay. "Tell me, do you like hard Country and Western music?"

Kayngi shivered. "No. Are you thinking of taking me to some steak house that plays it?"

"Nope," he answered.

"Then why did you ask?"

"To needed to find out if your pilot was going to be alright. I think he will be."

Kay stared. "How do you know? And what does C&W have to do with this?"

Tigermark smiled. "I checked out the Kitsune before coming in here to finish my paperwork. It really is a well built plane. But I also noticed a few CDs in the open toolbox on the flight deck. Hard C&W. I think Cateagle will be listening to a few tunes on his long and oh, so lonely trip - tunes he'd normally not enjoy, unless, of course, you like to travel with your headphones turned off all the time."

Kay looked out the open door at her pilot, who was going over a checklist. "Hard C&W. Who'd have thought it?"

They walked out of the office and toward the hanger door.

"So what kind of music do you like?" asked Tigermark.

"All sorts," answered Kay. "Except, of course, hard C&W."

"Give me anything but hard Techno-Rock," said Tigermark. "I'll listen to that when pigs sprout wings."

Kay burst out laughing. "I guess you'll have to listen to Hard Techno then."

Tigermark gave Kay an incredulous look. "What makes you say that?"

But Kay merely went into another fit of laughter and pointed.

Tigermark looked to where she was pointing and there, emblazoned underneath the pilot's window, was the name of Dr. Kayngi's plane.

"Miss Piggy"

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Cirrel

[Luxo]

[Mapper]

Thanks for the comps. Oh yeah this has got to be one of the funnest things to hit in awhile and I love seeing all the participation thats starting to show. Kuddo's to all involved.

[Aramis Dagaz]

Forget just putting this up in its own forum. At the rate this idea is growing, it could have its own website (or an add-on to life@planetfurry, perhaps?).

Great job with "The Golden Melon Idol and the Wolf Revolution" Kayngi. There was certainly no end of amusement in that story. To all involved, keep up the great work!

[Hurtful_Wolf]

Really cool stuff all around It's a really fun idea and all the furs contributing is making it even better. . .well keep it coming everyone!

[CrayzedWolf]

whoaa....I'm gone for couple days and now this thing exploded...But remember you guys...I AM KOLONEL CRAYZED, I VILL KEEL JOO!

[DarkeWolf]

YAAAAAY! Welcome back Kolonel CW! Your Mercenary is ready and standing by. *lights up a cigarette and pulls bolt back on his SOCOM pistol. * See these boots? BOOT TO THE HEAD! LMTO...

[Luxo]

Well, I wanted to write a story about it. But I shall request permission from: Kayngi, Cirrel, CW, DW, Pischk and Maxx to get it to work.

Can I? *puts on the puppy face*

[Cirrel]

Installment 8 of Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak

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The sky over the Wreck-Yer-Wick, Iceland was a deep, almost purple, blue, and the sun - a brilliant whiteness to the south.

Kay could care less as she came back from using the airport 'facilities'.

"Where onboard were you storing that female adapter for 'Personal Relief Tube' thing? One of the wingtips? It was freezing! Talk about sphincter paralysis! I had a time convincing my bladder just now that it was okay to unlock again!"

"I think things of that sort are designed that way. When was the last time you heard of a comfortably warm bed-pan?" answered Tigermark, who had just finished refueling his jet for the next leg of their journey. "Adequate potty facilities are not the T-38's specialty. You ready to rock 'n' roll?"

"In a minute. Gotta check my voice mail. I'm expecting some important messages." Kay pulled out her Palm Pilot, and switched on the satellite link.

"----- Scotty! Your brea ------- up. Ple ------ boost ------ She kenna go any faster, Capn. ------ the dylithium ------ "

"Wrong satellite?" asked Tigermark.

"Wrong universe," answered Kayngi.

She rebooted the up-link.

"---- You're listening to KWKAT, PlanetFurry radio! Weeeee ------"

"Definitely, wrong universe," said Kay, shaking her head. She tried one last time.

"Welcome to FurryGlobe Satellite Services. Please type in your private access code."

"Finally!" She punched in her password, and one of two messages cycled.

"Dr. Kayngi, Mapper, here. Seems our mutual friend was last seen leaving Drinktillyouspew U., a college in Undergrad, Lap-Via. You know, the country on the Ball-a-Tick Sea whose first ruler was some Valvolined vixen named Via. He was heading south in a hyper-tuned LADA, closely followed by a mob of rats dressed in badly matched lingerie. Looks like this could be... a situation. Not sure what kind, but definitely a situation. Remember, if you need me, send up the Badger Signal and the mushroom mongers will descend like bad case of IRS auditors."

Kay smiled and pressed the button for the second message.

"Kayngi! My delectably diddleable Doctor, SF here! I got Tail! It's Red! And it's in Got-Amala! You know, the central-american country whose first ruler..."

"...was some free-tailed tush-monkey named Amala," Kay mouthed along with SkunkFox's voice.

"It seems my latest victim is associated with a big, bad military type named Darke Wolf. Apparently, DW is not into the lighter pastel-print fatigues that are so fashionable this year. But enough talking! I have an RPG to terrorize! It's time to break out the Severe-Bodily-Harm-by-Tickling Machine. Later!"

Kayngi sat for a moment, thinking. She wasn't surprised that Darke Wolf was involved. She'd tangled with him and Kolonel Crazed on the Golden Mellon Idol affair. But why would information about the Claw of Karnak be coming from Got-Amala when all her sources said it was in Bang-La Desh? She activated the e-mail function on her Palm Pilot. Maxx wouldn't be up yet. Too early there.

"Maxx, Dr. Kayngi here," she typed. "I need a favor. Can you locate the whereabouts of our mutual friend Darke Wolf? I think he's still in Got-Amala. Get back to me at this e-mail addy when you can." Kay pressed the send button, and waited for the acknowledge signal before switching off.

This new development was disturbing. She might still have some power over Kolenel Crazed, but his infatuation with her might have waned by now. Only a muzzle to muzzle meeting with him would answer that question. However, she'd never had the same effect on Darke Wolfe. He was an unknown.

But then he might not be involved that much with this situation.

"Don't buy trouble if you don't have to," Kay muttered to herself. "Even though it looks like it's on sale this week."

She turned to Tigermark. "Time to hit the heavenly trails, bud."

Fifteen minutes later, afterburners blazing, they were heading toward frozen Cyber-rhea.

You know.

The arctic land in far northern Asia whose first ruler invented the cybernetic diarrhea called junk-e-mail.

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Cirrel - who's amazed at how many real world place names can be twisted into something goofy.

[Cateagle]

For those who are wondering what a HSAC (Hawker-Siddeley Avation Canada) "Kitsune" looks like. Start with a late-model DHC-6 "Twin Otter" from our world, uprate the engines and add four-bladed props; then recontour the backend, from the rear door frame aft to raise it, allowing an aft loading hatch for long cargos - also works for deploying sensors that need to be trailed). In place of the conventional single vertical tail, you have the tail assembly of a Grumman OV-1 "Mohawk" with three verticals (hence the name of the aircraft). This particular aircraft sets on a pair of amphibian floats with retractable landing gear.

If anyone, or any artist, has any questions, feel free to ask me.

Cateagle

[Tigermark]

Fantastic idea for a back-country STOL hauler, Cateagle, for reference, here is what Stripes One, the T-38 looks like:

[Tigermark]

Heh, wanted to mention, Stripes One hasn't taken her first bow in my story, "Fire On High" yet, but you can follow the link to my sight to start reading the story where sh'll appear.

Tigermark (Yep, shameless plug.)

[Cateagle]

[Cirrel]

Quickie Installment 9 of Dr. Kay and the Claw of Karnak.
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9. Lingerie and Limos

Kolonel Crazed Wolf sat by his gently smoking LADA talking to Dark Wolf on his satellite-phone.

"Yes? You got my message? What? Why are you shouting! No! I don't think you're dull! You're one of the smartest furs I know! What? Holy hairballs DW, that wasn't a CAPS LOCK error! That was the acronym for the place where I found the Claw Map! D.U.L.L. stands for the Drinktillyouspew University Lending Library! Red Tail was right! It was there! Okay. Okay. I'll spell it out for you next time. Is Red Tail with you now? I sent him to you because he can't do much damage there. Got-Amala hasn't got internet access. What! It does? Then whatever you do, keep him off... He did? RATS! No more screwing around!"

"Hokay boss!" squeaked scores of slicked down rodents in red teddys. "What we do wit da fun-duds now?"

Kolonel Crazed howled. "What do I look like? Customer support for Fredrick's of Furrywood? Figure it out yourselves! Go sell 'em on FurBid or something!"

"Joo got it, boss!" The rodents disappeared in a cloud of red lace and cheap perfume.

"Stupid, useless…" Kolonel crazed shook his head and turned his attention back to his conversation with Darke Wolf.

"Yeah. Give Red Tail a swift kick in his red tail for me, too! But I got another problem. My ride just died, and I gotta get to Bang-La-Desh before Dr. Kayngi does! What? Of course she won't 'get' to me again. I got aversion therapy for that, remember! Now the mere sight of her triggers… well, never you mind what it triggers. Right now, I need to know if we have any operatives here in Jaw-Jia. You know, the country on the Black Sea who's first ruler… oh, never mind. All I want to know now is do we have someone here who can get me some new wheels! We don't? RATS!"

"We back, boss!" squeaked the mob of rodents. "What joo need now?"

Kolonel Crazed turned to scream at his lackeys… and stopped dead, jaw open. Thousands of rats in svelte suits and ray-bans crowded around the biggest stretch limo the Kolonel had ever seen.

"I'll get back to you, DW," mumbled the Kolonel and disconnected. Then he pointed. "Where did you get that?"

"Got good deal on FurBid. We go now?"

The Kolonel merely nodded.

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Cirrel

[Tigermark]