Planetfurry BBS

[Pischk]

Sry, I am not comfortable posting this one.

Edited

[Pischk]

http://members.cox.net/lakstudios/MyBetrayal.txt

Some feed back would be nice.

[Fox]

Thats pretty cool. Im not really much of a critict, but thats nicely done

[Pischk]

http://members.cox.net/lakstudios/StrangeEncounters.txt

This ones a bit strange, shrug, breif encounters of the strange.

I tend to be a lousy critic, because I see talent in everyones work, and ussually everything looks good to me.

[Pischk]

Ok, maybe I scare you off with that, or am just confusing the hell out of everyone, as i am doing so to myself ;P

[Luxo]

I like it. While it's a bit weird it shows so much sentiment. Really good.

*thumbs up*

[Pischk]

**From a dream I had 3 years ago**

He walks through the lab eyeing the test results he just picked up. His eagerness showed in his stride, at last he thought, imortality was his, finally after 5 years of research, testing and many failures, he had succeeded.

Walking along the hall of the outer shell of the lab, he looks out and watches the wind blow across the grass, and through the trees. Anxious he turns and heads into the elevator, which leads down to the sub levels of the complex. Humming to himself he keeps looking at the test results, he smiles inside knowing what he has acheived, through betraying his own workers. He would need to keep the results hidden untill he infected himself with the virus he had solely designed and passed off as a way of helping organs regenerate, though its true use was making him live forever.

Dressing quickly, he finishes taping off the biological protective suit, he enters the empty lab. Removing a lock from the fridge he removes a large chest with a lock on it, he quickly turns the dial, removing the lock, he opens the box and removes a vial labeled 'EL1', he chuckles, knowing the real meaning of EL. He pulls open a cabinet, and removes a kit containing several needle types, he picks out a hypodermic needle, and slowly withdrawls 10cc's of the black liquid named EL1. Capping the needle, he slips it into the decon chamber, and waits impatiently for the chamber to finish its decontamination procedures. Hurrying out the door as it finally buzzes open, snags the hypodermic with EL1 from the smaller decon chamber and proceeds up to his office.

Slamming the door behind him, he breaths a sigh of relief. Walking to his desk, he takes the needle from his lap coat and sits down entranced by whats inside the needle. Opening the top draw on his desk, he removes the torniquet, and wraps it around his left forarm. Uncapping the needle, he centers the needle and gently inserts it into the bulging vein. Sweat beading on his forhead, he pushes the plunger emptying the syringe, he removes the needle and takes off the torniquet.

A pain like fire envolopes him, as the fluid courses through his veins, he screams out. Moaning, he stumbles out of his office when the pain quickly vanishes, he feels no different. Nervously walking down the hallway he pauses to look out the window when it happens.

Staring transfixed, he watches the sky blacken, as a wind blows across the land, he watches the grass shrivel to nothing, blowing away leaving bare soil, the trees slowly wither up, leaves blowing away, looking like claws sticking from the ground. He turns to flee, and watches the halls grow dark, as everything takes on an abandoned look. He flees the building, knowing everyone is dead, know he is alone now. Screaming, he runs.

**Grammer, spelling, detail, and many other items are left out, seeing this as a rough draft of what im starting with**

[elMaxx]

Im no critic, but it really is a very interesting side of you, i think it compliments your really cool behavior, cheers man, and here's hoping for more of your stuff.

[Pischk]

Been working on some minor stuff i would like to add in, and also looking into and edit of the ending paragraph to let the story line continue further then it can now.

Thanks for the feed back, good and ill is received with many thanks.

[Pischk]

The story is coming along alot better then I thought it was, I enjoyed all the feed back I have gotten so far. Thanks, the first chapter should be out soon, or when I am happy with the way it feels, I know, thats my biggest hang up, looking foolish, or stupid. I am working past it thanks to several members of this board.

Again, thanks, and look for chapter 1 in the next few weeks.

[Pischk]

Ok, so I guessed wrong with the first chapter, I finished it this morning.

Here is Chapter 1 and updated prologue.

Enjoy.

http://members.cox.net/ppk1/writing.html

Feedback, as before.

Thanks!

Edit, I took down Strange Encounters for the time being.

[Luxo]

I like that story. The only bad point is that I find it a little confusing. Maybe it's just me, or it was intended to be like that.
The first part of it hooks the reader (read: me) very well. But it is very little descriptive. I don't even know what species Stacey is. But, so far, it's a pretty good story. I'll be waiting for chapter 2.

[Pischk]

Chapter 2, will confuse you even more. Its my first story, im trying to get as much detail in as possible, at times I find it hard to stay on track, then a thought hits me and I run with it too quickly.

Anyways, Chapter 2 is finished.

I reworked my site a bit, making it more comfortable.

Prologue: The Dream
http://members.cox.net/ppk1/prologue.html
Chapter 1: An Awakening
http://members.cox.net/ppk1/chapter1.html
Chapter 2: Unknown Enemies & Allies
http://members.cox.net/ppk1/chapter2.html

Those links should work.
Thanks for the feedback.