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Kinsfire Site Owner
Joined: 01 Nov 2001 Posts: 380 Location: Roselle, NJ
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2003 10:50 pm Post subject: Oh no - not another romance story! |
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Well, yeah.
This one comes from a conversation I was having with the ever cool and thoughtful Beau Wolff. I'd showed him a seven year old story I'd written, and he told me, basically, that it was rough, but a good start. My muse went "Ah-ha!"
Through about three or four revisions, I kept bouncing it past Beau, and he helped me tighten it into the form that I just posted to my site. Go to kinsfire.net and...well, the main page says it all.
This may very well be one of my best efforts so far, and if it is, then a lot of the credit goes to Beau (try damn near all of it), since I probably would have posted it a revision or two ago.
I hope you enjoy it. _________________ That which does not kill me probably hurt like a sonuvabitch. |
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Cateagle Site Owner
Joined: 20 Nov 2000 Posts: 1004 Location: Ft. Worth, TX
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 12:35 am Post subject: |
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A most enjoyable story with a nice touch at the very end. You've caught the feel of the show quite nicely and the characters "feel" real.
Two opposed thumbs up!
Cateagle _________________ "But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cateagle. He walked by himself and all places were alike to him."
-- With apologies to Rudyard Kipling |
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beau_wolff Registered User
Joined: 13 Jan 2002 Posts: 34 Location: Hillsboro, Oregon
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 2:25 am Post subject: Re: Oh no - not another romance story! |
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Kinsfire wrote: | This may very well be one of my best efforts so far, and if it is, then a lot of the credit goes to Beau (try damn near all of it), since I probably would have posted it a revision or two ago. |
You had already created the silk purse, my dear sir: all I did was add some beadwork.
Well done, Kinsfire. Well done, indeed. |
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Galadrion Registered User
Joined: 17 Aug 2001 Posts: 378 Location: Portland, Oregon
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 4:55 am Post subject: |
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*Snicker* Do you realize, Kinsfire, I was five pages into the story before I realized why so many of the names sounded familiar? *Laugh* Partially, it's my lack of familiarity with the later versions of Trek, and to a greater degree, it was my absorption into the story. That should tell you something of what I think of it...
In short, a cracking good story, m'friend. I was a little shocked at the deaths, though. Your answer to that came as a complete surprise to me - chalk that up to the absorption factor, too, as I've considered that device for my own purposes a time or three. Nothing quite that extreme: I was considering it more for such matters as full-on, no-holds-barred, Kumite-style combat training.
As for the remote possibility of offense... well, considering some of the things I read for pleasure, the elements in your tale which might otherwise cause some concern are not an issue for me. Granted, there are those who will be offended, but... I don't think you'll find many of them here. Well done, sir, well done indeed. _________________ Galadrion - Member of the Longbottom 3. |
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Concolor Registered User
Joined: 19 Nov 2001 Posts: 832 Location: South Carolina
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 8:58 am Post subject: |
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AAIIAAUUEEEEUURRRRRRRGH!!!!!
I CAN'T GET TO THE DING-DANG-DONG THING!
My PC won't display your whole page, and it won't give me a horizontal navigation bar!
Help!! _________________ Oddly enough, my life is based on a true story. (Ashleigh Brilliant) |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 10:06 am Post subject: |
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Concolor wrote: | I CAN'T GET TO THE DING-DANG-DONG THING!
Help!! |
Use that link.
http://www.kinsfire.net/stories/singles/lda.html _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Kinsfire Site Owner
Joined: 01 Nov 2001 Posts: 380 Location: Roselle, NJ
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 10:46 am Post subject: Re: Oh no - not another romance story! |
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beau_wolff wrote: | Kinsfire wrote: | This may very well be one of my best efforts so far, and if it is, then a lot of the credit goes to Beau (try damn near all of it), since I probably would have posted it a revision or two ago. |
You had already created the silk purse, my dear sir: all I did was add some beadwork.
Well done, Kinsfire. Well done, indeed. |
Well, you know as well as I how well done beadwork can make a silk purse worth far more than what it was when plain. I state again - without your help, this story would not have gotten to where it is. Any praise for it is due in large part to you. (The Mutual Admiration Society strikes again. ) _________________ That which does not kill me probably hurt like a sonuvabitch. |
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Concolor Registered User
Joined: 19 Nov 2001 Posts: 832 Location: South Carolina
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 11:55 am Post subject: |
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Nameless! U-Da-Man! Thanks.
----------------
Kinsfire:
Wonderful!!
Dang, better than wonderful! That certainly beats most of the episodes I've seen of the show.
And the writing was [fill in several appropriate hyperbolic adjectives]!!! If this is an example of how you and Beau work together, then I have A SUGGESTION:
Do It Again!!
That story is going to stay with me for a while, I can tell. Bee-bopping around in my skull, as it were.
Beautiful. Just lovely. <satisfied sigh> Thank you SO MUCH! _________________ Oddly enough, my life is based on a true story. (Ashleigh Brilliant) |
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Kinsfire Site Owner
Joined: 01 Nov 2001 Posts: 380 Location: Roselle, NJ
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 6:00 pm Post subject: |
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Galadrion wrote: | *Snicker* Do you realize, Kinsfire, I was five pages into the story before I realized why so many of the names sounded familiar? *Laugh* Partially, it's my lack of familiarity with the later versions of Trek, and to a greater degree, it was my absorption into the story. That should tell you something of what I think of it... |
I appreciate the compliment. If people really get interested, I could post the story it originally came from. You'll see just how much the story changed. Somehow, it's exactly the same story, but nothing like the original.
Galadrion wrote: | In short, a cracking good story, m'friend. I was a little shocked at the deaths, though. Your answer to that came as a complete surprise to me - chalk that up to the absorption factor, too, as I've considered that device for my own purposes a time or three. Nothing quite that extreme: I was considering it more for such matters as full-on, no-holds-barred, Kumite-style combat training. |
I wish I could take credit for inventing that little scenario with the Commander's test, but that was straight out of an ST:TNG episode. I added the spin of the testee not knowing it was a test.
Galadrion wrote: | As for the remote possibility of offense... well, considering some of the things I read for pleasure, the elements in your tale which might otherwise cause some concern are not an issue for me. Granted, there are those who will be offended, but... I don't think you'll find many of them here. Well done, sir, well done indeed. |
I thought, later, that some might think I'd referred to Kendra's history as something the reader needed to get over, but I was refering to the relationship itself. I kow you knew what I was thinking of, but others who might want to scream at me for it? Well, that's their tough luck. I neither need nor want readers who practice THAT kind of bigotry. (Where in hell did this soapbox come from?) _________________ That which does not kill me probably hurt like a sonuvabitch. |
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Galadrion Registered User
Joined: 17 Aug 2001 Posts: 378 Location: Portland, Oregon
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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*Raises hand guiltily* That may be one of mine - sorry. First time I've had one get away, though... _________________ Galadrion - Member of the Longbottom 3. |
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Kinsfire Site Owner
Joined: 01 Nov 2001 Posts: 380 Location: Roselle, NJ
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 10:41 pm Post subject: |
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Galadrion wrote: | *Raises hand guiltily* That may be one of mine - sorry. First time I've had one get away, though... |
Are you sure it's not of that rare breed of free-range soapboxes? _________________ That which does not kill me probably hurt like a sonuvabitch. |
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beau_wolff Registered User
Joined: 13 Jan 2002 Posts: 34 Location: Hillsboro, Oregon
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 1:06 am Post subject: |
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Kinsfire wrote: | If people really get interested, I could post the story it originally came from. You'll see just how much the story changed. Somehow, it's exactly the same story, but nothing like the original. |
Personally, I think you should. It will also help to showcase just how much your style has changed over the intervening time.
B'sides, it's an intriguing juxtaposition. |
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Kinsfire Site Owner
Joined: 01 Nov 2001 Posts: 380 Location: Roselle, NJ
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, then, Beau - on your head be it.
As Beau suggested, I have posted the story's origin story. I've named it Logic Dictates Action - The Original Story
A more Mary Sue story you're not likely to read - from me, at least. (Hey, even I have my limits! )
You can either find it via the links from my website, or you can follow this one directly, since Clint was apparently having a problem the other day:
http://www.kinsfire.net/stories/singles/lda_orig.html
I'd say "Enjoy" but I know what you're about to read. _________________ That which does not kill me probably hurt like a sonuvabitch. |
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Galadrion Registered User
Joined: 17 Aug 2001 Posts: 378 Location: Portland, Oregon
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Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2003 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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*Snicker* Definitely Mary Sue. At least it was deliberately so - somehow, I find those more tolerable... and usually better written than the 'accidental' type.
I mean no offense by this, Kinsfire. The finished version is a lot stronger - in several senses. The dilemma is sharper, the emotions more defined. It grabs the reader in a stronger hold, in my view. While the original is certainly not a bad piece - we've all read much worse, I'm sure - the revised version is a better story in so many ways that comparing the two is almost pointless... except, as Beau said, to show how far you've come.
Now, here's something worth considering: it says something when a piece you regard as, more or less, a reject is of such quality as to be worth posting. And this is definitely the case, here. Were I you, I'd keep both of them posted. *Salute* Maybe it's a bit backhanded - I certainly hope you don't take it as such - but it is intended as a compliment. _________________ Galadrion - Member of the Longbottom 3. |
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