Planetfurry BBS

Jaymee Fox · Site Owner Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 582 Location: USA

A few of you might not notice that I have disappeared and few of you do not know me because you're new.

I just want to say something and please move this to the right thread if it is in the wrong place.

First of all; please send my mother thoughts / prayers because on May 25th, a F2 decided to come down and ripped half of the south town apart, and during it's path, my mother's house was involved.

The house is gone.

my teenagerhood house is gone.

I've been sorting out the mess with my mom and I've gotten sick twice (before and after the destruction... typically when I am sick I don't feel like getting online.

Second of all... I don't feel like I belong in the furry community anymore. I try to meet a furry and do things or talk about things but I feel like I am not suppose to be anyone's friend. I've been told this or that by non furry and some furry people and I don't know where to turn to. I hate to talk to certain people about my problems (you know who you are) I apologize for being the person who can't have a fun conversation lately. -__-

I feel like I have NO support in any area of my life. My art, my blog, my comic, my stories, my interests, who i am, and many more.

During the conference I attended the first weekend of June for a deaf association, I listened to the speaker as he had two volunteers standing by him. He pulled out a box of pencils, gave one to the lady and the rest to the guy. He said to the lady "break it" the pencil snapped. he tells the guy to break his and he couldn't break the handful of pencils. The speaker then said "You see... if you can't break, that is because you have strong community behind you, giving you all the support and the attention you richly deserve as they get theirs too"

I sat there frowning, fighting back tears and said to myself "I'm the person with one pencil that broke"

(sighs) This post is not for attention, this is where I am considering leaving the furry community and just have my furry self as a hidden closet kind of thing.. more of a loner. Take care everyone.

Rabbit · Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 1:17 am Post subject:

One must go where one must go. That said...

Furs are people like anyone else, and subject to all the usual human flaws and weaknesses. Me, I don't think much of anyone who deems it my job to entertain them when we're conversing. Fun times are good and fun times are important, but they're not the largest part of life. As one ages, in fact, they grow less and less frequent. Friendships are about give and take, not "entertain me". Those with the mistaken impression that they're about entertainment are headed for long, unpleasant and possibly even tragic lives. It's such a huge miscalculation that I'm staggered at how common it seems to be.

Asalis · Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2011 5:01 pm Post subject:

I have been wondering what you were up to Jaymee. Sorry to hear about your mother and your childhood home. Is she alright? If you ever need someone to chat with I'm always open.

As for this community i can honestly say it's not the way it used to be. Quite a few people have been run off of this site from what i hear, though I've no real info on the details. This forums always so quiet to and that unsettles me. From the looks of it, it sounds like a couple of users are getting free reign in the background.

Tora_Frogg · Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:02 am Post subject:

You were a great help to me during my time of need Jaymee, and although I don't talk much, I am here looking for the right place and the right time. I would gladly listen to you if you want to talk about your problems. And furry or not, I still consider you friend, despite what little I know about you. Do not hesitate to message me outside of PF, or even to text me if you need someone to talk to. (And don't be deterred by a delayed response, I'm often at work and I will get back to you.)

I leave you with the following, to help you to determine your actions.

The universe is a lonely place. Some go their whole lives without connecting with another person. Making enemies is easy; making friends is difficult. Finding people to share your life with? Well, that's the challenge in life, isn't it? We needn't go through life by ourselves. Times may be rough, and there will be fights, and we will lose contact, but in the end it's worth it; Together we can make the universe a little less lonely.

Syrius · Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2011 7:10 am Post subject:

Be strong.

Jaymee Fox · Site Owner Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 582 Location: USA

Rabbit; At first I wasn't sure if your remark about me seeking people for entertainment was a cruel thing to say or not. Originally my first reaction was "No I do not do that" But I sat and thought for a while.... Spoke with a friend asking her "Do I seek for entertainment rather than friendship?"

She said hell no but sometimes we ALL do that especially me for being a new mom, I will not get much company or people willing to talk to me because of that so I'd end up seeking for adult entertainment ( I don't mean sex and stuff like that) for the next 15 - 18 years or more.

For everyone to read this : I have always felt like I am stuck in the past. I feel like I'm still in the 1990's I haven't left the 1990's in my head. Here's the visual of it so you will understand

Scene 1 : I am laying on the long couch with the warm yellow lamp casting the long rectangle family room downstairs of that house, with a blanket half covering me. I am watching Star Trek the next generation as I am petting our brand new 4 month old puppy - a maltese name Sassy. She is on my chest asleep, her soft fur carassing through my fingers. There is no hate in the world, I do not feel alone, depressed, or feeling whinny. There was no internet. I am not in a hurry to have a date or a boyfriend. I am not even upset for not having one on a Saturday night. I am enjoying the evening downstairs. My shelves are full of books that I read which are Sweet Valley High by Francise Pascal. (( By the way.... those books are gone from the tornado )) R.L. Stine's books, and Archie Comics (I have all of those comics, they are in storage just fine. )

My point is... I knew less, had no internet to entertain me, and cell phones did not exist in my world because they are sooooo expensive, no texting service and big thick fat ass phones (laughs) My friend pointed out to me that today I have more knowledge than ever because internet helped me. So that's 50/50 in good/bad way of having and not having internet Smile

That scene replays a lot in my head. IT's like one of my happy moment of my life that I put myself in and enjoy it. Fast forward... Sassy lived to age 17 and passed away 2 years ago, a month ago when the house got destructed, that couch has been tossed to the dump, All the books except Archie Comics that I collect which I have over 250 is saved. the coffee table is fine. The chair is tossed. I have the loveseat in my apartment which I was using for 3 years and now I have to sell it because I don't have the long couch anymore. I still have the lamps with the exact same shades. I take real good care of stuff fyi Smile

I honestly do not know what I want anymore in some sense of my life. I am on a journey since last August after one so-call friend (not a furry) did something nasty toward me and I cut her out of my life a few months later after there were no improvements. But her words really sting and got me curious about who I really am. I find that I am an Introvert.. I really am one in real life. Online I'm an extrovert but it depends on where I am at.

So I tend to push everything out of my life .... in a sense I might be trying to declutter my mind and see where I should go from there.

Since my other phone died at the same day the house died (weird) I got a new phone 2 weeks later and it's android Very Happy

I got to play and evenually got to join geocaching. I've been geocaching for nearly 2 weeks now and I love it. I am trying to find a new hobby that can keep me busy and involves no one so I won't feel disappointed if I am not "entertained"

To answer someone's comment elsewhere : I am a furry in my soul but I am not a furry costume wear other than a tail and ears that I would love to wear Very Happy

I've been a furry wayyyy before the internet started but I had no name to call what I felt like I was til I found furry in Tripod chat room *one of the acient chat rooms that closed down long time ago* Remember Geocities? Very Happy

Geocities is what helped me ping my interest in becoming a website designer and I have college degree in that.

See! I'm rambling.

I'll stop here and let you all read. Bear with me.

Jaymee Fox · Site Owner Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 582 Location: USA

Jaymee Fox · Site Owner Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 582 Location: USA

Jaymee Fox · Site Owner Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 582 Location: USA

Rabbit · Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:43 am Post subject:

Jaymee Fox · Site Owner Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 582 Location: USA

Oh the other furry which I do not mention names out of respect for them Very Happy

was a very helpful furry last year and I feel like all I do is talk about negative stuff and I was just being sorry that I am not talking about fun and positive stuff. I know how people hate to hear negative stuff or bad stuff so I try to be happy and sprinkle cheer around.

My problem is how people do not talk to me when I give my 50% of the friendship and I tend to be the conversation starter then I get "Ah, Oh. I see. Ahhh hmmm mmmm" one word conversation from several people (not that furry I was mentioning) and this happen to be in the furry community. I try not to filter people out for that but if I get that too often then I have to stop talking and go somewhere else. I did not try to maintain conversations and stuff then I tried to then it ends up me being the annoying person and I get casted off.

Hope I am making sense Rabbit? You did not inflict any pain upon me I was a bit confoxed and thought I could share some thoughts of mine. I guess my mind gets me in trouble as usual. :/

I am okay Rabbit Very Happy

*hugs* REALLY I am not the kind of person who gets depressed I just have a lot of thoughts and stuff on my mind. I also just am feeling like disconnected from Planetfurry and the furry community so I wanted to share about it on here. Trying to see different angles and seeking resolutions to solve this myself.

Tora_Frogg · Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 2:43 am Post subject:

Jaymee Fox · Site Owner Joined: 02 Jun 2003 Posts: 582 Location: USA

Tora_Frogg · Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:10 am Post subject:

Aslaug · Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 4:24 pm Post subject:

*holds out a pencil* You can have one of mine. Then at least you'll have one that isn't broken anymore.

And what I mean by that is that you have support. Here, around you, in many places. But that does not destract from the tragedy you and your family are experiencing.

Losing one's home ... I can't even begin to imagine how awful that must be. I admire that you have the strength to even talk about this, and I hope you will continue to share your thoughts here, so that everyone may try to offer a word of support now and then ... however little that might count for, in the grand scheme of things.

Hang in there, alright? You're tougher than you think. You've struck me as someone both strong and good since coming to this board, and I'm that while all this is downright awful, you will eventually be able to move on.