Planetfurry BBS

tijn · Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 8:31 am Post subject:

Nope, I'm not reading this.
I'm still enjoying 'Transitions I' (the 'I' seems to apply even if it isn't in the title). Based on that I don't see why I would deny myself the pleasure of this story (in due time).

bastion · Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:47 pm Post subject:

@tijn: You should, though. It's getting better and better Smile

Anywho, chapter 6 is up

The BioCobra · Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:34 am Post subject:

Oh, so they're THAT kind of zombie (and to hell with what Time says about them: they're zombies, deal with it). So they're more like Return of the Living Dead zombies? They have the ability to legitimately communicate. Just not the brain craving, obviously.

Also, between everyone here, I would probably take Aslaug's stance on how to deal with rich, affluent merchants of ANY time-frame. Ever. EVAH!

This is most certainly a more thoughtful piece of writing, and not quite in the sense of your care of writing it (which is still exquisite). You're establishing Aslaug as being a lot more thoughtful, reminiscent, and complex than I think at any point in previous stories of hers. It is the ideal direction to develop any character. The more... real a character is, the more that someone can fully relate to or bond with a character and/or its circumstances, then you know you've made the right choice. I know that you know that very well, and in my opinion you are a sparkling enough writer to make that right choice more often than not.

But if not, then hey! That's what proof-readers are for... Shocked

Frazikar · Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 9:20 am Post subject:

This flashback is being brought to you by the Circus, where all your elephants are allowed to roam...

Yes sir, the filly is reveiwing her particular herd of elephants in a straight and forthright manner...

Still, time marches on (plotingly?) as old friends continue their moves...

Aslaug · Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:02 pm Post subject:

Well, I'm trying. She started out being fairly two dimensional, but I think we saw in the "coach Larsen" incarnation, that she can be more than simply an axe-wielding looney. I am trying to work from that and make her a complete character.

Kellan Meig'h · Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:10 am Post subject: o_O

I wonder . . . What's This?

Bastion being sneaky? Shocked

Kel

Frazikar · Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:57 am Post subject:

The BioCobra · Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 1:28 pm Post subject:

And thus we enter Act II...

Angry Aslaug is angry.
Dead Harald is dead.
Reunited friends are reunited.
Temporarily happy John Henry is temporarily happy.
The Hover Cat is hovering.
...
I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER!!!
*ahem* sorry. Had another funny turn there.

I wasn't expecting the assassination of Harald to come so soon in the story. But then, it's your writing, and it all fits into the grand scheme of things. So that's why, to me, it's part of the climax for what I think of as Act I. I honestly can't help but shiver with anticipation at each posting and each mini-review.

On another note, at least I now know for certain that ALL Norse immortals require Idunn's apples. I wasn't certain before.

Be forewarned, character interaction speculation ahead in 3... 2... 1...
ACTION!
"If Constantine were ever to meet this particular deity/entity, as we did vaguely discuss such a thing at one point, not only would Constantine, as I envisage him, show an significant degree more decorum and sociability to her, but also have to apologize for feeling a bit cheap: He is eternally young and handsome (yes, handsome for a bloody avian...) by default, and so would feel a bit of a violation in the presence of one who has to perform such a vital function for the gods of a whole religion."

End speculation. (Wasn't that a surprise, boys and girls...) Rolling Eyes

Anyway, I also noticed one or two little mistakes in the chapter. The Proof-Reading Eye grows stronger. First, your Norse writing on page 3 is not italicized, but then that lack may have been intentional. Also, Page 4, 3rd paragraph has a sentence which reads: "It had happened while he overseas." You can see it's missing a 'was'. Forgive me for nitpicking, but then I need to nitpick if I'm going to proof-read for you, which of course I am now.

Though I imagine, now that it's been posted, you can't really do much about it. Oh well, my pomp and noise may have been for nothing, in which case I will have to be even more apologetic. Embarassed

And so, I retire into dormancy again, and await the call of the Axe Shed... Twisted Evil

Kellan Meig'h · Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 11:58 pm Post subject: Admitting error

Okay, I claim partial responsibility for the missing 'was' in that one sentence. I usually catch those types of typo errors.

Embarassed

The BioCobra · Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 1:22 am Post subject: Re: Admitting error

bastion · Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 12:44 pm Post subject:

Aslaug · Posted: Fri May 13, 2011 2:14 pm Post subject:

*giggles like a schoolgirl*

Bastion has magic fingers *pffffrrrnfrrrnghhhnnnn* *runs away and hides*

The BioCobra · Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 12:44 am Post subject:

"Oh, ho, ho, it's MAGIC! You knooow. Never believe it's not sooo."
Razz

bastion · Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 1:35 pm Post subject:

Aslaug · Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 3:21 pm Post subject:

Well, depending on whether you stuck to using your fingers, she might end up being a bride sooner rather than later, ne? Very Happy