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Joining the ALN/ALS club
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The BioCobra
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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Posts: 138
Location: Weymouth, England

PostPosted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 1:52 pm    Post subject: Joining the ALN/ALS club Reply with quote

Hey all.

A while back, I mentioned I'd done a story based in the ALN/ALS setting. Well, I'm now going to post it up here and see what you all think.

It is the first short story in what I'm calling my 'Of Fallen Angels' saga. Aslaug has read through it herself and thinks its all well and good. This story is considered canon to the ALN/ALS setting by our dear filly. Now, I don't have any proof-readers, so it may have some mistakes.

Anyway, the link is included in this post (in PDF form only, I'm afraid). Please read it and let me know what you think of it.

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Kellan Meig'h
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Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 1770
Location: Centerville, California

PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good!

. . . now if we just knew his real name . . . Shocked

Kel

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The BioCobra
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Location: Weymouth, England

PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 3:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Ahh, I can't tell you that yet, Kellan. I'm keeping it as a treat for later... Very Happy
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Frazikar
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 9:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good thing it was a private conversation...(or has he just made a deal easier?)
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The BioCobra
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Location: Weymouth, England

PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 2:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Frazikar wrote:
Good thing it was a private conversation...(or has he just made a deal easier?)


Confused

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that.

If you mean the conversation between Gabriel and Constantine, then whether it was private is up to question. I mean, despite Gabriel claiming to be there of her own accord, it's not really possible. She is a thrall of God, and she is ultimately doing what He wants...

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Frazikar
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 11:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The filly knows (and a few others)... [this message will self-destruct in...]
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The BioCobra
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Frazikar wrote:
The filly knows (and a few others)... [this message will self-destruct in...]


*Has a think*

*Eyes widen*

This is about calling Aslaug a pony, isn't it? Well, I can't yet hear the sound of spiked horseshoes...

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Aslaug
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's because I've padded them, in order to be able to sneak up on my victims!
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Frazikar
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(*peeks*)

Told ya the filly knows...
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The BioCobra
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 1:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Stares at evil-grinning filly, eyes wider and mouth hanging open*

Oooooookaaaaaaayy...

*Clucks tongue and inhales deeply through gritted teeth*

No, I'm not running! I refuse to kowtow! "Now, if you'll forgive the rather confrontational imperative: Go for yer guns, ya scum-sucking molluscs!"

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Kellan Meig'h
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The BioCobra wrote:
*Stares at evil-grinning filly, eyes wider and mouth hanging open*

Oooooookaaaaaaayy...

*Clucks tongue and inhales deeply through gritted teeth*

No, I'm not running! I refuse to kowtow! "Now, if you'll forgive the rather confrontational imperative: Go for yer guns, ya scum-sucking molluscs!"


Me thinks you should have stated, "Get them (spiked) hooves a-stompin'!"

Maybe it won't hurt too bad . . . maybe not.

Very Happy

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Aslaug
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I'm not going to punish YOU ... just the character who used the P-word Wink
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The BioCobra
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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
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Location: Weymouth, England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aslaug wrote:
Well, I'm not going to punish YOU ... just the character who used the P-word Wink


But of course, dear filly.

*Out of nowhere appears Constantine*

"Hey! I'm not the sort to kowtow either, so I'm not gonna let you so much as touch me for such a trivial slur. I'll call you what I damn well please!"

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Aslaug
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 12:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*patpats the birdy*

Well you see ... you've got a problem there. I'm The Writer, after all. The only force in fiction above the Gods themselves Wink
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The BioCobra
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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Posts: 138
Location: Weymouth, England

PostPosted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 3:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Constantine bares rare bird teeth*

"If you can call me a birdy, I can call you a pony. I like ponies. *Adopts Jeremy Clarkson voice* They're sweeeeet!"

*I step in and 'remove' Constantine from the situation*

Best get him out of here before he commits unintentional suicide. Besides, I am myself a writer. Not on your level of skill, but still a writer. And when two writers clash... Well, you know what they say. "The pen is mightier than the sword... as long as its a very short sword and a very sharp pen!"

Edit: For those who actually read my work, I would like it if some proper feedback came to me. I appreciate it if you say it's good, but I need some constructive criticism, and actual reasons for why something does or doesn't work. Thanks all!

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