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Hiatus Warning...
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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
Posts: 2601
Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 2:39 am    Post subject: Hiatus Warning... Reply with quote

As many times I have stated about my past here, I'm goint to take a short break starting 12/20.

Why? The problem is partly due to the aniversary of my wife's disappearence and evntual murder; but it it also due to a select few that would call themselves my friends with their constant reminder of the events and wanting to dig up a dead horse and beat it as much as they can.

Friends? Once upon a time they were, I would have given my life for them at one time; but since that day after the 1st aniversary, have been acting strange towards me. Since I put her murderer into the ground to push up daisies just a few short years ago, they have been acting worse.

I have to leave for a while, to take care of whats left of my insanity, and to beat some common sense into these people about one's feelings and memories.

Eventually I'll return. Hopefully better.

Enjoy the holidays, and the New Years... if I have not returned by then.
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Fishburne
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Joined: 23 Jul 2002
Posts: 596
Location: Plano, Texas

PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 11:31 am    Post subject: Re: Hiatus Warning... Reply with quote

Elfen_Furry wrote:
As many times I have stated about my past here, I'm goint to take a short break starting 12/20.

Why? The problem is partly due to the aniversary of my wife's disappearence and evntual murder; but it it also due to a select few that would call themselves my friends with their constant reminder of the events and wanting to dig up a dead horse and beat it as much as they can.

Friends? Once upon a time they were, I would have given my life for them at one time; but since that day after the 1st aniversary, have been acting strange towards me. Since I put her murderer into the ground to push up daisies just a few short years ago, they have been acting worse.

I have to leave for a while, to take care of whats left of my insanity, and to beat some common sense into these people about one's feelings and memories.

Eventually I'll return. Hopefully better.

Enjoy the holidays, and the New Years... if I have not returned by then.


Godspeed EF, we'll be waiting

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"Do not Taunt Happy Fun God" -Cthulhu
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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
Posts: 2601
Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2002 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wait a minute!!!! I still got a week left!!! Shocked
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Bearion
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Joined: 01 Jun 2002
Posts: 278
Location: Bay Area, California

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2002 12:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elfen_Furry wrote:
wait a minute!!!! I still got a week left!!! Shocked


Nope. Sorry. Ya gotta leave now!!! Wink Wink Laughing

sigh...bad joke.

Take care, Elfen. Take whatever time you need to make your pease. We'll be here.
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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
Posts: 2601
Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2002 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You guys sure know how to define the saying, "7 days makes a hole weak!"
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Bearion
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Joined: 01 Jun 2002
Posts: 278
Location: Bay Area, California

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2002 5:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elfen_Furry wrote:
You guys sure know how to define the saying, "7 days makes a hole weak!"

Was that days or daze? Very Happy
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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
Posts: 2601
Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Sun Dec 15, 2002 12:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bearion wrote:
Elfen_Furry wrote:
You guys sure know how to define the saying, "7 days makes a hole weak!"

Was that days or daze? Very Happy


7 hard nonstop days!!!
(only if Skunkfox was here to see this! Laughing)
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taspacecampjh
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Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 527
Location: Abilene, Texas

PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 3:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Paying my respects and to be there for ya fella.
2nt & 3rd Person ill visit after Tygon

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Cateagle
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Joined: 20 Nov 2000
Posts: 1004
Location: Ft. Worth, TX

PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 10:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You do what you need to do, Elfen, and take the time you need. the rest of us will hold down the fort, here. you've got this cat's prayers.
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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
Posts: 2601
Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 4:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, its that time of year again, for me...
What can I say? Evil is setting in, more like over flowing at the brim and spilling out onto everything.

Friends, is I can dare call them that, are at it again. I swear- an ex-from hell should remain there! I dont divide up friends into groups, why should she? B*I*T*C*H...

Continuing on with friends... no matter how hard I try to review the memories and what was written (in the dairies of friends that dead that I currently own), I can not see why there is such a chasm between us because of 1 or 2 people.

The history is now approaching 20 years on this, and still there is no resolve in this.

What do I want, is the question to be asked, along with others.
What do I want?
3 things.

1) The memory of the friend who I later married and lost to be eternal within our group. Others have died within our circle of friends and the memories of their lives are as fresh as the days they walked upon this Earth. Somehow I dont think this is too much to ask of anyone. Yet, they start acting like their teeth were about to be pulled without the aide of intoxication to numb the pain.

2) For me to be left alone during this time. In the past, while her murder lived a comfortable life behind bars during this time, I was going berzerk with that notion of how Justice is to insensitive to the vitcim, to allow the perpetraitor go about his life without restitution for the victim. He has 3 meals a day, a warm room, shower and cable TV. He could go to school and hold a job in prison. What did she have? An Eye for an Eye- a Life for a Life diberately taken in a crime of passion. In the past, yes, I was an emotional train wreck... The key word is 'WAS.'

3) They want to continue on with our friendship, then I say that there are rules to be placed. In the past, I did not cared for who went out with whom or who was the better lover in bed, and I still dont to this day. I never had a problem in the department of "Loving another," and so do not caring about how I measure up to others. Its a stupid game that should be stopped, its an abuse of the relationship that we have. If the females of the group think that we males are just their love-toys, then I dont want to be in the box-o-toys. They complained about us treating them like flesh, they should stop what they are doing to us. If the other males want to complain about the lack of attention, then they should go complain to their wives.

Yes I hurt, its a recurring pain that returns every year at this time. Yet it is so different with when Grandma died... She went to the hospital and one day died... and gave her a funeral. With my wife- she disappeared one snowy evening, and was never to be found alive for the next 25 days. Only when the snow melted almost a month ago- was she found, dead. So thats 25 days... of GOD DAMN IT- I WANT AN ANSWER!!!... and never got one. Yes it hurts. Yes, I wanted revenge and eventually got it. But NO, it does not bring her back- Justice is not only blind, but moronically stupid as well.

The Hiatus begins this weekend (12/20). I hope to finish the Sabrina and Vampire stories posted before I leave.

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em-see
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Joined: 25 Apr 2003
Posts: 181
Location: Plymouth, UK

PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Take care & be good... Well - take care.
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throw me to the sky because I know I'm coming back.
- Easily, Red Hot Chili Peppers
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Styx
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Joined: 25 Dec 2002
Posts: 3176
Location: West Covina, California

PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elfen, I am really sorry that so much pain is associated with this time of year for you I truly wish there was something we could do to erase the pain. I have no words of wisdom to make it easier but I'm here if you need even if you just need someone to rage at.
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taspacecampjh
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Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 527
Location: Abilene, Texas

PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 9:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I originoly diden't want to post here in fear that i may "open a can of worms" as it may be.

But my fear of bringing up a topic that might had been resolved did not out-weigh my will to try and support a friend in need.

I also haven't got any words of wisdom to spread thru-out the BBS but I shall help in any way I can.

For once I don't have a simuar situation and it seems to me yall tire of my ranting...

If you need to talk Im online.

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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
Posts: 2601
Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2003 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everyone's welcome to come here and post as they please. For this is an open forum...
The 'guff' I write is also open to all to read, and if they like to they can print it out for their own personal archival use as well...

My problem stems from RL friends from long ago that for some reason, because of our former military and governmental activities of the early 80's, and the secrets that we share. I did everything in my part to get the job done, with as little expense to our side as possible.

In short, and in the past- I was and still am a experimentalist, dabbling in many fields of science. Primarily in computer design, systems operations and AI. Frankly- the stuff bores me- genetics and physics are more geared to my kind of thinking.

But back then, the USSR was thelastthing the USA had to worry about; Corporate Take Over of a Communications Infrastructure was the fear. I was one of those gifted-whiz-kids that got into so many systems, my talents back then were used to feel the pulse of which way the technology was heading.

I just want you to think about one thing: If Pres. Ronald Regan did not break up the monopoly of ATT's communications network- who would literally own the internet today? Then think about how much power would that one company have. If that is not an eye openner, I do not know what is.

But between friends, family and work, I was hoping to carve a niche for myself from which I and my lady friend can one day call home. Then one has to go back a couple of years back into our high school years, and explore the interaction of characters therein.

20 years is a long time to have friends. To some of us here in PF, that is anywhere from 1/3 - 3/4 of our lives. And during this time, things happen. Some of us died along the way. Others have moved onto green pastures (but still maintain contact through the years). Some of us have been sucessful, and some of us have had failure after dismal failure. Some of us try hard, and some are damn lucky. But for what its worth, this group mechanics managed to function for so long, it does have its problems.

In fear that this thread would be found by them, I leave my wife's name out. Fear that if found, they would attack the server and delete all presence of her. That is why, when I posted Snippets of a Digital Diary, I changed everybody's name.

But the question I have to ask again and again, is Why? Why deny her of her history? Why deny her of her past? Why deny her of her existance? She has done nothing as far as I can recall, for if anything, I have been the bad guy in all this. In the very least- she has been a very caring mother to her only son, and a very loving wife in the short time we had together. Strange how at one time I was the hated one...

That is why I have such a hard time this time of year; they try to undo her past, and I spend time rebuilding it. Her murder I have dealt with, the depression gone after I put her murderer at the gates of hell. But the maddness continues. The anger wells up inside. And for some dumb reason, I can not understand why.

I gave up the iSpy game a long time ago, hiding behind insanity and teaching the kids here. I find no better reward than being a sucessful teacher to these kids... But to be that sucessful, a teacher has to be more than just a teacher, they must be parent, mentor and friend. Unfortunately- most teachers can not see outside of a title and a given paycheck.

I could make more money in private industry, but for now, I like it here.

The problem is this...
As stated by my wife's twin (who used to hate my guts so that she wanted to stab me so long ago, but who now likes me as her sister once did...):

"Retired from iSpy game? No spy is ever retired, they just let them think that until next time they are needed..."

My response to that:
"I'd rather sleep under the Brooklyn Bridge than to ever go through that stress again..."

Currently the mind is tired, and approaching numbness at a high rate of speed. The body wants to lay down and rest, but the day is not over, and I have to continue for another few more hours.

My mother was right, "...you should have grown up to be a furniture mover, instead of what ever is it that you do- thinking all the time."

Guys, esp. the younger ones- take that as a hint...

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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
Posts: 2601
Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Wed Dec 17, 2003 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

T- 3 days and counting.
This Wednesday, I am exhausted.
Torrie T/C came by today Very Happy She has a way of brightening things up for me...

Getting the strange phone calls, have been since after Thanksgiving. Last time I found out who it was, I gave the bastage some serious injuries and left him to rot at an empty train station at 3AM- so at least he could be found by somebody at 6AM- before the rush hour began... Looks like some ppl never learn. Even after 2 weeks of healing in a hospital.

Rant: I dont recommend the spy game to anyone. Its not what you see on TV or the big movie screen. Its fill of stress and idiots who believe they better than you. Follow your instincts, and if you must- swollow your pride. Go move Furniture, or fix pipes, or be an automechnic... or be a pilot. Anything that would relax the mind and excerise the body. Computer and Cloak & Dagger jobs wrecks the body, destroys the mind and kills the soul... Take it from somebody that knows.

I'm not DJ-ing today, but I'll see about doing a special show for Next week Wednesday, even though it will be in the start of the Hiatus... I think I owe it to you guys... But its no promise... the building where I do DJ at may close early...

Until next post: 52 hours 36 minutes remaining...
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