Planetfurry BBS

[Scifer]

No questions as such,
but more of a thanks.
You've hit me with help,
and I've hit you with planks.

I'm just too d.a.mn sensitive,
that's what it is.
A tad too much critisism makes my blood boil and fizz.

But the examples you gave
seem quite clear enough.
It's going back and editing
that's gonna be tough.

What I'd like, I suppose,
is a character scan.
An analysis of everyone, both furry and man.

But who's your favorite fur?
Nightshade,
with Eron she gets a little too mad,
or Blythe, Shadow, Dr. Grant or his dad?

That's what I'd like next.
Something to make all of you think.
You know that watching you argue
... leaves me in the pink!

An apology and a question (c) Scifer 2004

- - -

And THAT was all off the top of my head. But please, no more rhymes. I can imagine them getting pretty irritating after a while.

[Elfen_Furry]

[Thumbs Up]

[Shirh Khan]

Okay, Scifer, let me have a crack at ya.

*grin*
Okay, first off- let me try to speak for all the furs here, and say that NO ONE is trying to say that they don't enjoy the story. Aside from some grammar and techno mistakes, it is a story that I believe we're all enjoying- the premise seems to be a good one, and it is a story that definitely has furs talking. That right there is the first step to being seen as an accomplished writer (in a positive way, yet!), and you've got that down.

Secondly- ANY and EVERY writer, from my not-so-humble self all the way to Stephen King, Anne McCafferty, Michael Crichton and John Grishom-- they've all benefitted from pre-readers, and editors. Pre-readers often help give us writers a sense of what our audience will think of the process, before we post. Editors do the grunt work for us, acting (for *some* folks-- certainly not for moi!!) as tireless slaves to polish the raw hunk of written glut that we foist upon them. Between the two, they take our rather unassuming coal, and help to make it into diamonds.
Basically put, if you don't want to be critizied-- and after all, what writer can become a better writer if at first he wasn't a horrible one? What writer can know where to improve, if he doesn't have someone telling him what needs improving?-- then you shouldn't post in a public forum where folks are likely to critisize you. Instead of looking at criticism (probably a misspell) as a bad thing, look at it as a way to make your work better- you already know that it's good!

Third- write not for the approval of others; write for yourself. We all wish for you to succeed, and no one-- as far as I know the furs of PlanetFurry-- wants you to fail. But, in the end, once you've signed off of the internet, you're the one who has to be satisfied with your writing. If you can honestly say that you're fine with it-- and not that other folks are saying it-- then stand by your story, and let it tell itself.

Other than that, I think that there's little else I could say, in a general sense, that hasn't already been said. If by chance you want to speak with me-- or any other author here-- don't hesitate to contact the fur in question. As far as I know, we're all fairly gentle furs, and if you genuinely seek help and commentary, we'll give it in the spirit in which it's asked for.

Have fun!!



-Shirh Khan

[Elfen_Furry]

For myself, personally, as a witer- I can hack together a chapter in a day. But I spend the rest of the time (if I stay within a 3 week a chapter schedule), in corrections and rewrites.

When I post it, I post it raw- as warned on my website(s). Mike and Crystal refine it even further before they get to post it on the Racoon Library.

Sometimes I go back and correct a couple of chapters and re-post them on my website, and if its not the same corrections the Mike and Crystal applied, then it gets reposted onto the Racoon Library (again).

Without them, some would only be able to read the ones I post- grammar, spelling and plot/character placement mistakes and all. I'll admit, that some of the mistake I originally post, have been bad enough for my readers to complain.

[taspacecampjh]

Hope to see more soon!

[Scifer]

Righteeho, as requested, here are the names of the chapters. And yes, I thought of them first, so they're all collectively copyright me. The names all provide clues as to what is going to happen, but it's still pretty vague.

-

A new kind of evolution …

Contents

Part 1 – The Dusk of Man
Obsession – prologue
Black box sunset – timed events

Part 2 – Two Legs and a Tail
Awakening
Instinct
Unnatural Selection
The Survival Pawbook
Harry Grant, a Ghost in a Shell
Food Chain
Plain Sailing
Rocks
Meanwhile, in Exactly the Same Place
Half Truth
Not Alone …

Part 3 – Darwin’s Revolt
Boarded!
Hero
Tooth and Claw
War Machines
Devvin 4, Too Close for Comfort
To Hit the Ground Running
Under Siege … again!
Whole Truth
Futile Efforts
Instinct, Killer
Aftermath

Part 4 – A Cause and a Cage
Return to the Sky
The Future Belongs, not to me … - epilogue

[Elfen_Furry]

Looking Good!

[Shadu]

Sounds cool man now all i need is to know is when will the next edited chapter is scheduled for posting or if posted Where it is. i saw the first one on RBS is it there i should check?

[Scifer]

Well, here's the first chapter with the changes in grammar ... Chapter 3 is finished, but like Elfen said, I want to get the first one all right and good.

-

Obsession - Prologue

Harry sat in the waiting room, his thumbs orbiting each other. His eyes darted around the room, looking for something that would take his mind off of the tricky situation he was about to face. Harry hated these confrontations with his father. The quiet groan of the polished teakwood door opening gave him a small fright. He was unusually jumpy as his thumbs spun out of synchronous. He looked up at the door to see who would emerge. It was Kate, the navigations officer, with her long blonde hair draped over her back. It clashed with the deep red StarFederation uniform in a way. However, her hair did match the three gold pips on her collar and the red of the uniform went well against her rosy cheeks. But they weren’t rosy now. They were pale peach, and a small frown etched its way through her dimpled face. She looked down over her clipboard at Harry and handed her dark frown to him.

“Be careful Harry,” she said quietly, “Your father isn’t in a very good mood.”

Harry let out a dull sigh. His father was always in a bad mood, it was just that other people never said anything about it. But now he was being told about his father’s state of being, his mood must have been frightful. Harry shakily got up and put his hand on the doorframe to enter. His legs were like jelly. He felt a slightly cold sensation of another flesh against the back of his hand. Kate rested her hand on the back of his, and was smiling at him when he looked up.

“Good luck.” she said.

Harry gave a small smile back and turned this woman’s hope into his own form of courage, as he inflated his chest and bravely marched into the big room. Then he saw the tall, black leather chair facing away from him at the other end. The walls of his Father’s officer were lined with several paintings and sculptures of cheerfully smiling astronauts, clutching a space helmet under one arm and holding their buddies close to them with the other. There were paintings of spacecraft, some of them looking really dated. But all of them were bordered in a neatly polished gold frame. And at the end of the hallway, the StarFederation logo was stained into the large window and beamed out its message of tenacious courage and the desire to explore across New London. Several more tall buildings could be seen reaching for the glowing blue sky, but the S.F. Building dwarfed them all. A small skimmer whizzed past the window.

“Good morning Harry. Take a seat.” said a wise old blubbery voice from the end of the room. The chair slowly pivoted around 180 degrees and Harry could dimly see his father’s wrinkled face on the office’s horizon. “Get a move on boy! I haven’t got all day!” shouted the voice again. Harry jumped, and started scuttling along the plush red carpet to his father’s desk, all of his courage gradually seeping away as he did so. He was completely drained by the time he had reached the small chair in front of his father’s desk. He jerked up the lapels to his white coat and sat down on the cosy chair. But his father’s hard, unforgiving gaze overrode this feeling of comfort. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but his voice was small and intimidated.

“Morning Dad.”

“Your team aren’t very happy with you Harry,” said the bald man in a suit, his cheeks quivering like a walrus as he spoke, “They aren’t very happy with where you’ve been putting your time and your effort, but more importantly, my money!” Harry’s father let out a belly laugh, making the bags under his eyes wrinkle slightly. Harry tried to join in, but the joke was over before he could do so.

Harry scratched his head with a small smile still embedded in his cheeks.

“The design for the engine is perfectly fine. I can’t see what they think is wrong with it. What I’m working on could change the very destiny of the Human Race! I just need a bit more time.”

“Time is what we haven’t got Harry,” his father said quickly, shaving the end off Harry’s speech, “I’m going to get these ships up if it damn well kills me.”

“Don’t talk like that, Dad.” said Harry in a quiet voice, staring at the floor. He secretly knew that this gesture alone would touch his father’s heart, whatever there was left of it. There was a long silence, as Harry’s father rolled his wet eyes around the room, trying to think.

“I’m sorry son,” he said in a deep voice.

There was a quiet roar off in the distance as a transport ship landed on the small platform at the foot of the building. Harry’s father waited for the noise to finish before he continued. He turned 90 degrees to Harry’s left and tapped both his index figures together as he made his next speech.

“This is the first space mission I can remember where all of the nations worked together. The last time that happened was with the colonization of Mars. We all put our hands to work and built 7 colonies within the space of 40 years.”

Harry rolled his eyes at his father’s often-told anecdote. It bored him to death sometimes. Now he would say ‘my grandfather was still in nappies back then. But things have changed a lot since that time’. He mouthed it as his father spoke.

“My grandfather was still in nappies back then. But things have changed a lot since that time. I’ve got backing from the Yanks, the Japs, the Frogs and the Russians for this project, a team of four hundred men and women working on each ship. We’ve also got two thousand ground control, analysing and re-analysing every possible variable. It’s foolproof as far as I can see.”

Harry gazed back up, seeing an uncharacteristic expression of sincerity on his father’s face. For the first time he could remember in years, he and his father were seeing eye-to-eye.

“But for it to be completely foolproof, I need everyone to stand by their post. I understand you’re enjoying your work on your ‘furs’ project, but I need you working on that engine, Harry. Understand?”

* * *
Harry quickly walked over the vast field of cement towards the spacecraft construction site, his short, greasy black hair and white coat tail flapping in the strong wind. Several members of the paparazzi pursued him, all snapping digital photographs and projecting his image around the globes. Questions were rapidly being fired at him and circling around his head as he quickly walked towards the glinting metal craft. The sun glared off his shades as several microphones and recording boxes were shoved in his face.

“How do you feel about being the first ever scientist to perfect light speed travel?”
“What are your plans for when you reach Devvin 4?”
“What of these rumours that the project is a wild goose chase?”
“Feelings on your father?”
“Are you doing this for the benefit of mankind?”
“Do you consider yourself a hero?”

Harry said nothing and casually walked through the airlock doors, shutting the annoying voices outside. He had dealt with these people many times before. He whipped his shades off, neatly parked them inside his coat pocket and let out a sigh. He had just started to walk down the corridor, when he was struck by another nasty little voice.

“Afternoon Harry.” said the small nasal toned man from behind him. It was Walter, one of the scientists on Harry’s team. Harry hated the smug little git. He had one of those pig-nosed faces that he just wanted to slap. Harry turned to him, cringing as he did so.

“Hello Walter.” croaked Harry.

“So, how did your meeting with old whale face go?”

Harry felt his throat muscles begin to tighten. He clenched his fists as the small man started to walk beside him up to the main bridge. Harry started walking faster, trying to outrun him, to no avail.

“It went fine, thank you Walter. He’s pleased with our progress.”
“I told him about your lack of activity in the engine research.”
“Yes. I know. He says I’m supposed to continue work on the light speed engine.”
“Aye. Looks like your never going to get to breed these ‘furs’ of yours.”

Harry was really starting to get frustrated now. He didn’t even want to talk to this man. But he carried on with a slight edge of pain in his voice.

“Oh yes I will. Father was very understanding of that matter. He’s a good guy.”
“Even if he does look like the lovechild of Winston Churchill and a female walrus.”

Walter laughed to himself, knowing very well that Harry was seething inside, but also knowing that the coward wouldn’t fight back physically or verbally. In fact, Harry wouldn’t hurt a fly. But Walter was wrong. A surge of blood filled Harry’s arms and he swung his fist at Walter’s nose in primal rage. The blow didn’t have much power behind it, but it caught Walter off guard and he was knocked backwards and tightly clasped his hands around his face. A small splash of blood decorated the metal wall, and it was now creeping down to the floor. Several more droplets of red dripped down from Walter’s face and splashed on the carpet, gently diffusing into the beige. Walter held his eyes tightly shut and didn’t see the angry man viciously pointing a long index finger towards him.

“Don’t … EVER talk about my father like that again.” growled Harry, and quickly stormed off down the corridor. Walter looked up from watering eyes, gasping through the pool of red resting in his hands and stumbled his way to the medical bay, dripping as he went. He would never speak ill of Harry’s father again …

* * *

Why is it taking so long? The countdown finished ages ago. Perhaps there’s a problem. I’d better go and see.

John the engineering officer was just about to un-strap himself from his seat and hurry down to the reactor core. He was reaching for the release buckle, when he heard a deafening roar as the ship’s engines burst into life. Several intense balls of flame tore their way down the rocket funnels and blasted out of the back of the ship, engulfing the launch bay floors with fire and smoke. There was a loud ‘Yeehaa!’ from one of the engineers as the sound bored into the men’s skulls and gently rocked the ship back and forth. John gave a large open-mouthed grin towards the engineer and laughed to himself. All the others joined in, feeling as if they’d done their bit for the mission. One after the other, all five of the titans gave their ground-quaking exultations, which bellowed across New London Spaceport like thunder. The E.S.S. Barcelona was the first to steadily clamber into the sky, then U.S.S. California, followed by H.M.S.S. Notre Dame and E.E.S.S. Lightwing II. R.S.S. Vladivostok was soon to follow. The five huge hulks flashed through the dark mauve sky like summer lightning, leaving grey pillars of whirling smoke as they rocketed out of the atmosphere. ‘Project Crimson’ was off the ground.

* * *

The five titans looked much more dignified now as they gently cruised their way past Jupiter, in a ‘two on top, two on bottom and one in the middle’ formation, as Kate the navigations officer called it. There was a garden party on the terraforming deck, which the U.S.S. California had now deployed on its back. It was a huge, rounded dome with a section of forest growing inside. A breathtaking view of the stars and the bright, violent colours of Jupiter was now visible through the trees. Cheerful, civilized music played from some amp speakers dotted around the trees and hundreds of officers and their families, be they Russian, British, American, French or Japanese, mingled together, joining in with the light conversation and dancing in the forest. Ludwig, science officer from the Vladivostok was sitting by the river with Hai-hai, one of the doctors onboard the Lightwing. They were gently sipping non-alcoholic punch from champagne glasses.

“I still don’t see vhy they couldn’t serve any vodka.” said Ludwig, wrinkling his large nose at the cheap punch.

“Oh no. Is very, very bad idea to get dronk in space.” replied Hai-hai, taking a small sip of the cocktail. “I had a friend once who got dronk on a mission and used the airlock release-handle as bottle opener. Fwsssh!” she said, making the sound of a room depressurising.

Ludwig looked very seriously at this girl’s story. But then, a smile crept its way across both their faces, and pretty soon, both of the officers were in hysterical laughter. They toasted, and the two glasses clinked together over the sound of trickling water from the nearby river.

* * *

Harry was watching a monitor screen in the agriculture bay on the Notre Dame, while bright white circular discs beamed out a clean glow which reflected in the top right of the monitor. In the centre of the screen was a blue disc with round, spongy innards. Several more organic-looking shapes could also be seen around the outside of it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a long, sharp pointed instrument was wobbling its way towards the egg. Harry didn’t take his eyes off the screen, but he just waved a floppy arm at the other researcher, Michael, who was staring down his microscope and operating a small lever.

“Steady,” droned Harry as he stared into the screen. He folded his arms, then inflated his chest and put a deep sigh into his next word. “Now.”

Millions of tiny objects spurted out of the end of the needle and delicately propelled their way around the outside of the egg. The nanobots then grew long legs either side of their segmented bodies and slowly drove them into the wall of the egg. Harry’s hand shot out before Michael could do another thing. Harry wetted his lips with a flick of his tongue.

“Okay. Now then, just the way we talked about it.”

The researcher slowly nodded once and then gazed once more into the microscope. Michael stuck his tongue out to the left in a face of intense concentration as he ordered the nanobots next command. One by one, tiny funnels began to drill out of the bottom of the robots, stopping occasionally so as not to mangle the outside of the egg as they gently penetrated the wall. Then, small jets of liquid leisurely meandered their way through the egg’s innards. Harry smiled and shook both his fists in delight.

“Yes! Well done Michael. Now then, very slowly out. We don’t want to bugger it up now.”

Michael nodded again in agreement and flexed his fingers before entering the next command. There was no movement for a while and Harry began to suspect that something had gone wrong. But eventually, the nanobots retracted their funnels and legs back inside their bodies, and the small propellers spun into life again. One by one, the tiny robots swam back up the needle, which then retracted itself without any fault. The microscopic egg never knew what had hit it.

Michael cheered in delight, but Harry wasn’t so sure. This had been the scene many times before. All of the scientists patting themselves on the back and celebrating, only to find that months later the egg had mutated, died or just rejected the sample. Harry kept a sceptical face, even though he knew that the hardest part of the project was over, and had visibly worked. Michael snapped off his sterile black gloves and threw them on to the nearby surface. He rested his hands on his hips and was still panting with excitement when he looked at Harry. Harry had his back to the underling and was looking at the monitor screen where the impregnated egg still sat in view of the camera, unaware. Harry gave another slow nod.

“Excellent,” he said in a low voice. “I want more of these samples distributed between the ships. Now, go down to the storage bay and bring some bio-fluid back with you. I’ll wait here.”

“But aren’t you gonna try an…”
“Now please.” ordered Harry in the same low voice, not even looking at him.

Michael took one confused look at him and scuttled his way out of the sliding doors. Harry clasped his hands together behind his back and casually strolled his way over to his desk. About three inches of paper was piled up on his desk, each sheet wore the StarFederation logo in their top-centre. Some of the papers were letters from his family, invitations to parties on the other ships, but most of them were themed upon his main duty; the light speed reactor. He had been neglecting the meetings and brainstorming sessions for the last two months now. They really could have used his input, but instead the team muddled their way through without any help or supervision from the project’s mastermind. The researchers were going to complain to the Captain, but someday, these men were hoping to take his job away from him and captain their own star ships and research projects, so asking for help just didn’t seem very independent, especially after Walter had told the other researchers his story about the launch-pad scuffle. All his team could do was send letter after letter and invitation after invitation urging him to attend the meetings.

But Harry did what he had been doing for the last two months. He angrily shoved the small mountain over to one side, sat down at his keyboard and rapidly typed in the latest logbook entry for his pet-project. Then he would rest, just before going onto the ship’s memory banks in search of inspiration or scientific knowledge. But something happened in between that, this time. He spun his chair around to face the blue-tinted monitor screen. His creation was the centrepiece. He slowly stood up from his metal chair and wearily wandered over to the screen and gazed at the pixelated egg. He saw the embryo squirming and fluctuating a little, as if it were restless. His hand smoothly reached out and he gently stroked the screen, feeling small static clicks on his fingertips as he did so. The same image of his warm hand soothing his baby was neatly reflected in his thin, rectangular glasses.

Hush now, little one. Everything will be fine …

* * *

The large yellow cat reloaded his energy pistol and crouched behind the jagged, stony wall, his long tail twitching with excitement. His two comrades behind him did the same as they locked a laz-clip into the back of their rifles and maintained in the firing position. The staccato of pinging lasers, machine guns and terrifyingly loud explosions could be heard echoing throughout the enemy stronghold. The cheetah raised a white, tufted eyebrow and held his paw and thumb up to indicate an all clear. He had just stuck his head around the corner when a red beam shot past his face with a ‘Twang!’, singeing his fur a little. He quickly jerked his head back behind the wall and propped it against the stone. The large, muscled tiger in his view dropped to the muddy ground in front of him and let rip a volley of green bolts from his weapon with loud whipping noises.

“Down! Down!” cried the cheetah and elbow crawled his way through the mud to another large stone. He rested the butt of his gun on the rocky surface and let off some covering fire.

“Alright! Let’s go! C’mon!”

The brilliant orange tiger showed a tenacious mouthful of huge, razor sharp teeth as he wrenched the pin out of a plasma grenade and threw it with a grunt towards the source of the enemy laser fire. After a few seconds, there was a huge explosion and a bright green flame tore its way down the stony hallway and some dirt was sprayed into the tiger’s face. But then the explosion spoke again, this time sounding much like a thunderous voice. Suddenly, a huge shadow descended like a vale over the cat soldier.

“Children!” shouted the giant, towering over the cheetah. The cat looked up, and recognized the familiar face. The fantasy was over. The cheetah was back in the hallway on the Notre Dame. Looking down, he saw that his laz-pistol was nothing more than a small plastic toy, his comrade tiger was now a harmless little cub and the rest of the imaginary soldiers had disappeared. The tiger cub hid his toy weapon behind his back and gave an embarrassed smile at the tall man.

“Now children. You know very well that the captain doesn’t like your shooting games.” said the grey haired man in a charming voice.

“We’re sawry.” said the cheetah, looking at the ground and fiddling with his pretend laser pistol.

The man in the white coat chuckled to himself and reached a hand down to the cheetah cub, grasping his small paw. The two small cats got up and dusted off their baggy trousers.

“It’s quite alright!” chortled Harry to the small beasts, tucking some wisps of grey hair behind his ear. “Just don’t let Mister Barclay catch you playing it.”

The slightly bent-over man crept away, the sliding doors to the agriculture bay opening on his arrival. They quickly shut again.

“Hey!” shouted a young girl’s voice from down the corridor where the enemy stronghold had been. Two young vixens marched their way up to the two boys. One of the she-foxes was deep hazelnut brown, the other was a bright fiery blue and was dragging a teddy bear behind her. The miniature brown vixen stopped in front of the cheetah and she angrily bashed her tail against the carpet.

“That wasn’t fair! Why don’t we get grenades?”

The cheetah was forced to lean backwards as the young girl poked him in the ribcage as she spoke. But then the cheetah retaliated by looking her straight in the face and snootily saying;

“’Cus wars aren’t always ‘fair’!” He then quickly took a step backward and pointed his toy gun at the vixen’s face. “Bang!” he shouted, and both of the cat cubs laughed. The two vixens moodily stomped their feet and the one who had just been shot stuck her pointy tongue out at the two boys.

“Hey! Don’t shoot my sister, man!” shouted another angry little voice from behind the group. A smaller, snowy white wolf was marching towards the imaginary assassin and grabbed the cheetah’s vest, lifting him off the ground slightly. He wore a menacing frown as he shoved his short muzzle in the cheetah cub’s face.

“Don’t shoot my sister!”

“Alrightalrightalright! Just put me down!”

The cheetah cub was quickly thrown to the ground and the white wolf held a miniature paw out to the hazelnut brown vixen. She smiled and giggled slightly and placed her petite little paw in his. The two little foxes quietly walked into the agriculture bay holding each others paws. The blue vixen snootily taunted the two cats and quickly scurried away with the other two foxes. The cheetah sat with his legs out, bemused on the floor. His comrade tiger walked up and put a small stubby paw on his shoulder. The two cubs looked at each other.

“Did we win?” asked the tiger cub.

“Nah. We’ll call that one a draw.”

Back inside the agriculture bay, the two young vixens and white wolf were playing with a pink, plastic doll-ship, miming it buzzing into hyperspace. In a corner, a small grey fox was reading a large red covered book called ‘Alice in Wonderland.’ He was enjoying it, but the noise from the other end of the room was distracting him.

“Will you come and play with us?” asked the blue vixen. The grey fox peeked over the pages of his book, but kept the same expression of concentration.

“Let me just finish this chapter.” That was what he would always say when the girls or anyone else beckoned him over to play. Harry was in the same room, tapping in the children’s recommendation for lunch into the computer, when he heard the typical three blips when a message from the Captain was about to be read.


“This is a ship-wide announcement. As we expected, the position of Pluto means that we can begin the jump to light speed before we leave the Solar System. We’ll take that step out of our neighbourhood tomorrow at 1200 hours. I thank every one of you for your help. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Did you hear that kids? We launch tomorrow!” exclaimed Harry to his youngsters. They all cheered and ran to hug him. He had to kneel down to embrace the small furry creatures.

“This is fantastic!” cried the hazelnut vixen, hugging Harry’s leg tightly.
“Yeah! We get to live on Devvin 4!”

Harry chuckled to his infants and then went to see if the orders for lunch had arrived. Now that his time and effort on his pet-project had finished, he was tied up with the responsibility of being a parent, having to feed and dress his children and stop them from getting into any trouble, which they were all rather good at. He had no time for anything else. There was still a mountain of paperwork, reaching for the sky like the Star Federation building back home. He had neglected his main responsibility for so many years now he was on the verge of forgetting what it was. The fault in the engine plans had remained there, crouching like a predator, silently creeping up on its prey through the long grass, not making a single noise.

And it was getting ready to pounce …

* * *


Black Box Sunset – Timed events.

0600 hours. The space day begins as usual with the nightshift team transferring to dayshift. They smiled and greeted each other as they wandered to and from their posts. The five, slightly bruised spacecraft majestically drifted past the icy blue gas giant of Neptune, like swans floating on a sea of stars.

0700 hours. Breakfast was served up at the usual time in the dining quarters onboard the California. Crewmembers, families and their children gather in the large room, the air alive with the sound of conversation and plans for the future. The miracles of light speed travel and Devvin 4 have always been the coloniser’s most popular topics. Also happening at this time, John and his engineering team were hastily preparing for the light jump in five hours time. They all agreed that it was essential for Harry to attend the final preparations.

0800 hours. The captain of the Barcelona was awake by now and gets dressed into his smartest uniform for the occasion. Today was the day that mankind would send the first manned ships out of the perimeter of the solar system to start a new life among the stars. To scatter the seeds of the future. But the captain wasn’t joyous for the progress that mankind was making. All this entire mission meant to him was an almost certain promotion to general, which he had dreamed of for many years. It would be an understatement to say that he was ‘in the pink’.

0845 hours. Harry got out of his bed in the small room he had practically built next to the agriculture bay. He yawned wearily, slowly trotted out of the door and was confronted by three tall scientists. One of them placed a stern, heavy hand on his shoulder.

“We need you there, Harry,” one of them said quietly.

0910 hours. Ludwig has just woken up onboard the Vladivostok. He leapt out of bed with a cheerful grin denting his red, wrinkled cheeks. Today was the day he was going to marry Hai-hai. He was planning to confess his love for her during the countdown to LS, then go down on one knee when the stars stretched themselves into long white tails as the five titans drove headlong through the darkness. It was a most beautiful plan indeed. Ludwig dressed himself in a smart, jet-black tuxedo and neatly combed his greying moustache. He was on top of the world.

1015 hours. Two hours, ten minutes until Captain Barclay would issue his command. He sat down in his big chair on the bridge and crossed his leg over his knee. Breakfast was just about to stop being served and several children played in the ship’s beige corridors. Some of the officers complained about the row, but the captain just told them to relax. For this was a once in a lifetime experience, and the children had just as much right to enjoy it as the adults. This was also quite a rare occasion where the small cubs, vixens and little wolves played among the human children. It didn’t matter what race, religion or how furry you were. This was a giant leap for every degree of the Human Race.

1040 hours. Kate was busy tapping her new co-ordinates into the navigation computer and checking if there were any obstructions in the way of the flight-path. The last thing she wanted to happen was for the ships to fly through a comet or a sun, seeing as how they’d come this far.

1100 hours. One hour left. The small tiger cub threw an imaginary plasma grenade and blew up yet another enemy stronghold, thus saving the universe from evil … again. The two vixens were taken prisoner again and executed again via a small plastic dart to the head. The miniature white wolf leapt to his sister’s rescue … for the last time.

1105 hours. Harry was reviewing the notes and formulae his team had made on the engine firing techniques. He looked at them with a screwed up face.

What? How did they come up with that?! No, no! It’s wrong. It won’t work. How could they have been so careless?

Harry estimated that the procedure his team had written wouldn’t even be enough to travel safely past 0.5 light speed. If they tried to push it any further … Well, he didn’t even want to think about it. But he daren’t say anything to his team, because they all knew that the whole mission would fail if the light-engines didn’t function safely. Harry just nodded slowly and without words, he handed the bogus procedure back to his highest-ranking underling. The team looked at him scornfully as he moved over to the computer and started typing, trying to fine-tune the manoeuvre before the launch. But he knew deep down that his efforts were futile. At least five months of work needed to be done before the engines were even space-worthy. His team of researchers and scientists carried on working and preparing, totally unaware of the fault in their infallible plan. Harry buried his face in his hands.

How could you have been so careless?

Harry had taken excellent care of his organic children, but he had turned his back on the mechanical child, to the point where it had malformed and mutated. Now it was simply out of control.

You’re a fool, Harry Grant. And a coward …

1130 hours. Hai-hai was getting ready for Ludwig’s surprise visit. She had secretly known about it, of course. Rumours and myths travelled around the ships like a virus. She had dressed in her best white dress and had decorated the floor of her room with rose petals. Several more roses hung on the wall, decorated by a long white ribbon. This was her first date with a man, for her parents back home didn’t really approve of her going on dates with men. But now they were over three billion miles away, she thought ‘what the hell!’

1145 hours. Harry was becoming increasingly stressed in the engineering bay of the Notre Dame. He mopped the ice-cold sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. Walter came over and a menacing shadow fell over Harry. He looked up.

“How are the kids, Harry?” asked Walter through gritted teeth, his nose slightly pointing to the left now, still remembering that punch-in-the-face all those years ago. He still felt every microsecond of the front of his face being shattered when he looked into Harry’s eyes, but the obvious anger in Walter’s voice neutralized the pain. Harry didn’t answer Walter’s question, he just turned back to his computer screen and pushed his glasses further up his wet face. Harry desperately wanted a way out.

1146 hours. “Would all people who wish to see the miracle of our scientists’ engines from a better view please make their way to the terraforming dome atop the U.S.S. California, please. Thank you.”

1159 hours. One minute remaining. Ludwig cheerfully marched his way up to Hai-hai’s quarters. He inflated his chest as he strutted up to the door. He pressed the buzzer on the control pad next to the door. Hai-hai jumped, even though she was expecting him. “Who iz it?” she called out. “It’s Ludwiggy, my dear!” he called back. “Jost a minute!”

1200 hours. Time up. Captain LeForge checked his antique digital wristwatch and smiled as it bleeped. He looked up at his on-bridge engineering officer and nodded to him. George nodded back and sent the command down the electronic pipeline to the engineering deck. Harry, Walter, John and all of the engineers looked to the radio speaker as the words were spoken.

“Alright guys, this is it. Do yer stuff!”

Harry sunk his head and shook it again, not so that the others would notice him. A river of hopelessness was flowing through his body. Somehow he knew that the changes needed wouldn’t be done in time, but now it was too late. John the engineer fixed a gaze on Harry. He wasn’t sure what the chief engineer meant by this gesture, but it looked like he was saying ‘I’m sorry’. John tried to cheer up the disgruntled engineers.

“C’mon guys! Chin up. Sure, we’ve made a few guesses here and there, but the old bird will pull through in the end. She’s a tough old ship.”

Some of the scientists nodded in agreement and started patting each other on the back for a job well done, while Harry just sat, voiceless in the small dark corner of the room.

“Harry? I would be honoured if you were to pull the lever, as’twere,” said John. Harry shuddered and mournfully looked up at the smiling engineer. Then he looked at his other researchers. Their faces showed not angry frowns, cynical leers or piercing gazes, but smiles and warming grins.

Have they forgiven you? After all your neglect? Is it possible for a man to do such a thing? … You must not disappoint them now. Not after the trust they’ve placed in you.

Harry’s heart told him to give the synchronized command to all the other engineers on their ships to engage the light-drive, but his mind told him that such an action would cause almost certain disaster. Death, or the betrayal of his friends’ faith.

Now, he had to choose between one of them …

He groggily lurched forward and put his hand on the small lever in front of him. Another comforting touch was rested upon him. Harry’s neck slowly creaked up to see the smiling, ignorant face of John next to him.

Surely he knows this isn’t going to work?

1202 hours. A huge crowd of friends, family and officers stood in the deep forests of the terraforming bay onboard the California, waiting for the light jump. They were silently staring into the stars and at their watches. No one spoke.

1203 hours. Harry had made his choice. He leant down to the microphone. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words stuck in his throat and he choked as he tried to say ‘on my mark’. It didn’t happen. He just couldn’t sign the death sentence to all of all those friends, families and children. Suddenly, something struck Harry like a bolt of lightning. An insane resolve possessed him. Children. He would save his children. Harry let go of the lever and madly bolted out of the engineering bay door, his coat flapping as he ran. John looked in shock as the small man dashed from his position.

“Hey! Wait!” he shouted, holding his hand out, but Harry had long vanished down the narrow hallway. John double-glanced back to the microphone. He wasn’t going to wait for Captain Barclay’s call of ‘What’s going on down there?’ John suffered a barrage of anxious looks from the team of engineers and scientists, but this time, he had no cheerful grin to brighten the mood. He ran over to the microphone and spoke in a quiet voice.

1203.29 hours.
“Three,”

1203.32 hours.
“Two,”

1203.36 hours.
“One … ”

1203.40 hours. Ludwig had been waiting outside for a long time now. He checked his watch and the small bouquet of flowers was hidden properly behind his back. He wondered if she was just playing the waiting game with him. Ludwig called out, just in case. “Are you alright, my precious?” Hai-hai was just inside, delicately perching herself on the bed of roses in an erotic pose for her angel to see her in as he walked through the door. “Just a minute!” Hai-hai called back.

One minute was all it would take …

1203.49 hours.
“Go.” John slowly began to push the heavy metal lever away from him. Little by little, it glided up the control panel. The same was happening on all the other ships.

1203.52 hours.
Harry felt no fear as he sped as fast as he could down the hallway to the agriculture bay. Only a wild, pumping exultation rushing through his veins like some form of hyper-adrenalin. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. He saw the children playing in the hallway like they always did. He cried out to them, his pounding heart slurring his speech.

“Quickly kids! Inside! Hurry!”

The small, furry kids looked in the direction of the voice. Happy smiles crept across their muzzles, completely oblivious of the terrible disaster about to strike. Harry felt a sudden surge of panic as he heard the engines gently revving up.

“NOW!!” he screamed at the top of his voice, eyes bulging and streaks of tears trickling down his cheeks. The youngsters dropped their smiles and toys and quickly hurried inside the agriculture bay. Some of them were asking ‘Why?’ or ‘What’s the matter?’ as Harry shoved the last of the furry infants inside the sliding doors.

1204 hours. A small child in the terraforming bay looked up cheerily at his mum’s face. There was a loud whirring noise, gradually getting louder every second. His mum held the boy’s hand.

“Here we go!”

1204.011443 hours. The Japanese engineers were perfectly synchronized with everyone else, and gently easing their lever up to top speed, just before they would release the buttons controlling the jump to hyperspace. But a large amount of pressure was building up in the ground beneath their feet. It surged and rumbled its way through the buckling pipes. Fifteen Japanese engineers were just wondering what that awful rumbling noise was, when in an instant, they were all engulfed by an eruption of green flame, which tore through the generator valves like water through a burst dam. The predator pounced, but this time it sent the Lightwing to oblivion.

1204.0125 hours. The huge crowd gathered inside the glass dome on the back of the California suddenly gasped at a blinding flash from beyond the trees. There were screams as a huge surge of green fire and smoke gouged its way along the Lightwing II’s fuselage. There was a silent, deadly red glow as the Japanese ship ruptured into a thousand pieces. The only noises were the screams of several blinded and panicking families. They all soon joined in, madly dashing headlong back inside the perimeter of the ship when a large chunk of twisted, burning metal from the Lightwing’s abdomen hurtled its way towards the dome. The chunk hit with frightening power, sending circular ripples through the thick sheet of glass, just before the epicentre smashed like a crystal goblet. Men, women, children, saplings and huge rocks were sucked out by the unbearable pressure. Some were lucky enough to have already been crushed by the stampede of people trying to scramble back inside. Others were dashed against rocks, each other, some were even sliced in half by the thick splinters of glass as they helplessly floated out into space and were frozen solid. Only the North American Redwoods were strong enough to withstand the incredible force.

1204.023 hours. There were only four titans now, and they all let out a deafening cry of mechanical pain as their specially designed engines ripped their intestines apart. But they obeyed the call of the great force behind them and one after the other, they all shot forward into the void, their outlines stretched by the unimaginable speed at which they were travelling.

1204.025 hours. The fragmented engine also catapulted the remains of the Lightwing forward, and ferociously slammed them into the face of the Barcelona. Captain Barclay and everyone on the bridge were flung across the room as large electrical fires tore across the panels. The craft’s hefty design meant that the Barcelona turned its head with a shrill mechanical wail. The head cracked backward, breaking its metal neck and making the fuselage spin, faster and faster. The Barcelona scrunched up as though it were made of paper. After a few microseconds of intense gyrating, the ship burst into flames and exploded several times as the wreck kept rotating like an out-of-control spinning wheel. The screwed up ball of twisted metal and flames was nimbly tossed into the wastepaper basket of space. No one onboard stood a chance.

1204.03 hours. Kate the navigations officer was choking to death on the main bridge of the California. For it was remarkably difficult for anyone to breathe when there’s no oxygen.

1204.03.56778 hours. Russian critical mass blew up the reactor core and sent a shuddering bang through the hull of the Vladivostok. Ludwig jumped at the sound. “What on Io was that?!” he shouted.

1204.05 hours. Hai-hai was just wondering what the noise was herself, when a bright glare from the outside of her window caught her eye. She barely had time to blink, let alone scream before the intense ball of fire smashed through the glass, incinerating the contents of the room, just before her charred remains were sucked out into frozen space. A few burnt rose petals drifted past her black, lifeless cheeks.

1204.07 hours. Ludwig was shocked by the hideous noise he had heard from inside the room. It was a swift roar, followed by a loud clattering sound, then silence. He angrily banged on the door, thinking that Hai-hai was playing tricks with his mind. “Hai-hai! Are you alright?!” he shouted. The sliding doors, which he was now desperately trying to pry open, were icy cold to the touch. It was just at this moment that he heard another loud rumbling noise crashing towards him.

Now what can that be? Sounds like an atomic explosion is rushing down the corridor.

But much to his surprise, an atomic explosion was rushing down the corridor and a thick cloud of putrid yellow gas thundered towards Ludwig. His bushy eyebrows and moustache sagged at each side and his eyes widened in terror. The blast hit him with the force of a speeding juggernaut.

‘I hate being right sometimes’ was the last thought that passed through Ludwig’s mind, just before it was turned to dust.

1204.08 hours. “What the hell was that?!” John was yelling down the microphone as he heard the loud explosions from several different ships. But there was a much louder explosion from behind him as a bulkhead ruptured, sending three nearby scientists into a bloody pile. John looked over in horror as the men shot through the air and now writhed in agony. Suddenly, an electrical malfunction sent a bright blue flash up John’s arm and he was also flung backwards. He lay dazed on the floor and quickly barked orders to the rest of the men.

“Reactor breach! We got a reactor breach everybody! Get outta here, NOW!! Ralph! Andy! Help those guys!!”

Several of the panicking men helped pick up the stragglers and wounded. They all dashed out of the engineering bay as the emergency blast doors began to close. John glanced back inside the room to see if the reactor was going to explode, straight into the eyes of a crippled Walter, who was helplessly crawling along the floor. John quickly dashed back under the already half-closed doors and scooped Walter up into his arms. The door was nearly shut by now, and more thundering explosions could be heard from around the brightly lit up room. John dived for the door and threw Walter’s body under the gap in the door. Some of the other engineers grabbed hold of Walter and rapidly pulled him out of the way, desperately beckoning John to hurry up. Just as Walter had rolled away, a huge ball of green flame burst through the floor underneath John’s feet and sent him whirling to the ground. John caught a brief glimpse of the hopeless stares of his comrades as the mechanical blast doors shut with a thud. Tears of frustration poured down John’s crippled, blood smeared face.

“I’m sorry Harry,” he whispered as his flesh began to melt away.

1205.16 hours – The atomic gas thundered its way down to the corridor towards the agriculture bay. All of the other children were asleep, except the blue vixen, who screamed out in fear. Harry forced his eyes shut and held onto the little girl tightly.

…

1206 hours – Now everything was quiet. A gentle, yet sinister din rebounded its way through the hollow corridors as the thick clouds of deadly gas slowed to a halt, gradually seeping in the air duct system. Anyone who had managed to hide from the plasma explosions would now suffocate under a blanket of poison, radioactive smog. Harry still held on to the small vixen, and refused to let go.

“What have I done?”

It was this question that would eventually kill Harry, not the poison smog. Over 1500 crewmembers had been slaughtered in a matter of seconds. And the rest were sure to follow. But the blame for every millisecond of this tragedy fell squarely on Harry’s shoulders. The pressure of all those innocent souls crushed his already fragile grip on reality. He was just the pieces of the man he used to be. All that was left of his mind was a vast, unforgiving abyss, deeper than the universe itself …

(I'd like some input from the newbie furs too, if possible ... and if you're interested ... )

[Elfen_Furry]

A 1000% marked improvement.
Love the cover art too.

So unlike me, I had to repost Chapter 19 of Dandilons because I found too many mistakes in it!

You fans are supposed to bang on my forum door and tell me where I'm going wrong! Sheesh!

BTW- I dont know if it has spread to the rest of the planet, but there is a new genre of authors/writers/style that reflects on the Ghetto/Rap/Thug lifestyle. And from what I seen, even with the slang accounted for, it has many mistakes in both grammar, spelling and word-useage. Books are being printed by small inhouse publishers/printers in the hood over here. It looks like the stories are printed raw, without proofreading, but there are claims to state otherwise. Lets see where it goes in the next 5 years.

The genre I dont mind, since it gives insight to this area of the world, but its the mistakes that bothers many- including me... like I should talk!

[Scifer]

Glad you like it ... I spotted 1 mistake in there ... oh well!

One thing I worry about is the sentances being too complicated. What do you guys think?