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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2003 1:08 pm Post subject: Excerpt: Shadows of a striped Past |
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All right, here is a short excerpt from a story I started on quite a while ago and on which I have not done anything in a long while. (And I'm not particularly likely to take it up anytime soon either). This piece has not been edited or anything...
Warning:
I'll call this an MA rating, so stop reading now if you think you might be offended or have a heart attack if you read any further.
All characters (c) their creator.
(I'm not sure if an official name has been given to a certain character, I made one up.)
I won't tell you who the viewpoint character is, but you should not have any problem figuring it out.
Here goes:
Shadows of a striped Past
(An excerpt)
I scamper into the kitchen "Mommee, I thirsty."
She smiles at me and corrects me "I'm thirsty." then she gets up, fills a glass with juice and paws it to me. "There you go, Tonya."
I take a sip "Thankuu!" I say happily, turn around and carefully carry the glass back to where I was playing with my toys. Suddenly I stumble over a fold in the carpet, the glass flies from my grasp and I crash to the ground. My left knee and my paws start hurting and tears well up in my eyes. The sudden bellow of rage makes me look up. My father stares at me, his eyes filled with anger. My glass had landed right in his lap, drenching him in the juice.
I cringe in fear and sob "Sorrydaddy!"
He screams "Brat!" and jumps up. He grabs my left wrist and hauls me to my feet. The arm starts hurting as well. When he turns me around and smacks my backside, I start crying. "Brat! Learn to be a bit more careful! Now be quiet!"
But I can't stop crying, I hurt all over and my father frightens me.
He smacks my backside again "Silence! Brat!"
My mother says "Frank! Please..."
Father turns to her and stares at her, anger in his eyes and she shrinks back and falls silent.
Then he turns around and walks to the bedroom, half dragging, half carrying me. The iron grip he has on my wrist hurts terribly. He opens one of their lockers and pushes me inside. Before I can do anything, he closes the door and locks it. Surprised, I find myself alone in the dark. I stand there, sobbing, my whole body hurts. Slowly the pain recedes a little, but when my father does not open the door, I grow a little afraid.
"Daddy, pleewse. I be good!" "Mommeee!"
But they don't hear me and I grow more and more afraid. I bang my fists against the door and scream for help. Then I have to stop. My eyes burn, my throat is hoarse and my paws hurt. "They have forgotten me!" Tired and afraid I sit in the corner, sobbing. My burning eyes are dry, I have no more tears to shed.
An eon of fear later I can hear my father walk in the room and I get up and knock on the door and shout "Daddy, pleewse!" Then he opens the door and I rush out and hug his leg, glad to be out of the darkness "I'll be good, daddy. I promise!"
He ruffles my headfur, then he picks me up and carries me into the living room. He gives me a kiss "Tonya, my little darling, I love you." _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Cateagle Site Owner
Joined: 20 Nov 2000 Posts: 1004 Location: Ft. Worth, TX
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Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2003 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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I can see why you'd not be doing anything with it for a good, long while. It's entirely too potent a subject to write about for a good while. On the other paw, I did catch the title and reference and I think you are doing the concept proper justice.
Very nice indeed.
Cateagle _________________ "But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cateagle. He walked by himself and all places were alike to him."
-- With apologies to Rudyard Kipling |
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Styx Site Owner
Joined: 25 Dec 2002 Posts: 3176 Location: West Covina, California
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Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2003 2:32 pm Post subject: |
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Agreed, I'd be interested in reading the whole thing that is if you wouldn't mind. _________________ "Political Correctness is tyranny with manners." Charlton Heston
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2003 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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Styx wrote: | Agreed, I'd be interested in reading the whole thing that is if you wouldn't mind. |
Well, I don't have the whole thing, that's why I'm posting this bit.
What I do have (not edited...) is the intro. Which explains why she is "reliving" her past. (Not nice at all).
And this piece was the first of several scenes she would be "remembering".
But after I wrote that, I stopped. Maybe I'll pick it up at some point, but at the moment I have other stories that have a higher priority. (Not that I have been doing a lot of writing in the last month or so anyway... ) _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Styx Site Owner
Joined: 25 Dec 2002 Posts: 3176 Location: West Covina, California
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Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2003 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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Understandable it is a difficult thing to write about it's funny how fictional charaters can become so important to you that you start to feel as though they were real. _________________ "Political Correctness is tyranny with manners." Charlton Heston
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