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Inviolate
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tobi3B
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Joined: 07 Jan 2008
Posts: 645
Location: Germany Siegen

PostPosted: Thu Sep 16, 2010 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My problem is that I stuck in chapter 7. My work is getting in the way.
But I like Dash and his gal she keeps him in check. He lost a bit of his head through wall mentality. For Violet she is a strong woman but I would call her lonely.Interresting neverless Now I have to find the time to read it.

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tijn
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Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 273
Location: San Diego, CA

PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Um, guilty as charged.
So if you feel ready for some toasting do not attack our host, please?

I thank you for the decolorized result, Mike.
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Concolor
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Joined: 19 Nov 2001
Posts: 832
Location: South Carolina

PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 12:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eh. I'm not all that bothered by the lack of response. This is a furry forum, after all, and there isn't any fur in Inviolate.

Maybe I'll reformat it to eliminate the special fonts and post it on Fanfiction.net.

Or not. My paying writing project is taking up what time I have that isn't consumed by home improvements and unpaid overtime at work.

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Oddly enough, my life is based on a true story. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
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tijn
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Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 273
Location: San Diego, CA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 3:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Don't get me wrong...
...but Concolor asked, for the sake of understanding the story that much better, to watch the movie The Incredibles first.
Since I haven't seen it, I will honor his request and wait.

Note: I don't mind the piece-by-piece approach at all. Neither do I mind a full story. For clarity: a full length story is devoured piecewise anyway (unless you read all the time, all day... Wink)

I ask you to please consider: is the influx of story material much different then compared to now? Now it almost seems it's a no-one-reads problem.
And on the bright side: all the stories (still) on the forum got additions in the past year. They get comments on their work.

I wasn't (much) on the net ten years ago. I haven't the reference you speak of but I agree that 30 going on 1 seems like something died. Did you run 30 (or so) stories in parallel back then?

I wish there was something I could say to cheer you up! In general, people are reading a lot I think. Even on something as visually present as FA.
I still think this story-discussing forum is a great place. As long as it's not shut down I will read on.
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tijn
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Joined: 27 Apr 2010
Posts: 273
Location: San Diego, CA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mike, I'm sorry I touched the sore spot. Embarassed

I guess I'm good at pressing other people's stress buttons, but I appreciate your comment as it helps me understand.

Edit: Oh, and give my regards to Mikal RegKoan. Seems to be a (close) relative Wink
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AmigaDragon
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Joined: 05 Dec 2004
Posts: 839
Location: Far Northern Minnesota

PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A good portion of my sparse comments is the sparse story updates. If stories aren't progressing, I don't have much to say about chapters read in the past, unless I go through and read them again. Meanwhile I'm watching the Metamor Keep archives and working on finishing my second story there (may be up to double the first one's length).
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Teric
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Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Posts: 2566
Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to comment here--Just finished reading the whole story myself.

Man, I would've loved to see that story posted a chapter or two at a time! The story kept me involved throughout the whole read.

Firstly, Concolor, I think you've aged the characters very well. Bob and Helen still feel like themselves, and in my mind's eye, I can see the two of them still fighting side by side. Bob is a little balder and greyer, but still bulky and heroic like in the movie. I also liked how you treated Helen's aging--since she is so elastic, her skin doesn't show signs of age, so the only real sign of her years is the grey in her hair. Very nice touch there.

Let's see--ten years would put Violet in her mid-twenties, Dash at 20 or 21, and Jack-Jack at 10 or 11. While it was difficult at first to envision them grown up, your descriptions did a good job of bringing me up to speed. I like the fact that Violet has grown out her hair (longer than it was in the movie, anyway), and that Dash has filled out like his dad.

I was a bit surprised, however, that Jack-Jack still goes by his baby nickname. I have a hard time believing that his birth certificate actually reads 'Jack-Jack Parr', so I was somewhat incredulous when Helen still called him 'Jack-Jack' over the phone (and he didn't protest at all). I think a 10/11 year old would probably have grown out of a baby nickname by now...?

As far as the plot of the story, you had me hooooooked. An excellent beginning, throwing the reader right into an intense action sequence, and then tying the results of that action sequence right into the greater plot. Bra-vo!

Ivan was probably my favorite bad guy in the story. His subtlety, deception, and intricate weaving of lies was masterful. The gradual breakdown of his facade and Violet's ability to finally see through him was gripping, leaving me with a mental scream in some places--"VIOLET, HE'S A JERK! DON'T FOLLOW HIM! GAAAAAH!"

And the final conflict with the nuclear missiles was fantastic! I could see the president sweating in his office along with his staff, praying that the countermeasures would work, and then going ashen when they realized that two missiles were going to get through and likely obliterate millions of NAU citizens. Imagine their surprise when one of them simply 'disappears', and the other is encased in a force field and shot off into space! WOW!

The epilogue left me just a bit confused and wide-eyed. I figured that Leonid and Violet were going to get together, but seeing that Ivan actually survived (in a sense) was just a liiiiiiiittle bit creepy....!

Thank You, Concolor, for a rip-roaring adventure of a hero story!

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Concolor
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Joined: 19 Nov 2001
Posts: 832
Location: South Carolina

PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2010 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aw, gosh, Teric. I'm bright red!

Very glad you liked it. And the ending was intentionally a bit creepy. In any case, I didn't think it was out of character for Leo to try to "save" his brother if he could. And since they are both under Kitsune's tutelage, I think he'll be okay.

----------------------------

Mike -
No need to remove the story. It may get some attention/play down the road. You never know. And I'm a patient man. Wink

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Oddly enough, my life is based on a true story. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
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