Planetfurry BBS Forum Index Planetfurry BBS
Forums for Planetfurry Site Members and more
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   DonateDonate   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Welcome to Onic's writing desk

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Planetfurry BBS Forum Index -> Feedback
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:29 am    Post subject: Welcome to Onic's writing desk Reply with quote

I figured that now I have stepped out into the big wide world of furries that I would contribute my pieces of work. So much of it is concept-based and incomplete that I probably won't post it all.
Please note that I do not want my work distributed beyond this site without my express permission. Thanks.

I think I will begin with some of my poetry, since I'm kinda proud of it.
My current signature (which is all but guaranteed to change in the future) is a poem written as a triolet, which explains the repeated lines.


Aspire, by Onic
I aim to aspire
to become my best
Never to retire
I aim to aspire
I'll never give up
and I'll never rest
I aim to aspire
to become my best

I try to live by that. Here's another of my favorites. It's kind of long, but not even close to some of my longest poems.


On Being a Mystery, by Onic

I am, and by my nature strive be
always the last yet fail to remain unseen
The crowds, they gaze upon this sullen fur
forever viewing outward, ne'er internal see
actions and intentions misconstrued
I have become the noticed mystery

To stand apart invites people to join
my company and little do they care
that I, aside, wish only to observe
Unready are my thoughts in mind to share
awkward spoken words depart my lips
sarcasm shields that I was unprepared

Paranoia dogs my careful steps
At every side I feel the piercing eyes
I accept it as a figment entertained
but social apprehension in me rise,
I quaking fear their quietly whispered plot
The breaking of my mystery a prize

Despite complaints and avoiding situations
The chance of losing their attention brings
a greater threat of fear which overwhelms
Lost within obscurity, amongst other things
Once the question left unanswered fades
I remain behind with nothing now expecting

I will not give my answers readily
if I, someday, clandestine facts reveal
instead a process slow and carefully
I give them bit by bit the truth piecemeal
Unready are they for a torrent of knowledge
Thus my mystery I pursue to conceal

When the mystery is gone and I
have nought an aspect left in me to hide
Enigma that I was is now destroyed
the curiosity in them now satisfied
Assuredly compelled am I to admit
that I'm distressed of being cast aside


That is how I often feel. I was trying to get that across in a way others might more easily understand. One more for now. I'm trying to find a melody for these words.


Changing Ages, by Onic

Time changes me
affects me
won't leave me be

With wolf's paws I run
run from the change
along dark wooded paths
over earth rock and stream
nothing as it seems
the paths steal my direction
and I find this strange?

Time ages me
rearranges me
won't leave me be

With raven's wings I fly
fly from the age
unwilling to assume
the charge
that with knowledge comes pain
and captured I cry
doomed to this cage



Please let me know what you think!

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here is some creative writing, from the subconcious. It's actually a dream I had, which explains why it may not make sense. There's just something about it that I can't explain. It captures me.

~~

I was a small child. There was a secret place I would disappear to, known only to me. I do not know if it was indoors or out. It felt enclosed. There was a single tree in the center of the place, surrounded by a pool of water. A kind of rough stone wall rose up from the water in the rough shape of a gravestone. A gryphon perched atop it.
The gryphon was real, brilliantly gold and monstrous. He spread his wings and leaped into the air. I felt a mixture of awe and fear from being so small. My view of the place was strangely vibrant, all whites, golds, teals, blacks, and the gryphon's red eyes. Vibrant, and yet bleak.
The place was so special to me, the gryphon my companion. Why do I always leave such places?
I returned many years later, as I am now. The passage to the secret place was difficult to navigate, almost too small for my larger frame. I finally emerged into the room, for it was a room. A circular room made of stone.
It was all gray, too gray. And small. The tree was dead, the vines on the walls turning to dust. The pool, once a clear black, now murky. Everything was too small. I stepped carefully up to the statue of the gryphon. It, too, was gray. Its pointed head raised toward the entrance, wings partially unfolded, almost as if he had been anticipating my arrival. I put out my hand and touched the cold material the gryphon was made of. Its head was no larger than my hand.
I remembered that time when the room had been "alive." I tried to explain the room and the gryphon to the woman who fulfilled the role of my mother. Because I was so young, I had trouble making her understand. It was very early in the morning. She sat next to me at a table in a room that was both kitchen and living room. One light hanging from the ceiling shone on the table, all other light was blue, coming in from the glass wall-doors on one side of the room.
The woman had done her best to convince me that my secret room was not real. I had disbelieved her then, but now? Was it all just my imagination?

I sat contemplating this in a bedroom. The house surrounding it was quite old and solid. I knew there were stairs leading to this without seeing them, knew I was on an upper floor with no way to prove it. (It is the same way that I know there are stairs outside my closed bedroom door right now. A memory. How else?) The light from the lamps on the two dressers makes everything look yellow, the wood of the bed frames, dressers, and rafters dark in contrast to the white walls.
I stood from lying on one of the two beds to read a framed plaque, the only decoration on the four walls. I looked at the gold lettering and read the words quietly aloud to myself. It was a saying or a proverb. And for the life of me I cannot recall what was inscribed there.
It was night, I am sure, pitch black outside the small windows.

At another time, later, I was outside in a fenced-in yard. The fence met the house on the property, creating a corner where an ten foot high platform was standing. I climbed the rungs between the supporting legs, facing toward the fence with the house wall to my right. The platform, once I reached it, was only just big enough for me to huddle atop of, burying my face into my crossed arms which rested on my knees. I did not turn around to see the view of the yard behind me. Neither did I care that the platform rocked and swayed precariously, due to its age.
This was another special place when I was small. Another place neglected and forgotten for years.
~~
I wandered, somewhat lost, through a mansion. I opened a door and stopped dead, in shock. Before me was a room of size beyond imagining. I did not enter because there was no floor on this level, and the room was several stories high. I could see other doors that led into the room just as mine had. I counted at least four stories of double doors that had no floor at their level.
Everything in the enormous room was ornate. Carved wood inlaid with gold, bookshelves, many brilliant chandeliers hanging from long brass chains, pillars of wood and marble. From my vantage point looking down, I could marvel at the complexity of the pattern in the scarlet carpet so far below me. Wealth and quality emanated from everything in the room. The doors were of carved, solid wood with bright knobs and hinges, the tapestries graced the walls with color and decoration. It took my breath away.
~~
The woman who fulfilled the role of my mother called me outside. (Where I was prior to that, I do not know.) It was storming fiercely, I was soaked with rain and sea spray within seconds. She grabbed my hand and pulled me down the long dock, which led beyond the rocks of the shore. I ran to keep up with her until we reached the edge.
We had traveled so far from shore that there were ebbs and swells instead of actual waves, but the heights of the swells were terrifying. One moment we were in a valley of water, then the water fell away, making it seem a void lay beneath the boards of the dock.
It was the middle of the night. So dark, yet I could see the sheets of rain as they struck the oncoming swells, creating a strange spray of water before the swells passed. We were soaked to the core.
I turned to the woman, calling to her and asking why she had brought me here. Still gripping my hand tightly, she said something along the lines of wanting to show me something. I could not hear her clearly over the wind, but her expression told me she was very upset. She pointed out to the sea and I followed the path of her finger with my gaze.
At first I was confused. I could see nothing but the black waves, but then my eyes began to adjust. Every time the water ebbed, the horizon became visible for a brief instant. An unearthly glow, faint to my adjusting eyesight, was silhouetting something that stretched along the horizon. I squinted, trying to see what the dark shapes against the white/purple glow were. Suddenly it became clear to me what I was seeing.
It was a cityscape. Not a modern cityscape. No, this was a sight entirely different. It was distant, ruined, and unlike anything fantasy had ever depicted. Towers, spires, buildings, structures, all incredible and terrible in its ruin.
The glow was coming from the city. Either the city was awakening or some power resided there. I did not care, but lunged toward it. Because it proved everything.
It was of another world.
A small, but strong hand still gripped mine. The woman was openly crying and shouting at me. I could not release her hold upon my wrist.
"Why?!" I screamed at her over the raging elements, "Why would you bring me here, show me this, and not allow me to go to it?" I sobbed as I struggled to free my hand and fling myself into the water.
She held on tightly, tears and rain pouring down her face. "Because it is not real!" she yelled.
I simply could not grasp how that answered my question.
Lightning began to strike the heavens, originating from the city. The city stretched as far as the eye could see along the horizon.


_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wrote this tonight, after simultaneously reading a story and watching a movie. I got kind of overwhelmed mentally and needed an outlet.
Please leave a comment, even if all you say is whether or not you enjoyed it. Thanks.

Lionic

The door slid shut with a decisive click of the knob as it caught. It was black outside. Black from the night that had seeped into his surroundings. The barest glow from indoors behind him illuminated nothing. Bright, gaudy Christmas lights wrapped around the deck railings blinked intermittently in a sequence of Red, yellow, blue. Fat drops of winter chilled rain dripped from the canopy of tree branches to patter upon the ground, the small sounds painting a picture of the wooded outdoors for the ears alone. The wooden boards beneath his feet were slick with water, reflecting the lights to create an illusion of depth as if there was no deck before him. As if one step forward would carry him into the abyss. He breathed in a lungful of smoky air through his nose, savoring the bitterness of the scent mingling with wet leaves and wood, and closed his eyes. Head tilted toward the sky, thumbs lightly slid into the pockets of his worn khaki pants, wrists slack along with sagging shoulders.

Tail limp, ears flattened downward, mouth slightly open as he panted softly.

His breath clouded in the cold and drifted away to be lost in the black. For a moment he stood there, his mind full of what he had just experienced. Yet also strangely empty, as though he was feeling nothing but the raw emotion from it all, a sort of active blankness that he could not form into anything coherent. He did not want to.

The lion bowed his head as three drops of cold water splashed onto his muzzle. He snorted away some of the moisture that had gotten into his nostrils, then tilted his head upwards again to gaze at an invisible sky of stars blocked by impenetrable clouds. A silver-sheened paw rose to push the nearly full mane of tangled black fur from his eyes. Large saline eyes of smooth, dark brown surrounding pools of incomprehensible black were revealed from the motion. The only color darker would be the reflection thereof; black on black. The night absorbed by these eyes was not seen. Instead, all that lay before him was the abyss. The edges of it illuminated by the useless, distracting lights, but the true depths unseen, unknown to any fur, save a very few.

Thunder rumbled ominously, and the lion seemed shaken out of his reverie. His head raised, paws retreated from his pockets to rest by his thighs, tail lifted to curl slowly. His stance changed as well, beginning with the straightening of his back, shoulders relaxing, his entire body becoming erect to show his slow rise of determination.

He strode forward...

~~

Even though my fursona is a wolf, I've had more people tell me they think of me as a lion, so I wrote it from that point of view.

I had a thought. Xactly's story on RBS, Sub-Rosa Six would make an incredible comic. That's what I was reading before I wrote the above piece. Dang, if only I could draw.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Howellfan
Registered User


Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 188

PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very, um, atmospheric? Not bad, you actually don't do that bad a job capturing your character(though I suspect that it's a little easier when your character is basically yourself! Laughing ).

You've also said dialog is one of your issues when writing;best advice I can give on that is to remember the spoken word, even in 'formal' situations like giving testimony at a trial, is usually very informal in it's delivery. Try saying what you're writing out loud and ask yourself, 'how would I as this character say what's written here?'.

So...recovered from New Year's yet? Laughing

Onic? Onic? Y'there Onic? *hears snoring* Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Laughing]
Yup. I'm back in action. My memories of Jan. 1st are basically nonexistent. I spent around 5 hours paying my sleep debt.

As for dialogue...[cringe] I did actually write something rather long today which was mostly two characters talking to each other. It's a small part of a large story I'm working on and I'd like to write a bit more on it before I begin posting the chapters. (Did I say chapters? Each part is barely two or three pages long. Grr...)
Anyhow, I think I can begin posting it within the next two weeks. Life is about to get really busy with school starting again.

For now, here are a few tidbits. I wrote these particular two back in November.

Doorways by Onic

With a smooth motion, I slid my arms beneath Freya's sleeping form, one arm supporting her shoulders and allowing her head to lean against my chest while the other arms supported her legs at the knee joint. She was still sound asleep, so I relaxed now that I knew I had not disturbed her. Carefully I waked through the hallway and into my bedroom. Moonlight cascaded through my curtains and illuminated my large bed. Swinging a leg up I pushed the covers down and laid Freya onto the mattress before lifting the comforter and sheets to cover her.
Only then did she stir. I stood as her eyes squeezed harder shut against the moonlight. I flicked the curtains shut with my tail so the light would not bother her. Freya lifted a paw to her forehead.
"Onic," she murmured.
"Shh," I told her softly, whispering into her ear, "Go back to sleep." I stroked the fur between her ears with the back of my hand and placed a kiss onto her muzzle. Freya's ears twitched at that and a smile formed on her lips. Drowsily she snuggled into the blankets and sighed deeply, fully asleep again.
Stealing across my room, I eased open one of my drawers to pull out a black pile of clothing. I glanced at Freya, then changed from my every day jeans and shirt into a dark set of trousers and thickly woven shirt. I laced the shirt's collar and sat on the floor to pull on a pair of black leather boots, the soles of soft leather instead of hard rubber like normal. A car passing by on the street outside my house causing my attention to snap to the window. The headlights flowed from one direction to the other until the vehicle was gone. The clock beneath the window glared brightly and I sighed at the late hour.
My boots securely bound, I stood and slipped into a black leather vest, completing my outfit by fastening a belt onto my waist. The small knife on the belt shimmered, catching my attention. I would have to remember to dull it before my next mission. I tugged my new clothes straight, rolling my neck and taking a deep breath before striding two steps to my closet door. In the dimness I carefully placed my paws along the wall, feeling for the doorknob and afraid I would accidentally trigger the light switch in my near blindness. My claws clacked against the metal knob and I grasped it firmly, muttering an incantation under my breath, concentrating.
The door changed before me, from the plain style of most suburban home interiors to that of a very heavy wood braced with metal. The knob in my paw melted into a cold latch that rattled under my shaking fingers. A coolness swept across the floor and my nostrils were filled with the scent of very early morning. I stepped backward and swung the door open, revealing the landscape that awaited beyond.
Several crows flapped into the leafless trees as I startled the birds. My bedroom carpet ended abruptly into the wet leaves of a forest floor. Fog hung thickly between the black trees and water pattered to the ground from the branches. Peering past the doorframe, I saw the overcast sky, but in the distance I could make out the darker outline that represented distant mountains. I exhaled at the scene and saw my breath appear as clouds. A cold wind breezed past me into the bedroom, evoking a whimper from Freya. I looked over my shoulder, taking a last glance at her as she slumbered.
Affirming to myself that I knew she was safe, I stepped up to the threshold, my resolve gathered. I stepped forward onto the rain-softened leaves, taking the door latch in my right hand as I entered the world and quietly shutting the door behind me, leaving my room in darkness.

Freya sat up as the door closed. She shivered and wrapped her arms about herself. The room was colder than it had been. Even with her thick fur, it felt like early winter. Faint smells of Onic, leather, and rain filled the bedroom. Freya squinted at several dark patches on the carpet in front of the closet door. They were leaves. Sighing and falling back against the pillows, Freya closed her eyes to keep the tears from spilling over.


~~


Multifaceted by Onic

“Why cannot you accept all of me, instead of forcibly limiting me to being only a fraction of what I am?”
I sat back in my chair, only now noticing that I had been gripping the arm rests of the chair strongly. My hands were slick with sweat, so I rubbed them on my knees. Cirda continued pacing in an aggravated manner, and gesticulated with every word.
“You seek to contain me within your conception of what I am. You will not allow everything about me to be true. You will not accept it. Yes, I lead multiple lives and possess many names. That is how I exist. Why can I not be everything that I am?”
My throat was dry and I hoarsely replied, suddenly aware of how difficult the words were, “Because I want all of you to be mine.” Cirda was visibly taken aback. I had known she would not have expected that as my answer, but there it was. I continued, “Cirda, I know you as I know you. For me to discover so much about in such a short amount of time, especially to now know that you have kept secrets from me-”
“Do we not all?” she interrupted.
I cut her off, “Yes, we do. But I have just learned that my dearest friend has been lying to me since I first met her. Surely you can understand my dismay, and why I would continue to treat you as I knew you, instead of how I know you now. It is hard to accept, and my mind reels with the things you have done, the people you have been, are! How, overnight, can you expect me to just accept all these things?”
She crossed her arms. “What else can you do?”
My chair went skidding sideways at my infuriated rise from the seat. In two strides I was within inches of her face. Her eyes widened slightly, then settled back into a look of near disinterest. She did step backward at my approach, though.
“I am doing what I can!” I hissed through my teeth, “I do not want to lose what I have with you, just because of this.”
“Well, perhaps you should have considered that before befriending me in the beginning.”
I looked away, “How could I have ever known...” Fury welled up within me and I shoved Cirda against the wall, my right hand on her shoulder with my forearm pinned against her neck. She gasped, but had plenty of room to breathe. My other hand kept her from accessing any tools she may have wanted to use against me.
“I – love – you.” I said heavily. My vision swam with my anger, and Cirda understood then that I was not pretending calm anymore. She struggled fruitlessly against my hold.
“None of this is my doing.” I said. “You were the one that attracted me with your persona, the only one you showed me. You allowed me to love only a fraction of you without sharing the rest, and now you scorn me for not accepting everything? You are the one who should have considered our relationship before all of this!”
I released Cirda from my hold and stormed out of her bedchamber. For some reason I recall the gulls crying outside, the breeze entering through the open windows and lifting the sheer curtains to be dashed aside by my footfalls. The sound of my boots striking the stone walkway back to the atrium. Cirda said and did nothing as I departed, and I did not look back when I left.

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is the beginning of an idea I may continue someday.

Seven Days by Onic

Characters: CRUAR, CALBEN, CLEARA
Times: Nightdeep (Midnight), Sunheight (Midday)
Days: 7

Cruar
Nightdeep, Day 1

I awoke at today's first hour. My friends were still asleep, and I was restless. Quietly, I rolled out of my blankets and trotted off into the woods, leaving the campsite behind. I ran for hours, relishing the cold, the smells of the night.
There are things about myself that I will not relate in writing. My secrets are too personal and too dangerous. However, circumstance, and error, damn it, force things to be explained.
When I returned to the campsite, I was drenched with sweat and breathing heavily. My body was cooling too fast with the cold night air, so I walked back to the center of camp and rebuilt our fire. I did not detect any scents other than the smoke and the moisture on the air. Perhaps I was too distracted by my night's musings.
I should have known that Cleara was awake.
I saw movement at the corner of my eye and lunged to one side, growling at what I expected to be a potential enemy, ready to wake my friends so they might protect themselves. Cleara did not cry out as any other woman would, she merely stood her ground, her eyes very wide. I will never forget the expression on her face. She was shocked and horrified, making hundreds of connections, finding thousands of explanations, just in that one moment of seeing me. I relaxed now that conflict was not imminent, but another tension had replaced the initial energy that coursed through me.
Cleara and I stood across from each other, the fire between us. She stared at me unabashedly, and I recalled that I wore nothing but the thick black fur that covered my body. Turning away awkwardly, I entered my tent and struggled into a pair of trousers, changing back into my human form. I pulled two shirts over my head and threw on a cloak against the cold. When I emerged, Cleara had not moved, and her gleaming grey eyes pierced me like arrows. I sat across from her and we observed each other through the yellow flames. Her first words surprised me.
"Your eyes were the same color."
I had been staring listlessly into the fire. I brought my head up sharply and met her gaze.
"What? Yes." I paused, unable to shake the feeling that had filled me when Cleara had seen me in my other form. "I suppose I should explain."
"No. That was all the explanation I require."
Cleara disturbs me in ways that the term 'disturbing' does not quite suit. She accepts any and all information that she knows is truth. I do not understand how she can be that way, but just then I silently thanked her for it. I was not ready to explain everything to her, especially with all that awaits us in the next seven days.
Cleara stood and stepped into her tent, which she shared with her husband, Calben. But not without first giving me a knowing glance before she disappeared into the folds of grey fabric.
I stayed by the fire, warming myself and waiting for light to appear on the invisible horizon. I did not get any more rest that night, and thus had ample opportunity to record this entry.

Calben
Pre-dawn, Day 1
I dimly recall Cleara leaving the tent sometime during the night. I thought nothing of it, and she returned shortly to lie next to me and share the warmth of our blankets.
I never get enough rest. It is a fact of my life that I refuse accept graciously. Cleara woke me far earlier than I appreciated, and I made sure she knew so. She insisted though, that I rouse myself, and I knew there was no point in trying to find that last hour of sleep.
"Calben."
"Yes, dearest. Pray tell me why you torture me so by awakening me at this dreadful hour." I replied, mocking her. I honestly do not know how much of it I meant. I was tired and grouchy.
"Quiet, man, or I will begin to torture you. I know Cruar's secret."
That woke me. I sat up hastily and swept my long black hair out of my face. I searched my wife's expression for a sign that she may be trying to gain information from me, but I had known her long enough to tell she would not lie about this subject.
"How did you find out?" I asked tentatively. I was not sure how this conversation would play out. Outside, I listened to Cruar tidying up the camp prior to our departure. Cleara avoided looking at me as she gathered our belongings and meticulously placed each into their separate traveling packs.
"I saw him last night," was all she told me.
Several possibilities ran through my mind and I tried to consider the likelihood of each in turn.
"He told you, then?" I surmised, groping for an answer.
She did not speak immediately. I could see she was replaying whatever had transpired last night in her mind. Suddenly I made the connection of her leave taking with the discovery of Cruar's secret.
Cleara tightened a final knot to keep the packs secure. "In a manner of speaking."
I leaned toward her, taking her chin gently in my large fingers, and kissed her on the mouth.
"What was that for?" she asked me, taken aback.
"It is an apology. I am sorry that I had to keep Cruar's secret from you, and also sorry that you knew of the secret and still Cruar would not allow me to tell you. He made me promise before you and I even met. I am glad you know, although I worry about how it may weigh upon your mind."
"It is something hard to accept," Cleara conceded.
The noise Cruar was making outside brought us back to reality. I heard the clang of a pan and then a sizzling of meat. The scent of bacon came wafting into our tent and my stomach rumbled. Cleara grinned at me as I shouldered the two packs, making a last-minute round of the tent to be sure nothing had been left.
"The sun has not yet crested the horizon, but we are late. I suspect Cruar would have hurried us to get on the road under normal circumstances. He is probably going to avoid me for the rest of the day," Cleara stated sadly.
I nodded. "That is likely. Do not take it personally, Cleara. It is his burden and he wishes no one knew of it. I suppose that is why he will simply wait outside until we emerge for breakfast, rather than call us to get a move on. We truly should be going."
Cruar picked that moment to shout at us, "There will be time for lovemaking later. Get up, you two!"
I swear he had been listening to the entire conversation.

Cleara
Sunrise, Day 1
We are riding currently. Calben still asks me how I can manage to write and ride at the same time. It is a skill I developed when I was younger, and saw that life provides extra time for no one. I allow Whitefrost to follow the other horses at his pleasure, and he does so very well, with my sporadic guidance.
Just as I suspected, Cruar rides far ahead of us. I tested my assumption that Cruar would avoid me just a few minutes ago. I tried to bring Whitefrost alongside Cruar's black horse, Nemesis, but Cruar hastened forward and I let him go. Calben assures me that I will be back in Cruar's grace once he comes to accept that I know his secret.
It must be a hard thing indeed, to house such ability as Cruar does. I cannot imagine. There are so many things I do not know about all of this. I do believe that my knowledge has created more questions than I originally had in the first.
Last night, I heard Cruar leave his tent, as he normally does around Nightdeep. I do not know why, but I roused myself and attempted to follow him. He disappeared into the forest much too quickly for my pace, so I returned to the camp to wait for him. When Cruar returned, I quietly edged around his tent to watch him, and I cannot remove the image from my mind of what I saw when I looked upon him.

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2008 2:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's a song I wrote.
[m] = male voice
[f] = female voice

Grope, lyrics by Onic

[m]
I heard the shouts of anger
and I know about the fight

(At one time it would have been me
At one time I saw with your sight)

I invited you to my door
and asked you to spend the night

(In an attempt to make you feel good
In an attempt to make it all right)

[f]
You comforted me
and let me come you
You hold me in your arms, wondering,
[m]
"What have
you gotten yourself into?"

You cried to me
and I heard your despair
I hold you in my arms, listening,
[f]
"Is there
anyone out there?"

Chorus:
[m]
Yes, love
I am right here
I will always be
You have
nothing to fear
lie close to me
I see you
grope through the dark
feeling for something
Love has
always been hard (to find)
but now I'm here

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anyfur out there? Feel free to drop a comment or suggestion.
Meanwhile I paw onward.

This poem may or may not make sense. I was trying to capture a concept that someone pointed out to me. For all we know, each individual may see in different colors.

Colors of Conversation by Onic

(person 1)
We don't all see eye to eye, but here's a fact that will twist
your adamant sense of perception, you've no idea what you've missed
When we open our eyes, and see the colors around
we may not see the same colors, at least that's what I have found

(person 2)
You say the colors don't match? You point there, you say "red."
I should never have asked, the way you mess with my head
But there you go and explain, I may as well pay attention
Lest it turn up again, in later conversation

(person 1)
Listen here's how it works, I show you a colored card
I indicate just this one, what I will ask is not hard
Tell me, what is it's color? You say red? I say blue.
(p2) And now I'm starting to wonder what's the matter with you

(person 1)
Stick with me my friend, there's no clear way to know
what colors we see 'til our vision's juxtaposed
If I point to this card saying this color's blue
after a life of this learning it'll get into you

And from that learning you're taught, you'll begin to see
the same colors as I do, eventually
Once the next person arrives, they point there, they say "red"
"Not it's not" you'll object, with a shake of your head

(person 2)
So I imagine like this, we both agree on the same
but what we see could be different... I'm being driven insane
I can't handle these thoughts they're to deep and too hard
Why don't we both just agree that you're pointing at a card?

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's something that as inspired after visiting www.arealitybeyonddreams.com . There are some interesting poems there.

I guess this gives away that I'm a romantic at heart.

A Stolen Moment by Onic

Business requires him
to turn discerning eye
and I slip away
or at least I try

He sees me leave
and calls me back
"You've work to do here,"
he points to a stack

Begrudgingly I begin
to sort through the papers
while he keeps his eye on me
to inhibit my capers

But once again
business calls him away
and in a trice I am gone
to where, none can say

Outside of the building
through the parking lot
I forego driving my car
though the pavement is hot

Wasting no time I travel the blocks
heading toward the city's outskirts
taking care to watch my paws
lest them I clumsily hurt

While I cross the streets
some people still stare
at my furry appearance
but I no longer care

Hastily I leave the outgoing road
to rush across the open ground
the forest ahead is inviting me
and excited I travel with leaps and bounds

I am engulfed by the trees
running headlong ahead
on the path I created
from my numerous treads

I have come here before
as often as the chance appears
and just like the other times
she is there, when I near

At first I cannot see her
and my eyes rove the branches
a flit, a movement, there!
These woods are her mansions

"Why do you hide?"
I ask her playfully
"Come down beloved,
it's you I've come to see."

From the heights she leaps down
and before me she lands
her paws touch down softly
and she reaches out her hands

A single embrace
then away we both step
our feelings will stay feelings
and within our love is kept

I look into her mask-ringed eyes
and she lovingly strokes my muzzle
gently I remove her hand
and determinedly suppress a nuzzle

During the years of my life
she's the only one I have met
who is as I am
A furry, and yet

She is something more
an ethereal creature
I look closely upon her
and take in every feature

From ear tip to ankle
her fur is of grey
with a few distinct exceptions
that I will explain

On her face is a mask
and her arms appear gloved
her feet are black too
I watch as they're moved

Her long flowing tail
is ringed many times
her figure is shapely
every detail aligned

I gaze into
her eyes of deep gold
and momentarily wish
I could have her to hold

I would love her so fiercely
and protect her from harm
I would be her defender
with my strong right arm

But instead of this wish
I am forced to take leave
of the job that I work
to see her again and believe

Sometimes it's so hard
when all I ask
is to be given the chance
to live up to the task

Of becoming her mate
and to raise a family
to whatever High Power
I plead desperately

For the entire past year
from real life I depart
I've been stealing moments
but she stole my heart

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Howellfan
Registered User


Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 188

PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, just letting ya know I'm still around here;still working(slowly)on the next part of my story. Heh, guess after speeding through so much making it up as I go along I was bound to hit a little bit of writer's block! Razz

How's school treating ya?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Terrors. I've been gone far too long.
School is actually not that bad, if I ignore the mass quantities of it. I actually just got over the flu, which was nasty to say the least.
I'm still writing and since I haven't been around so long, I'll go ahead and post a short story I wrote as a project for myself. I'm continuing it, but so far I have not liked how it feels and the next section need a rewrite.
Anyhow...

Intruders by Onic

On the northeastern border of the rocky wastland of Shylie, just six leagues from the curving mountain ranges that determined the barrier between countries, a troup of soldiers-for-hire were preparing for a much appreciated rest. The next day they planned to ascend the slopes and cross into the sweeping plains and river-towns of Anadaria, where their next "business transaction" would take place.

Nestled into an upheaval of stone that broke the monotonous landscape was a small village. The position was defensible, and sentries were being posted as night fell, cloaking the hills in cool shadow. Wind blew through the crags and rustled the few trees dotted here and there, causing a low moaning to sound clearly throughout the area and the sentries to more tightly wrap their cloaks around their bodies to stay warm. In the sky, stars were blocked by passing clouds which gave the eerie impression of moonlight flowing across the ground. Eventually the village square emptied as mercenaries filtered into the wood-built houses seeking respite from the cold.

One such dwelling was occupied to its limit by four men. None of them spoke as they laid out their sleeping mats. Tempers like hot coals die slowly. A young man not yet a score years old, slight of build with a wild shock of brown hair that constantly interfered with his vision, resolutely sat on the edge of the sole piece of furniture in the one-roomed dwelling: a bed complete with a straw mattress. The mercenary pulled his cloak around, loosening his belt and shoulder strap before lying down. He crossed his booted feet and placed his hands behind his head, elbows splayed outward. The smell of dust and straw filled his nostrils and he sneezed, drawing the glares of two men and the grin of the third. Ysic, the tall, bearded and scarred Vuosci-man never ceased to find the humor in every situation, something that had uplifted the spirits of his fellows more often than they cared to admit.

Sennec settled uncomfortably into the bed he had discovered. It was one of the few in the village, and he had claimed it for the night, not without some dispute from the other men in their squad. After complaints and grumbling three of them had bedded down on the floor space whereas the others found shelter in other houses stables, and one of the stable boys even in an old hayloft.

Pulling his blankets tightly around his body against the cold night, Sennec wondered if one of the mercenaries had an extra that might be used to cover the open doorway. The door itself appeared to have been ripped off its hinges, lying in splintered chunks on the ground outside, likely the result of border dispute skirmish. No, Sennec decided, even if a spare blanket could be found, someone would use it for themself. Small good covering the door anyway. The autumn breeze would just brush it aside.

Outdoors a loose cloth flapped against the exterior of the building. The other men were just finished choosing where they would rest. Their voices carried across the open ground until the flickering of their torches was extinguished for the night. To Sennec's left, on the floor, Ysic began snoring loudly. Sennec knew he, too, should get some sleep. He would not be woken for sentry duty this night, and planned to take full advantage of the fact.

His thoughts wandered over the day's events, as a mind will do when it borders on sleep. Sennec reflected upon their fortunate stumbling upon the abandoned village. After fifteen days of hard traveling across the exposed and unforgiving rocky terrain of Shylie, the shelter was more than welcome. The squads had fanned out, and after determining that the village was safe, spent the last hour of daylight exploring.

The village was mysterious. Significant evidence of a small battle revealed itself in the damaged houses, but no signs of fire or murder, which normally accompanied border disputes. Also it was quickly discovered that the villagers had left nothing of value behind. Only a few of the houses still contained tables and other furniture, such as Sennec's bed.

Perplexed but still grateful, the mercenaries had chosen to take the opportunity to rest for the night. Some had disagreed, nervous about the unexplained departure of the village's inhabitants. It did not help that the majority of the troup was composed of the superstitious Vuosci. To some degree Sennec could not blame them, especially due to the greatest of confusing facts regarding the settlement.

True, it had been deserted... by humans. The troup's arrival had startled at least twelve cats from various hiding places. The more the men explored, the more felines were displaced from their positions throughout the village and cliffs. Sennec tried multiple times to make an accurate count of the creatures and gave up when he reached forty. It was a difficult task with the cats milling about, perched on thatched roofs, startling horses as they darted this way and that, getting underfoot. Sennec was positive that more than fifty of the animals resided there, though. The village was not small, so the saturation of felines, as Sennec thought of it, was not significant, even if the sheer number was.

Still, where had they come from? Could this truly be the result of the creatures being left to themselves for an unknown amount of time? Even now Sennec listened with his eyes closed as several cats padded along outside. One was surely on the roof over their heads, possibly two. He heard pacing footsteps along the peak of the roof, each a soft rustling of the dense rushes. One of Sennec's last thoughts was of a particular cat he had marked earlier. It was a sleek tomcat with amber colored fur and brown eyes. The creature had stood out from the others, which were mostly a varying mixture of black, gray, and brown fur, and it had shown an unnatural interest in him as he walked the near-empty streets earlier that day.

~

Abruptly, Sennec came to, only realizing after opening his eyes that he had fallen asleep. It was brighter than he remembered, but the luminescence proved to be the cold light of the moon. The wind gusting outside must have pushed the clouds away. Just as Sennec decided to try falling back asleep, there was a noise outside, causing his eyes to snap open, alert. Silently he snaked his right hand across his chest and gripped the cold metal handle of his harness knife, which he kept sheathed beneath his left arm. There were several reasons that someone could make noise outside. The sentries might be trading shifts, or one of the men may have staggered off in the night to relieve himself. Still, Sennec could not be calmed, ears straining for any other sound, hand tense upon the knife. The hair on the nape of his neck rose, and Sennec was convinced he was being watched.

His warrior sense proved correct. Across from the foot of Sennec's bed, the source of his disturbance thumped against the wall outside, then crawled indoors through a gap in the eaves to perch upon a rafter. A pair of twin amber orbs, pupils dilated, stared intently down at the mercenary. Sighing, Sennec released his knife and relaxed as he rubbed the numbness out of his fingers from clutching the freezing metal. He met the cat's stare squarely, aware of its long tail hanging down past the rafter. The tip twitched back and forth in a most distracting manner.

The wind was blowing exceptionally hard now, causing the tattered cloth outside to snap as it was whipped vehemently about. Without warning, everything became quite dark and Sennec glanced at the doorway as it disappeared into the inky blackness. He waited for it to pass, assuming a large cloud had obstructed the moonlight, but it did not. After several minutes of enduring the dark, Sennec knew something was wrong. Again, a tingling shiver ran the length of his spine.

He made to grab his knife again, and was astonished to find he could not move. Desperately he fought to make his hand and arm obey his will, but to no avail. Panic began rising within his chest and he struggled to quell it, until he saw the eyes. The tomcat was still sitting upon the rafter, his eyes now a pair of glowing amber rings in the darkness. Though it was impossible Sennec could swear he heard the flit, flit of its tail moving back and forth. It terrified him for no reason and he tried to shout. No sound came from his throat, just a strangely hoarse exhalation that passed beyond his lips.

Hypnotically, the eyes moved closer. Sennec could hear the clicking of the cat's claws upon the wood rafter until they stopped just above him. Rigid with fear, Sennec attempted to yell with all of his might, but still could make no sound other than his breathing as he panted almost hysterically. Colors blossomed across his vision. Always, always the amber eyes stared and Sennec could not look away.

Then the eyes leaped down toward him and the cat became visible, hackles raised, sharp teeth exposed in violent hiss, claws extended as it plummeted in slow motion. The distance between them seemed to lengthen and Sennec watched in horror as the cat began to transform, growing larger, changing, becoming more frightening than ever. Sennec felt his lungs constricting, he could not breathe. In desperation and terror he screamed silently and struggled uselessly against invisible bonds. He felt the weight of the beast come crashing down upon his body, teeth sinking into his neck and claws tearing across his flesh, dimly aware of a very distant sound until his entire vision was enveloped by the glowing amber eyes-

"...eeeyaaAAAARGH!!"
Sennec sat bolt upright in his bed, flailing wildly against the blankets he had become entangled in. The distant sound had been his own voice, shouting incoherently. He was freezing, soaked with cold sweat and shivering violently as the cold wind blew in through the open doorway. Someone leaned over him and was shaking him by the shoulders, shouting.
"Sennec! Blast it, Sennec! Wake up, we're leavin'!"
It was Ysic. The middle-aged man looked distressed, his blond shoulder length hair, usually tied back in a tail, flew about wildly in the wind that gusted through the room.
"W-w-wha-what'-" was all that Sennec could stutter with his chattering teeth. Outdoors he could hear shouts of the other mercenaries. Ysic cut him off, explaining as he threw his own pallet blanket over the youth and shoved Sennec's belongings into a pack.
"All mornin' long, since dawn, people 'ave been wakin' up, shoutin' their 'eads off just like you, 'ere. Those of us up afore the others tried to wake 'em, but they wouldn'a budge! Like they 'ad the sleepin' sickness. Once ol' Thallis woke an' we explained what were happ'nen, 'e says we're leavin', soon as the rest awake. You're the last, 'ere, an' I got your things, so we're goin'!" Ysic heaved Sennec up to his feet and they left the house.

Diffused grey light from the heavily overcast sky greeted the two, along with every squad of mercenary troup in a state of disarray as belongings were hastily packed, horses saddled, and orders given. Amidst all the turmoil, a female voice called out for Ysic's assistance. After assuring him that he was fine and returning the blanket, Sennec trotted over to the stables, where Trig, the lame stable boy, had just finished saddling Sennec's black horse, Nemesis.
"Thank you, Trig." Sennec praised him, placing a hand on the boy's curly brown hair, "You are most helpful."
The mercenary secured his belongings onto the saddle. Trig nodded with a grin. Before the boy raced off, Sennec was struck with a question.
"Trig, wait!"
The stable boy halted and turned around with an expectant expression on his face.
"Did you..." Sennec struggled to phrase it correctly, then gave up. "Did you sleep well last night?"
Trig shook his head sadly. Puzzlement reflected from his green eyes, but he held his questions at bay. "No, sir. Though not because of the cold. My loft I found was snug, to be sure. I did get some small sleep, but that was all."
"Why?" Sennec probed.
"Well, you see, sir. There was a mother cat up in the straw. I disturbed her when I climbed in. She was having kits, so I helped her. It took awhile and the whole time this black striped tom with a bad leg like mine was pacing around us." The boy indicated his own twisted right leg with nonchalance.
"Did you have any dreams while you slept?"
"No, sir." The confusion was evident in Trig's reply. "I do not s'pose I slept long enough for that."
Sennec thought a moment, then tested a hunch. "You were the first to awaken this morning, were you not?"
"Yes sir. And frightened I was, too, when the men began carrying on as they did."
The commotion in the village square turned their attention and Trig's name was called. The squads were nearly ready to leave. Trig looked questioningly over his shoulder back at Sennec, who gestured for the boy to heed the summons. Trig limped off at a pace that would have surprised anyone who did not know him. Calmly, Sennec mounted Nemesis and joined his comrades in their hasty departure.

~

By midday the clouds had gathered and begun raining a fine mist down upon the travelers. Keeping a steady pace atop Nemesis, Sennec readjusted the hood of his cloak, watching moisture bead upon the soft wool until it dripped off onto the rocky ground. Ysic rode alongside, unusually quiet for his normally boisterous nature. Little was said amongst the squads, if any conversation arose it was spoken in undertones. That is, until Thallis cursed loudly, making several of the mercenaries jump after the long quiet.
"What is it, sir?" one rider asked.
"In my haste I left my flask and our mission instructions behind. Blast it! Someone must return to retrieve them before dark falls.
That made everyone pause, the only sounds being the clatter of horse hooves and booted feet upon loose rock, the rustle of cloaks and leather, a sharp ring of metal upon metal every so often, and the hissing of rain landing on the ground. Heads were raised, with eyes searching for any volunteer or avoiding looking at anyone in particular lest they themselves be chosen for the task. Thallis looked about him in disbelief.
"Are my men so superstitious as to-?"
"I will go, sir." said a small voice. All eyes turned to its source. Trig let fall his raised hand and stared about sheepishly. Thallis was shaking his head, long red beard swaying with the motion.
"No, boy. I would not send you back there alone, though I praise you for showing more backbone than this sorry lot." the leader made an expansive gesture at the mercenaries as a whole.
"Perhaps," Sennec interjected before Thallis continued, "perhaps Trig should be the one to return. I am willing to accompany him for his protection." Sennec guided his horse near Thallis and added softly, "The boy did not experience last night's terrors, unlike the rest of us." Sennec did not explain why, but he was relatively confident that the village held no harm for the stable boy. Thallis stroked his chin with worn fingers as he considered.
"No. I will go with 'im." called out Ysic. Sennec meant to protest but Ysic took him by the shoulder and pulled the younger man close, muttering into his ear, "Look 'ere. Trig woke me first and I got teh see the others, all of 'em, when they came to. You were the worst, Sen. I though my dream was bad, but-"
"You dreamed as well? What of?" interrupted Sennec. Ysic grimaced at his slip and ignored the questions.
"I'm goin', don' argue." he emphasized the words with a clench of Sennec's shoulder before releasing it. The younger man nodded and after Thallis's agreement, watched Ysic and Trig disappear into the mist from which their party had just come.

~

It was at the end of the day when the two returned. Darkness was falling as fast as the rain when they rode through the ranks to deliver Thallis's items. Sennec was riding on the forward outskirts of the troup and could not see anything, but heard his leader's deep voice carry across the way.
"Well done. What of the flask, boy?"
Trig's voice seemed pitched higher than normal. "I could not find it, sir."
Other words were spoken which were lost amongst the noise of travel until the call for torches was given. Reaching back into his traveling bags, Sennec pulled out his own torch. It had stayed well and dry stored away. After a quick look to the left and right, he ran his thumb along the charred edge. Flames arose instantly upon the hard pitch and wood, singeing his thumb which he shook roughly before placing it in his mouth to soothe the pain.

"Nice trick, there." Ysic said, startling Sennec. He slowed Nemesis' pace to allow Ysic and Trig to ride on either side of him and removed his burned digit from his mouth.
"Well, then," Sennec said, trying to distract them from his small display of incendiary magic, "You could not find old Thallis his flask, eh?"
The inquiry was directed toward Trig, but Ysic responded, "No, 'e could not."
Looking back and forth between them, Sennec asked, "Did anything happen?"
"Not... exactly." This time Trig spoke, making Sennec swing around in his saddle to face the boy as they rode. The torchlight barely reached an arm's length away to Trig's hooded face, which was troubled.
"Speak up, I can barely hear you over the rain." Sennec said. The torrential downpour had grown worse as the day progressed, dumping what felt like waterfalls onto the mercenaries. It was a wonder the torches stayed lit.
Trig continued. "Ysic and I found the place fine, and the instructions easy enough, but...it was unsettling. All those cats? There were gone from the place."
"Every one?" asked Sennec incredulously, eyebrows raised.
"No sir, there was one. It was the tom I told you of. You remember? Grey with black stripes and a bad right leg, just like me."
"Yes, I recall."
"Well, he was there, just sat there by hisself in the empty square while I looked for the flask."
"Where was Ysic?"
"The boy asked me teh stay outside the village. Didn' wan' anything teh happen to his protection. I walked the edges of the buildings, keepin' an eye out on 'im, lest somethin' unwelcome should occur."
"And we got unsettled, Ysic and I. He tells me he did not see the cat sitting there." Trig leaned past Sennec to look at the man.
"I saw a cat, no doubt. But not the one Trig says, and not where 'e saw it." Ysic added.
"So you left quickly, I take it?" Sennec finished for them. They nodded silently to that.

Horse hooves and feet continued to scrape along the rocks as the mercenary company slowly ascended into the mountains on the border of Shylie, completely drenched with on-pouring rain. Fat drops of water struck the torches, making a hissing and spitting sound, not unlike... Sennec shook his head, unable to rid the image of two glowing amber eyes from his mind.

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Howellfan
Registered User


Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 188

PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

But are you over the makeup work for days missed? Razz Smile *Tosses you a can of Jolt*

And dangit, now I wanna know what happens next! *Looks at the writing above "And he said I have his respect for the little bit I've written....?*
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Onic
Registered User


Joined: 17 Dec 2007
Posts: 95
Location: Virginia

PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Downs in one draft]

Ahhh... That'll help for sure! I still have to rewrite the next section, but I know what's going to happen, so that's a relief.
I'm working on getting better at mood and narrative voice, so in a few days I may have time to post the small exercises I've done... Hang with me. Wink

_________________
I'm guessing your guess is as good as mine...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Planetfurry BBS Forum Index -> Feedback All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group