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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2002 2:34 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for all the positive comments.
I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but ...
I'd really like to hear some comments / speculation on the story itself. So that I can gauge if I'm putting in enough hints on the things to come (or too many).
Some constructive critique, ...
Something to help me make the story better. _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2002 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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Hmmm, just reread my last post. I'm starting to sound like Rava.
Another trivia question:
What was the first hint that this ("me" & Sarah) was going to happen? _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Sslaxx Registered User
Joined: 20 Nov 2000 Posts: 71 Location: Malvern, Worcs., UK
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Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2002 2:37 pm Post subject: Hints? |
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Nameless wrote: | Thanks for all the positive comments.
I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but ...
I'd really like to hear some comments / speculation on the story itself. So that I can gauge if I'm putting in enough hints on the things to come (or too many).
Some constructive critique, ...
Something to help me make the story better. |
No hints. Explain the bare minimum for the story to make sense - let our brains make their own conclusions (you seem to be doing this already, though). _________________ Stuart "Sslaxx" Moore. |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2002 2:41 pm Post subject: Re: Hints? |
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Sslaxx wrote: | No hints. Explain the bare minimum for the story to make sense - let our brains make their own conclusions (you seem to be doing this already, though). |
Nah, I really like those special hints. Where you sit up in the night, two chapters later, and say "Yes, I could have seen that two chapters ago" _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Bearion Registered User
Joined: 01 Jun 2002 Posts: 278 Location: Bay Area, California
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2002 3:36 pm Post subject: Re: Hints? |
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Sslaxx wrote: | No hints. Explain the bare minimum for the story to make sense - let our brains make their own conclusions |
There is nothing wrong with "hints" done well. By hints, I mean pebbles along the way, not snowballs in the face. (Note to self: must get metaphor factory fixed)
Being blindsided in a story sometimes doesn't work either. It's a balance, and I prefer hints since it usually means the author has a plan for the story up front. |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2003 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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So, I've finally managed to finish another chapter. Took me exactly one month. And I had already written more than half of it when I put up the last chapter, so don't expect the next one very soon.
That was a very good week, as far as stories go. Hikaru, Galadrion, some others. And Concolor is finally back and maybe we'll even get another chapter from him today.
Well, I'm waiting for comments and speculation.
Which stories did I refer to?
Anyway, have fun. _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2003 12:52 am Post subject: |
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_________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Concolor Registered User
Joined: 19 Nov 2001 Posts: 832 Location: South Carolina
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Posted: Mon Jan 20, 2003 2:12 am Post subject: |
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I just finished reading chapter two.
Did I like it?
Yes.
Did I love it?
Most definitely.
I am sitting here in front of the monitor with this silly grin on my face. It's the same one that has been there for the last ten or fifteen minutes. It's the kind of grin you get from experiencing something new and twisty and cozy, something delightful and strange and yet familiar. And no, that doesn't make any sense, and no, I really don't care. That's what it did.
You, sir, are a wordsmith. This is a treat. Chris is reacting exactly -- EXACTLY, mind you -- as I have envisioned myself reacting in precisely that situation. Some of the little vignettes you've offered have given me something of a deja vu.
This is sweet and silly and melancholy and funny and tense and ... and achingly real. I keep getting these little chuckles, thinking, "Of course!" or "Yeah, that's how it would feel."
How'd you do that?
More! More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More! More!
More! More! More! More! More!
-- A slightly giddy Concolor _________________ Oddly enough, my life is based on a true story. (Ashleigh Brilliant) |
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Tygon Site Owner
Joined: 03 Apr 2001 Posts: 2497 Location: Isernhagen, Lowersaxony, Germany
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Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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Just finished reading chapter 2...
Well, it is good, no question there...
but...
Yes, I unfortunately have a but. When Sarah is making breakfast in the kitchen she seems to be extremely at ease with Chris. Kinda strange, considering that she wouldn't even let him out of the bedroom without having her gun ready, isn't it?
But that's the only "complaint" I have.
What I find every interesting is that Chris knows the Sabrinaverse Stories. That should be good for some interesting conversation in the future (not to mention his possible reaction when he meets the character he has read about {imagine his tour though ZZ Studios of which I am sure that it will come })
Writing wise I don't have any complaints at all. Great work there.
Keep on the good writing _________________ Tygon Panthera - name and species
www.planetfurry.com/~tygon/ |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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Tygon wrote: | Yes, I unfortunately have a but. When Sarah is making breakfast in the kitchen she seems to be extremely at ease with Chris. |
I'm trying to be realistic, but when that comes in the way of a good story, then, well, reality looses.
Then again, she is not so much at ease with him, rather she is a little distracted.
And, well, she is not really afraid of him, she is just very careful.
She was only afraid the first few minutes after he knocked on the door, but after that she was not quite ready to lower her guard intentionally. She might have done it in a few hours anyway, if that scene had not happened.
Actually having the gun (and threatening him with it) makes it more difficult to lower her guard, because she can't be sure if he behaves nicely because he IS nice or because he is just bidding his time. _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Tygon Site Owner
Joined: 03 Apr 2001 Posts: 2497 Location: Isernhagen, Lowersaxony, Germany
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Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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Nameless wrote: | I'm trying to be realistic, but when that comes in the way of a good story, then, well, reality looses. |
Hmmm... Well, I see what you mean.
Nameless wrote: | Then again, she is not so much at ease with him, rather she is a little distracted. |
It still strikes me as a bit much but okay, I won't put the subject any further. After all, not story is perfect. I should know that.
Nameless wrote: | And, well, she is not really afraid of him, she is just very careful.
She was only afraid the first few minutes after he knocked on the door, but after that she was not quite ready to lower her guard intentionally. She might have done it in a few hours anyway, if that scene had not happened. |
I see what Chris tried to do but it backfired BIG time. Basically it was a good idea but like the Expo 2000, the execution of the idea was lousy.
On the other paw it still had shown Sarah has seen that Chris doesn't want to do her any harm, even if she almost got a heart attack out of it.
I get the impression that they are getting comfortable with each other a bit fast, especially if one considers the "racial differences" but guess that could be concidered as a "Love on second (or third) sight" case
Nameless wrote: | Actually having the gun (and threatening him with it) makes it more difficult to lower her guard, because she can't be sure if he behaves nicely because he IS nice or because he is just bidding his time. |
That is true but unfortunately most time necessary. There is no optimal solution in such a case and this is about the best to choose.
BTW: I can't say if I would react like this if such a accidental dimensional transfer would happen to me but I think that I would be scared like a mouse on a cat convention. _________________ Tygon Panthera - name and species
www.planetfurry.com/~tygon/ |
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Concolor Registered User
Joined: 19 Nov 2001 Posts: 832 Location: South Carolina
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Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2003 11:04 pm Post subject: |
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Tygon wrote: | BTW: I can't say if I would react like this if such a accidental dimensional transfer would happen to me but I think that I would be scared like a mouse on a cat convention. |
Really? Serious? Naaahhhhhhh.....
I don't think so, not in my case anyway. Maybe I've ingested too much science fiction, but I believe that if I were in Chris' shoes (no, wait -- no shoes) in Chris' position, I'd be more at ease than he is. Heck, sometimes I almost expect something like that to happen.
Or maybe just wish it would. _________________ Oddly enough, my life is based on a true story. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
Last edited by Concolor on Wed Jan 22, 2003 9:57 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2003 1:10 am Post subject: |
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Tygon wrote: | Nameless wrote: | Actually having the gun (and threatening him with it) makes it more difficult to lower her guard, because she can't be sure if he behaves nicely because he IS nice or because he is just bidding his time. |
That is true but unfortunately most time necessary. There is no optimal solution in such a case and this is about the best to choose. |
Well, probably the better way for her would have been to keep the gun hidden (in her back pocket) but ready and pull it out only when she actually feels threatened. _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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Cateagle Site Owner
Joined: 20 Nov 2000 Posts: 1004 Location: Ft. Worth, TX
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Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2003 2:16 am Post subject: |
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Concolor wrote: | Tygon wrote: | BTW: I can't say if I would react like this if such a accidental dimensional transfer would happen to me but I think that I would be scared like a mouse on a cat convention. |
Really? Serious? Naaahhhhhhh.....
I don't think so, not in my case anyway. Maybe I've ingested too much scinece fiction, but I believe that if I were in Chris' shoes (no, wait -- no shoes) in Chris' position, I'd be more at ease than he is. Heck, sometimes I almost expect something like that to happen.
Or maybe just wish it would. |
You and me both, brother!.
Cateagle
Who know's he's ingested way too much science fiction. _________________ "But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cateagle. He walked by himself and all places were alike to him."
-- With apologies to Rudyard Kipling |
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Nameless Site Owner
Joined: 06 Sep 2002 Posts: 1368 Location: Vienna, Austria
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Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2003 9:30 am Post subject: |
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So I've posted the non-chapter.
Is it too evil or not evil enough ? _________________ I'm a nut, but there are those who appreciate me for it. |
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