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Let me give it a try!

 
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Megan
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 7:11 am    Post subject: Let me give it a try! Reply with quote

I've been searching the net for a horror with furries with other than werewolfs and vamps. Now i'm not talking some teen killer or typical horror. A horror with a mature storytelling. (Mature as in old.)

I know it's hard to kill a few furries but let's face it. In order to achieve something great, or at least good, few sacrifices must be made.

I'm working on something. Now it's hard to critic my own work so how about you give me a hand. I may post the text tommorow. I've been recording my dreams for a long time for the sole purpose practice.

Just don't be too harsh, I started to write realtively early so...
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Megan
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 9:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn it! This may take some time, I have to first write the text in the comp. It needed working on anyway.

Before I post... I've written the following text in such a way that I try to mask the time, place and to show if they are furries or human cause, I'm not sure yet.

This is gonna hurt...
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Megan
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The type i'm working on is to produce a emotional responce, so the text itself may be strange. And please note that i'm relatively new to it,so if you see a problem give me a few tips.

_____________________________________________________________

The city seemed deserted. It's strange that was spared from the bombing. So far we evaded enemy contact and hope to get to our squad before we get killed.

"Kowalsky! slow down, help me carry him."

"no, no. It's ok Murray, i can make it."

At least the night was one advantage. Moon hid from our sites behind cloudy sky in shame after he saw what we did. He gave away his position by dim light. I'll admit it was monsterous, but the worse was yet to come. We stood there for a second, it was so quiet. Like a tomb or a black box that we were placed in, blind from the things outside it. Who cared anyway. It was so strange. All the buildings, stores, hotels, shops homes...all empty. No birds, no animals. Nothing, it was just us this time. Everything untouched, no damage or bulletholes, yet so bleak. There were no flashes in the sky from the cannons. All so still. It was nothing outsind of town was real. Was it?

Billy finally gave in,"I- I have to sit...". Points at some bench at the edge of a city park which we were passing by.

"Ok, Ok. Easy..."

"Damn it!"

Poor Billy, blood slowly poured from him, giving the bench rather nice color. I neared the boy.

"How's it going kid?", stareing at his wound. The metal teast of it. That stucky worm sensation on your fingers. No pain. No pain at all. Just that horrible numbness slowely eating your body.

"It doesn't hurt that much now.", and it never will anymore.

I sat next to a statue of some guy. Some crazy poet judgeing by the book. A second passes. Two.

"Sir, will I make it?"

"Look,Bill...Cut that crap out. You are gonna be just fine. When this shit get's done will finish that bout of your's, 'k."

Smooth Murray, real smooth. I couldn't have thought of a better one my self. He knew. Of course he did. After what happened to him.

"How far is it, Kowalsky? Where the frak* are they?"

"If we keep this direction and pace. Were there by dawn. I hope."

It was too peacefull. To quiet. It eat our brains out. Nothing exept our breath supported by rythm in our cheast. Quite the music.

"S-Sir, how did this happen?", Billy twisted with pain as the wound was taking it's toll.

"Somebody screw up! Or got boring." I hoped it was the first thing. God I hoped it was just a misteke.

"Plane."

"What?", Where the hell did...

(Sorry to skip the action part, I'm not very good at it. Working on it.)

We all gleared at this sky theatre, at this strange performance. Great fiery orb lit the sky, exposeing the surrounding area aroud us.

"Look out! Watch out for the debris!", Was there time to run, or worth it? No. It never was.

We squeezed together like newborn kittens, somehow, trying to protect ourselves. Instincts kiked in,not that it would help but, how can arms brake the fall of something like that? Wiating for the touch of melting metal to end our misery. It was strange, like being under you covers on your beed waiting for the touch of the horrors you thaught you saw. Nothing fell. No flame or metal. Instead of that something wet touched our arms. There it was again. Rain? I raised my look to see.

"My God.."

Blood. Blood rained fron the sky in slow drops, sliding off our arms, absorbing into the cloths.

"From the plane?", Murray yelled tring to outshout the raining.

"From too guys?"

"Well than how-"

"I have no idea...", We all exchanged puzzled looks trying to figure out our calmness.

Another plane crossed the sky. "Sir!"

"Shit! The buildings! We must reach the buildings!"

"What about Billy?", Billy?! I allmost forgot.

"Leave him."

"What!?"

"Murray, he's dead and you know it...after what happened."

(More to come...If you want.)

P.S.- sorry about the mistakes.
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Virmir
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Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Posts: 107

PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting. I can imagine the war zone setting well, and the general sense of danger all around. Creepy near the end! Nice work on that.

A few sentences are awkward, but nothing too bad. Be mindful of your capitalization, especially near the beginning. (You want to hook readers early on, after all!)

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Megan
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 6:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I understand.

Why thank you for your tip! I'll work on it. I was avoiding the warzone look actually. I like to put a few illogical and absurd things that makes the readers think or at least scratch their heads.
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Megan
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

After this I would just like to post one more short story. Called Charlie. Now it originally wasn't furry but i converted it.It may not be so good cause i haven't learned the furry vocabulary yet. But it will have with one exeption. Megan.

It's mostly mind games and hallucinations. How easily we brake. And through this story i try to define Megan's character. See one of the options of Megan's toying. The Charlie story is just one of Megan's games.

It may not be so good but hey, we make mistakes to learn from them.right...
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