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"New Beginnings," could use some input

 
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Should I stop while I ahead or keep going
Giving up is for people with no heart to progess and improve themselves
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Writing is not for everyone, there is no shame in admitting to ones short comings
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gnaP
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Joined: 19 May 2006
Posts: 40
Location: Redlands CA

PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2006 4:21 am    Post subject: "New Beginnings," could use some input Reply with quote

I recently was bitten by the writting bug and started a story that is lossly based on myself to a degree. This is the Farthest I have gotten in the writing of it, as I have mentioned in another thread, I have rewritten it more times then I care to count. I have done an outline and absolutely know where I want it to go, and I am still having trouble with it. So I figure might as well get others people opinion and input on what should be done to make it flow better, instead of starting over every time I get to the second page worth of writing. The main character is lossly based off my personailty and interests, one of them is motorsports and cars, so there is alot of mention and reference to it in some way or another. Enough gibbering though, this is what I have so far.

::Characters Mentioned::

Nathan Felis Kwai pang
Species: Japanese Bobtail/Scottish Wildcat hybrid
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 130lb.
Eye Color: Dark Brown
Nickname: Pang/gnaP
-Prominent Features-
White fur with black stripes laced with a hint of grey covering the back and upper arms. Black paws and feet. Black hair.
-Biography-
Like most quite and anti-social children, pang grew up with few friends. He tended to carry himself with a some what dark and brooding demeanor that kept most trouble away and gave most people bad vibes, however when around his close friends there was an out going and cheerful kitten. Though an under achiever, he possessed a sharp intellect though he lacked the ability to concentrate most of his early life to high school. Graduating from high school with average grade, it finally dawned on him that he need to be more then average, so he channeled this into his long time interest of becoming an architect. 8 years later he graduated got his MBA and certification in general architecture.
-Physical Presence & Outward Apperance-
Pang is slightly taller then average due to his Japanese Bobtail on his fathers side of the family, he possess a light build in both weight and strength. Except upon a closer look, his dark brown eyes appear black. He appears to carries himself in a self-reserved and controlled manner, along with a slight brooding expression that he has tried suppressing from his youth.

Pang is usually dressed in his casual dress style; this tends to be simple button up shirt over a white of black t-shirt, with black duel purpose slacks. Usually with a pair of comfy casual work shoes. Despite slight brooding expression and occasional despondent mood, he carries himself with a deep pride for what he has accomplished despite his short comings in the past.
Cars:
->1990 Honda Civic Wagon AWD
->2001 Lexus IS300
->1990 Mazda RX-7 Turbo II
->2007 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution IX MR
->2001 Nissan Stagea RS260
->1990 Toyota Supra Turbo
->2002 Tommy Kaira Skyline GT-R R34
->2007 TVR Segaris
->1999 VW GTi R32

Alex Felis Kwai Pang
Species: Japanese Bobtail/Scottish Wildcat hybrid
Height: 5’6”
Weight: 150lb.
Eye Color: Brown
Nickname: DJ Panda/DJ Pangwin
Prominent Features:
White fur with black stripes covering the back and upper arms. Black paws and feet. Brown curly hair.
-Biography-
Alex was the exact opposite of his brother, out going with a large group of friends. Always carrying him self with a strong sense of confidence, making it easy for him to make friends, however deep he had sense of insecurity. Alex was the achiever for most of his early life to the beginning of high school where his insecurity started to surface, forcing his brother to show him that he was supposed to be the achiever in the family, not himself. Eventually Alex got over this hump in his life and continued on to become a renowned electronic/dance music DJ in the trance and hardcore scenes.
-Physical Presence & Outward Apperance-
Alex is average height with a small compact build much like his older brother. Normally keeps his hair slightly longer then normal to puff out because of his naturally curly hair. Alex carries himself with a confident stride and self assured expression.

Alex is usually dressed in some type of formal work slacks with a strikingly patterned informal shirt. Usually always wearing some old worn in shoes. Though his insecurity sometime shows, he has a magnetism that few can resist.
Cars:
->Lotus Exige


::Where to Begin::

He had it good; he had a great job, a home with a beautiful sea coast vista and a decent car collection.

He had everything he could ever want or need, a great job that paid well and enjoyed doing, and a large collection of cars for which he was ever so proud of. He had been taken on at one of the best known firms in the Southern and Central California area, he had been working there for a few years as one of their top architects designing primarily modern homes for there younger high dollar clients. He had gained a great deal of recognition for his work with his innovative and unique designs he had done for some of the more well known and wealthy clients. He had just recently been promoted in the firm, he was to head their new branch they where setting up in Ontario to head up there modern home designs.

He had been asked about how he gotten where he was many time, he always said he never really knew why himself either, what he did just kind of clicked for him, innate ability you could say. He had loved to draw and design objects since he was younger, and was often encouraged to build upon his creativeness by his parents, often getting him toys that required a high degree of creativeness and thought like Legos or other similar toys.

His parents also put a great deal of valued in education enough to see him through collage, paying most the tuition and what ever else so he could concentrate on getting through collage. After eight years of collage Nathan had his masters in general architects and various other degree’s and certificates that would supplement his main degree and profession. He had worked at two other firms prior to the where he was at currently, he moved to open his own firm that specialized in designing and constructing modern prefab homes. His designs where soon to be the standard that most other home where compared to in design, affordability and quality.

He had bought some land on the along the central coast at the start of his business, where he built his home as both a place of residence and show model for clients and potential investors. He had designed the home with four 40 feet steel and aluminum shipping containers, glass and recycled materials with the main intent for cutting down the cost of building material and to lessen the impact on the environment. The design was very popular with a few of the wealthy individuals who had yet to rebuild their homes that had burned down a few years back from the rampant that year because of the anesthetics and the structures great survivability to fire, and he was soon commissioned to build no less the 12 homes along the pacific coast highway. He was soon able to open up a design studio in San Louis Obispo, and also buy a large storage building to store the many shipping containers and recycled materials used in many of his designs.

He soon had made enough to the point where he could pay back a large portion of his loans and to live comfortably and support his more expensive hobbies. He had recently taken on weekend track racing, and had two of his more treasured cars prepped for weekend track duties, his pride and joys was his Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution IX MR. The Evo IX MR was one of his more hard core track cars he owned; he had given it the moniker “Type Zero” due to the custom paint job he had done. It was a conglomerate of racing bred OEM parts, the Evo had been build up using the engine, transmission, and suspension from a wrecked EDM* Evo VIII FQ400 and then up-rated with some Ralliart parts. Then he had the body panels replaced with those from the new Evo IX FQ360 and then had it painted white except for the front clip which was painted black with a blue stripe across the rear fenders and spoiler in the same fashion as some of the first A6M Zero’s made. Then there was his old Honda that he had since he first learned to drive, it was one of his more expensive projects he had worked on and time consuming as he wanted the initial build done right the first time. The Honda had the original power plant replaced with a Nissan SR20DET and an AWD drive-train shoe horned into it. It was also one his more unassuming cars he owned, as its exterior looked nearly stock except for the HID projector headlamps and a lowered stance sitting upon some BBS 17” rims and R1 compound tires.


He had done well for himself and was content with the direction his life was going, his business had taken off on a good start, and he had very little debt to worry about. Yup, nothing could really get better then they where, will there is all more to aspire for but one should be content with what one has for the time too.

Business was slowing down a bit and Nathan decided it would make a great excuse to take a short break and see his old friends who still lived in Redlands. Then it had dawned on him that he had not seen them for about a year, he scolded him self for neglecting to visit them over the last year, and then scolded himself again for the excuse he was about give himself. Closing up shop with enough belonging to last him a month or so, he headed out south along the Pacific Coast Highway to break in the Evo he had just gotten back from the shop the week earlier. Taking most of the day to get to Redlands, he had noticed little had changed in here except for the new orange groves that had popped up where there used to some old run-down track housing, and as usual it was dead as ever around at 12:00AM.

He had finally pulled into the driveway, they had spent most of there youth in that house, and when there parents decided to move up to San Louis Obispo Alex decided to stay and live in the house. His brother was practicing on his turn tables in the garage; Alex was one of the rising stars in the electronica and dance scene. Opening the gate as quietly as possible so he could surprise his brother, well it was not too hard as the music coming from the garage was pretty loud. Walking into the garage, he walking up behind his brother and gave him a bear hug, surprising his brother and getting an ear piercing yowl.

“God damn it Nathan, your trying to give me a heart attack or something” said Alex, with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

“Come now Alex is that how you greet your own blood and flesh? Come now, it been at least a year since we last seen each other in person” he said.

“So how do you like the Lotus Exige I got you?” he smiled “I spent quite a bit having it tuned for you above the normal specifications.”

“Oh I love the car, the suspension is a little hard at times, but it one hell of a machine,” he said with a grin “I put down a number of Porsches and Corvettes in the area recently.”

“That’s great to hear that, you should get into weekend track racing, you would love it.” He smiled

“I’ll think about it, but I am quite tired right now, and was actually wrapping up to go to bed,” he yawned “Should have called ahead too you know?!”

“Yeah, but you know me, I don’t call anyone much unless I have to,” he shrugged “Besides I wanted to surprise you.”

“Yeah, well I guess it would be asking too much of you...” he teased “wouldn’t you brother!”

“Hey, I am your brother after all, it is who I am” yawning himself.

“My room is still where I had it?” He asked.

“Yep, nothing has changed except for being clean, unlike what you used to keep it like.” Poking a little fun at his brother’s expense.

“Hey now, that was uncalled for, you dearly hurt me saying that,” with a hint of mock-indignation in his voice “Well how about we stop standing here and actually do what we said we where going to do.
He had moved everything to his room a short while after he finished talking to his brother and as Alex said his room was as he left all those years ago. He left his bags unopened of the floor and crawled into bed and was swiftly taken by sleep.

##

Waking up had always been a chore for him up until recently where it had become necessary to make it habit except for the weekends of course. The weekend had always been that part of the week where one was supposed to sleep in as if it where designed that way. But not today, his eye flung open as bass started to work its way up from the floor to his body, vibrating every square inch of his body. Grumbling to himself about how early it was, who the hell practice’s at 9:00AM in the morning, as the bass continued as if to answer his question for him. He figured it was no use trying to go back to sleep, as once awake it was nearly impossible for himself to go back to sleep, he grabbed some cloths from one of his bags and headed for the bathroom to take a shower. After a short shower and drying off, he got dressed in his normal attire of black slacks, a neutral pattern polo shirt and some comfortable casual shoes. In the kitchen he poured himself a cup of strong black coffee and drained it in a few large gulps as he hated the taste of it but it did more then an admirable job of jogging his system up to full speed. Walking to the garage where the music was emanating from, Alex was spinning up some high bpm track, had to be either hardcore or happy hardcore with a more hard trance tempo to it.

“What’s with practicing this early in the morning?” with a hint of annoyance in his tone “have you forgotten that weekends you are supposed to sleep in.”

“Oh, sorry about that Nathan, its just something I been doing for a while and never bothered to change.”

“Well since I am up, how about we go get some breakfast, it on me” a little more relaxed “and that also means I drive?”

“I am to young to die” Alex remarked while rolling his eyes.

“Hey, I have gotten a lot better, the weekend racing sessions made sure of that.”

“True, otherwise you would be six feet under by now, wouldn’t you” mockingly

“I guess I cant argue with that, besides I want to show you my new ride, I am sure it a bit to striking for your taste but she is meant to get me some sponsors for a team I plan on starting soon.”

After helping his brother straighten up the garage a little, they headed outside to the car, where Alex just kind of stared at the car slack jawed.

“There she is, I called her Zero due to her paint job obviously, and she had plenty of go fast parts too”

“My god does it look clean, so how fast have you gotten it?”

“I think about 160 or 170mph, I am not exactly sure, but I have clocked her on the quarter mile” smuggle continuing “Its some where in the high 10s low 11s and I have gotten the 0-60 times to 3.8 seconds.”

“Well I guess that useful for you as you compete, but why drive it on the street, it sounds more like a pure breed race car.”

“Mostly because I don’t like the idea of having to tow any of my cars to a track to enjoy driving them”

“Okay, I can accept that.”

“While we are out, how about we got get Brandon and JJ, its been a while since I last seen them too.”

“Sure why not, it been a while since I hung out with them myself.”

“Its done then, we’ll go get them and decide afterwards.”

It was a short drive to JJ’s house, I for all intents and purposes flew down San Bernardino Ave well above speed limit, and in the process I scared the living day lights out of my brother in the passenger seat. We pulled into the driveway of JJ’s house, as usual there was happy hardcore blasting from the living room sound system, and there was a gorilla silhouette moving rapidly around the room. JJ was one of my close friends from high school; he was the largest yet restrained most of the time person of the group, which often unsettled other furson’s greatly for some reason. He was never great when it came to school, but when it came to running and managing a business, he was in a world of his own. He ran a very successful local cyber-café/hookah bar in Downtown Redland’s, the place had been up for three years and was the spot to be in Redlands after sundown. He was also apart of the largest family clan in the whole Redlands area, the Jacinto clan, so he never had trouble getting what he needed to start any type of business he wanted.

I blared my cars horn from the driveway to see if that would get his attention. Seeing JJ poke his head through the window blinds, he had a some what annoyed and displeased expression from what I could see, he disappeared and reappeared at the front door ready to pound someone into the ground.

“Is that anyway to greet a friend?” jovially

“My god, where the hell have you been, it been close to a year since I last saw you scrawny ass.”

“Yeah I know, my business has been taking up a great deal of my time” rolling my eyes “You know how it is.”

“You know that’s a piss poor excuse and you know it.”

“You got me there, but I am here now, aren’t I?” matter of factly.

“Yeah, so what brings you to this meth dump?”

“Mainly to see if you would like to join us for some late breakfast” gesturing to my brother “We where going to pick up Brandon too.”

“Sure, we need to catch up on what’s been going on recently, let me get some things first.”

“Kay.”

After a few minutes JJ reappeared, he was dressed as usual, lose fitting paints with a large button up shirt. Walking to the cars, he stopped and looked it over, then gave me a questioning look.

“What, something wrong or something?”

“Yeah, how you expect me to fit into that?” pointing at the car.

“Oh, yeah, um…..” some what embarrassed “It is kind of small a small car isn’t it”

“Yeah, well I guess I can follow you in my car.”

After talking a little more, we got into are cars and headed to Brandon’s house, it was a large house for the area, he was doing quite well for himself too. Not hard when you’re an insurance firm and people are basically forced to deal with you in one way or another. I also met Brandon from high school, he was the most going furson I knew at school, also the most “nerd” like too. He was in most of the programming classes and hardcore role-player, he was the one that got me into the various RPG’s like Shadowrun and DnD. He was quite the smooth talker too, able to sell a person on an idea without really trying hard, also incredibly witty. He just recently took over the family’s insurance business, I concluded along time ago he got his salesmanship from his father who was quite astute business fur.

Pulling up to his driveway, there was Brandon cleaning his 1984 Datsun Z31 300ZX, I still don’t know why he choice that model over the Z32 300ZX TT. And deaf as ever I thought to as I pulled up tapping him in the rear with my bumper. He yelped and ran forward as I just nearly passed out from laughter. He turned around with that look in his eyes like he was ready to kill someone, and then realized who it was and suddenly became ecstatic with joy. Walking up to my door and peering in.

“My god, don’t do that man, you scared the crap out of me you know.”

“Yup, I figured I’d surprise you, and when you did not even bother to look back I decided to go for it” pausing, “besides, I figured you would have heard the me coming before you could even see me.”

“Yeah, um…. Wow” looking up and down the car “nice evo you got there, does not look like the ones we get here.”

“It is a USDM Evo, just different body panels, and a lot different under that hood” revving the engine little bit.

“Aren’t you going to say where you been or what’s been keeping you” quizzically.

“Oh… yeah, it just the car… it’s unique, and it catches hold of ones attention” still looking it over.

“Yeah, but we came by to ask if you wanted to come to a late breakfast or something?”

“Sure, let me lock the front door, and then I’ll jump in.”

“Sure thing.”

“JJ is coming along to, he is in his own car, said something about mine would be a little cramped” yelling back from his front door.

“Yeah, well he’s a big furson, what would you expect” walking to the read driver side passenger door.

“I have 4 point harness back there too, I suggest using them” a huge grin spreading across my face.

“My god I am going to die, why did I even get in to the car with you?” sarcastically.

“I don’t know, you should ask your self that question, not me.” Grinning like a clown.

Pulling out of the driveway and heading for the freeway, I give the pedal a little tap to give my good friend a taste of the cars acceleration and grip. My brother was pretty much used to my antic, and rolled his eyes as Brandon in the back yelped again. Pulling up into the lane to get on to the 10 east, glancing behind me for a second, I could see JJ shaking his head from amusement. As the light turned yellow for the other signals I revved the engine slightly, Brandon just tightened he belts and gave me a worried smile, and I grinned as the light turned green and floored the throttle. The car just bit in to the tarmac and the evo rocketed forward, slamming the car into second as I neared redline, the evo bit even harder and we sailed onto the freeway at close to 100mph. I slowed down to a relatively docile 75mph speed limit, Brandon looked relieved that the ride had slowed down some.

“So what you think of her?” already knowing the answer.

“Oh… my… god… that… was…” a slight pause “INCREDIBLE!!”

“I know it was, that’s what a FQ400 power plant and drive train will do for you” grinning smugly.

“So what is the approximant 0-60 time on this car?”

“Oh, about 3.5 seconds, and high 11’s for the quarter mile.”

“My god, why do you need something that fast, it’s not like you track race or something.”

“Actually I do, been going to track events for the last 6 months, that’s where I had Alex’s Exige was tested and fine…”

Stopping toward the end of the sentence, noticing I had some impatient driver tailgating me, I tapped my brakes to force him to go around but he just stayed on my tail while giving me dirty looks. I figured if he wanted something to tailgate might as well up the ante a little bit, I gave the throttle a little push and we accelerated hard even at quarter throttle, the furson who was tailgating attempted to keep up but had not luck. He weaved in and out to gain back what ever distance he lost, I just kept the car at a constant speed gliding around anything in front of me, I decided to play with him and let him gain so ground on me. As he was about a cars length in back of me I floored the throttle and roared down the fast lane, again leaving him behind, and again he tried to catch up. I repeated this five times before he gave up, and pulled off on the waterman exit, I had Alex call JJ and told him that we would get launch instead at BJ’s in Ontario, he said okay and ended the call there. Brandon and Alex where not all that pleased with what I did, toying with someone like generally either got you caught by CHP or caused a massive accident, I gave them an apologetic look and drove a little more conservative then onwards.

It was not hard to go fast with the Evo the way it was tuned, the engine put out close to 410bhp and 355lb-ft of torque, and a drive train to get it to the ground efficiently. There were plenty of carbon fiber parts to lighten the car up some, I had the aluminum bonnet, roof, trunk and spoiler replaced with carbon equivalents, along with aluminum fender panels from a FQ360. I had a roll cage installed, so I had the interior redone and modified, I had the harness points moved toward the center of the car for the back seats so the passengers would not have to worry about hitting there heads of the roll cage bars. I still had the full interior and I.C.E., which had relatively little impact on my performance, I kept it because I still wanted some creature comforts even as meager they where in the whole evo line. The tires where R1 compound racing tires, as anything less would not have enough stick to give the traction required for the insanely high speeds and sharp handling, the car had a habit of burning up expensive S1 compound sports tires.


We pulled into the parking lot of one of my more favorite restaurants BJ’s, since it was around launch it was not all that busy like it would be in a few hours. As we where heading in to the restaurant JJ just started to pull into the parking lot pulling into the space next to where I was parked. Deciding it would be more considerate to wait for him so we could walk in as a group. We here seated at one of the larger booths, we placed are orders fairly quickly, and conversed about what we had been doing since we all last saw each other. I filled them in on how well my firm had taken off on the central coast and I was thinking of plans to extend my firm business region to clients on the east coast. They seemed intrigued by the idea, but where some what dishearten by the mention of it too, as that would mean I would most likely come down less. And went on to talk about my various hobbies that I still had interest in and what new ones I picked up. Brandon seemed interested in the organized track racing I participated in and asked every question he could think of at the time, mainly how often events are scheduled and any specific rules he’d have to watch out for. We conversed there over launch for a good 2 hours with out even noticing, we left leaving an appropriately large tip considering the huge order and mess that was left behind, we stayed in the parking lot a little longer trying to figure out what to do.

Suggesting that we stick around the area for a while since we where already here, there was plenty to do here anyways, Dave & Busters or Game Works provided plenty of entertainment. Most of are time was spent at Dave & Busters playing BattleTech: Firestorm combat sim game, Brandon of course was the top player between us, he had all the BattleTech games released for PC and played them religiously. I treated my brother and friends to another large and expensive meal, they insisted that cover some of the bill but I insisted that I would cover whole bill. After the dinner we headed homewards, the 10 east was always pretty much dead around this time, and today was not exception. In the distance you could here the roar of various modified cars participating in illegal street racing, even with the Evo’s exhaust note there where enough of them gathered in one area to over power my cars exhaust noise. The noise brought back fond and not so fond memories when I used to follow the groups just to watch the boy racers show off and occasionally get caught.

_________________
There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt.

-=Codex Deamon Hunters=-
Quest Custodiet : Fors Clavidera : Victorum Aut Moris : Mortis Virtus : Astra Imperator Gloriam : Exterminatus Extremis
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