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The Only White Face...

 
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Elfen_Furry
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 2:39 am    Post subject: The Only White Face... Reply with quote

I have a major problem, that has reared it god damn ugly head in its the wake of this passing funeral. For I have eyes that can not see.

I escorted my ex-from-heaven to be with her family and out her in the limo to be taken away to the burial. As sge was being driven away, the hearse with the mother's casket pulled up in front of me and for a long time it waited. I do not know what or why it did, spending alomst 45 minutes. But it remained there as I did. Then the problem began to appear.

One of the funeral service people (they all wore a funeral chapel uniform), a young thin black fellow wearing a moderately large afro and glasses, came up to me walked up behind me and stood next to me, also waiting. After 5 minutes of silence, he turns to me and asks me a question: "Who Are You?"

I did not turn to face him, but answered to him with a question, "Why?"

He says, "Because you were the only white-face in the whole group. Are you a cop or something?"

Not true- there were other white faced people there, mostly the wives of the family who were in a bi-racially mixed marriage. And of my ex-from-heaven, who is Albino. If you have not guested it, the family is for the most part- black. I, a Puerto Rican who is 25% black on my maternal grandmother's side.

Thanks to an accident a long time ago in high school, forced me to loose my eye sight temporarily. A curse that wrapped a blessing for me. For while other were growing up making choices and learned habits from visual clues, I had to refer to other means. Hearing , touch , smell became my eyes.

So I never learned the reasons why to be prejudice on the basis of one's skin colour. (Though I did learned to be prejuduce on the basis of attitude, to which some people are forever pigeon-holed in my mind. Its more of a class thing than a race thing I noticed...)

As to the girls that I dated- except for one with green skin and perhaps a tail, I think I dated every kind of girl out there, and fell in love with quite a few of them. This includes my ex-from-heaven, who is almost a carbon copy of my (deceased) wife. (Dont be sorry for her, she's been dead since '83, and is a far better place than this world ever gotten to be during the same time!)

Even though I regained my eyesight, I have not lost that sense of seeing somebody for what they are to me in other ways. Most people get their sensory input at a ratio of 92% for sight, 7% for hearing and everything else gets whas left over. For me, its heavily skewed: 45% for sight, 35% for hearing, and everything else gets whats left over, about 20%.

And even though I have regained my eysight, I have never regained my ability to see, and am truly blind- literally and figuratively. Its hard to explain without going into details, but I still walk with a cane when needed (most places I have already memorized, and my limited range of sight I can get by without it {except for Walmart and Home Depot- Damn It! Why do those places have to be so stinking huge!}, so I dont really need it, so I keep it hidden in my pocket. I do have to wear specail dark glasses most of the time though...)

I stood there, staring at the hearse, a fancied up blue cadillac with flashing emergency strobe lights (illegal in the state of NY!!!) without answering him. I thought about his question, was it the Hugo Boss suit or the Armani shirt? Maybe it was the Longon Fog trench coat that I was wearing? broke and unemployed does not give me the excuse to have the proper attire for the necessary occassion. Pressed and clean as the clothes might have been, they gave not seen the light of day in a very long time. Maybe the smell of moth-balls gave him a sense that I stinked like a cop? But what of that 'White face' comment?

I carefully thought up of an answer to give him as he waited it for it. The hearse then started to pull away, placing itself in formation with the other cars in the street. I slowly pulled the cane out of my pocket, extended it and place the tip by his foot, giving a slight tap to it as I made a tiny arch on the floor with it.

And I gave him my answer, "No, I am not a cop. I am a very close friend of the family; even though I am one of God's messengers..."

Some people say that black people cant turn pale from fear. But I can smell it, not like he pisssed or shatted on himself, but there is a phermone response that if one is keen too, can pick it up. Like attack-dogs smelling fear in a person. He smelled to me like if he was scared, and his actions backed up what I was smelling: he stepped backwards several steps until he got to the door of the funeral chapel and ran inside.

With him gone, I turned my attention back to the hearse, and the limo, and watched them drive away slowly. Later I got into a friend's car and became part of the persession as the last car.

My friend who was driving asked me "What was that all about." I told him, "I dont know."

But I am left wondering, "Why?"

I am not going to ruin my Ex's mourning period with this trash, but given a month or two to heal, I'll ask her then.

But until then, I am still stuck with 'Why?"

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Jaymee Fox
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 3:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elfen,

I have 99% hearing loss and regain my other senses to depend on my surroundings. I might not make any sense but I know how it feels to lose a sense yet gain another sense that is more stronger than what you lost.

*sighs* Someone asked me how do I see the world. I replied " A very harsh difficult world" I would like to elborate *sp* on that. What I meant is that because I am profound deaf, I cannot work at 98% of the job sites regarding their desire to hire a hearing person who can answer the phone which is like number uno requirement in the job industry. It is hard to get promotion, to get better opporunity, to be involved in meetings, or any other sort of events whereas I can't do such. This is why I want to start my own business and get my ass where it should be in this world at my age. Enough of self pity, enough of waiting. Time to charge. and I am frankly tired of waiting on other people for their help when I asked. Even though I know I can't afford to pay anyone because I don't have the sort of income. THe only way to make it work is to have something going. If you know what I mean.

Again, difficult world. I might as well give up and just float away and mind my own business and work what is offered to me. Why the heck not?


why bother fight.

take care.
JF

PS. let those people at the funeral question your presence but keep in mind, you are doing the right thing and brush that grain of salt off of your shoulder, keep your chin up and head high, walk proudly and enjoy your life with your friends and love one.
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Elfen_Furry
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Joined: 18 Jun 2002
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Location: NYC NY

PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 1:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I sent the Funeral director a scathing letter, explaining what happened and demanding an appology or else he would be recieving some unwanted media attention and a city investigation to questionable business practices.

As I stated in the letter, "How many of us died so that we can all have equal rights and civility...?" further adding, "...we are all equal in birth, death and in the eyes of god. Its what we make of our lives, does not make it an excuse to trodden on the toes of others..." finally, "...consider your employee lucky that I did not ramage on him for that racist remark (explained earlier in the letter), for I have had fought for less..."

Considering that I can swing these fists with over 255 pounds of pressure behind them, there has not been a fight that I have lost that lasted under 45 seconds. Think about it- at 200 pounds, certain bones break upon impact, organs can rupture, and people could die... But I prefer not to fight for I know what damage I can do.

In the very least, I fight with words though at times I am at a lost for them.

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