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Joshua Fox · Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:40 am Post subject: The Journal of Neo

Wow, forgot I even did this. This little piece was the result of a giggly brain-storming session between Fish and myself some time ago before Matrix: Revolutions came out. We thought it'd be funny if the characters from the Matrix had recorded their thoughts throughout the series (someone had done something similar with the Lord of the Rings characters), and I typed this out shortly afterwards. Hopefully someday it will be finished.

But enough of that. Here's what happens when two Admins put their heads together Twisted Evil

Neo's Log

Day 1

Writing Hack program for some punk. Getting two grand for it. Go me!

Put nude photo of self on net. Didn’t know the net could scream.

Quest to see real boobies continues.

Day 2

Computer started talking to me. Told me to follow white rabbit. Hope it was a girl. Before I could ask, punk came to door and computer went back to normal. Darn!

Girl with punk has white bunny tatoo. Was going to watch all night marathon of ‘Get Smart’ (hoping it’ll eventually work), but decided to follow bunny girl instead.

Maybe will see boobies.

Later

Followed bunny, met Trinity. Trinity’s a girl! … I think. Said people were watching me. Said I’d find Morpheus. Hope that’s uber-hacker term for ‘boobies’.

Day 3

Was a dream?

Damn.

Woke up before I could see boobies?

Damn.

Late to work?

Damn.

Got reamed out by boss. Went back to cubicle and cried cause’ he hurt my feelings. Got package from conveniently-placed Fed-Ex guy. Was phone. Rang as soon as I removed it from the envelope. Voice said it was ‘Morpheus’.

DEFINITELY not boobies.

Day 4

Dreams starting to become very uncool. Yesterday a dream? Not sure.

Was nabbed by government dude. Reminded me a lot of an elf, but not sure why. Put cuffs on me then frisked me. First time being frisked, felt weird. Didn’t think repeated cavity searches were necessary. Couldn’t make out most of what he was saying, but sounded like he was mumbling something about ‘hobbits’.

Got dressed again and put in big white room. Elf-guy tried to intimidate me, but I too smart for him. Used lots of big words I saw on reruns of ‘Law & Order’. Ha! That showed him!

Very cool.

Then mouth disappeared. Had bug-machine thing force it’s way into my belly-button.

Very uncool.

Then woke up. Huh?

Still no boobies.

Day 5

Morpheus called again. Said to meet Trinity. Things getting more confusing than toaster instructions for pop-tarts. Mmmm… pop-tarts.

Met Trinity and friends. One pulled gun on me! Got scared and tried to run, but Trinity stopped me. Said stuff, but was too busy looking at boobies to listen.

Shouldn’t have looked at the boobies. Trinity used device to shock my tummy. Sucked out buggy machine thing. NOT DREAM! AH!

Took me to house. Met Morpheus. Said lots of stuff, but didn’t understand most of it. He knows lots of big words! Then he offered me candy! He's nice! Blue or Red. Red ... cherry? I like Cherry. Think I'll take red.

Later

Baaaaaaaaaaaad idea. Turns out whole world and existence a lie. Everything I’ve ever known, felt or loved isn’t real.

Still no boobies.

Day 12

Fixed and back to normal, kinda. Life still a lie, but painkillers fun. Yippee!

Met everyone else on ship. These guys seriously need to make a trip to the Gap. The grunge look is *SO* 90s.

Starting to remember ‘waking up’ in vat of pink goo. Looked like a slimy space penis. Still better-looking than Cypher.

Talked to crew about Elf-guy. They say he was an ‘Agent’. They never been frisked before? Asked me to describe it. Told them he put me up against the wall, put his right hand on my shoulder and used his other one to… no, put his left hand on my shoulder and used the other to… no, wait, put both hands on my shoulders and…

Elf-like Agent guy must be destroyed.

Day 13

Morpheus says I’m ‘the one’. Not sure what he means. He's Ten times cooler than me.

Got a pointy stick shoved into my head. Felt weird, but Tank put cool stuff in my brain. I know kung-fu!

Later

So does Morpheus. Kicked my sorry butt all over computer program. Not fun.

Looks like Sypher has a thing for Trinity. She’ll kill him if he tries anything.

Day 14

Weird dream. Thought I overheard Sypher talking to Agent Elf guy. Heard him say something about juicy, tender, delicious meat…

....

Must never speak of this dream again.

***

Razz

RefaelBA · Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:52 am Post subject:

That was pretty funny...
Reminds me of Happy Tree Friends (probably because of the horrible grammar).
I think your writing makes the reader feel a lot for Neo not seeing boobies. I think that anticipating the boobies and expecting them is a big part of this odd-log, and still it makes absolutely no sense.

I'd love to read more. Very Happy

Vee Are Are Schee · Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 10:03 am Post subject:

"Must never speak of this dream again."

>.<

Hold it in...

>.<

Hold it in...

Oh, it's not gonna hold, captain!

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD!

shroom · Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 2:56 pm Post subject:

Good stuff, quite amusing. Just a note, it's 'Cypher' as in a secret code.

Typhun · Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 3:52 pm Post subject:

lols yes! the quest for the elf-guy and the ellusive boobies must continue!