Planetfurry BBS

[Jbird]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for yet another irreverent review by yours truly, The Troll. Mercenaries is a third-person, living world shooter recently released for the XBox and PlayStation 2. (See that guy sobbing to himself in the corner? He bought a GameCube.) "So what?", I hear you say. "Grand Theft Auto ish t3h 1337ist sh00t3r of all!!!111oneonetwo!". Ah, but GTA is not (despite my opinions) set in a region that is very much on the US Shit List.

(As always, ratings are based on a 10-point scale, and are solely MY OPINION.)

Backstory: 8
Facing reality, the leader of North Korea reaches out to his wealthy neighbors to the south, potentially leading to the peaceful reunification of the land. A historic summit is crashed by the leader's son, Choi Song, who proceeds to kill both delegations and assassinate his own father. North Korea once again becomes a black hole of information, but even worse than before. The next year, Australian forces interdict a Nork freighter loaded to the gills with nuclear weapons. Things start to happen very fast at this point.

There are four primary factions in the game: South Korea, China, the "Allied Nations" (complete with pwetty blue caps), and the Russian Mafia. The first three have to keep things pretty (snortchucklelaugh). The latter must keep a low profile. This is where you come in.

Gameplay: 9.5
Similar to the Grand Theft Auto 3+ series, North Korea is a 'living world'. Events occur independently of your actions, and I strongly doubt the casual gamer will ever run out of things to do. Each map (there are two) is roughly the size of the entire world in GTA: Vice City. Most of that is traversable land, too. No massive expanses of water. It is smaller than the 'world' for GTA: San Andreas, but shorter transit times keep the game entertaining.

In addition to running missions for the four factions, there is a plethora of side missions and quests to accomplish. Chief among these is capturing the "Deck of 52", the 52 most wanted members of Song's regime. (Hmm, wonder where they got that idea from.) Also, distance competitions, killing sprees, races, etc.

Graphics: 7.5
Could have been better. I own the XBox version, and it feels as though the game was designed to run on a PS2 and then 'upgunned' for the more powerful system. Buddy of mine has the PS2 version and he states there is little difference between the two systems. Graphics are still good, overall. Character models are well detailed (better than GTA, worse than KOTOR II). Draw-in distance and fog are a little close, but the warzone atmosphere can almost compensate for it. The meat of the game, the gunfire and explosions, are lovingly detailed. Forget eye candy, you'll want to have sex with the Fuel-Air Bomb the first time you see it drop half of Pyongyang in one hit. (Whoops, was that politically incorrect?)

Sound: 6
Points off here. The music, what there is, is suitably patriotic/edgy/creepy where the situation requires it. The problem is that there's not much of it, and you may get tired of hearing the same half-dozen tracks after a while. It thankfully stays in the background, filling in for the rare times when something isn't blowing up. Gunfire, at least for the full-auto weapons, sounds all the same. (Trust me, an AKM should NOT sound like a M4.) The explosions-- what you're here for in the first place-- sound excellent and are scaled correctly.

Fun Factor: 10
Let's put it this way. As of last night, I've found twenty-seven different ways of blowing something up. (Yes, I can back this up.) As an example, let's figure out how to blow up the Allied Nations HQ. (*refrains from making snide comment*) Personal favorite:

1. Call Russian Mafia, have them deliver a Fuel Truck. Loaded, naturally.
2. Strap enough C4 to said truck to put a hole in the world.
3. Snipe pilot and steal a Nork heavy lift helicopter.
4. Take off, winch up Fuel Truck, begin to swing truck like a flail.
5. Release truck, let fly into Allied HQ.

Almost two minutes later, about 20% of the way across the map, a wrecked Hummer finally crashed down in front of me. Any questions?

Final Score (not an average): 9
Probably the first must-have game for 2005. Will certainly keep me occupied until Gran Turismo 4 comes out... if it does.

[hikaru]

Damn! Now you've made me want to go out and buy it.

GRRRrrrrrrrr.