Planetfurry BBS

[RenaBhaLL]

Here's a little piece I whipped up for the story I'm starting--I've got four main characters in mind, in two groups--one male fox fur and one male human, and in this introduction twin furs who are raised in an orphanage. This is their opening, how they ended up where they are and the introduction is intentionally very ambiguous. This is so that the reader finds out about the parents as their children do later on.

and off we go...



“Honey, you know we have no other choice.” It tore his heart out, but he had to be strong…for both of them, and for their children.

A tear slid down the face of the woman next to him. She clutched two small bundles close to her chest, their contents asleep, blissfully unaware of the world around them, a world about to drastically change. “I know…just give me one last moment. Please…” she trailed off.

The twins had been born to the couple less than a month prior to this moment. A boy and girl, the two had grown healthy, almost strangely so. Blessed they were, because they could have never been taken to a hospital. The two technically shouldn’t exist. The parents stood outside a large, very old building. The square mile tract of land the facility lay on was completely unusual, uneven land filled with trees. Many wouldn’t believe that such a place existed even if they stood there, especially those from the City. People wandered about inside, as they readied for bed, taking no notice of the two shrouded in darkness so near their door.

The man pulled a small note out of his satchel, ran his fingers over the name on the envelope. “How could this have all happened?” the woman quietly choked out.

“I’m sorry darling, but you know this is best for the children. They can’t go where we’ll be going—not yet,” the man said, “They’d only hinder us, and here at least they’ll have a chance for a normal life.”

“Normal?” she hissed back at him, “How can you call this normal? Growing up in an orphanage, just two more faces in a sea of other unattended children? Someday they’ll look back and wonder why their horrible parents abandoned them, wondering who they are and—”

He caught her mid-sentence with a brief kiss, her eyes sparkling in the dark at the unexpected affection. “Love, I wish there was something we could do about it, but second guessing will get us nowhere now. This is the only place that it could be safe for them, and they’d be no better off with us. We probably won’t make it you know, and if we don’t I’d rather that they lived on.”

He paused and took a deep breath, trying to relax. Pulling a small, peridot colored crystal with three points from his pocket “I recorded this so that someday they will at least have the same chance that we do. They can make their own choice, to live peacefully, or to go find their own kind. It won’t work until that day anyways.”

She sighed, and then looked down at her children. Their beautiful faces barely shown in the darkness, but she could make out their features just fine with her keen eyesight. Nuzzling them in turn, she blew her warm breath on their faces. They snuggled deeper into their blankets, comforted by their mother’s scent. It was probably their last moment together.

The gentle wind blew around her, rustling her clothing. A sense of comfort washed over her then, in that moment of utter sorrow, and she knew that this was the right thing to do. “There’s something about this place…” she mumbled softly to her love.

“I know,” he said, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, “This place hasn’t been touched by the City at all. It just has some sort of…” he trailed off, unable to express the sensation. He opened his eyes to see the knowing look in his mate’s expression.

Suddenly the seriousness of the incident weighed on him. “We can’t delay this any longer my love, we can’t leave a trace of our visit, not as we are now. They can’t ever find out that these two were born, or else they’ll be in more danger than if they came with us.”

“You’re right,” she said. She handed her son over to her mate, still holding her daughter. The two parents kissed their children goodbye. They didn’t then know if they were saving or damning their children, nor did they know if they would make it through the ordeal alive themselves. Setting down the little bundles on the stoop of the main entrance, the woman let slip a soft, barely audible sob.

Their father caressed their soft cheeks, his heart heavy with grief. He set the note and the crystal down between them, and said to nobody in particular, “The day will come when they have to choose, and until that day comes they should enjoy an uncomplicated life.”

In one graceful motion, the two straightened. Tears glistening in her eyes, the woman embraced her mate. The two stood there, holding each other. The woman buried her face in her lover’s chest, wishing it didn’t have to be this way.

But they had to move. Hardening himself to the inevitable, the man reached forward and with one last look of assurance to his partner, hit the summoning button.

The two stepped back out of the light and watched as a young nurse wandered out to check the sound. Her eyes bulged when she realized that two strange, tiny babies were left on their doorstop. Startled, she picked up the note, and reading it, carried the two children and the crystal inside. Ripping themselves away from the scene, the two desperate parents disappeared into the black night.



Indents weren't working for some reason

Obviously the parents are furry, and the children are somehow in danger because of this. The oppressive society they live in will be fleshed out in the parts about the kids themselves and the fox/human arc. The first part of that is almost done, but it's almost twice as long already so it's taking a lil longer to write.

So what do you think?

[Asalis]

Its pretty good. I feel for the two kits though the parents probably had a good reason for doing what they did. And on that note I guess i'll have to wait in order to see the reasons why. Well done RenaBhaLL

[RenaBhaLL]

oh yeah, I forgot to tell you Asalis--this is part of the story that I'll be writting you into. I'll probby tweak the name, but it'll be obvious to you at least who he is

[Asalis]

I cant wait to see it. Your pretty good as a writer. i'd love to read more.

[Shadu]

I like it!

keep going i'd like to read this one completely if possible. it looks really interesting.

[RenaBhaLL]

okay--havn't completely proof read this so far, so there might be some redundant phrases, bad spelling (like just there) and some inconsistencies--constructive criticism welcome and encouraged.

this part takes place either a.) at the same time as the previous part, or b.) years later, so the two children are the same age. i haven't figured out how i want their relationships to work out, although I know how their stories go more or less until they do meet...it's just a question of whether or not i want Keith and Greg and the twins to be on the same level of maturity/age or not. we'll see how it turns out I suppose.

and now, without further ado--Keith and Greg's part of the story!








Fresh dew glistened on the long cool grass. Stretching from the tree line to the bank of the nearby river the underbrush grew long and unchecked, a slender forest in its own right, allowed to thrive as it would without interference. A single blade, one of many, slowly bent under the weight of the moisture, and just before the pooling orb could drop to the ground, the entire forest of grass parted and was shaken of the gathered moisture by a body tearing through the greenery.

Laughing, the boy took no notice of the world around him. He just knew this was his place and that none of his friends and family came out this far down the river. The older folks said the fishing was much better upstream and the other boys his age much preferred the mountainous regions to traverse. But this boy, he didn’t mind the sloping hills and the long grass—he enjoyed the chance to relax, to just run free without having to worry about being picked on by the older kids or those lucky enough to be Ranked—something very rare at his age.

Those his age who were given Rank, or status within the tribe this early were usually very full of themselves for whatever they excelled at, be it speed, strength, cunning, stealth or a special talent for the hunt among the more predatory. The Ranking ceremony was usually held around the time of the first stirrings of the desire for a mate, something easy to tell by the older tribesman. The youth himself had noticed different looks from tribesman with the ability, and suspected that his time might be soon coming. There were those with a nose for it who could immediately tell when a youngster was ready, some of whom took advantage of the talent—usually much to the enjoyment of the lucky youngster. Ready or not though, the Ceremony was a grand event, celebrating the true initiation into the community as an adult, and with it came all the privilege and responsibility of Rank.

All thoughts of the boy’s impending ascent were driven away by the warm earth beneath his feet and the cool grass that caressed his face as it flowed around him. The sun rose to see only him in his world, and he was grateful for the chance to be one with the Mother, and know her goodness without the distractions of the family. His cheek was warmed by the sun peeking over the tree line, and he smiled at Her blessing.

It was with these thoughts in his mind that the youth emerged from the brush and barreled headlong into another boy who had just filled a canteen with water from the stream. The second boy was on an errand from his mother, and had but to bring the water back to the outpost and he would receive a special treat—extra electricity allotted him from the solar panels later that evening, so he could read in peace.

The Outlands always seemed like a legendary place, full of monsters and spirits, a land that couldn’t possibly exist in his world. Yet not six months prior his father had told his family that they were lucky enough to escape the rigors of their dull industrial life of the Capital, and were to head an exploratory expedition into the borderlands. He hadn’t been able to tell his family what the nature of the expedition was, but he was sure the children would love the chance for the adventure. The two eldest boys were thrilled, though just as much because many young girls were joining the crew. Horror was the only reaction the youngest child could muster. Where would the libraries be? When could be get the newest novel from his favorite author?

Now he was forced to do such menial chores just to get the opportunity to reread books he’d already worn out. His mother didn’t mind shifting some of her personal energy reserves to her son. She never could focus on one thing for too long, what with the rigors of building a new community and raising three boys, and was a little jealous of her son’s focus on his studies. She privately encouraged him, buying the books he asked for when her husband clearly wished he was more outgoing like his two brothers. They were busy outside, helping their father erect a mobile storage unit that morning, so she bribed her more reserved son into fetching her water to see if the source was safe to drink.

Tumbling into the dirt, they landed in an awkward heap, from which the first boy nimbly leaped up and a little too enthusiastically pulled the second into a sitting position. “I’m so sorry!” the first boy blurted out, “I didn’t know that—” and he trailed off at the incredulous look the boy gave him. He too now openly stared at the sight before him—why this boy was covered from head to toe in bizarre fabric, and his face…how could he have done a thing like this at such a young age?

The second boy, who had spent his childhood up until that point living out adventure in a book, now stared, dumbfounded. Before him stood the most amazing, frightening thing he had ever seen. From out of this unknown forest had emerged a creature the likes of which he had only read about—the individual had black furred hands and feet—or paws?—and reddish-brown fur covering the rest of his body. He was adorned in nothing more than a belt, and what looked like a loin cloth. What caught his breath though was the face before him—a long muzzle, tinged white at the end and with a black nose, leading back to the most dazzling shade of emerald green eyes he had ever seen. And more shocking—a great big bushy tail swished from side to side behind him, black tipped just like his pointed, furry ears.

And this…boy? He was offering his apologies for being rude, arm partially outstretched towards the affronted, now as unsure about the situation as the bare-skinned one.

Incapable of response, the fox-like boy recovered his voice first, asking in his confusion, “What clan are you from that taught you to transform already?”

Shaking his head at the strange question, “What are you talking about? I’ve never…transformed. I’m from the settlement across the valley—what about you? What are you?”

“I’m Keith,” the fox-boy said, still offering his paw, which the startled boy numbly took. “I’m a Furre, I live in the northern hills,” and he gestured the way he had come.

“My name’s Gregory,” he said, standing, still slightly numb at what he was seeing, “I can’t believe this—you’re just like the stories I’ve read about were-wolves, except much smaller…”

The fur bristled at the back of his neck at the insult, “Wolf? I’m a fox thank you very much, and at least I have some fur to speak of—you look just like a shaved rodent with that pink skin of yours!”

Gregory blushed, only increasing the resemblance. “A rat huh? Well at least I’m not some big goofy red furball like you! Look at you—your tail’s twice as big as the rest of you!” Gregory said, chuckling to himself for good measure.

Keith growled low in his throat, the boy touching on a sore spot. The rest of the Furren his age always made fun of his big bushy tail, which seemed to have a mind of its own—brushing up against people and knocking things over without meaning to. “A furball am I?” he asked, and pounced on the other boy.

~*~

“Where is that boy?” Keith’s mother Savanna wondered out loud as her husband, Richard wandered back in the personal shelter they had erected for his family until the permanent residences were built, wiping his sleeve across his sweaty brow. He had been gone over an hour, and she knew the stream wasn’t that far away.

“What’s that about Gregory?” His father asked. Quite simply, he didn’t understand his youngest son. His other two boys were perfectly ready and willing to put their backs into putting this place together. They were excited about the chance for an adventure; it was completely different than life in the Capital. But Greg had always been in another world, his head in the clouds or lost in one of his books. It wasn’t like he didn’t help out, but still…

“I sent him out an hour ago to the stream to get me some water for testing, but he’s still gone—he didn’t take a communicator either so I can’t get in touch with him,” she worried. Anna tried to be patient with her youngest, she loved him dearly. But damned if he didn’t fry her nerves sometimes with his stubbornness—something that seemed to run in the family.

Rich sighed, and poured himself a glass of water from the tank against the far wall. The structure they were to call, “home,” was quite a bit smaller than the cubicle-like box they had lived in at the Capital. The portable building was plain, rectangular, and only consisted of three rooms. One main central room lay between the two, much smaller sleeping chambers. The main room had just the bare necessities for a family, basic furniture, a small kitchenette unit for basic food prep, a small serving area and a monitor against one wall for entertainment. This particular one was also outfitted with certain luxuries accorded one of the expedition’s leaders.

Gregory had been so frustrating lately. His father thought that he would be able to appreciate everything that had been handed him. They hadn’t always been this lucky—if it weren’t for his benefactor then he wouldn’t have had the opportunities to rise up in the Capital society, and would have never been given a chance like this. Here he was, in a world completely unlike anything the rest of humanity could ever hope to experience.

In the Capital in particular, but really anywhere in the Kautan controlled areas, one could hardly sneeze without being fined. Your social status determined everything, what work you were allowed, how many children you could have, even if you were accorded the right to a civil union at all. He and his wife were married, a custom which had over time lost any religious significance, since many people just sent away for the forms and legalized it through the mail.

From his early childhood, Rich had been determined to change his status. He would never be poor like his father had been. His dad had worked two jobs and lived at the factory for six months just to earn enough credits to obtain a license for one child, and even once Rich had been born, his father had spent all of his time on the job.

He managed to save enough to send Richard to one of the lower upper-crust schools, where his talent for the sciences was discovered, and he obtained a sponsorship from one of the more generous aristocrats. From there he found himself distanced from his parents, quickly moving on to bigger and better things. His mom and dad were sad to see him go, but knew it was for the best that their son escape their oppressed way of life.

Richard had graduated with tertiary degrees in both cellular biology and biochemistry, and with the help of his new friends managed to get an entry level job working in the lower offices of one of the Counselors. These men were essentially the unmitigated authority over all of Kautan, based in the highest levels of the Capital itself. The particular Counselor he worked under quickly found favor in the hard-working, dedicated young man in the lower labs, and so Richard found himself with an upper-level lab management job, leading some of the Counselor’s most confidential projects.

With this responsibility came the need for assured loyalty. Slowly Richard was integrated into the social high life, memories of his parents and the impoverished life he had once led fading into the background. He forgot that the men he now worked for were the ones that ensured that people like his parents got nowhere in life, and remained firmly under the massive thumb of Kautan.

At one particularly fateful party hosted by his boss, Richard a young secretary who just happened to be the niece of his Counselor. Her name was Savanna. There couldn’t have been a more perfect pledge of loyalty to the Counselor than the words, “I do,” he spoke several months later. They were granted the luxury of an unlimited child-bearing permit, a fine home, and after their first child was born Richard was promoted to Chief Director of the Genetic Development Department. His work for the next 19 years was highly classified, though to be sure he earned more than enough respect and favor to warrant the appointment of one of the Administrators of this expedition.

His wife never openly questioned her husband’s decisions, though the choice to take a leave of absence from his job to go on this expedition to the outlands was beyond her. She approved, since her two oldest boys were somewhat rambunctious and needed the space to roam. Her youngest was different however and simply never quite fit into Capital society. His teachers had no complaints; he was a diligent student and excelled in his academics.

But for some reason he had never been a happy child. Something about his peers repelled him, and he was afraid to open himself up to anybody. For this reason what few friendships he made dissolved rather quickly and the boy found solace in his books. Anything he could get his hands on was devoured, sinking into a deep reverie, nose buried in the pages. Where he went in those books she didn’t know, but anything seemed an improvement over the sterile, sheltered world of Capital living. She thought this place might be good for him.

At least, she hoped it would be good for him. She thought the expedition was a good idea, but still couldn’t figure out why her husband would be in such a situation in the first place. He was an important man in the Genetics Department, and was above such menial administration jobs. She was grateful for the change of pace, but it was illogical that an already tried and proven worker would be given the kind of job that was usually used as a test to see how capable a person was. And the Outlands were a very big unknown—something despised by those who were used to the predictable Capital way of life.

In fact, even she, blood related as she was to a Counselor, didn’t know why it was uninhabited and hadn’t yet been colonized. Kautan was a nation that expanded in all directions, its population so burgeoning that every square mile was either housing or used to support human life. Whatever natural environment that had existed there before was for the most part a thing of the past, plants and animals considered a luxury and an antiquity.

The Outlands lay beyond a dense strip of land called the Wasteland. Overcast and saturated with the near constant thunderstorms that ripped through, it was as harsh and inhospitable as any place could be, the ground infirm and treacherous, great beasts and horrors unknown wandering throughout its deep swamps. On their flight over it, there had been almost constant windstorms, the craft battered about like a paper kite. Looking down at it as they passed, Savanna got the sickest feeling in the pit of her stomach. There was such a wild and feral feeling to that place. It was as if something wanted to prevent them from ever making it to the Outlands, they had barely made it through safely, the aircraft scored in many spots where lightning had lanced over the specially treated metal hull.

Once they had arrived however, the awe-inspiring beauty of the place overshadowed any worries she had felt flying over the ominous Wasteland. Trees as tall as five or six levels, as numerous as the stars in the sky covered the land like a great carpet. Somehow though, she felt out of place in this utopia of nature—she had never seen plants outside of her family’s gardens, and their land rovers and equipment seemed to sully the beautiful scenery somehow. She was glad that soon enough they’d be moved into something made from the local materials, instead of the stark box of a shelter they’d been in the past day and a half.

Her husband gave an exaggerated sigh, and headed back towards the door. “Where are you going?” Anna asked.

“I’m going to go look for the boy, I don’t want him wandering around outside of the camp longer than necessary—we have no idea what may be out there,” he added ominously.

Worried, she watched her husband grab a survival pack and stalk off into the woods. What did he mean by that? This place couldn’t really be dangerous, could it? Why would her uncle and the rest of the Counselors send them out here if it was? What on earth was this expedition for anyways?

She had little time to muse like this however, her two older sons soon returning, a pair of sweaty adolescent messes which she quickly shooed into the shower-unit. There was much to be done building a settlement.

~*~

Caught off guard, Gregory found himself once again tumbling into the dirt, wrestling with the long-limbed fox-boy. The two laughed as they rolled about, neither clearly with the upper hand. As the fight went on though, Gregory began to tire, and Keith pressed his advantage. Finally he pinned the pale-skinned boy beneath him, holding his arms at his sides and pinning his legs together with his own. Keith began tickling his prisoner, and Gregory was wracked with laughter as the furry digits skritched at his sides.

Horsley, he shouted, “UNCLE!!” as his captor giggled at his discomfort. Finally releasing him, he sat back on his haunches, waiting for the boy to recover. His legs weren’t formed like Greg’s, instead of the thick, fleshy heel of a foot, the joint was pulled about halfway up his calf, balancing him on his wide padded paws. He rested effortlessly in this position, something Greg would have found very uncomfortable. With the addition of his tail, Keith had extraordinary balance, though it was something he usually took for granted.

The boy seemed to be taking a while to stand up, and Keith became worried that he had accidentally hurt him. Suddenly, Gregory leapt at him, knocking him back and pinning his furry counterpart much the same way he had been a moment before, tickling him until he yowled, sides heaving as sucked in a breath to fight off the counterattack. He wrapped his slender arms around Gregory, and laughing rolled him onto his back. Keith leaped back, wary this time of the boy.

Greg had been in tussles before—his two brothers were always wrestling when mom and dad weren’t around, and he often got sucked in. They were much bigger and stronger than he was, but he had learned how to take advantage of a larger adversary’s weaknesses. And Keith wasn’t that much bigger.

“Not bad…Greg was it?” Keith said, catching his breath, “you’re quicker than you look.”

“Thanks…I guess,” Greg said, standing, “I wouldn’t expect your name to be Keith,” he commented.

“Why not?” Keith asked.

Greg paused, and gave the fox a long look, saying, “It’s just such a…normal name.”

Keith puzzled this for a moment. Then, pulling his muzzle back in a toothy smile, he stretched his arms and legs saying, “We’re not so different…”

With that Keith bent forward, squatting and digging his claws into the ground. Greg watched in awe as his new friend began to change, the fur on his body lightening, then thinning out—finally it disappeared all together. The claws on his hands retracted and flattened out, forming regular nails. Pointed ears perched atop his head rounded off and slid down to the sides of Keith’s head. His legs began to change, his heels pulled down from the strong looking paws into normal feet, the heel thickening and touching the ground. Keith’s muzzle made crunching noises as it sunk into his face, his teeth dulling and rounding themselves out in his face, puffy lips closing on them.

Standing before Gregory now stood a relatively normal looking, fair skinned human boy—with the exception of his long, flowing red hair and unusually large bushy fox tail that still plumed out behind him. Keith looked back at it and sighed, “I still haven’t quite gotten in down yet…”

Slack-jawed Greg stared, unable to wrap his head around the amazing transformation he had just witnessed. He closed his mouth, and then opened it again, but no words came out. Keith noticed his shock, and asked, “What’s wrong, never seen that before?”

“I…” Greg paused, and swallowed, “I’ve never seen anything like you before.”

Keith was surprised—who was this child who had never witnessed a transformation before? “Where do you come from then?”

“I’m from Kautan, down south—beyond the Wasteland,” he explained, “my family lived in the Capital till we came here. We just set up camp yesterday.”

Beyond the Wasteland? Keith was startled at this. He had only seen the wasteland a couple of times, and even then from a distance. But to cross it? It was said that only the Guardians were able to traverse it alone, and they were reclusive creatures which he would dismiss as myth had he not known several Shaman from his own tribe. So then how did they do it? What was it like there?

“What about you?” Greg asked, “Where do you live way out here?”

Keith smiled, “Here and there,” he said, “most of us live in the hills just beyond the valley—people from our clan anyways.” He decided that the best way to find out this boy’s secrets wasn’t to ask him directly—he might not answer. It’d be an easy thing enough to follow his scent later and see for himself. Keith had never smelled anything like Greg—there were so many foreign odors that he wasn’t sure he could differentiate the boy from the rest of them, but there was always time for that later. He could just follow the great cacophony of smell to his camp.

~*~

Working his way through the brush, Richard brushed the buzzing flies from his face. His underarms chaffed and his clothing clung to his body with sweat—he wasn’t used to this kind of hike. In the Capital, most of the walkways were automated and he was in a position high enough so he usually only needed to take a lift to work. He kept as fit as he could, but there’s only so much a cardio unit can do to prepare somebody for a wilderness like this.

He was very annoyed with the whole thing—his wife should have known better than to send the boy alone, and he shouldn’t have gotten lost. Richard had little trouble following the path they had set the day before, and soon could hear the burbling of the small brook they designated as a main water supply. He could also make out another sound over the running water, something…he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Creeping forward, he began to make out voices over the sound of the small river. Voices? More than one person? He thought only his son was out here—nobody else was supposed to leave camp without specific permission. He slowly closed in on the pair of voices.

~*~

Keith and Greg sat on a large rock by the stream, their light feet dangling in the water—Greg’s pants hiked up to his knees. Keith had no such difficulties with his mostly exposed body. “Your home sounds unreal,” Keith commented, wondering about how the tales the other boy had told him. A city made of metal? Millions of people all living within one small area? And no plants at all? He couldn’t fathom life without any cover around, without being able to climb a tree or rest in its shade. Such things were blessings from the Great Mother, and to abuse them was a terrible thing indeed.

Such things slightly disturbed the youth. Keith shrugged his shoulders, as if working out a kink in his back, his lean back rippling from the motion, “I’m going to change back, I’m not entirely comfortable in this form.”

Keith hopped off of the rock and braced himself on the ground—he was still too young to be able to perform it smoothly, and had embarrassingly fallen over the first time he had tried it on two feet. He began the transformation back into his true furre self, his ears pointing again and perking up atop his furry head. His dull nails once again protruded into his black claws, and the familiar black, red and white fur pattern sprouted from the pale skin. He stood then, scratching his once again muzzle, licking his whiskers as if to make sure they were indeed there. “Much better,” he murmured, shaking his tail out behind him.

Greg was beside him then, smiling and shaking his head in awe at the strange boy. “I think I wish that I could do that,” he said wistfully, looking at the boy’s beautiful red tail. Life in the Capital had been so boring—something about this place had sparked something deep inside Greg, a longing he had only been peripherally aware of at home. Here though, he could see options—something that had been a strange concept in Kautan.

A rustle in the brush down the river caught Keith’s ears—something he would have caught much sooner had he hadn’t switched to his weaker, furless form. Something inside of him told him that he didn’t want to be around when whoever was bumbling through the forest got here. “Sounds like somebody’s coming—I’m going to head home,” he suddenly declared, “see ya!”

With that he leapt towards the brush, and with surprising speed was off, leaving his new friend to stare after him. Greg quickly got over his surprise, but not enough to catch up—he barely yelled out, “Wait!” but Keith was already almost to the treeline.

“I’ll come find you later!” Keith yelled back, then disappeared into the forest.

Greg sat in a heap and wondered what had happened. Had he said something wrong? This sort of thing always seemed to happen to him—for whatever reason he had always had trouble making friends. Now, just when he thought he had met somebody really nice—and very different from the kids back at school—he blew it again. Greg was suddenly very sad.



I write long intros >_<

sorry about the bad cutoff--I just thought it was finally ready for it's debut here. paragraphs come and go too--I don't understand Word, they're all indented in my file. w/e, I hope you liked it!

[Asalis]

its rpetty good. verry descriptive. I like how it explains the culture of both the humans and furrs in your story. You did great with it and i'd love to read more. I've also read a fanfiction you had on another website. The Digimon one. You're a verry tallented writer. and I'd love to see more once you complete it.

[RenaBhaLL]

you actually looked that old thing up? i've got part of the next chapter going, and I've got the climax planned in like 4 different versions...and not sure how to get to any of them!!! ARGH SO FRUSTRATING

i should just stfu and write and see where it goes

[Asalis]

Actualy I was talking about this current story you're writing and I should have clarrified. Yet I did look up that old story as you put it and I do think its good as well.

[DomesticWolf]

Wow. Nice work. Wow again. I do like the way you introduced both societies, and I am wondering about the seperation. Might it be similar to the idea in brave new world? They had intentionally left a section of indian reservation alone, sort of a nature reserve/experiment. I shall be greatly anticipating more to come.

One editing notice, 6th paragraph, near the end, you meant to write 'he', but its written 'be'