Planetfurry BBS

[Asalis]

Well here is one of my stories. It still need work. I also have a bit of a problem. This story has some political issues in and know nothing about politics. I didn't want to ask this but if I want this story to get off the ground I have to ask for some help. I just need information. I apreciate anything any of you can provide. I also apreciate any criticism yall have to offer. So here it is my story.

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Deverone Chronicles
Past Series
Desperation



Prologue.



The planet Deverone a single world of a seven planet solar system. At first glance Deverone could very easily be mistaken for Earth. It is the third planet, with the exact same rotation, single orbiting moon, and orbit around the sun. It even has multiple habitats with flourishing life, and its tech is currently relevant to our own, however our story takes place nearly a century earlier.
All this is where the similarities end. The inhabitant's of this word are one such difference. The best that they can be described is that they are animals with human like qualities and similar form. They are made of many different breeds, each with their own unique traits. Some are peaceful others share a lust for power. To help better understand I will begin explaining the races one at a time. The continent this takes place on is called Berates, well start there.

First are the Leonan who are a race of lions that make up the Daranis Empire, headed by Lord Valcus Elornay Daranis. His lust for power knows no bounds. He will stop at nothing to ensure that he has complete dominance over everything and everyone. The Leonan are also the most efficient in diplomacy, if you can call slaughter a diplomatic solution. In comparison to the other races they are more advanced in warfare, tactics, and weapon technology.

Next are the Vorshadae. They are a race of fox that control what is called the Vorshadan Government. They excel in government diplomacy and are enemy to the Daranis Empire. They are prone to take any means they deem necessary to ensure the survival of their race. They also have a knack for the research and development of any technical means, how and/or when ever they acquire it. The Velorna Deep, an unofficial Vixen's only assassins guild favored by the Vorshadan Government, are the most crafty in black ops and espionage. They also have the natural ability to shape shift into any race and individual of their choosing.

Next are the Koranans, A group of wolves which fit into two categories. The proud warrior tribes that are found over various parts of Deverone. They hold honor above all els they say and do. Their fighting skills are unmatched in comparison to any form known to their world. In Deverones past they were excellent hunters and very adaptive to any environment. Thus leading to several different breeds of Koranan all over the Deverone globe as a result.

The other types of Koranans are the outcasts. Their skills of deceit and treachery are rivaled only by the Velorna Deep. These Koranan have a knack for getting into places many would otherwise not want to trespass, including the Velorna Deep. They are also the favorite method of Emperor Daranis in undermining the Vorshadan Government. These type of Koranan are the most ruthless. They will do anything to gain prestige among their fellow clan members. Dishonesty is their tong, death and thieving their way of life.

Another race native to Beratis are the Alowen, a race of cats that tend to be the most curious. This tends to get them in to trouble at times, but are often left alone otherwise. They hold to the more practical things in life. They are also known as the sharpest shooters in all of Beratis.

Next are the Kabeetans, a race of rabbits. They are farmers and/or technicians for the most part. They are also the most docile and easiest to control. The Kabeetans do however hold a legend that states that a Kabeetan with an odd fur color is borne every centuries or so. Unfortunately the rest of the legend was lost over time, however what is remembered states that there is one other special thing that this Kabeetan is supposed to have. However what this special thing is unfortunately has become part of the mostly forgotten legend. No description of it was ever recovered.

There are many other races on Deverone yet they will be covered at a later time. The more important factor now is when the story takes place. The time frame takes place is in an era that our history brings reference to as the frontier period, and all does not bode well for the inhabitants of Beratis. Swiftly Lord Daranis is quickly making efforts to conquer the land in hopes of destroying the Vorshadan Government. However the Vorshadan plans have already set a plan in motion to ensure that he doesn't succeed.

[Vee Are Are Schee]

This is a pretty nifty concept. I can see this turning out to be pretty good. Between the rabbit people's prophecy and missing special thing, and the political intruiges and so forth, it has the makings of a nice story. I especially like the whole shape-shifting assassin vixen group thing.

Unfortunately, I have no real good advice I can give you about politics, mainly because I have no idea how I would be able to communicate what little I know about it. I'm sure someone who's lived a bit longer than me could tell you something about it though.

Good luck and all that.

[Asalis]

It wont be drenched in politics. I just need it for the two powers involved. In a nutshell its about how two powers at war and the affected furs in a continent torne in half. I'm also planing on a presant and future series of the Deverone Chronicles. But im at a loss for ideas on them at the moment. The past series is meant to set up the main character of the presant series. The presant series will also shed light on other continents and countries on Deverone.

[Asalis]

I also plan on putting my Avatar in the presant series. and thanks for the compliment but it's a long way from perfect. I now have way too much planned in this to let it fail.

[Cateagle]

An interesting start, indeed. I would think that, given their curious nature, the Alowen would likely include scientists and philosophers, but with a practical bent to both. I can see where that main continent is in for "interesting" times if the tech level at the time of this story is roughly equivalent to Terran tech of 1900 C.E. Depending on just how you intend to have things happen, I can see that tech developments are going to cause some significant changes in a lot of areas.

If I can be of any help with this area, please feel free to ask.

Best regards,
Cateagle

[Asalis]

actually the thought hadn't occured to me untill you happened to bring it up. Thanks for the offer. I apreciate it. I can use sonme insight. I havn't really thought it through that much I guess.

[hikaru]

**** Moved to Writers Guild at authors request.

[Nameless]

About the Kabeetans legend:

I think it unlikely that they will have a legend where only half is known. If the issue has been muddied by time and lost facts, it is much more likely that there will be multiple versions of the legend that claim different things. Quite possible with different sects of adherents who may or may not be hostile towards one another. Depending on how important the legend is, this could affect the whole population or it could only be a matter of discussion in academic circles.

One thing you should ask yourself:
Why is the situation the way it is.
Why are the Alowen left alone, do they live in a territory nobody else wants? Are they so ferocious fighters that everybody fears attacking them?

If the Leonan are so bent on conquest, why have they not succeeded yet? Are their numbers too few? Or do internal struggles and treachery hinder them?

Your piece is a little vague which races live together, which have their own territory (and government). Are the Kabeetans the lower class in another empire or do they have their own land?

You have not said anything about the Koranans, what type of animal they resemble.

Some questions you should think about.

[Nameless]

Another question for you:

If the technology is evolving quickly, how does this affect the balance of power?
If the Leonan are strong because they are ferrocious fighters, they might lose power quickly if guns are developed because a Kabeetan with a gun is suddenly almost as dangerous as a Lenoan, where before a Leonan might have defeated several Kabeetans in close combat. And since they are (probably) more numerous, they would profit much more from the new weapons. Provided they can get or produce them.

[Asalis]

Actually I left it this vague on pourpose. I entend to explain all of this later on in the story. Even the part abaout the Kabeetans. It does say that they are also the easiest to controll. As for their legend That wont go into effect untill the presant series. This story and the corrisponding ones will set that all up. The hero will write the legen then in the presant series I will blow it out of preportions. And the prologue shown here is meant to be said by a sage scribbing all this on a wall. The rest of the prologu jumps right into the story. I also changed the Alowens description since posting this. Their couriosity would seem more fitting to take technology than a Kabeetan. The Kabeetans are now just simple farmers with a gun fettesh.

[Nameless]

I'm not saying that you have to explain all this. But you should know it. And some of those explanations will affect the way certain details about your world work, will affect what people know (or think they know).

In short, you should work out these questions, but you don't have to tell us all the answers.